12:00 P.M., Friday
She's been gone for an hour and a half and I still can't believe it. I can't believe she left me here without even a goodbye. She's never been this distant from me. Why wouldn't she let me in when she needed someone? Didn't she know I would always be there?
But that is where, it seemed, the problem lie. She had never before voiced a doubt about us. There seemed no need. Since day one we were entirely compatible. I believed, as cliché as it sounded, that we were made for each other. My soul purpose on this Earth was to live and breathe for her and her alone.
I wasn't loosing her. That much I knew. Life without her would be impossible. I was sure she was just having a lapse in judgement, as a response to her parents.
This was something my brain also couldn't register. Mr. and Mrs. Beesly were great together. They complimented each other well and were very affectionate towards each other. I'd never seen them argue before. I could see where Pam could have thought we could end up like that for just a small moment, but it quickly faded.
We would grow old together, have a family together, celebrate together, and slowly expire together. Nothing else made sense.
On my lunch break, I pulled out my cell and pressed speed dial 1, a picture of us hugging on the beach of Lake Scranton appearing. It made me die a little more.
She didn't answer the first time, or the second, or the fifth. I didn't leave a voicemail, what use was there? She knew why I was calling and I knew why she wasn't answering. She might even be with her parents right now if she drove fast enough.
I was going to drive to her parents after work. That decision was made about 10 seconds after she left. I wanted to give her time alone with her parents. This wasn't really my business.
But why she wouldn't let me in at all was something totally new to me. We told each other everything. This was an advantage to having your best friend become your girlfriend, fianceé, wife? No, WIFE. There is no question. Thinking so much seemed to leave holes in my head. I needed to find something else to think about, something good and whole and happy.
Well, of course my mind knew where to go.
She'd looked more beautiful than ever as I drove up to find her drenched in rain. I found myself lost in her eyes, her smile, her essence, just HER, that I didn't quite hear what she was saying about lunch.
And the next thing I knew, I was on one knee, rain soaking through my pants but I didn't mind because this time it was real and God I needed her to be mine so much.
I realized the irony as the words "I can't" stumbled out of my mouth. I raised the box and opened it for her to see.
When her senses seemed to return to her, a huge smile spread across her face and I had never seen so much joy in one expression. I asked her the question I had longed to ask for eight years, and she nodded her head and a "yes" escaped before I could pull her into my arms and kiss her with everything I was. Joy, bliss, exhuberance, there was no word to describe the way I felt. Knowing that she was mine forever, I could never come down from that feeling.
And yet here I sat, five months later wondering if we would make it to the altar at all. How awful, this feeling. The feeling of uncertainty. The feeling of numbness. The feeling of despair.
The feeling of emptiness.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Jim's POV on Pam's leaving. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
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