Jim taped his fingers against the steering wheel of his car as he sat idling in the parking lot of the wal-mart he was waiting to meet Pam at to trade kids back. It was nearing five-twenty, almost twenty minutes past their regular meeting time.

“Dad,” Carter asked, “where is mom?”

“I don’t know sport,” he answered honestly and glanced at the clock on the radio again, “I’m sure she’ll be here soon. There was probably traffic.”

“I guess,” Carter yawned and leaned his head back against the headrest, matching his already sleeping sister. “But…”

“She’s fine Carter,” Jim interrupted the train of thoughts that he knew had entered his son’s mind. “She’s just running late.”

“Okay,” he said sleepily, “dad?”

“Yeah sport?”

“I wish you weren’t so sad.”

Jim choked back tears for a few minutes before he felt them run down his face. He didn’t answer for several minutes trying to regain his composure while at the same time attempting to comprehend his son’s words.

“I mean,” Carter stumbled, “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry Carter,” Jim assured him and turned in his chair to face him. “I’m sorry I’m so sad. I wish I wasn’t either.”

“Mommy is sad too.”

“We’re trying to not be as sad,” Jim told him, “but it is hard some days.”

“’Cause you miss Tehya?”

“Yeah sport,” Jim nodded, “I miss her a lot.”

“I do too,” Carter told him, “I miss having her to play with. Lizzie doesn’t really remember her too well.”

“She was too little when Tehya…”

“When she went to heaven,” Carter answered for his father and Jim nodded again. “I’m sorry she went to heaven daddy.”

Jim bit down hard on his lip until the taste of his own blood broke his concentration. With tears rolling down his face, Jim reached back and grabbed Carter’s hand tight.

“I am too,” Jim answered huskily, “but we can’t change what happened, we can just go on and remember the time we had with her when she was here.”

“And all the fun we had.”

“Yup,” Jim answered and smiled for the first time in nearly twenty minutes. “I love you so much sport, don’t ever think that I don’t.”

“I know you love me dad,” Carter assured Jim with a shrug, “I just wish you didn’t live so far away.”

“I know.”

“I want you to come home,” Carter told him while fumbling with his hands in his lap, “and so does Lizzie…”

“Carter…”

“Mom does too,” Carter told him, “even if she hasn’t said it I know she does. I’ve seen her looking at your picture and crying and…”

“Carter please,” Jim stopped him, “I can’t come home right now. Not until…not until your mom and I can work things out.”

“Why can’t you?”

“Carter, not now.”

“But when dad?” Carter asked his voice raising a touch and the stubbornness he inherited from Pam shining through, “I just don’t understand…”

“That is because you’re only eight,” Jim said sternly, “you couldn’t understand.”

“Dad…”

“I love you Carter,” Jim interrupted him again, “but I’m not going to talk about this with you. I’m not.”

The car fell into a silence that Jim couldn’t stand and he flipped on the stereo and went for his phone when he noticed the car that pulled into the spot next to his truck. It wasn’t Pam’s car, but one he knew almost as well.

“Aunt Emmy,” Carter said a small smile forming on his lips, “Lizzie wake up! Aunt Emmy is here.”

“Aunt Emmy?” Lizzie groggily asked and Jim had the same sentiments.

If Emmy is picking them up…Jim’s mind raced, then where is Pam? Is she okay? What happened?

Jim’s internal questions were answered as if he had said them aloud when Emmy opened her car door.

“Hey Jim,” Emmy greeted, “Sorry I’m late but traffic was horrible and it was a last minute change of plans. Don’t worry though, Pam is fine.”

“Where is mom?” Carter asked after he unwrapped his arms from his Aunt’s waist.

“She had some things she really needed to do today Cart,” Emmy answered him, “So she asked if I could come pick you up and hang out with you tonight.”

“Yeah!” Lizzie cried and jumped up and down. “Can we stay up all night and watch movies and eat ice-cream?”

“I don’t think so,” Jim answered for his sister-in-law and couldn’t help but catch the look that passed between her and his children. He knew that she was the ‘cool’ aunt that had always spoiled them rotten. “Okay guys, come and give me hugs so you and Aunt Emmy can start on your super cool night.”

