Jim taped his fingers against his steering wheel as he sat in the unforgiving Philadelphia traffic heading out of town on the busy Friday afternoon. He’d left work nearly an hour early to give himself plenty of time to drive to their meeting spot an hour north of his new home to pick up his two kids. He couldn’t help but smile, knowing that he’d get the weekend to spend with them. He missed them when they were in Scranton with Pam and had since regretted his move out of town, but he was excelling in Philadelphia and his new job as a sports writer for the newspaper there.
It had been the job he’d always wanted and now he finally had it. It was supposed to fill the hole that their separation had dug into his heart, but it in no way came close. He missed his wife and his adorable children and wanted nothing more than to work things out with Pam.
“If only she’d let me get close enough to talk to her,” Jim said aloud and his golden retriever Champ only whined in response. “I know Champ, I don’t blame her either.”
He’d been the one to pull away after everything had happened. He retreated into his shell, unable to shake the guilt that he had drowned in everyday. Nothing had been able to shake it off and no matter how hard she tried Pam couldn’t get him to open up. That is when the fights started.
They couldn’t go a day without picking a fight with each other about something; anything and it had escalated to the point where neither could take it anymore. So he had moved out and then officially separated.
It was the first step in filing for divorce.
Jim shuddered as the word entered his mind. It was the last thing he wanted. He had never expected that once he was married he would allow himself to even have divorce as an option, but now it was something he expected.
He knew he wasn’t going to be the one to actually put the ball rolling on that, he dreaded though the day the papers would come from Pam. He couldn’t expect her to pine over him forever. For all he knew she was seeing someone already.
You know she isn’t, Jim thought to himself, there is no way that she’s able to be in any kind of relationship right now. Everything is too fresh. It hasn’t even been a year since…
Jim cut off his thoughts, unable to let himself think about the reason for their spilt. It hadn’t been a year yet, they were still nearly a month and a half shy of that mark, and every day the pain he felt in his heart was as fresh as the day it happened.
He shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts away, and turned up the radio. He was finally moving now and he focused all of his concentration on the highway before him, the song playing numbing his thoughts.
When he pulled into the Wal-mart parking lot in Slatington, PA he was surprised to not see her blue car already parked in the corner where they always met. He very rarely beat her there, as in like never. She always made sure that she was there first, probably to give herself time to say goodbye to the kids, something he knew she struggled with.
Securing the leash on Champ’s collar he let the dog jump down out of his SUV and walked him around the vehicle a few times to stretch his legs. Champ was Carter’s favorite so Jim always tried to bring him along when he picked the kids up. He hated what the separation had done to the kids. It wasn’t fair to them that their parents couldn’t communicate well enough to hold on to their relationship.
Jim knew that if someone would have predicted that he would marry Pam, only to be separated from her after nearly ten years, he probably would have laughed in their face. He’d waited so long to finally be with her after being in love with her for so long he wouldn’t have let himself think about ever letting her leave.
He could still remember their first real date as if it was yesterday and not eleven years prior.
His hands were shaking as he fidgeted in front of the door to her apartment. His mind was reeling, unable to grasp a hold of what the last several hours had actually consisted of. Leaving David Wallace’s office, mid-interview, telling him that he wouldn’t be leaving Scranton after all, calling Karen, meeting her at the fountain in front of the corporate headquarters and breaking up, driving like a mad man back to Scranton and asking Pam out.
His mind was whirling, she had said yes to his impromptu dinner invitation, and he couldn’t have been happier. Jim knew that they would have a lot to discuss but he was more than ready to be with her and have the relationship he’d dreamed about for years.
“Hey Jim,” she greeted when she opened the door seconds after he knocked, “you look great.”
“Wow Pam,” he breathed, unable to take his eyes off of her, “you look…amazing. Uh, these are for you.”
He extended his hand to produce a bouquet of yellow daises.
“Thanks Jim,” she said, her cheeks turning the most adorable shade of pink, “would you like to come in?”
“And see this fancy new apartment?” he asked, breaking the overwhelming awkward moment with a bit of his humor, “of course.”
Pam led him inside and gave him the ‘grand’ tour. It was easy to fall into their normal banter and Jim felt the tension and anxiousness leave his shoulders. As they were in her kitchen facing each other Pam giggled and he raised his eyebrow.
