--
“This is so perfect.”
“What is?”
“Just this. Walking through the streets of New York arm-in-arm with my awesome boyfriend.”
“It is pretty nice, isn’t it?”
“So.”
“So what?”
“So what did you think of the movie?”
“It was…fair.”
“Fair?”
“It was okay. I didn’t hate it or anything.”
“But you didn’t like it either?”
“Not really. They advertised it as a movie about baseball players in the 1920s. But it was really just a romantic comedy.”
“What’s wrong with romantic comedies?”
“Nothing. It’s just…George Clooney should stick to acting, that’s all.”
“Well I liked it.”
“Of course you did.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’d watch that guy read out of a phone book if you could.”
“Which guy?”
“You know who. That guy who plays Josh on your favorite show. Joe Blowenski.”
“Joe Kolinski.”
“Whatever.”
“And yes, you’re right. I would watch him read a phone book.”
“You’d dump me in an instant if he came along.”
“I would not!”
“Yes you would. Face it: you’re an obsessed stalker.”
“I am not obsessed, Jim. He’s just my celebrity crush is all. And I would not dump you for him. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“That’s a relief.”
“I would do him though.”
“That’s very ladylike of you.”
“You don’t seem too worried.”
“Well I don‘t think I have anything to worry about.”
“Why do you say that?”
“C’mon Pam. The guy’s an actor.”
“What are you implying?”
“Nothing. I'm just saying he’d probably rather do me. That’s all.”
“You are the worst!”
“Ouch! You don’t have to hit me.”
“Yes I do.”
“That hurt.”
“Wuss.”
“I stand by my original remarks. Does this guy Kolinski even have a girlfriend?”
“He happens to be very protective of his privacy.”
“Uh-huh. So he probably wouldn’t want people posting fifty messages a day about him on that website you always go to?”
“I choose not to think about that.”
“How convenient. I bet Kelly is even worse.”
“She is, but not for Joe Kolinski. She’s obsessed with the guy who plays Bryan.”
“I see.”
“He’s also a writer for the show.”
“And are you obsessed with him too?”
“No, not really. But he has written some great Josh and Polly episodes. So I’d probably do him too.”
“Excellent. Is there anyone on this show you wouldn’t do?”
“I don’t know, I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
“Please do.”
“Anyway, the guy who plays Bryan is really good friends with Joe Kolinski. They even went to high school together.”
“Right...‘really good friends.’ That sounds like it’s code for something.”
“It is not code for anything, Jim. J-Kol is straight and that’s final.”
“J-Kol?”
“Yes. That’s our nickname for Joe Kolinski on the message boards.”
“I like it. Very street.”
“In any event, you better get used to seeing J-Kol. He’s shooting a new movie right now, and you’re taking me to see it as soon as it comes out.”
“I can’t wait.
“He has a beard in it, too. It looks HOT.”
“So you like beards, huh?”
“I do on Joe Kolinski.”
“Then maybe I should grow one.”
“Ewww, no. Don’t even joke about that.”
“Why not? You don’t want to see scruffy Jim?”
“No. You’d look ridiculous with a beard.”
“I don’t think so. I think I would cool.”
“You’re such an arrtard.”
“That hurts. I bet you wouldn’t call Joe Kolinski an arrtard.”
“That’s because he’s not an arrtard. He is handsome and talented and perfect in every way, and everyone on the message boards agrees with me. So there.”
“Must be nice to share your addiction with other like-minded individuals.”
“For you information, it is. Everyone is very nice and they make me pretty icons and desktop wallpapers of Josh and Polly.”
“Wow. You’re going to have to show me those when we get back to your apartment.”
“Maybe later. I have some other things I’d rather show you first.”
“Such as?”
“Remember how I told you I bought something special for your visit?”
“Of course.”
“Well, I actually bought two different things. I was just going to buy one thing, but I was so upset after that stupid season finale that I just had to go shopping.”
“Wait, your solution to being upset by a television show is to go shopping?”
“Yes. So what?”
“You need help, Pam. Seriously.”
“Well, you won’t think that when I tell you what store I went to.”
“Okay, what store did you go to?”
“Victoria’s Secret.”
“You know what? I think we need to find more TV shows that upset you.”
“You’re such a guy.”
“Guilty as charged.”
“So do you want to know what I got?”
“Of course.”
“I’ll give you a hint: it’s sheer, and it’s lace.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“You’ll have to wait until we get back to see it.”
“So what else did you buy?”
“I can’t tell you in public, it’s too embarrassing.”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“I am not!”
“Yes you are.”
“Fine, I’ll tell you: I got a rabbit.”
“What? I can’t hear you, why are you whispering?”
“I said I got a rabbit!”
“You bought a rabbit? Wow. Does your apartment even allow pets?”
“Shut up, Jim. You know what I’m talking about.”
“I hope you have lots of carrots in the fridge…”
“It’s not that kind of rabbit. The kind I have is pink and it runs on batteries.”
“Oh okay, now I understand.”
“Good.”
“You bought the Energizer Bunny. Makes sense, really.”
“Doofus.”
“Ouch! Why do you keep hitting me?”
“Because you deserve it.”
“You’re probably right.”
“Anyway, I gave the rabbit a few test drives this week. And you’ll be happy to know that it works just fine.”
“You’re right, that does make me happy.”
“I was thinking of you the whole time. That’s the only way to make these weeks away from you tolerable.”
“Hey, I’m just glad you weren’t thinking of Joe Kolinski.”
“You must really want to get hit again!”
“Just speaking my mind.”
“Besides, I only though of him one time.”
“The truth comes out at last!”
“Oh hush. You know I’m just playing with you. Joe Kolinski is great, but he’s just a silly fantasy. He can’t hold a candle to Jim Halpert, who happens to be very real and very wonderful.”
“Of course I know. And for the record, you’re not so bad yourself.”
“Thank you.”
“Hey, isn’t this your building?”
“It sure is.”
--
J-Kol by RomanCandle
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. For realsies.
Chapter End Notes:
Another RomanCandle story, another use of the word "arrtard". You're welcome, universe.
RomanCandle is the author of 7 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 2 members. Members who liked J-Kol also liked 1606 other stories.
This story is part of the series, Pam's Favorite TV Show. The previous story in the series is Josh and Polly. The next story in the series is The Smut Folder.
