Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
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“Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked.”
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Slowly, one by one, Pam began to remove the tacks that were holding up her picture. After she removed one tack, she would wait a few minutes before removing another, standing with her hands fidgeting behind her back, perusing the room.
She would have already taken down the picture if it had not been for Michael. It had meant so much to her that he had shown up and purchased her picture for the office. She had never thought that Michael would show up. It wasn’t that she had thought he wouldn’t show up. It was just that she had not given much thought to Michael at all, which now made her feel guilty. He had made her night. He had enabled her to survive, to not completely break down. He had wanted to take possession of the picture immediately, but Pam convinced him to wait until tomorrow. She wanted to keep it up for just a little while longer, just in case He showed up.
It had meant a lot that Michael came by, but the only person she truly wanted to show up was Jim. It hadn’t even mattered much that her boyfriend and former fiancé had been there -- at least had been there in the physical sense -- even though she had always wanted him to show more of an interest in her interest.
Even though she knew her art needed improvement (she knew she hadn’t got the shadows quite right), she was proud of the progress that she had made over the years. And more importantly, she was proud of herself for participating in her first art show and braving the public’s criticism, as well as lack of interest, which to some extent was even worse. She knew that she would not be here right know if it hadn’t been for Jim’s constant encouragement, and she wanted him to know that. Part of Jim was here right now in this room with her – was always with her. But she wanted more.
She particularly wanted him to see this work. She had drawn it just for him. She had drawn the office because that was what they shared – the only thing they shared right now – probably the only thing they would ever share. Of course Jim would be able to see it every day at the office. But it wouldn't be the same.
She hoped with all her heart that Jim would come, but she admitted to herself that she did not believe that he would, and she couldn’t blame him for not coming, and frankly, she would be surprised if he did. Things were weird between them now. They were hardly talking. He was with Karen now. He had better things to do than go to her little art show.
She had thought about asking him directly to go, but she wouldn’t have been able to face it if he had said no – or worse, “maybe” or “I’ll try” – or worse still, if he had said yes and then not shown up. Then she would have been utterly devastated. And she didn’t want him to show up if he truly didn’t want to. She didn’t want to guilt trip him as he had Roy. She wanted him to want to come. But those days were probably over. So instead she just put up fliers advertising the show in the office, which she knew he would see, and she hoped and waited.
She was about to remove the last tack. But she couldn’t – not yet. She would wait a few minutes more.
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Jim sat in his car, his perspiring hands gripping the steering wheel. He had been sitting in his car for 10 minutes debating whether or not to go inside to her art show. It took all he had to sit there and not run inside. If this had been a year ago, there would have been no debate; he would have been inside long ago. But this wasn't last year.
More than anything in the world, he wanted to go to Pam’s art show. He tried to convince himself than he came merely to look at the art, as he found her very talented and appreciated her art. But he couldn't fool himself, and he wouldn't have been able to fool her or anyone else. He had come not for the art, but for the artist.
This was her first art show, and he wanted to share it with her. He knew how happy she would be if he came. He could picture the smile – that beautiful smile – that would light up her face if he walked in the door. She was a work of art herself, more beautiful than any painting. He knew how much it would mean to her. Of course Pam didn’t really need him there. She had come a long way. But that didn’t mean she didn't want him there.
But it wasn’t all about her. What about him? What about his happiness? Ideally, his happiness and hers were not mutually exclusive, but they would be in this instance. He knew that if he went in, they would talk and smile and laugh for a few minutes, and he would feel on top of the world, without a care in the world. But then Pam would go home to Roy, and he would go home to Karen. He would be lying next to Karen, but he would be dreaming about Pam. He was tired of dreaming. He wanted more than dreams, and more than a few minutes at an art show or the office. Of course he would dream about Pam no matter what, but he didn’t want to make it worse. The less time he spent with Pam, the less comparison he had to make between her and Karen, and the shorter and less painful his fall back to earth.
And what about Karen? He was with Karen now. She was his girlfriend, while Pam had never been anything but his friend. He hadn’t told Karen he was coming here. He had just told her that he was going to the supermarket (He reminded himself to actually stop by the supermarket on the way home). He didn’t like lying to anyone – especially people he cared about – but he couldn’t tell her the truth. She felt very threatened by Pam – and for good reason. If he had told Karen, they would have fought about it. Not that this would have stopped him from driving here – she couldn’t have convinced him otherwise – but he didn’t want to fight. The last thing he wanted to fight with Karen about was Pam, particularly Pam and her art; he would leave that to Roy. When he thought about Pam’s art, nothing but pleasant thoughts came to mind, and he wasn’t going to let Karen ruin them. So he had already lied about where he was going, but he wouldn’t feel so guilty if he never went inside.
Once he had seen Pam’s flier, he never had any doubt that at the very least he would drive here. He could not have done any less. But he wasn’t going to do any more – not any more. Perhaps one day he would tell her about this, although he doubted it.
He started his ignition and pulled out of the parking lot as quickly as possible before he could change his mind.
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Whew, Karen thought to herself when she saw Jim drive away. About time. She was in the parking lot across the street. She waited a few moments, and then drove away herself.
When Jim had told her that he was going to the supermarket, she didn’t quite believe him. He wasn’t a very good liar. Ever since she had seen Pam’s fliers, she knew it was very likely that Jim would go. She had tried to rip them down before Jim could see them, but she didn’t have a chance. Although she hadn't liked Jim lying to her, she understood why he did and was glad he hadn’t told the truth. She didn’t want to talk about it, to fight about it. But she had to know. So a few moments after Jim had left, she got in her car and drove to the address she had remembered from the flier.
For what seemed like an eternity, she had watched Jim sit in his car. The suspense had killed her. At times, she had wished that he would just go in and get it over with. But she had taken a quantum of solace in the knowledge that Jim was torn, that he didn't go rushing in. That was something, wasn't it? But she had fully expected him to go inside eventually. And she had told herself she was fully prepared for this. It’s just an art show, and she’s just his friend. And it’s her first art show, so it’s very understandable that he would want to support her. He was such a nice guy. That was one of the many reasons why she liked him so much. So what if he spends a few minutes with her at an art show? Karen would have him for the rest of the night – and every night after that…hopefully. If he had gone inside, she wouldn't have ever mentioned it to him. And she certainly wasn't going to mention this. She was just going to move on – or try to move on.
But as she drove away, she found it very difficult to move on. While she took solace in the fact that Jim had not gone inside, he had driven there, and he had lied to her about it. Maybe it would have been better if had just gone inside. If he had to sit in his car for 10 minutes wracking his brain about it, maybe it was more than just an art show. As she drove, the smile that had formed when she had seen him drive away began to run away from her face....
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Jim and Pam were standing next to Lake Scranton, Pam's feet still seething from her coal walk.
“I just needed you to know that . I just needed you to know that even though I didn't go inside, I did come to your art show,” Jim said. “But I should have come inside. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life.”
“It's okay,” Pam said. “I understand why you didn't. It means a lot to me that you even drove there. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“I think I have some idea. And from now on, I will be at every one of your art shows – and not just in the parking lot.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
My second Office fanfic after "Groom's Speech."
johngaltstrikes is the author of 6 other stories.
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