.
“No, Mom. I swear,” Pam stated harshly into her cell phone.
“Alright, alright. Just let me know if you need anything. Anything at all,” Mrs. Beesly replied, sorrowful for her young daughter.
“Okay. I’ll do that,” Pam said back, still angry.
“Bye, honey.”
“Goodbye Mom.”
Pam clicked her phone shut and dropped it on the table. Her hands inadvertently slid up to her face and covered her eyes. She brushed her bangs away from her eyelids and let out a long, miserable sigh.
She crossed her legs under the table and closed her eyes tight. Pam’s head kept replaying in her mind, “Who cares?” But her all she could think was, “I do.”
Jim.
Jim was constantly on her mind. No matter what time of day or what the situation, Pam was always thinking about Jim. It hurt her, no doubt about it. He was like a cool breeze on a sweltering summer day; you just want more. Unfortunately for Pam, he wasn’t the type of breeze she could just sweep up and store in a bottle. Jim was free from her and she couldn’t say she liked that.
Pam’s mother had always taught her to find someone who made her smile and never let him go. Pam tried living by this standard. After all, she found Roy. And while he wasn’t perfect for her, he made her smile. And now, even after Roy, Pam was finding it hard to smile at anything, Even Jim’s shenanigans at work. Yes, Pam laughed at first, the situation funny, but soon enough pain settled over her fragmented state of laughter and she recognized the fact that Jim wasn’t hers.
And wouldn’t be.
Pam slouched in her chair and thought long and hard about her condition. She loved Roy. Keyword being loved. That was over now. Pam thought it would have been hard to let him go, but it was the absolute opposite. Roy was uncomplicated to give up compared to Jim. But what bothered Pam the most was how she never even had Jim.
Pam remembered years of teenage drama with her friends and one aspect of it held true, even to her now, years later: Obstacles are put in your way to see if you want is really worth fighting for.
Was it worth fighting for Jim? Was it worth having sleepless nights and tearless eyes for some guy who Pam haphazardly fell in love with? Was it really worth it?
Pam knew things weren’t the same between her and Jim since their fateful night at the “casino” in the office warehouse, but that didn’t mean she didn’t wish they were. They ignore each other at work; they constantly pretended as if nothing transpired between them. But Jim and Pam both knew, even during those fleeting moments when they caught each other staring, that neither of them wanted it to end that way.
Finally, after crying on the floor, complaining to her mother, barely being able to sit at the table and letting her heart go awry, Pam realized that if Jim was on her mind so much, maybe he was supposed to be there.
“I need to get to work,” Pam groaned, the thought of Jim being hers causing her heart to thump. She pushed off the hard oak table to stand. Pam unsteadily meandered toward her bathroom and took a hasty shower. After dressing into her regular sweater-skirt outfit, she was out the door, completely reluctant to face the reality of her life.
Jim.
.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Pam doesn't realize that crying on the floor won't help..
Chapter End Notes:
Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!
