Pam tucked her feet under her and pulled the thick fleece blanket around her chin. She hated that they were going through an oddly cool spring and the temperature outside was low enough it constituted turning on the heat, even now in April. She buried herself farther into the blanket and sipped the tea that sat next to her.
Her phone sat on the couch cushion next to her and she had picked it up and set it down more times than she could count in the last half hour. It was early, probably too early to call, she knew that, but she wanted to. Which was a step in itself. For the first time in ages she wanted to call him. She wanted to talk to him and she knew that was a good step to have.
Instead of dialing his still familiar number she pressed a series of other numbers and waited while the phone rang.
“This had better be damn important,” her sister’s groggy voice answered, “You’re waking me up before eight on a weekend.”
“Sorry Emmy,” Pam said and she couldn’t hide the weight in her words. “I guess I thought you’d be up. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Nonsense Pam,” Emmy replied, “I’m up now. Are you okay?”
“I’m not sure,” Pam answered with complete honesty, “I want to be though.”
“Did you get any sleep last night?”
“Not really,” Pam told her, “I got a couple hours, I think.”
“Yesterday was tough for you huh?”
“Yeah,” Pam said, “I went through some of her things.”
“Really?” Emmy asked and Pam could hear the surprise in her voice. “You did?”
“Yup.”
“Pam,” Emmy said, “That’s great. I’m really proud of you.”
“Thanks,” Pam answered and leaned her head back against the couch. “I wanted to ask you something Emmy.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you really believe that I…we have a chance of fixing everything? I mean, Jim and me?”
If Emmy was surprised she hid it from Pam and answered quickly. “I do. I always have.”
“How?”
“Well,” Emmy started, “first you have to deal with some stuff. And not just by going through some boxes in your attic. You have to understand that you can’t blame Jim for what happened. Even if he blames himself, you can’t. It wasn’t his fault.”
“I want to try…”
“You should talk to him,” Emmy told her, “and not just small talk, but really talk. Really start to clear the air…”
“I dunno…”
“Pam if you are really committed to trying again, to repairing your marriage then you have to work at it. It isn’t something that is going to be easy and it isn’t going to be painless, but if you stick with it, the reward will be worth it.”
Pam was silent for a few minutes as she took in what Emmy was telling her. She knew her sister was right. In order to repair what they had they would really have to hash some things out. She would have to conquer her fear and insecurities and tell him what she really wanted to.
That wasn’t going to be easy.
“How am I supposed to get him to talk to me?”
“Ask him,” Emmy said simply. “And don’t let him tell you no. He wants this too, I can guarantee it.”
“Thanks Emmy,” Pam said quietly. “I love you.”
“Love you too sis,” Emmy replied. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Bye.”
“Bye,” Pam answered and waited until she heard the line click off. Setting the phone back down she glanced up at the mantle above the fireplace and gazed at the one picture of Jim that she had left out. It was right after he had proposed and they were both smiling for the camera, her new ring glittering in the sunlight.
“Jim,” Pam whined, “where are we going? I thought you said that you were going to take me to dinner.”
“I am going to take you to dinner,” Jim assured her, “just have some patience, okay?”
“Fine,” she said, her arms crossing over her in defiance, “but I’m ordering dessert since you are keeping me from eating now, when I’m already starving.”
“You can order dessert,” Jim said with a shake of his head, “I wouldn’t keep you from having your weekly fix of cheesecake. And we’ll be at the restaurant by our eight o’clock reservations.”
“Eight?!” Pam cried, “I can’t wait that long!”
“Yes you can,” Jim said rolling his eyes, “especially since I packed some cookies in the glove box for you.”
Pam smiled and popped open the glove box. Sure enough a bag of her favorite Milano cookies were waiting there for her.
“Thank you!” she exclaimed and Jim chuckled. “So, when are you going to tell me what is going on?”
“When we get there,” Jim answered honestly, “and we’re running late since you wouldn’t leave work on time.”
“I had to finish up some paperwork before the weekend Jim,” Pam argued, “I couldn’t leave. If you hadn’t distracted me all day with that prank on Dwight…”
“Oh,” Jim teased, “so now you are blaming me for being stuck at work for an extra half hour?”
“Yes,” Pam told him simply, “I am.”