“Bye daddy!” Lizzie said hurriedly with one last hug. “I love you.”

“Love you too Princess,” Jim whispered and held on to her tightly before releasing her to run over to Emmy’s car. Carter was next. “Bye Carter.”

“Bye dad,” Carter answered less tersely than Jim expected. “I love you too.”

“I love you,” Jim assured his son, “so much. And I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“I’m sorry too,” Carter answered, “but…”

“Not right now, okay?”

“Okay,” Carter agreed and wrapped his arms around Jim’s neck. “Just, it wasn’t your fault, okay? I know…it wasn’t.”

Jim nodded and pulled Carter in tighter, “thank you. Have a good week and I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay,” Carter answered with a bright smile that reminded him too much of Pam.

“Come on Carter!” Lizzie yelled from the open window of Emmy’s car and Carter nodded.

“I’m coming!”

As he watched Carter climb into Emmy’s car he turned back towards his sister-in-law and wiped a few tears from his eyes.

“They are great kids, aren’t they?” Emmy asked him and Jim could only nod. “You did good.”

“It is mainly your sister,” Jim told her with a shrug. “How is she?”

“She had a hard weekend,” Emmy answered honestly and that was one thing that Jim had always admired about her. “But she’s doing better I think.”

“You think?”

“I’d like to ask you a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Why do you blame yourself?”

“Emmy…”

“Answer the question Jim.”

“You aren’t my shrink.”

“No,” Emmy agreed, “I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help.”

“I can’t answer that question.”

“Yes you can.”

“Emmy you have to go,” Jim said waiving her off. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Jim you have to know that she doesn’t blame you.”

“Emmy…”

“She doesn’t,” Emmy continued, “and neither does anyone else. Bye Jim.”

Jim stood planted in his spot as he watched them drive away and didn’t care about the tears that streamed down his face.

--

Pam questioned herself for the hundredth time as she sat in her car, her mind rolling around and around to what she wanted to say. It didn’t help that the longer she sat there the harder it was to wait. She felt a tad stalker-ish and that just made her laugh. Which was ironic in itself.

“What am I doing?” she asked herself and the silence of the car was the only answer. An answer to a question she already knew. She wanted her life back, her family back and most importantly to her in that moment, her husband back.

She had only been to his apartment building in Philadelphia once before, but she could remember every detail of it. That was one of her many weird quirks, her memory was quite astute. She had always attributed it to being an artist, but she didn’t really know for sure.

His apartment was on the eleventh floor, on the end, with the patio extending from his master bedroom looking out over the park. It had been beautiful, but she hadn’t allowed herself to think of him there.

She hadn’t wanted to. She had wanted him home with her for months and she was finally ready to start putting that in action.

She only hoped that he was ready too.

She contemplated the way she wanted to approach him. Should she wait until he was back inside and then knock, or should she be waiting at his door when he went up? She wasn’t sure so she continued sitting in her car trying to decide. Pam’s phone buzzed and without even looking at it she knew it would be from Emmy.

She laughed when she was right.

The text message was simple; Got the kids and we’re already having fun. Good luck, though you don’t really need it. You can do it. Love ya.

It was Emmy’s less than veiled attempt of telling her that Jim was on his way home and Pam’s nerves began to flutter. She shook her head and took a deep breath. He wouldn’t be home for at least another half hour so sitting there waiting wasn’t going to do her any good.

Twenty minutes later she was sitting on the stairs right outside of Jim’s apartment with a latte in hand, the butterflies in her stomach roaring. She kept trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say and kept coming up with nothing more than ‘I love you’ and ‘Please come home.’

She was sure that wasn’t going to be enough but she had to try something and so far that was the best she had.

She glanced down at the watch on her wrist and sighed. She felt as if the minutes were ticking by extremely slow and was relieved to find that a full ten minutes that gone by. It was seconds later when she heard his footsteps on the stairs.

Pam focused her eyes on her shoes, twirling the latte cup around in her hands. She wanted to look up when the door of the stairwell opened but she couldn’t. She couldn’t look up when his footsteps came to an abrupt halt either, or when his voice caught in his throat.

“Pam?”

His voice was barely a whisper and she could hear the unasked questions that now floated in the air. She didn’t blame him though, how could she. She had shown up, unannounced, and couldn’t even look at him.

