.
Pam parked her car in the farthest spot from the entrance to the office. She wanted to expose herself to fresh air, hoping clean oxygen would clear not only her weak lungs, but her tender heart.
The cold wind stung her teary eyes as she quickened her pace, regretting the choice to park farthest away. Pam broke out into a jog, her hands clenched around her body, as her feet clashed with the frozen ground.
She shoved through the office entrance, not bothering to say hello to the security guard. Pam hastily pushed the elevator buttons, not deliberately ignoring Oscar behind her.
After what seemed like ages, Pam was settled at her desk. Or, as settled as she could be that cold, harsh morning. Not only was she literally cold from the weather outside, but her heart was cold from the lack of loving warmth she was used to feeling.
Pam’s eyes scanned the office, noticing Dwight organizing his bobble head collection on his desk. Not surprising for a man like Dwight K. Schrute.
Suddenly, Jim was in her line of vision, standing at her desk.
Jim.
He looked glorious. His eyes were dark and his hair lush; windblown. Pam wanted more than anything to run her hands through it. Jim was wearing his black, trench-like-coat, his grey suit jacket sticking out of the top. He smiled at her and oh – had she never felt more winded in her life.
“Hey, Pam – I just wanted to ask–” Jim began, only to be cut off by Pam’s trembling voice.
“Yes! Yes, I’m okay!” Pam screeched, clenching her eyes shut. She clasped her hands together and exhale noisily.
“Umm…that’s good to know… but I was actually going to ask if you had a copy of Dwight’s memo… I deleted by accident…” Jim said, hesitant. He was shocked about Pam’s outrage.
“Oh – yeah, sorry,” Pam looked up at him, her eyes sore and her mind aching with grief. She reached over to a stack of miscellaneous papers on her desk and handed him a sheet.
“Thanks Beesly,” Jim said, smiling.
“No problem,” Pam answered, quietly. Jim started toward his desk.
“Oh, and Pam?” Jim tempted, turning to face her.
“Yeah?” Pam questioned, curious.
“It’s just me,” Jim whispered, the seriousness of his voice prominent through every word. The sincerity and overall meaning of the three, simple words made Pam breathless.
“I – I know,” Pam spoke delicately, her eyes wide with stun and sorrow.
Jim nodded gently and sat down at his seat. Pam continued to stare, unable to stop.
Suddenly she stood up and paced toward the break-room, her eyes completely directed at the floor. Her hands were tight at her sides as she passed Jim’s desk, trying not to smell the aroma of his smooth cologne. Pam couldn’t bring herself to look at anyone as she walked past their desks, and only focused on getting herself out of anyone’s view.
Pam pushed past the break room door and headed unswervingly toward the women’s bathroom. She leaned against the door and slid in, locking it behind her.
Pam burst into tears as the lock clicked inside the door, securing her in the enclosed bathroom, now her quick, teary-eyed sanctuary. She collapsed against the pink-tiled wall, replaying Jim’s words in her head like an iPod on repeat, wondering why it had to be that way. Pam placed her head in her fragile hands and wondered why it ended up the way it did. When her heart began aching with the same, urgent pains as when she looks Jim in the eye, she wonders why she had ever trusted him anyway.
Jim.
Pam had always thought about love and how wonderful it was. About how she felt and what she thought about. But now, she’s realized love isn’t about the feelings and thoughts she experienced, but about the pain and hurt she felt all along. She didn’t think love was bad. She just thought that most of the time, it was a let down.
He did this to her. It was him, him, him. Not her. No – never her. It was Jim who wanted her and Roy broken up. It was Jim who kissed her when her lips should have only been on Roy’s. It was Jim who made her realize the truth about herself. He led her to be this way.
But what Pam forgot that day was that he endured far more pains and aches than she had for the last few weeks. He suffered through years of heartbreak, all for her, and got nothing in return. Pam didn’t realize what he went through for her. And at this point, as she was collapsed against the bathroom wall trying to maintain some sort of control, she couldn’t think of anyone else but him.
Jim.
.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Pam always thought love was wonderful...but was it?
Chapter End Notes:
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Hope it was enjoyable, as always!
Stay tuned for more!
Hope it was enjoyable, as always!
Stay tuned for more!
