.
Pam saw the world in Jim’s eyes.
And that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
Especially if it led her to collapsing in the office bathroom, tears streaming down her face.
Jim.
Pam was planning on being strong that day. She had to be – her mental state depended on it. But her emotions gave in feebly the moment Jim crossed her line of sight. His words – his voice – stung her heart, sinking it deeper into its broken cavity.
“I have to be strong,” Pam ordered herself through clenched tear. She hastily wiped a tear from her cheek and stood up. Pam glanced at herself through the mirror adjacent to her and frowned; she looked like a broken record, a lost puppy, and someone who had just spent ten minutes sobbing on a bathroom floor. But all in all, Pam looked in the mirror and saw the same old broken heart.
Jim.
Love seemed to be the answer to many of Pam’s questions those days.
Unfortunately.
Pam wished she lived in her own dream-world compared to her world now where truth hurt and people she loved don’t love her back.
But Pam was wrong with her “people not loving her back,” idea. She didn’t know how Jim really felt. She didn’t know that he still had overwhelming feelings for her and was able to hide them well from years of practice. She didn’t know anything about this thing called “love,” even if she thought she experienced it with Roy.
Jim had reached his break down point – when Pam denied him at the office casino party. He realized, then and there, that his efforts were effortless, his thoughts were thoughtless, and his complete heart was broken. But at least he knew that was coming.
Pam, on the other hand, hit her break down when Jim stepped out of her life and into another. She never thought it would be that hard for her to accept his leaving. But it was. It really was. Pam never learned how to control herself, and while most days she kept her composure for the cameras in the office, she would normally crawl through the day unable to think about anything else but the aches inside of her.
Jim and Pam both broke down; one of them just hid it better.
Jim.
“I wish I didn’t care so much,” Pam thought as she pushed open the bathroom door that led to the break room. She slowly turned the handle of the break room door to enter the office. Pam held her breath, pulled down her skirt, adjusted her cardigan, and walked briskly to her desk, unaware of Jim’s heedful eyes.
Pam immediately began shuffling things around to keep busy and act somewhat normal. She knew the others could tell her mascara was more smudged than it had been earlier and her cheeks were faintly red. Despite the hints of sorrow in her overall appearance, Pam managed to smile, ignoring the twinges in her heart.
It always drove Pam absolutely crazy when two people who were obviously meant to be together were too clueless to do anything about it. She used to cringe when she saw it – how could they be so blind?
But then it hit her like a brick – she was the blind one. Pam was the one who was too clueless to see Jim’s playful hints and subtle flirtations. Pam was the one who didn’t realize he was completely and irrevocably in love with her. Pamwas the one.
It was her fault. Not his.
Jim's.
And that drove her crazy. Something needed to be done. And boy, after Pam pushed away the sore memories and crushed dreams, she was determined.
.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Pam forgets about her broken heart, tear-drained eyes, and trembling arms, and realizes she needs to do something.
Chapter End Notes:
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I hoped it was enjoyable! Thanks so much for reading!
I hoped it was enjoyable! Thanks so much for reading!