“I guess I could understand how you would think that,” Jim agreed. “I’ll take the blame this time, but just so you know, this is the last time…”
“Sure…”
“It is…”
“Right…”
“Fine don’t believe me…”
“I won’t.”
“Then you’ll learn the hard way.”
“That’s what she said.”
“I can’t believe you just said that.”
“You walked right into it.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Yes you did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Jim, yes you did.”
“Are we really arguing about this?”
“It seems like it,” Pam said with a smile.
“This ends now.” Jim rolled his eyes and squeezed Pam’s hand and noticed the sparkling in her eyes. “What?”
“You are so cute when you are flustered.”
“Awh shucks Pam,” Jim sighed in a slightly mocking tone, “you flatter me.”
“I try,” Pam said and leaned over him as he kept driving. Placing a gentle kiss on his cheek she whispered again, “where are you taking me?”
“We are almost there,” Jim said nudging her away slightly, “be patient.”
“I can’t,” she pouted settling back into her seat. Crossing her hands over her chest she stuck out her bottom lip far trying to coax the answer out of him.
“That isn’t going to work Pam.”
“But it always works,” she whined and Jim had to bite back his laugh. He focused his eyes straight ahead, knowing she was right, if he saw the face she was making he would crack. It really was only a few more minutes before he was pulling into the parking lot of her favorite park.
“The park?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why are we at the park?”
“You are sure asking a lot of questions tonight.”
“It’s ‘cause I’m a curious person,” Pam said shaking her head and allowing Jim to help her out of the car after he had parked. “Can’t you tell me where we are going?”
“If you would just walk with me,” he said taking her hand, “I’ll explain everything, okay.”
“Okay,” Pam agreed and allowed him to lead her on the gravel path. She watched the playground as a family played there and she felt Jim squeeze her hand. Flashing him a smile she forced herself not to ask him about what was happening again.
“Here,” Jim said, “follow me.”
Pam raised her eyebrows in question as he led her through a walkway and into the neighborhood behind the park. She was more confused than ever as they came out on the other side.
“Okay,” Jim said turning to her and wrapping his arms around her. “I have a surprise for you, but if you don’t like it, we don’t have to keep it. I made sure of that…”
“Jim?”
Jim took a shaky breath and turned her around. In front of her was a beautiful two story house, the palest shade of blue, with a wraparound porch. What really caught her attention though was the ‘for sale’ sign in the front yard, a attachment hanging down, reading ‘contract pending.’
“I know we said that we weren’t ready to look yet,” Jim started, “but Mark’s girlfriend, Lindsey, she’s a realtor and was talking about this house the other day, and I just had to look at it. When I did…well, I was signing some paper showing intent before I could really stop myself…”
“Jim,” Pam questioned him, “you bought a house?”
“Sorta,” Jim shrugged, “I mean, we don’t have to actually get it if you don’t want it. I just…I wanted you to see it.”
“Okay,” Pam agreed. “Let’s go.”
Pam watched as Jim pulled a key ring from his pocket and they walked across the street. Pam smiled as she noticed the porch swing off the side of the side of the porch and let her hand graze over the wood on the landing.
“Remember,” Jim said tentatively, “we don’t have to actually…”
“Get it,” Pam finished for him, “I know. But I want to see it. If you liked it enough to put an offer down on the spot then it must be worth it. Show me around, Halpert.”
A smile lit up his face as he pushed the white door open into a spacious hallway area. The house was empty, whoever had occupied it before had it cleaned out ages ago she could feel.
She looked up when Jim started talking again, “the house has been empty for about a year or so they tell me. But for some reason they haven’t been able to sell it. It has five bedrooms, a nice size attic for storage, and a huge backyard.”
“When did you come look at it before?” Pam asked him, threading her arm through his and he rubbed his free hand against the back of his neck.
“Remember when I had that sales call last week?” Jim asked and she nodded, “well, it really didn’t last as long as I made it sound…”
“JIM!” Pam admonished, “I can’t believe you would lie…”
“Me?” Jim asked feigning innocence, “I just had to do some things…”
“I really like what I’ve seen so far,” Pam told him, “the living room is huge.”
“I know,” Jim agreed and kissed her temple. “I knew you would like the fireplace.”
“So,” Pam said, “show me the rest of the house.”
Pam allowed Jim to lead her around the house. The kitchen was a good size and it had another set of stairs that lead up to the second floor. The kitchen fed right into a large dining room area and out onto the patio. Jim was right, the backyard was huge and fenced in. Pam loved it.
