INT – Michael’s office
MICHAEL Talking Head:
Can you feel it? Can you feel the excitement in the air? I know. Everyone is literally bouncing off the walls out there.
INT – Office
Everyone is moving around in a typical slow pace. No one looks remotely excited.
MICHAEL
Tonight is Dunder Mifflin’s 11th annual Dundie Awards, and it’s going to be the best yet. Fourtunately, this year, our two-year ban from Chili’s has been removed. Because a party ain’t a party without an Awesome Blossom and seven different kinds of margaritas. Ooh- even better than a margarita, their chocolate milkshake. That is very good. With a Pepper Pals corn dog on the side. They make me pay an extra dollar to order off the kids menu, but, ah, it’s the best.
INT – Kitchen.
Dwight is standing by the counter eating a banana, talking into his “walkie-talkie” cell phone.
DWIGHT (into phone)
The coast is clear, Monkey. What’s your twenty?
ANGELA (we hear her voice through Dwight’s speaker)
I’m in the breakroom. Over.
DWIGHT
If you’re alone, cough twice.
ANGELA
I’m alone.
INT – Break room.
Angela is talking into her phone.
ANGELA
Dwight, I need you to listen to me very closely. I have a plan. Michael has assigned me as designated driver tonight. Now, if you pretend to get drunk at the Dundies, I can give you a ride home.
INT - Kitchen
Dwight smiles mischievously.
DWIGHT (into phone)
Should I bring the handcuffs?
ANGELA (over speaker)
No.
DWIGHT
The taser?
ANGELA
No.
DWIGHT
The love whip?
ANGELA
Dwight!
DWIGHT
But you loved the love whip last time.
ANGELA
Just stick with the plan I have given you, Dwight. That is all.
DWIGHT
Copy that. No, wait. Actually, I had plans with my laser tag team to go see Prince Caspian tonight.
ANGELA
You’ve already seen that movie 17 times.
DWIGHT
But this time it’s my turn to dress up as Aslan.
INT – Reception
Jim is leaning over Natalie’s reception desk as she works at her computer.
JIM
So. Your first Dundie Awards. Are you excited?
NATALIE
Well, I’m kind of disappointed that Michael scheduled it on the same night as the NBA Finals-
JIM
Oh, crap. How are you going to blog about it now??
NATALIE
Shut-up. I figured I can just watch most of it from the bar. It is only the first game. At least I get some Southwestern Eggrolls out of it.
JIM
Southwestern Eggrolls, huh?
NATALIE
Have you ever had them?
JIM
Can’t say that I have.
NATALIE
Well, they’re pretty amazing… Oh, and I was kind of thinking that I would invite Josh.
JIM
Oh, cool. So this would be date number…
NATALIE
Eight.
JIM
Wow. Really? (Natalie smile and nods.) So should I start preparing my best man speech now, or-
NATALIE
Ok! Time for you to get back to work.
JIM
Maybe he’ll propose to you over a plate of honey-chipotle Chicken Crispers. Hide the ring in their molten chocolate cake. Have all the waiters come over and sing "Happy Engagement." Ooh… that’s a good idea.
NATALIE
Really? Because I was thinking maybe instead of coming up with ideas for your brother’s proposal, maybe you need to start working on your own.
JIM
Oh. Oh, snap.
NATALIE
I think you just got served.
JIM
Wow. Who says that? What is that? Michael's school of grammar for hard knocks?
NATALIE
Slowly back away from the desk, please.
INT – Michael’s office
MICHAEL Talking Head
I have my main woman, Phyllis, head of the party planning committee, out picking up some extra supplies for tonight. I’m gonna touch base with her right now, actually.
He picks up his phone and taps a button on the side to communicate to Phyllis.
MICHAEL (into phone)
Hey Phyllis! You sexy hot MILF! More like GILF. If you weren’t married, I would totally bone you!
He looks at the camera, shaking his head no, he wouldn’t. Phyllis’ voice comes through his speaker.
PHYLLIS
I’m in the middle of the aisle at Party City, Michael. Everyone can hear you.
MICHAEL
Did you find everything I asked you for?
PHYLLIS
Well… no. I asked, and they don’t sell any costumes from The Sopranos.
MICHAEL
Dammit. Well, I have to have something, Phyllis. It’s Natalie’s first Dundie Awards. How can I make her feel welcome if I am unable to make fun of someone from her personal background? Ooh. I got it, alright new plan. Get me a black face mask, a cape, a sword, and a fake moustache. I’m going to play Antonio Banderas as Zorro.
PHYLLIS
But Zorro is Spanish.
MICHAEL
Same thing.
PHYLLIS
No. It’s not.
MICHAEL
Ok, well, that’s your opinion which I didn’t even ask for, so. You're jamming the airwaves, Phyllis. Get off the line please.
PHYLLIS
Well, I-
MICHAEL
Can't hear you Phyllis, you must be going through a tunnel! (To the camera.) God, what do you have to tell someone to make them get the hint that you're trying to hang up on them?
Andy walks in.
ANDY
Big Mike! What's up, dawg? I got that list of songs you requested.
