Pam’s shoulders were sagging, the emotional exhaustion overtaking her. Boxes lay sprawled around her with mementos from her time with Tehya. Well, their time. One picture in particular had caught her attention.
It was Jim, with Tehya on his shoulders, at the Lake. They both had huge smiles on their faces and Pam remembered the day it was taken.
“Jim,” Pam called up the stairs, “if we don’t go now…”
“I know,” Jim answered, “I know. We can be late.”
“Michael will have a fit,” Pam informed him, “and you know it.”
“He can get over it,” Jim told her, “besides, it is crazy that he is making us go to this thing anyways.”
“It will be fun,” Pam tried to convince him. “The kids are really looking forward to it. Speaking of kids, tell Tehya to come down here. I need to fix her hair.”
“Okay,” Jim assured her and seconds later, Tehya was sprinting down the stairs into the kitchen, her pink chucks untied and her jean shorts unzipped. Tehya at five was all spunk and had no problem keeping up with her older brother.
“Mom?” Tehya asked, “will Uncle Dwight be at the picnic today?”
“Of course he will,” Pam assured her while braiding her long auburn hair in one braid down her back. “And everyone else too. Was daddy helping Carter get ready?”
Tehya nodded her head and Pam smiled. “Lizzie is awake too.”
“She is?” Pam asked. “Okay, I need to go get her ready too. Your hair is done, tie your shoes, and make sure that you have your bathing suit and beach towel packed in your Barbie bag, okay?”
“Okay mommy,” Tehya answered and Pam took the stairs two at a time to Lizzie’s room. Sure enough, the three year old was awake in her lady bug bed. Pam got her dressed and checked on Carter and Jim who were both sitting on the floor in Carter’s room.
“Are you boys ready?” Pam asked, holding in the giggle that threatened to bubble up on her lips, while holding Lizzie on her hip. “We really need to go Jim.”
“Okay, okay,” Jim agreed and pulled himself up, “Let’s go Carter. We’ve got a picnic to get to.”
Two hours later Pam was wishing that Jim would have worked harder to convince her to stay home. It was hot, Lizzie was cranky, and Dwight was really getting on her nerves.
“Are we not having fun Mrs. Halpert?” Jim’s voice asked in her ear and she smiled. “Because, I’m pretty sure you were the one that wanted to come.”
“I did want to come,” Pam confirmed, “I guess…”
“You thought that a Dunder Mifflin company picnic would be more fun?”
“I suppose,” Pam said, running a hand through her hair. “That was stupid of me, huh?”
“Not stupid,” Jim told her, “just delusional.”
“Delusional huh?”
“Yup,” Jim said leaning over to kiss her briefly. “But I still love you.”
“Good,” Pam declared, “cause we’d have problems if you didn’t.”
“Mommy!” Lizzie called from the beach where she was helping Stanley’s youngest daughter build a sandcastle. “Come see our castle!”
“Okay princess,” Pam called back and Pam turned back to her husband. “We are pretty lucky aren’t we?”
“Yeah,” Jim said as Carter and Tehya came running over. “Hey guys!”
“Daddy,” Tehya asked, pulling on Jim’s tee-shirt, “aren’t you going to come swimming with us?”
“Do you want me to kiddo?”
Carter and Tehya both nodded their heads and Jim kneeled down in front of them. Pam watched with a smile as Jim whispered something to them before sweeping Tehya up unto his shoulders and heading down the beach.
“Hey Halpert!” Pam called and watched as Jim turned around, “say cheese!”
Jim flashed a bright smile and Tehya waved just as Pam clicked the button on their camera, capturing the moment forever.
Jim mouthed the words, “love you,” and Pam couldn’t keep the grin off her face. Even after eight years of marriage she still got butterflies when he would flash his smile and tell her that he loves her. She was sure it would never get old.
Pam felt the wetness on her cheeks and knew that she wasn’t quite out of tears yet. It was hardly the day to remember what she and Jim had, and what their family was, before everything happened.
You can come back from this, Pam heard Emmy’s voice in her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn’t sure that was the case.
You can, the words sounded again.
“How?” she asked the silence of the attic and only the silence answered her. She knew that if she really wanted things to work out between her and Jim she would be the one who had to make the first move. She had been the one to push him away, to insist that they couldn’t keep their marriage together and therefore she had to be the one to start to put it back together.
She just didn’t know if she had enough courage to try and possible fail.
You wouldn’t fail, she heard again and the tears continued to stream down her face.
--
Jim paced back and forth in the luxury box at the Phillies game they were out. Carter and Lizzie were happily watching the game from the front row seats they were in, blissfully unaware of their father’s anxiety.
He was just a bit overwhelmed. It had been a tough day for him and he was stressed out about the work he’d done to cover up his true feelings. But, of all weekends that he had the kids it was of course the weekend of her birthday.
He could imagine Pam, at their house, alone, dealing with it all on her own and it broke his heart. He didn’t want to be alone on this day, he wanted to be with his wife, remembering all the good times instead of dwelling on the bad ones.
Instead he had put on a brave face after his melt-down the night before, and ushered Carter and Lizzie around the historic district of Philadelphia for research on Carter’s history project. They ate cheese steaks at a little diner and joked and laughed.