“I can see why you liked it so much.”
“And we aren’t even done yet,” Jim said with an air of mystery and grabbed her hand. He lead her up the back set of stairs and opened the first door they came across. It was nice sized bedroom with a window looking out onto the street and the park. The other bedrooms were similar in size and then Jim paused.
“Okay,” Jim said, “I have one last thing to show you?”
“The master bedroom?” Pam asked and Jim nodded, without looking at her. “What…”
Jim hushed her with a kiss, “come on.”
Jim pushed the door open and Pam gasped. The room was beautiful shade of light green and quite large. The room was on the corner of the house and there were several doors. Jim pushed open one and the master bathroom was any girls’ dream. It had two sinks, a Jacuzzi tub, and separate shower and a large closet off to the side.
“Jim this is huge,” Pam breathed, “wow.”
“One more thing,” Jim said and Pam recognized the twinkle in his eye. “Come with me.”
“What are you up to Jim?”
“Just close your eyes,” Jim instructed and Pam shook her head. “Please.”
“Fine,” Pam finally relented and pressed her eyes closed. A few seconds later Jim was leading her by the arm. “Jim?”
“Just another second,” Jim said quietly, “okay?”
Pam nodded and let him continue to lead her. What felt like ages later Jim finally whispered that she could open her eyes. When she did she took a sharp breath in. She was standing on a terrace, looking over the backyard, with flowers growing from boxes along the edges. At the end of the terrace was a small easel.
“Jim,” Pam breathed, “Jim…”
“When Lindsey explained this part of the house to me I knew I wanted you to see it…”
“It’s perfect,” Pam sighed and leaned into his chest, “I love it. I really , really love it.”
“I’m glad. Do you want it, the house I mean?”
“Can we afford it?”
“I’ve done some number crunching and talked to Oscar,” Jim explained, “He was able to work with us to get a good mortgage.”
“Really?”
“Yup,” Jim said with a broad smile, “it is ours if we want it.”
“Heck yes!” Pam exclaimed and jumped into Jim’s arms. “Thank you!”
“Your so very welcome,” Jim hugged her tight, “I’m just glad you aren’t pissed at me for buying a house without asking you first.”
“Nah,” Pam scoffed, “this terrace totally sold me on it and redeemed you.”
“I figured it would,” Jim said with a smirk. “Now I have one more surprise for you.”
“Really?”
“Yup,” Jim said and Pam noticed a flint of nervousness flash in his eyes, “but I need to go get something first.”
“From?”
“The easel,” he said, pointing to the end of the terrace. “I’ll be right back.”
Pam stood nervously and stared at her white Keds. She looked up and wondered what was taking him so long and then took a deep breath. She had to slow her heart rate before she passed out.
“Pam,” Jim whispered from across the terrace, so low she barely hears it, “Pam…”
She took a step towards him and he did the same. They met in the middle and Pam noticed his hands were back before he took a step backwards again.
“God,” he sighed, “I didn’t expect to choke on my words…”
“Jim?”
“You have to know that I love you, right?” Jim asked and Pam scrunched her eyebrows and nodded. “Good. God, I have waited for this day for so long, so long.”
“Jim,” Pam said and took one of his hands in hers, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Jim whispered into her ear. “And I want to make sure that I love you for the rest of my life…”
“Jim?”
Before she knew it Jim was down on one knee before her, “marry me Pam? Marry me and love me for the rest of our lives.”
The diamond ring was extended from open palm and Pam couldn’t breath. She opened her mouth to answer and only a small squeak came out. She could tell Jim was growing more and more nervous by the second. She needed to find her voice soon.
“Pam?”
“Of course,” she breathed out quietly. A little louder she spoke a second later, “of course I’ll marry you and love you forever.”
Her words were cut off by his lips on hers and she couldn’t stop grinning as he slid the ring up her left hand ring finger. It fit perfectly.
“I love you,” Jim whispered, “forever.”
“Forever,” she agreed and his lips met hers again.
Pam picked up the picture and watched as the tear drops fell onto the glass. They had been so happy and so in love. The house seemed strange now without him there. She hadn’t gone out to the terrace in some time now.
She set the picture back down. This was it. She was ready now. Ready to try again. Ready to put it all behind her and do what she should have a long time ago.
She grabbed her keys.