MICHAEL
Ah, yes. Thank you. Did you get "Hollaback Girl"?
ANDY
Most defi-tune-ly.
MICHAEL
Great. I love the Blackeyed Peas.
ANDY
So I was thinking we should do a duet together.
MICHAEL
Blech. Why would we do that?
ANDY
Oh, I don't know, because it would be awesome times awesome. It would be awesome squared. I found the perfect song, too. Hall & Oates. You be Hall, I'll be Oates.
MICHAEL
Which one is the one with the moustache?
ANDY
I don't think anybody knows.
MICHAEL
Wikipedia it. Get back to me.
ANDY
You got it, maestro.
Andy runs out of Michael's office.
MICHAEL
I need to practice... these lyrics.
He begins singing a lyric to the tune of the chorus of "Hollaback Girl."
MICHAEL
All of my friends wan-na be me, they wanna be me, but they can't be me 'cus they don't have a dun-die. No none of them have a dun-die...
INT – Reception
Natalie is shuffling through index cards when the office door opens. And we hear a voice.
VOICE
Hey.
Natalie looks up and the camera swivels to show Pam walking up to the receptionist desk.
NATALIE
Hi, can I help you?
PAM
Oh, I’m Pam. I-
NATALIE
Oh my gosh, hi! (Natalie stands and gives her a hug.) Sorry, I just… I feel like I already know you.
PAM
You must be Natalie.
NATALIE
Yes. Sorry. I'm a... crazy person who hugs people I've never met. Hello.
PAM
Oh, no, its okay. (They shake hands.) Wow. You’re really pretty.
NATALIE
Oh. Thanks. I really like your hair. I can never get mine to curl up like that.
PAM
Oh. Yeah, I hate it sometimes. I always wished I had straight hair.
NATALIE
No, it’s really pretty. I love it.
PAM
Thanks. So… the Dundies. Has Michael made you sit through all of his previous shows to find the best moments?
NATALIE
Even better, we’ve actually put together a highlight reel of all the best moments from Dundies past.
PAM
Wow.
NATALIE
Yeah. Oh, um, I think Jim’s in the kitchen.
PAM
Oh, thanks. He doesn’t know I was coming here, I thought I would surprise him.
NATALIE
That’s so cool.
Creed walks in the front door.
CREED
Oh. Hello. You must be the ladies I ordered. I thought I asked for you to get here a little bit later, but we can make it work. Shall we head to the bathroom?
Natalie and Pam look at each other in shock, trying not to laugh. Jim emerges from the kitchen and walks into the office. He looks up, and his eyes go wide at the sight of Pam.
JIM
Pam?
Pam smiles.
PAM
Hey you.
JIM
Hey, what are you doing here?
Jim strides up to her and throws his arm around her in a big hug. Natalie watches and smiles.
NATALIE Talking Head:
That was probably the happiest I’ve seen Jim since I started working here about a month ago. They’re so cute together. I can tell he loves her so much… I’m really scared of Creed.
PAM
I guess you’ve already had lunch.
JIM
Actually, I still have about 45 minutes left. You wanna go grab a cup of coffee or something?
PAM
Sure.
JIM
Natalie? Wanna join us?
NATALIE
Hmm? Oh, no, you two go ahead. You need to catch up. Besides, I told Michael I’d go through all of his jokes for tonight and throw out the ones that might offend Stanley.
JIM
Ooh. Have fun.
NATALIE
I’ll try. It was nice to finally meet you, Pam.
PAM
You too. Bye.
Pam and Jim head out into the hallway, towards the elevators.
PAM
Natalie’s really nice. She’s really pretty.
JIM
Really? You're not going to dump me for her are you? 'Cus I kind of thought we still had a good thing going here. (He kisses Pam’s forehead and Pam smiles.) I can’t believe you’re here.
PAM
Well, I couldn't miss the Dundies. The most exciting event of the year.
JIM
Oh, well it's at Chili's so... I guess you won't be going because you were banned last time for falling out of your chair and causing Dwight to take off his shirt and flash everybody.
PAM
I guess Michael's stash of wigs and disguises will come in handy then.
JIM
Ooh. Go with the afro wig. You can't go wrong with the afro wig.
INT – Reception
Natalie sits back at her computer as Creed lingers at her desk.
CREED
Well. I guess it’s just me and you sweetheart. Shall we?
Natalie looks at Creed and then at the camera in horror.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Still don't own anything.
Chapter End Notes:
It wasn't my original intention to bring Pam back so soon, but like most of you guys, I was starting to miss her. Also, I have something planned for the Dundies that I really want Pam to be there for.
Ok, so I know this chapter was kind of - bleh - but I've already written several "scenes" for the actual "Dundies" awards and, if I may say so myself, it's going to pretty amazing. Sad, funny, heartwarming... oh, I can't wait to share it with you guys.
Ok, so I know this chapter was kind of - bleh - but I've already written several "scenes" for the actual "Dundies" awards and, if I may say so myself, it's going to pretty amazing. Sad, funny, heartwarming... oh, I can't wait to share it with you guys.
