EXT – Parking lot.
The employees are lining up to board the bus that will be taking them to New York. Dwight is walking around the bus, checking all of the mechanics. He kneels down and feels the tires, as if he’s feeling for the pressure. He lies flat on his stomach and peers underneath the bus, craning his neck to get a good look. He stands back up on his feet.
DWIGHT
No bombs!
Natalie looks at the camera and just shakes her head.
NATALIE Talking Head:
Michael just got his cable restored the other day so he’s been watching a lot of movies. Last night, he watched Speed. He made everyone copies of what he thinks C-4 might look like.
Natalie holds up a picture of Michael’s drawing. He has drawn what looks like a cherry bomb, one that you might see on Looney Toons or in comic books.
NATALIE Talking Head:
He also made us take the stairs instead of the elevator.
EXT – Parking lot
The camera is focused on Jim, who’s standing with Natalie behind him. He still looks rather upset.
JIM
I cannot believe Michael is doing this. How did he find out about it anyway?
Michael hears this as he walks by the line.
MICHAEL
Natalie told me. She said Pam called and told her about it.
Jim looks at Natalie who simply mouths, “Sorry”. Michael walks by everyone and cuts in front of Oscar, boarding the bus. The camera focuses on Natalie and Jim again.
NATALIE
He asked me if I had heard anything from her, and it slipped. I’m sorry.
JIM
For that, I’m telling Kelly to sit next to you.
NATALIE
Oh, that is not even a rational response. You say a word to Kelly, and I will tell Andy to sit next to you.
Jim just shrugs as if he doesn’t really care. The camera pans to Andy who’s at the back of the line.
ANDY
Alright! All aboard the party bus! Yodel-Ay-Eye-Yodel-Ay-Eye-Yodel-Ay-Hee-Hooo!
KELLY
Ooh! Gwen Stefani!
Jim stares at Andy with his mouth agape. Natalie just nods.
NATALIE
He also brought his banjo.
JIM
Fine.
INT – Inside the bus.
The office gang is settling into their seats. Andy walks towards the back of the bus with Angela.
ANDY (gasping for air)
I can’t breathe!
ANGELA
Michael, can you please turn on the air conditioning? It’s too hot.
MICHAEL
The a/c will turn on momentarily. As soon as we start moving.
Everyone is now seated, facing Michael who is standing up front next to the bus driver, holding a clip board. Jim is sitting in front of everyone near the window, by himself. Natalie is seated beside Phyllis, and Kelly is next to Holly. Andy and Angela are sitting together, and the rest of the pairs are Creed and Meredith, Kevin and Oscar, and Dwight and Stanley.
MICHAEL
Alright, role call. Michael Scott, present. Dwight Schrute?
DWIGHT (raises his hand)
I’m present, Michael. Right here.
JIM
Why are you taking role call?
MICHAEL
To make sure everyone is presented for.
STANLEY
You can’t see that we’re all here with your own eyes?
MICHAEL
Stanley the Manley, present and blacker than ever.
STANLEY
What exactly does that mean?
MICHAEL
Nothing. Just- Kevin Maloney.
EVERYONE
Malone.
MICHAEL
Right.
MICHAEL Talking Head:
Didn’t you hate it when you were in school, and the teacher would call roll and mispronounce your name? I remember back in the seventh grade, we had a substitute teacher, Mr. O’Malley. And when he got to my name, instead of Michael Scott, he called me Michelle Scoot. It was awful. People started calling me Michelle all of time, and everyone started saying that I was really a girl in man’s body. My entire seventh grade year sucked. All because he didn’t say my name right.
INT – Bus interior.
The bus is now moving and pulls out of the parking lot. Michael has competed his role call and takes a seat next to Jim.
MICHAEL
New York, New York! Are you excited?
JIM
Excited is not the word I would use.
MICHAEL
Hey, while we’re out there while everyone’s at the museum, what do you say you and I hit up the clubs? Find some hot New York women?
JIM
Again, I thought things were going well for you and Jan and the whole… having a baby, living together thing.
MICHAEL
Yeah, well, things are always hot and cold with Jan and this week it is below freezing. I can’t even get her to have sex with me, even when she’s asleep.
JIM
Gross.
The camera focuses on Kelly and Holly. Kelly has changed out of her work attire into a skimpier summer outfit, consisting of a tube top and jeans.
HOLLY
I like your top.
KELLY
Oh. Thanks.
ANGELA (from her seat behind Kelly and Holly)
That's why women get raped. They wear stuff like that.
Kelly turns to face Angela.
KELLY
I paid 60 dollars for this top.
ANGELA
Yeah, well maybe you can make enough cash on your corner and get your money's worth.
MEREDITH
If I had balls, I’d be sweating my balls off!
ANDY
Where’s the a/c?!
MICHAEL
Mr. Bus Driver, sir? Crank up the a/c, please!
BUS DRIVER
I can’t. A/C broke on the way over.
Everyone groans.
STANLEY
Oh, hell no.
KEVIN
I cannot survive a two-hour ride in 90-degree temperatures. We have to turn around.
MICHAEL
Relax, everybody. All of you have windows, use it to your advantage.
Michael reaches over Jim, and goes to open the window.
JIM
What are you doing?
MICHAEL
I’m opening the window.
JIM
That’s... not a good idea.
Michael pops open the window and because they’re now on the highway, a strong blast of air strikes Jim, blowing his hair around his face. Natalie and Phyllis, who are sitting behind them, groan in protest.
PHYLLIS
The wind is messing up my hair!
We can barely hear Phyllis because the wind is too loud.
MICHAEL
What?!
PHYLLIS (yelling over the wind)
I said the wind is going to mess up our hair, Michael-
MICHAEL
Not there yet, Phyllis! Almost!
Jim just looks at the camera and shakes his head in disbelief.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Still don't own anything... Just a short little diddy to carry us over until my next update. :)
Chapter End Notes:
Please review! Thank you. :)
