Jim couldn’t believe that there, less than three feet away from him was Pam.  She was wearing the same outfit he had seen her in at the office earlier and much to his dismay, she still wore the same empty expression on her face.

“Go ahead to the table, Pammy.” Jim heard Roy say and his temper flared slightly at the use of the nickname he knew Pam hated. “Kenny and I are going to check out the score real quick.”

“Okay.” Pam said, following the hostess to a nearby booth. 

Jim couldn’t help but watch as she sat down in the booth and smiled up at the waitress when she placed a glass of water in front of her.  He watched intently as she absently ran a finger lightly across the rim of the glass, her eyes sweeping across the restaurant.  She must have felt his eyes on her because she looked at him and as soon as she met his gaze she quickly looked away.  It couldn’t be real.  She had to know him.  The connection between them was too strong.  Surely, if he could just get her to look at him for longer than a second she would see it.  She had to.  Before he could stop himself, he was on his feet heading towards her table.

“Jim…wait.” he heard Ed call out.

“Hi.” he said softly, so as not to startle her.

She looked up at him in confusion and then smiled faintly, but said nothing.

“Pam…” he said, trying hard to control the pleading in his voice.  She kept her eyes glued firmly to the table and he knew that she was hoping he’d just go away.  He was beginning to feel desperate.  This was Pam, his best friend, the love of his life.  Surely, she had to know something.

“Pam…please. It’s me Jim.”

“Please go away.” she said quietly.  She shook her head and quickly stood up.  It made his heart ache to see her trying to get away from him, but he needed her.  He needed her to tell him that this was just a dream.  He reached out and grasped her arm as she brushed past him.

“Please Pam. Just look at me. Please. It‘s me, Jim.”

“I don’t know you.” Pam said, trying to pull her arm from his grasp. “Please let me go.”

“Please, Pam. Don’t do this to me. Please. I need your help.”

“What the hell?!” an angry voice shouted from across the room.  Jim looked up to see Roy lumbering towards him.  Before he could even react, Roy grabbed him by the front of his shirt and wretched him away from Pam.

“You trying to cop a feel?  Huh? Who the hell are you?”

“Roy, don’t.” Pam said, grabbing on to his arm.

“Get off!” Roy yelled, jerking his arm loose.  “Some asshole thinks he can make a pass at you and I am supposed to just let it go.”

“I just wanted to talk to Pam. Just for a --.” Jim felt Roy’s fist connect with his mouth.  He turned away, pressing his hand to his face, already feeling the blood against his fingers.

“Don’t ever come near her again, asshole.” Roy shouted at him. 

Jim stood up in time to see Roy grab Pam by her arm and pull her towards the bar.  Pam quickly shot a look back at Jim before Roy pulled her out of view.  He couldn’t take it anymore.  Something inside him had snapped.  He turned around, vaguely aware of the other diners that were now staring solely at him and all but sprinted to the door.  He burst out into the cold air, his chest throbbing and tears burning in his eyes.  He had never felt so lost, so confused, so alone.

“Strange isn’t it?” Ed said, appearing behind him. “Each man’s life touches so many other lives and when he isn’t around it leaves an awful hole.”

“What happened…what happened to Pam?” Jim said frantically, trying to catch his breath.

“She married Roy, just like she had always planned.” Ed said calmly and the sound of those words made the tears in Jim’s eyes spill over. Ed continued, “Not on June 10th though.  He convinced her to push the date back again, sometime the following fall I think.  She’s still at Dunder Mifflin…but you already knew that.”

“What about art…” Jim choked out.  “Does she still paint? Draw? Sketch?”

“Nope.  She gave it up.  There was no point to it if it didn’t make any money.  At least that’s what Roy said.  She tried to continue doing it…mostly when he wasn’t home, but it just led to a lot of fighting.  One day while Roy was at the lake she boxed it all up.  The brushes and the paints and the sketchbooks.  Cried the entire time too.  Roy never noticed…or mentioned it if he did.”

Jim leaned up against the hood of Ed’s car, feelings as if his legs were going to give out any moment.

“Her life with Roy isn’t terrible you know.  They have had some happy moments.  He does take care of her, but that‘s not what she needed.  She needed someone to love her, for all of her.  She needed someone to believe in her, to support her.  You were that person.  You did that.  Not just for her as an artist, but for her as…Pam.  You were her best friend and you knew her…really knew her.  You helped her to realize that she wanted to be more...” Ed said moving to stand in front of him.

“She can be more .” Jim interjected, anxiously running a hand through his hair. “She deserves more.”

“And you would do more for her?” Ed implored.

Jim didn‘t think it was possible, but the thought of Pam becoming anything less than the beautiful, funny, warm, caring woman knew broke his heart even more. “I would do anything for her.” he said quietly.

“So what if you had another chance? What would you do? Would you try again?”

Jim took a deep breath.  He thought about all the times he had been somewhere and seen something that made him want to call Pam just to tell her about it because he knew she would find it funny.  He thought about every moment that he wanted to hold her hand, just because.  He thought about the all the places he wanted to take her and the things he wanted them to see…together.  He thought about Sunday morning breakfasts in bed and the spare room that he would turn into an art studio as a surprise for her birthday.  He thought about how he would kiss her whenever he wanted…just because he could.  He wanted to show her just how special she was.  He wanted to give her his heart.

“Absolutely I would.”

