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Two Wrongs, but Oh-so Right
She knew it was wrong to feel so disappointed that she was going to New York without a ring on her finger. She knew that it didn’t really matter, not in the long run. She knew that it was wrong to feel so frustrated with him and his grand plans to knock her on her ass. She knew it was going to happen. She also knew that she wanted it to happen so badly that she could taste it. And as she walked him out to his car, knowing that it was killing him to leave her here in the city without him, she knew that he only wanted what she wanted. And in the end, they couldn’t both be wrong, could they?
Jim knew it was wrong that he wasn’t more excited for her. He knew that it would be wrong to let his own fears stand in her way. He knew that it was temporary, only twelve weeks. Twelve weeks was nothing when you planned to have a lifetime with someone, right? He knew that they would be together soon, and soon he could ask her the question he had been dying to ask, but hasn’t been able to. Is it wrong that he doesn’t want to start their engagement with a twelve week separation?
****
Pam knew that it might be a little bit wrong that she needed this ring on her finger to feel a little more secure in their relationship. Okay, more than a little bit wrong, she could admit to herself. Jim had never been anything but completely forthcoming with his feelings for her, his plans, hopes, and dreams for them. And she believed him. She knows that she shouldn’t have needed the ring to know that it was all going to happen for them. After all, Roy had given her a ring once upon a time, and, even after ten years, she had never felt as sure of him as she felt about Jim on their first date. Pam stared down at the ring on her finger and knew that it was wrong that something made of mineral and metal should mean so much when he had already given her so much more than that. Something far more precious.
As he drove back to Scranton, Jim knew that it was wrong that he couldn’t give Pam the proposal that he had dreamed of giving her, but there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He just couldn’t wait any more. Could he have picked a better place than a gas station at the side of the turnpike? Could he have picked a better time than the middle of a gusting rainstorm? Probably. But he didn’t. He did it. He asked and she said yes, and nothing could be wrong with that, could it?
****
It was wrong, so wrong, that her world should feel so completely off-kilter without him. Pam knew that she should be able to get through a day without talking to him every hour on the hour. She couldn’t help it. Everything just felt so wrong without him. Even laundry. That had to be wrong, right? What kind of independent woman was she if she couldn’t even do a couple of loads of laundry without missing him so badly that it made her ache?
Jim knew it was wrong. He knew that he was being a child, and that’s exactly why he kept his mouth shut. He was afraid to say too much. He knew that whatever came out, it would be bad. He knew it was wrong to feel threatened when she told him about her new friends. He knew that he was still her best friend. At least, he hoped so. He knew it would be wrong to make snarky comments about her drunken early morning voicemail, sure that the jealousy and insecurity that flared up would show. And if it was one thing he knew for sure, he knew that he had to keep his mouth shut. He couldn’t let Roy get to him. He couldn’t give in to the doubts. He couldn’t risk saying anything, because if he were to let loose with what he really wanted to say, it would all come out petulant, whiney and weak. And that would be tragically wrong.
****
The minute she saw the tiny Bluetooth earpieces, she knew that they had to have them. She knew it was wrong, but she didn’t care. They cost a fortune, but she was happy to let her bank account take the hit. She bought them, right or wrong, and now she could take him with her everywhere. She knew that it was probably wrong, and more than a little needy to need to hear his voice as much as possible, but it didn’t matter. Now they could share their days again. And for the first time since she came to New York, she felt almost right.
Okay, he knew it was wrong to disconnect the call when Michael had told him that his reviews were bad, but really, what man wants the woman that he loves to hear how badly he’s failing? Yes, it was probably wrong, some knee jerk, Neanderthal man reaction, but damn it, he had plans! He couldn’t let her hear the panic in his voice as he saw his bonus slipping away. He couldn’t take the chance that the tiny Bluetooth in his ear would pick up the sound of the wheels whirring in his head. No, he didn’t care if it was wrong, he had to figure out what was happening, and what he could do to fix it before everything came crashing down around him.
****
No, no, you’re wrong, Pam wanted to say as she listened to Alex’s impassioned speech. I am not staying here. I don’t really even like it here. Jim’s in Scranton. Jim’s in Scranton. “Jim’s in Scranton,” she said to Alex, and she said to Jim, knowing that he was still listening. Pam was flummoxed as she stared at Alex’s earnest face, but she could only see Jim. Jim standing in front of her, handing her his heart, only to have her refuse it. Jim leaning into the conference room and asking if she was free for dinner. Jim kneeling in the poring rain; asking her to be his wife, asking her to share his life. Their life was not here in New York, their life was in Scranton. How could she possibly explain to Alex how wrong he was?
