INT – Office.
Jim walks into the office, looking much more dressed up than usual in a white shirt, and an all black suit with a skinny black tie. His hair is not in its usual unkempt state, and is instead combed back. Natalie looks up from her desk, noticing Fancy New Jim.
NATALIE
Hey. Look at you all spiffy.
JIM
Hey.
NATALIE
You look nice.
JIM
Thanks.
Meredith walks over and stands in front of the reception desk.
MEREDITH
Whoa.
Jim looks very nervous of what Meredith is about to do or say.
JIM (hesitantly)
Meredith...
MEREDITH
Only in my dreams have you ever looked this hot.
JIM
Yikes.
MEREDITH
Let me get my camera so I can get a picture.
JIM
Mmm, let’s not?
MEREDITH
I left it in my van, I’ll be right back.
Dwight is next to approach Jim at the reception desk.
DWIGHT
What's with the suit? Are you interviewing with the Men in Black?
JIM
Hmm… nope.
DWIGHT
Hmph. How would you know? You probably bombed the whole interview, causing them to erase your short-term memory. Besides. They already have a “J”.
Dwight laughs and smiles at the camera. Jim just looks at the camera, obviously annoyed.
JIM Talking Head:
Tonight, I’m driving out to New York for Pam’s first official art show. The Met is hosting a special exhibit for graphic design and illustration students at Pratt, so it’s a pretty big deal. It’s huge. I’m really proud of her.
INT – Office
The camera is focused on Jim who is now sitting at his desk. A flash from a camera washes over his face and the camera pans to show Meredith standing beside him, taking pictures with a disposable camera.
MEREDITH
Hey, can you hold your hands up in the air like this?
Meredith holds her hands up in the shape of a gun.
MEREDITH
Like James Bond?
Jim shakes his head, looking down at his desk and refusing to look at the camera.
JIM
Nope. Not going to do that.
ANDY
Whoa!
The camera pans to show Andy walking out of the kitchen, grinning ear-to-ear at the sight of Jim.
ANDY
Look at you, Big Tuna. In the eloquent words of ZZ Top, you, my friend, are one sharp dressed man.
Jim looks at the camera.
JIM
Wow.
Andy walks over to Jim and rubs his arm to get a feel of the shirt.
ANDY
This is really nice material. Where’d you get it?
JIM
I don’t remember-
He’s caught off guard when Andy pulls at the back of his shirt to get a look at the tag.
JIM
Ok.
ANDY
Wow. Armani, huh? That’s cool. I see you, Tuna. You can’t be the number two sales person in this office forever.
JIM (under his breath)
I hope not.
DWIGHT
Pfft, please. I could get a shirt that’s just as nice for probably $1,000 less than what you spent on that hideous piece of ill-suited material.
JIM
Really, where?
DWIGHT
Two words. Salvation Army.
JIM
Nice.
Michael emerges from his office.
MICHAEL
Ahem. Good morning, ladies and gentlemen of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I have a big announcement to share with all of my employees, and it can not and shall not wait until the end of your day of work-
STANLEY
What else is new?
MICHAEL
So if all of you shall file into our room of conferences in the next five minutes. Thank you.
Natalie gets up and walks up to Jim’s desk as he rises out of his chair.
NATALIE
Why is Michael talking weird?
JIM
Haven’t you learned already that it’s pointless to question anything Michael does?
NATALIE
Touche.
INT – Conference room
The employees filter into the conference room one by one. The table has been removed and there are several chairs faced towards the front. Michael is standing at the front of the room, wearing a top hat. Dwight walks in, noticing this, and pumps his fist in the air in excitement.
DWIGHT
Are you going to pull a rabbit out of your hat?
MICHAEL
No, Sir Dwight, I shall not do that.
DWIGHT
Well, that’s a waste of a perfectly good top hat.
JIM
What’s with the top hat, exactly?
OSCAR
And why are you talking like an Old Englishman?
MICHAEL
I should, you would, want to know.
JIM
And now you sound like Dr. Suess.
MICHAEL
It would appear that everyone is now present, so I shall tell you my surprise. Aha!
Michael pulls out a magic wand, as if he’s about to perform a magic trick.
JIM
Ooh, you’re going to do magic.
MICHAEL
No, I shant not.
STANLEY
You’re going to waste our time?
MICHAEL
No, I will not.
STANLEY (unsatisfied with his answer.)
Mmm-hmm.
MICHAEL
Shall you all remember our former receptionist, a one fair lady by the name of Pamela Beesly?
CREED
Never heard of her.
MICHAEL
Tonight, I am taking all of you to New York, New York, the city of love, to go see our very own Pamela Beesly star in her own art show.
JIM (looks confused)
Wait, what?
PHYLLIS
What do you mean tonight?
STANLEY
My obligations to this job do not go past five o’clock.
JIM
No. You are not taking everyone to New York.
MICHAEL
I will and I shall. I can and I may.
OSCAR
You still haven’t explained why you sound like a poorly written English sonnet.
MICHAEL
Well, the show is at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the fanciest museum of art of all museums of art, so it’s important to speak properously.
OSCAR
That… Is not a word. Unless you mean prosperously, which in that case... would also be incorrect.
JIM
Michael, you can not take everyone to New York.
MICHAEL
Well, I already reserved a bus to take us there and the deposit was non-refundable, so- Sorry, James, but there shall be no turning back.
JIM
No, I really don’t think this is a good idea.
MICHAEL
You’re right. It’s a fantastic idea.
Jim glances at the camera angrily. He’s obviously irritated. Natalie raises her hand.
MICHAEL
Yes. Natalie.
NATALIE
And why the top hat and magic wand?
MICHAEL
It's to make me look more classy and sophisticated. I want to be able to blend in with all the other classy and sophisticated art people.
NATALIE
Right.
KEVIN TALKING HEAD:
Kevin is wearing a hat made out of paper as he stares into the camera.
I'm wearing this hat because it makes me look more classy and sophisticated.
He continues to stare seriously into the camera before bursting into giggles.
KELLY TALKING HEAD:
Kelly is bouncing up and down in her chair, with a huge smile on her face.
We're going to New York! We're going to New York! We're going to New York!
JIM TALKING HEAD:
This can only end badly.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Don't own these characters. Don't own nothin.
Chapter End Notes:
Yay! Pam is back...
Let me know what you think so far. I know that Michael taking the entire Scranton gang to New York is somewhat implausible, but let's have fun with it, folks.
Let me know what you think so far. I know that Michael taking the entire Scranton gang to New York is somewhat implausible, but let's have fun with it, folks.
