Her emerald eyes seemed to have experienced all possible tragedy and to have mounted pain and suffering like steps into a high calm and a superhuman understanding, and I knew it was my fault.
.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.
That night I bared my soul. I risked it all. She turned me down twice, and I had to run. There was no other choice.
I left to escape her. No, not her, I could never escape such an amazing person as her. I left to escape her smiling emerald eyes. I couldn't see her every day anymore. I couldn't allow it. The pain would rip through me constantly. The pain would never end.
She haunted my dreams when I could actually sleep. Her face, her smile, her warm personality I had fallen in love with over and over again. I was suffocating in this town. She was my air.
I tried to find new air. I tried to fill the hole in my heart and forget it was there in the first place. This new girl might soothe the pain. I hoped she could.
She couldn't. I still thought of her, far much more than I should with a girlfriend. One day they asked me to come back. I couldn't bear the thought of facing her again. To see those eyes again, those I eyes I knew were crying as much as mine.
I went anyways. She was like gravity, always pulling me closer when I wanted to pull away. I told Karen to come. In the back of my mind, I knew I was trying to make her jealous, to wish she hadn't have pushed-shoved-me away. I didn't want to do that to her. It seemed, at the time, the only thing to do.
I came back and saw her again. It was like I was reborn. Like the part of me that died had grown twice as large as it was before, capable of holding more love than I was ready for. And then I looked in her eyes.
Her emerald eyes seemed to have experienced all possible tragedy and to have mounted pain and suffering like steps into a high calm and a superhuman understanding, and I knew it was my fault.
She had been dying as much as me, it seemed. In that moment I realized that she had as much of a reason to die as me. She had left nine years of her life to be with me, and I disappeared. I left her heartlessly. I was selfish, only thinking of myself.
Those eyes stabbed me. They haunted my every move. Suddenly they were there again, and I did my best to avoid them. I focused on Karen, though she wasn't enough. She or anyone else never would be enough for me. I knew the instant I met her that she was the one, and I would never be calm until she was mine.
And then just like me, she poured out her soul. My ignorance seemed to set a flame in her. She didn't know I was watching her at the coal walk. She didn't see me smile slightly as she hesitated, still unsure of what she wanted. She took a running start and rushed head first into one of the best decisions of her life.
She crossed the coals and ran to me. She stood in front of me and told me I was the reason she left that jerk. She said that she missed me, and her eyes reflected it. There was less crying then, more hope and bravery than anything else.
I told her I missed her too. But I left her again, intent on leaving her behind. And then Wallace asked me that one question and I was a goner.
Where would I be? The picture was so vivid in my head there was no way to doubt it.
A large house with a silver mini-van parked outside reflected a laid-back, loving life style. She sat on the terrace she always wanted staring into the sun. One hand with a glittering diamond band lay on the swell of her stomach. A small little girl walked out onto the terrace with her. A tiny Pam. Red curls framed her face and she had inherited those eyes that had been haunting me for so long. These eyes were smiling, almost laughing as she clung to her mother's leg. And I saw myself join them, lifting the little girl into her mother's expectant arms and I leaned down to kiss her lightly and kiss her swollen stomach.
I was brought back to reality by words I didn't hear or understand. I withdrew my name, found Karen, and as gently as possible told her I was done.
I raced back to Scranton, my mind buzzing. I interupted her interview and asked her, finally, to dinner. And she answered with the only word I would ever need to hear from her. Her eyes smiled as she answered yes. Mine did, too.
The next year was spent in bliss. There was almost never a time we were apart. I loved her so, so much, almost too much for me to bear. I took care of her when she came down with the flu, took her to New York for a romantic dinner for Valentine's Day, and gave her a diamond necklace for her birthday. I knew I was trying to make up for leaving her.
She thought I was joking when I brought up marriage. I showed off the ring I had bought so many months ago and staged faked proposals when I got to nervous to actually ask. And when I was finally ready, my moment was stolen. We talked it through and said that we would wait.
And then she left me. This time, though, we both had a say in it. I was so proud of her for pursuing her dream, though I missed her terribly. We saw each other every weekend, but then that got harder and harder to do.
10 days. It had been 10 days since I'd seen her, and it was just too much. I asked her to meet me halfway for lunch. She agreed, and I planned.
I pulled up and she was mumbling about this not being halfway. I stared at her like a fool, staring into her eyes. They were, thank god, smiling again, as happy to see me as I was to see her. I acted without thinking.
I finally asked her and she, again, answered with the only word I'd ever need to hear from her. She said yes. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her more passionately than I ever had.
Both of our eyes smiled bright enough to light the sky.
Story Notes:
Just a one-shot idea running through my head.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I promise I own nothing. Not Jim, not Pam, and not the Office.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading! Review if you'd like.
NoFireworks is the author of 8 other stories.
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