And at that moment the snow started to fall.


**tap** tap**

Jim jumped at the sudden, sharp tapping sound.  He looked around, confused by his surroundings.  He was sitting in the driver's seat of a car.  He didn’t remember getting into a car.  The last thing he remembered was standing in the parking lot of Cugino’s with Ed.  Had Roy come back and knocked him out?  Had he fallen and hit his head?  Upon closer inspection, he realized that he was in his car; his familiar messenger bag resting on the front seat.

“Jim?” he heard a voice call out.

He quickly looked out the window and stared in disbelief into the face of his brother.

“Jim…” his brother called again, tapping sharply on the window.

Jim snapped back into focus and quickly opened the door.

“Dude…what the hell are you doing sleeping in your car?  It’s like five degrees out here.”

“Tom, it’s so good to see you!” Jim exclaimed as threw his arms around his brother.

“Uh…good to see you too.” Tom said prying himself away.  “What the hell is wrong with you? Are you delirious?”

“Where’s Marci? How’s Vanessa?” Jim couldn’t contain the excitement in his voice.

“They’re fine.  They're at mom and dad's.  Come on…let’s go inside and get your stuff. It’s freezing out here.”

“Inside?  Inside…my apartment?”

“Yes, your apartment you idiot.  Where do you think I meant?  Unless you want to go back to sitting in your car.”

Jim’s hands flew to his pocket where he found his keys and wallet.  “My keys!” he practically shouted pulling them from his pocket and holding them up like he had just found the best treasure in all the world.

“Okay…let’s go.” Tom said grabbing onto his arm.  “I think you're just a little wasted.”

“No…no I’m not wasted.” Jim said.  “I am just…I am happy to see you.”

“Well, it’s about damn time.” Tom said, with a grin. “I didn’t think you were speaking to me.”

“Yeah…look…I’m sorry--” Jim started to say, but Tom stopped him with a wave of his hand.

“It’s okay.  That’s what brothers do.  Let you know when you’re being stupid, and then drive two hours in a freaking blizzard to take you home for Christmas.”

Tom pulled the keys from Jim’s hand and hurried over to his doorstep.  “What were you doing sleeping your car anyway?”

“I, uh…” Jim stopped and looked back towards the parking lot, fully expecting to see Ed, but he was nowhere in sight. “I don’t know.  Long day I guess.”

Tom slid the key into the front door and pushed it open.  Jim was about to follow when he heard another door open.  He turned quickly to see his neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Martin step outside.

“Good evening Jim!” Mrs. Martin called cheerily.

“Hello!” Jim said, crossing the few steps  over to their doorstep.

“Evening, Jim.” Mr. Martin said. “Heading out of town for the holidays?”

“Yes sir.  I’m going back to Scranton.” he paused and smiled softly. “I’m going home.”

“Good, good. Well hope you have a wonderful time.” Mr. Martin stuck out a gloved hand in Jim’s direction.

“Thank you.” Jim said grasping it. “Merry Christmas to you both.”

“Hurry and grab some clothes.” Tom said, collapsing on Jim‘s couch with the remote in one hand as Jim walked into the apartment.  “I want to get back on the road before the snow gets too bad.”

“I‘ll be right back.” Jim said, walking into his bedroom.  As he packed he contemplated what had happened to him that night.  ‘It couldn’t have been a dream’ he thought, zipping the suitcase closed.  It had been so real. But now Tom was here, Ed was gone and everything was back to the way it should be.  Well almost everything.
--
The trip to Scranton was quick, despite the weather.  Jim and Tom talked most of the drive, something they didn’t do very often.  Jim explained more of the situation with Pam and to his surprise Tom just listened.  No judgments, no opinions, just a listening and surprisingly empathetic ear. A couple of times, Jim started to tell him about Ed and all that had happened, but he decided against it.  Maybe that was something just better left for himself. 

The first thing he did when he walked into his parents house was hug his mom.  He told her he was sorry for the past few months and that he loved her.  She smiled, hugged him again and then proceeded to make him two grilled cheese sandwiches and a huge bowl of soup.

“I’m guessing they don’t have grocery stores in Connecticut,” she said, setting a glass of milk in front of him. “You are way too skinny.”

Jim just smiled and took a huge bite out of his sandwich. 

He woke early the next morning, not remembering the last time that he had slept that well.  He showered quickly, pulled on some jeans, a t-shirt and a black hoodie and then headed downstairs to the kitchen.

“Morning.” he said, giving his mom a quick kiss on the cheek before heading towards the steaming pot of coffee waiting on the counter.

“You’re up early.” she said looking up from the morning paper.

“Yeah…I uh…I actually have something I need to do today.” Jim sat down the kitchen table across from his mom.  “Do you think it would be okay if I borrowed the car?  I probably won’t be back for a few hours.”

His mom studied his face carefully for a few moments and then nodded with a knowing smile on her face, “Drive safe.”

--

Jim glanced once more at the white scrap of paper that was clutched in his hand against the steering wheel.  He slowed the car to a stop in front of a white, two story house that looked like it was out of a picture book.  The snow from last night lay clean and bright across the front lawn like a blanket.  He checked the address on his paper once more to make sure it was the right place and then carefully climbed out of the car.  He started to walk when a voice behind him stopped him in his tracks.

“Jim?”

He took a deep breath before turning around and his heart seemed to skip a beat.

“Hi, Pam.”