How wrong was it that when Alex finally made his move on Pam, he was hearing the whole thing? Jim pressed his finger to his lips, effectively sealing them shut as he listened to the guy make his pitch, couching it in reason, playing on her passion for her art and her desire to learn and grow. How wrong would it be to shout at her, to beg her, to plead with her not to listen to him? Pretty wrong, right? How wrong would it be for Pam to stay in New York and chase her dream? Not wrong at all, he realized with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Except that he wouldn’t be there with her, and that was entirely wrong.
****
She knew it had to be wrong. How could she have failed? She had worked so hard. She had given up everything to be here, her job, her apartment, Jim. Twelve weeks without seeing him every day and she had failed. She had failed not only her coursework, but her dream. And Jim. This was the dream that he encouraged, the dream he had supported every step of the way, the dream that she only dared to dream because he had believed in her long before she believed in them. No, it had to be wrong. She couldn’t let him down this way. Not after all that they had missed out on. And when she had told him, he told her that he wanted her to keep trying, to make it happen, to run after that dream, but all she could think about was how she didn’t really want it anyway. Pam tipped her head back, looking up at the buildings that surrounded her, closing in on her, holding her hostage. She blinked rapidly, fighting back the tears that flooded her eyes. The weight of her cell phone felt like a brick in her pocket as she wondered if it would be so wrong to tell him that she didn’t want it anymore, that all she wanted was him?
The days passed so slowly that a snail could lap them. Jim knew it was wrong to dread coming into work, to see his co-workers hopeful faces, and know that he couldn’t bring himself to tell them that today wasn’t going to be the day. They had been so excited for him, for them. The day crept by and right or wrong, he was thankful that Michael, Andy and Oscar were gone. That meant there were three fewer smiles to return, and also, a reprieve from what he was sure would have been a barrage of inappropriate comments from Michael about Jim’s plans for Pam’s homecoming. The homecoming that wasn’t going to happen. And even though he knew that what he had said to her was right, he wished with all of his heart that he had, for once, done the selfish thing and shown her just how wrong he could be.
****
She knew it was wrong as she loaded the last of the boxes into her car. She knew it was wrong to wait until she had hit Interstate 80 to call Alex to tell him goodbye. She knew it was wrong that she didn’t even care about retaking that course. All she knew was that as she leaned up against the bumper of his car waiting for him, she felt right for the first time in months. Three months to be exact. To Pam, that said it all.
He knew he had to be wrong. His heart couldn’t have just started beating when he saw her standing there; it had to have been beating all along, right? Jim knew that it was probably wrong to be so elated when he heard her say that she was giving up on what she had thought was her dream. When she smiled up at him and said that it wasn’t about him, he knew with absolute certainty that she was wrong, and in that moment, he had never loved her more. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Pam loved him enough to come home to him, and now everything would be right. Right?
****
Okay, so the snotty note that she had put on the microwave was probably a little too Angela-ish, she could admit that. But she knew that the sentiment behind it wasn’t wrong. Pam had never wanted to hit someone as much as she had wanted to hit Ryan as he stood there implying that she should be the one to clean up the mess that someone else had made. Well, right or wrong, that Pam Beesly was gone. She may be back answering phones at Dunder Mifflin – Scranton, but she wasn’t about to let everyone run over her the way that they used to. She was different now. She was stronger. Unafraid to speak her mind, to stick up for herself, to try and to fail. After all, she had survived everything life had thrown at her so far.
She looked up to see Jim staring at her from his desk. She opened her instant messenger and typed:
Pbeesly: Take a picture, it’ll last longer.
Jim smiled as the message popped up on his screen. He leaned back in his chair and flipped open his cell phone. He cocked his elbow on the armrest of his chair, and casually raised the phone until he had her framed on the screen. Pam grinned, knowing that he was about to snap the picture, and then ducked her head. Jim smiled at the display, pressed a few buttons and then leaned forward to type.
Jhalpert: Good one. Later, we can try for a more ‘casual’ look. Don’t worry, it’ll be tastefully done. I know good art when I see it.
When she got up a few minutes later to go to the ladies’ room, Jim opened his phone again and stared at the picture of the woman who had only vacated the room thirty seconds before. He felt the fear knotting in his stomach and knew that he had done something very, very wrong. Who the hell buys a house without even talking to their fiancée about it first? Who in the world would ever want someone to say, ‘Here, I bought us a house. Sorry you didn’t get a say in it, but you’ve seen it before. You remember, when we came for my birthday dinner and my mom showed you that picture of me naked on the bear skin rug. So, no big deal, right?’ Wrong. Oh God, how could he have been so stupid? Where the hell did he go wrong?