“Are you okay?” he asked and the tears in her eyes spilled over. She couldn’t stop them and before she knew it Jim was kneeling beside her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “Please talk to me Pam, are you okay?”

She nodded, then shook her head, then shrugged and let out a strangled laugh. That strangled laugh soon became a fit of giggles, until she was flat out laughing and Jim was looking at her like she was crazy.

“Oh my god,” she breathed, “I don’t know where that came from, but it felt so good.”

“Pam?”

“I’m not crazy,” Pam assured him, finally looking up and meeting the bewildered look on his face. “I’m not.”

“I know that.”

“Good,” Pam nodded, “I’m…”

Her voice dropped off and her eyes refocused on the ground. She didn’t understand why this was hard.

“Pam,” Jim started again, “I have to ask, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you,” Pam told him, “I needed to see you.”

“Okay…”

“I miss you Jim,” Pam continued, “I miss you so much and…”

“Pam?”

“I want you to come home.”

“Home?”

“Yes,” Pam said, “I hate that you aren’t home and I miss you and I want you to come back Jim. I love you, I always have and…”

“I can’t.”

“You what?” Pam asked, unable to hide the surprise and disappointment. “Why can’t you? Why?”

Jim looked around the hallway and rubbed the back of his neck. A few moments later he spoke again. “Let’s go inside,” he told her, “this isn’t something we should probably talk about in the hallway.”

“I don’t want to go inside; I want to finish this now.”

“No,” Jim insisted, “not out here. Come inside Pam.”

Jim opened the door of his apartment and waited until Pam finally stood up and followed him inside the apartment. She sat down on his couch and kept her hands pressed together securely. Jim could see the tears brimming in her eyes and hung his head as he sat down across from her.

“Pam, don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying,” Pam insisted, her voice cracking, “why I would be crying. My husband doesn’t seem to want to be with me or his family…”

“Pam stop it,” Jim demanded, “that isn’t the case and you know it.”

“Then what is it Jim?” Pam asked the tears still clouding her vision; “are you seeing someone? Is that it?”

“God Pam,” Jim groaned, “do you really think that little of me? I love you, I always will and there will never be anyone else for me other than you.”

“Then why won’t you come home Jim? I’m here begging you to come home and yet…”

“I can’t face that place Pam,” Jim whispered and her protests stopped suddenly, “why do you think I moved away to begin with? I can’t go back and…I just can’t.”

“Oh Jim,” Pam breathed the pieces of some of the puzzle finally starting to fall into place, “this is my fault.”

“What? How can you say that?” Jim asked throwing his hands up in the air, “this isn’t your fault Pam. This is in no way your fault. I’m the only one to blame here…it was me, it should have been me.”

“Don’t say that Jim,” Pam demanded the tears once again spilling over the eyes. “I don’t think that and neither do Carter and Lizzie.”

“But…”

“No,” Pam yelled catching him off guard, “you don’t get to think like that okay. It more than sucks what happened and I’ll miss her every day, but I don’t for a second wish it was you. The thought of loosing you kills me, I can’t lose.”

“Pam…”

“It wasn’t your fault Jim,” Pam continued without missing a beat, “you weren’t the one behind the wheel of that car, you weren’t the one out driving drunk, you weren’t. You tried to protect her; you did everything you could…”

“Then why isn’t she here with us anymore?” Jim yelled and Pam didn’t have an answer. “Why did that ass of a man get to walk away with no injuries and my little girl will never grow up. It isn’t fair!”

“I know that,” Pam answered and reached across his coffee table to slip her hand into his, “but we can’t change the past.”

“I’ll always feel responsible.”

“You shouldn’t,” Pam assured him, “and I know that those feelings are partially my fault too. I didn’t make you feel any better about any of it…”

“I didn’t tell you what was going on in my head either…”

“We both made mistakes Jim,” Pam whispered, “but I don’t want to keep making them. I want to have my family back. I want you back.”

“I really don’t know if I can go back and live in Scranton again Pam,” Jim told her honestly, “I don’t think…”

“Then we’ll move here,” Pam said with a shrug. “As long as we’re together I don’t care where we live.”