“This feels so weird,” she said and he couldn’t help but agree, “I mean, I’m thrilled, but…”
“You have some questions?” he offered and she nodded. “I don’t blame you there. You wanna move to the living room, we’d probably be more comfortable.”
“Do we have reservations to make?” Pam asked and Jim shook his head, “okay, would you like a beer?”
“That would be great,” Jim answered and after she grabbed two bottles from the fridge they settled themselves in the living room. They talked for several hours, never actually leaving the apartment itself, but ordering in. It had been the best first date Jim had ever been on and it was the start of a great relationship.
Jim smiled when he thought back to that first date. He had originally planned on actually taking Pam out to dinner at a nice restaurant, following up possible with a walk through the park near her apartment, but things hadn’t worked out like that. Neither cared though, they were able to get a lot out in the open and clear up a lot of stuff.
They saw each other almost every night after that, all summer long. Their relationship developed so quickly he was afraid it was going to crumble before he realized it, but it hadn’t. It had grown stronger and stronger until he proposed a year later, with a ring he’d bought in the first week of their relationship.
Pam had quickly vetoed a long engagement or a big wedding, so they were married four months later at an intimate gathering in the same park they had walked through before he proposed. Their co-workers had been invited to the wedding, with Dwight standing up with him as one of his three groomsmen, which Pam had somehow convinced him to do. He still wasn’t sure how that had happened.
Their wedding had been perfectly them.
They had been married a year when Pam told him they were going to be parents. There was such a joy he felt at having the knowledge that they had created a life and he had doted on Pam. They reworked their finances and decided to have Pam stay at home with the baby. She painted on the side when Carter was asleep and made some extra money that way. It worked perfectly.
He knew that now she was working at the elementary school in Scranton as the art teacher. He was so proud of everything she had accomplished.
Jim looked over to the highway pass and searched for her small car. It was still nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t believe that he had really arrived that early and then prayed that everything was okay with them. He had always been a worrier.
That is probably why the guilt had encompassed him so hard after it happened.
Jim shook his head again, determined to not let himself think about that right now. Right now he needed to focus on Carter and Lizzie, they had suffered enough already.
Champ surprised Jim by standing up, his tail starting to move a million miles a second, and Jim knew that Pam’s car had just pulled in, even without looking. Seconds later there were four little arms wrapped around his neck.
“Hey guys,” he said, smiling bright into their necks, “oh, I’ve missed you.”
“We’ve missed you too daddy,” Lizzie told him, her small lips pressing against his cheek. “Are we really going to the baseball game tomorrow?”
“We sure are,” Jim answered and Carter pumped his arm in the air, “I’m glad you are excited.”
“You bet I am,” he answered, “none of my friends have ever been to a game and I get too! I can’t wait!”
“Well,” Jim said with a short laugh, “you are going to have to wait just a little bit; the game isn’t until tomorrow night.”
“Can we go to the park before the game tomorrow?” Lizzie asked, “The one by your house?”
“Of course Princess,” Jim promised kissing the tip of her nose, “we can do whatever you guys want this weekend.”
“Will you help me with my homework?” Carter asked, “I have to write a report about Ben Franklin for history.”
“We can definitely put some history in too,” Jim promised, “and did you know that Ben Franklin lived in Philadelphia?”
Carter nodded, “yeah. Can we go to his house?”
“I’ll have to see about that,” Jim answered, “but we can do a couple other things. We’ll have plenty of time.”
“Thanks dad,” Carter answered and wrapped his arms around Jim once more before turning his attention to Champ.
Jim felt her eyes on him and looked up.
“Hi,” he said quietly and Pam looked at him surprised.
“Hi,” she answered with a forced smile and Jim tugged on his lip, a nervous habit he’d developed. “Hey guys, come give me hugs so that you and your dad can get on the road.”
Jim watched as she hugged both of them goodbye, whispering something he couldn’t quite hear into their ears before handing them their bags and watching them climb into his SUV. She started walking away when he found his voice again.
“Bye Pam,” he said, just loud enough that he knew she would be able to hear him. He wanted to say more, but he knew he couldn’t. Not without too many questions being asked and there wasn’t time to answer them right now, not with the kids so close.
“Bye Jim,” she answered without turning around and Jim watched her climb into her car and drive away. Jim stood for just a minute and watched as her car disappeared from sight.
“Dad!” Carter called, “come on!”
“Coming sport,” Jim answered and headed in the opposite direction of his wife.