All the while Jim’s heart was breaking. They should have been throwing a cheerleading themed birthday party, her latest obsession, in the yard of their Scranton home. He should have had to listen to Michael sing a high-pitched harmony to “The Happy Birthday Song’ and Dwight inspecting the structure soundness of the fort he’d built for Carter’s fifth birthday again.
Shaking his head, refusing to allow tears to fall, he turned his attention back to the game below them and was surprised to see that the Phillies had just pulled away.
“Man,” Jim muttered, “I look away for a second.”
“Try ten minutes,” Jim’s co-worker Bryan Greenwood pointed out, “you okay man?”
“Yeah,” Jim mumbled, “I’m fine.”
“No you aren’t. Seriously dude…”
“I’d rather not talk about it Bryan,” Jim interrupted the nosey co-worker. “Now is not the time nor the place and I already said I didn’t want to talk.”
“Sorry man,” Bryan apologized and backed away noticing Jim’s usually easy-going self not so easy-going at the moment. Jim watched the co-worker walk away and join another group of people across the box.
Sighing Jim lowered himself into a nearby chair and ran his hand through his shaggy hair. He hadn’t meant to get so angry but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t in the mood to make small talk and he sure as hell was not in the mood to divulge any of his feelings. Especially not to Bryan.
“Dad?” he heard Carter ask and looked up to see his son’s face, “are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine sport,” Jim forced a smile, “are you having fun?”
“Yeah,” Carter answered a smile forming on his face, “thanks for bringing us! I’m glad we are winning now!”
“Me too,” Jim answered, “so…did you need something Carter?”
“No,” he answered shaking his head, “you just seemed sad…”
“I love you sport,” Jim said tears brimming in his eyes and pulling his son close, “so much. You are such a great kid.”
Carter’s arms wrapped around Jim’s neck and Jim held him close.
“Okay,” Carter said pulling away after a second, “I’m going to go finish watching the game, is that alright?”
“Of course,” Jim said and wiped his eyes quickly. “Wouldn’t want to miss anything.”
“Nope,” Carter agreed and turned tow walk away. Turning around he looked a Jim for a moment before whispering, “I miss her too dad.”
Jim had to excuse himself before the tears poured down right there.
--
“Daddy watch!” Tehya’s voice called to him from out in the yard, “please come watch!”
“Yeah daddy,” Lizzie mimicked her older sister, “come watch us!”
“I’m coming!” Jim answered and put down the sports section of the newspaper he was reading, “okay, what did you want to show me?”
“We learned a new dance move this week,” Tehya answered her auburn curls dancing. Jim smiled at his four and a half year old daughter and her two year old sister. “We want to show it to you.”
“I can’t wait to see it,” Jim assured them, even though it was the third time he’d sat through the dance already. “Dance for me.”
The two girls danced for ten straight minutes in the backyard while Jim watched. He loved spending time with his daughters, his sons too, but he wasn’t one for dancing. He turned around for a moment and watched his wife in the kitchen as she made dinner.
That was here thing, working in the kitchen. Jim attempted it every once and awhile but it never turned out as well as her dinner.
“Hey honey,” she called from the open window, “can you come here for just a minute.”
“Sure,” he answered and motioned to the girls that he would be right back and headed into the kitchen. “What’s up?”
“Could you get the crock-pot down from the shelf in the pantry? I can’t reach it.”
“Sure babe,” Jim answered placing a quick kiss on her mouth. “So, the girls are really loving this dance class huh?”
“Yeah,” Pam agreed, “and Kelly assures me that they are both naturals. I’m glad that we decided to allow them to dance. I wasn’t sure about having Lizzie in the class too.”
“I know,” Jim said handing her the crock-pot, “but even at a young age she’s taken to it well.”
“She has,” Pam nodded, “thanks. You better get back out there before they think you abandoned them.”
“Like that would ever happen,” Jim teased, “love you.”
“Love you too.” And with another kiss he was back out the door and on the patio. The girls came running from the swing set and turned on their bubble gum pink CD player and finished their dance. Jim cheered for them and gave them both hugs.
Carter and Jim helped Pam set the outdoor patio table for dinner and they sat down for a family dinner.
Jim nursed a bottle of beer later that night on the patio of his apartment after he had tucked Carter and Lizzie into bed. It had been a long day and he was more than ready to let himself have a few moments alone.
He had smiled and laughed with them while they were out and celebrating a narrow win by the Phillies and had read them a bedtime story before kissing their foreheads and turning out the light.
That had been hours ago.
Now he was sitting on his patio, watching the lights of the city below him. He knew he couldn’t get drunk, he still had the kids for one more day, and waking up with a hang-over would not be okay.
That is why he was still on his first beer. Finishing it off he headed into the kitchen and tossed the bottle. Slipping into his room quietly, careful not to wake Lizzie, who as a very light sleeper could wake up to practically anything, and made his way to his closet.
Quickly he changed into some old basketball shorts and an old tee-shirt to sleep in he tossed his shoes up onto the shelf. Over throwing his mark he hit a stack of boxes in the corner, knocking them to the ground. The lid of the top box flew out, allowing the paper inside it to cover the floor of his closet.
Jim held his breath, choking his tears back, and picked up the newspapers clippings that he hadn’t been able to get rid of.
They were newspaper clippings, twenty-one of them to be exact, all with different headlines, saying pretty much the same thing. Picking up the one closest to him, he fell to his knees. This was the last think he wanted to see today. Jim read it, over and over again, before throwing up.
Drunk Driver Accident Kills Local Girl