****
Pam knew that her reaction to his big reveal was probably all wrong, but she was so floored, she just couldn’t seem to wrap her head around it. She followed him through his parents’ house, listening to him ramble on about de-shagging carpet, art theft and rooms that they weren’t allowed to go into, but could not force a sound to come out. She knew that she had to say something. She could hear the desperation in his voice, feel the anxiety humming from his tensed muscles, but she couldn’t find the right words. She was afraid that if she spoke too soon that it would come out wrong.
Jim watched her carefully, trying to gauge her reaction, his heart sinking with each moment that she remained silent. Desperate, he led her out to the garage and showed her the makeshift art studio he had set up there. When Pam took in the sketches that he had swiped from one of her portfolios and pinned to the wall, and then turned to look at him, clearly about to say something at last. Jim knew with all his heart that he was wrong, and he decided then and there that he would do anything to make it right, even if it meant losing everything he had invested in the house already. He sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Look, I know I bought this without asking you. And, it doesn’t look great, I know that,” he admitted with a nervous laugh. “And if you hate it, I totally understand, it’s just…”
“I love it,” she told him.
Jim’s eyebrows shot up, clearly stunned by her response. “You do?”
Pam couldn’t hold back her smile as she nodded. “Yeah. I love it!” she said with a giddy laugh.
“Really?”
“I mean, you bought me a house!” she said as she stepped closer to him.
“Oh my God,” Jim murmured, relief rushing through his veins as he closed the distance between them.
“You bought me a house!” Pam cried incredulously.
Jim laughed and nodded as stared down at her. “Yeah, I did,” he said quietly.
Pam beamed, her eyes locked on his as she wrapped her arms around his waist and lifted her lips for a kiss. She gazed up at him adoringly and then her brow creased. “Um, do we have to sleep in your parents’ bedroom?” she asked.
“No. We’ll just board that up,” he answered softly. “It’ll be that weird spare room that people ask us about.”
“And that clown?” she asked worriedly.
Jim wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly as he whispered, “Yeah, I don’t know what to do about that.”
Pam pulled back slightly and reached up to thread her fingers through the soft curls behind his ear. “Hey, that shag carpet?”
“It’s gone, I promise,” he murmured as he pressed his forehead to hers.
“No, I was thinking we should, um, at least once,” she said hesitantly.
“We should what?” he asked blankly.
Pam’s smile was slow and a little sassy even as the blush rose in her cheeks. She kissed him lightly and then kissed him again, this time touching the tip of her tongue to his lips. Jim parted his lips and the kiss grew heated rapidly. His slid to her back, his fingers splaying over the narrow expanse of her waist, pulling her closer to him. When they broke for air, Jim pulled back with a surprised smile. “Remind me to buy you houses more often,” he said in a raspy voice.
“We should shag on the shag,” she whispered with an impish grin.
Jim’s smile grew as he loosened his hold on her and grabbed her hand. “Totally worth the rug burns,” he said as he pulled her from the garage, heading back into the house.
“Wait! I didn’t mean now,” she giggled as she hurried to keep up with his long strides.
Jim grinned as he motioned for her to step inside. “No time like the present, Beesly,” he said with a playful leer. “Now, make it good, we have and audience,” he said, nodding to the wall as he pulled her past the scary clown painting.
“Man, you’d be so grounded if your mom found out about this,” Pam said happily.
“Hey, this is our house now,” Jim said as he dropped down onto the red shag carpet and tugged her down into his lap. “That’s makes it alright,” he said as rolled her over, pinning her beneath him. “I’m going to make sure that everything is all right,” he promised as he gazed down at her earnestly.
Pam reached up, and pulled him slowly toward her as she murmured, “We’re right.”
“Yeah, we are,” Jim agreed and then kissed her tenderly. He pulled back slightly and saw her lips curve into a soft smile. He kissed the corner of her mouth and then whispered, “Now, about the shag…”
Author's Chapter Notes:
A/N: This has been rattling around in my head since last week’s episode. I hope that you enjoy it. Oh! And, I’m up for auction this weekend in the Support Stacie Stocking Stuffer Author Auction. I’m offering a holiday themed JAM fic to the highest bidder. It all goes to help our friend truelovepooh defray some of the medical costs in her fight against breast and ovarian cancer. Please check my profile for more information, or feel free to PM me! Thanks!
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