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Story Notes:
These chapters are each their own little independent story. So no need to wait until the fic is complete! Read and review anytime. Thanks!
Author's Chapter Notes:
These are just musings on my part - what each person in the office might say to Pam or Jim about their current situation. Phyllis goes first because, well, she's awesome and she seems like she has some deep tragedy lurking within.

These characters own me, not the other way around.

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Phyllis approached the reception desk shyly.

"Pam? I know this might be the wrong time to ask, but where did you get your veil?"

"Oh!" Pam said, a bit taken aback. These days, nobody mentioned anything remotely related to weddings to her. Or related to Jim. Or talked to her about anything outside of work because of the dark cloud hanging over her head.

"I'm sorry!" Phyllis rushed to say. "It's just I'm having a hard time finding something I like for my wedding and..."

"No! It’s okay! You just surprised me is all." Pam smiled. "I went to that place out by the highway - The Enchanted Bride - the prices weren't bad and they had a huge selection."

Phyllis smiled appreciatively. "Thanks, Pam! I just want to find something soon so I wanted to run out there on my lunch hour today." She turned to head back to her desk.

"Phyllis?" She turned back. "I know the owner. I could maybe go with you, I mean, if you don't mind."

"That would be lovely, Pam! We can have lunch too. My treat! Can you go around quarter to twelve, then?"

"Sounds good."

On the drive out to the bridal shop Phyllis hesitated, not wanting to talk about her wedding with Pam. They talked about office things. They talked about Pam’s new apartment and her art classes.

Choosing a veil was fun and after they left the shop, Pam seemed eager to know all the details about the wedding. The conversation steered easily in that direction.

"You must be so excited, Phyllis!"

"Oh, I am! Bob is such a sweet guy. I never thought I'd get married at this rate!"

"I'm beginning to feel the same way," Pam smiled ruefully.

"Pam, I don't want to pry, and we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but what happened with you and Roy?"

Pam sighed, "Well, I guess when we were engaged for so long we just sort of fell into the habit of being together. And then with the date right there in front of me I began to realize that this was my whole life with just this one person. And we just weren't that close anymore. I guess we wanted different things."

"And what happened with Jim?" she asked quietly.

Pam swallowed. "What do you mean? He left, Phyllis."

"Pam."

The way she was looking at her made Pam feel like she could see right through her. She knew Phyllis liked Jim and she wanted to talk to her. She needed to talk to somebody.

"He told me he was in love with me."

Phyllis gasped, "When?"

"Casino Night."

"What did you say?"

Pam’s voice dropped, "I told him 'I can't'."

Phyllis looked over at her quizzically. "What does that mean?"

A small sob escaped Pam’s lips. "I don't even know! And I made him cry, Phyllis, he cried.” She stopped and shook her head, remembering the tear that Jim wiped from his cheek as he walked away. "And then he found me again later and he just... he just kissed me."

"Oh my god, Pam, what did you do?"

"I walked away."

"Why?"

"Because of Roy. Because I made a promise."

"But you didn't get married. Why are you two still apart?"

"I don't deserve him," Pam said flatly.

"Honey, don't you think that's for Jim to decide?"

"He's gone and he needs to get on with his life."

Phyllis sighed, pulled the car over to the curb and parked. "Pam, can I tell you a story?"

"Sure. But I’ve made up my mind, Phyllis."

"I didn't always look this way, Pam. When I was younger I was a dancer. I was going to have a career and be on Broadway and I had all these hopes and dreams. I met a man. We were just friends but we hit it off, we had so much in common, and we fell madly in love. He asked me to marry him but I told him I wanted to wait. I moved away from him to New York to wait for my big break.”

Her voice grew shaky. “He was killed in a car accident while I was gone.”

“Oh, Phyllis, I didn’t know! I’m so sorry.”

She smiled. “It was a long time ago. I'm in my 40's now and I don't want to be alone forever. Now Bobby loves me and he is sweet and kind and I know he's the best I'll ever do. I’m sure we’ll be happy but Pam, every day I regret the fact that I missed the chance to be with the great love of my life."

She leaned over and covered Pam’s hand with her own. "I don't want to tell you what to do, Pam, but I think Jim is the great love of your life."

Pam blinked slowly. "How do you know, Phyllis?"

"You two have a connection. This kind of closeness I've only seen a few times in my life. And Pam, the way he used to look at you? God, most women would give anything to have a man look at them like that. Like the sun rises and sets on you. Pam, people write songs about that kind of love - songs and novels and movies…” She shook her head. “Do you love him?"

"Phyllis, that's not even an option anymore."

"You didn't answer my question, Pam. Do you love him?"

She looked in her lap, tears dripping down her cheeks as she nodded slowly and whispered, "God, yes."

"Then what are you still doing here?"

"I don't deserve him. I ruined everything."

"I bet he thinks you deserve him. I bet if you told him how you feel he'd never even remember that you walked away that night."

Pam nodded and stared out the windshield. Phyllis sighed and grabbed her purse. “I have to run an errand. I’ll be right back, Pam.”

Pam suddenly noticed they were parked in front of the dry cleaner’s. She watched Phyllis cross in front of the car, everything she had said buzzing in her head.

Do you love him?

I think Jim is the great love of your life.

I'd give anything to have a man look at me like that.

People write songs about that kind of love.

As if in a dream, Pam pulled out her phone. "Yes, hello. Is Jim Halpert in the office today? Yes? In a meeting until 5? Okay, thank you. No message, thanks, I'll try him back later."

Phyllis had barely opened the car door when Pam blurted out, "I'm really sorry but I’m not all that hungry anymore. Would you mind if we just skipped lunch and went straight back to the office?"

"No, that’s okay, Pam. I don’t mind."

They drove the few miles in silence. As they pulled into the parking lot Pam asked, “Phyllis, can you just drop me over there by my car?”

Phyllis nodded.

As she was getting out of the car, Pam turned. "Could you tell Michael I wasn't feeling well and went home for the rest of the day?"

"Absolutely.”

“Thanks, Phyllis. I really appreciate it.”

She was about to close the car door when Phyllis called out, "Pam?”

Pam turned, “Yeah?”

Phyllis was grinning like a fool as she said, “Pam, when you see Jim can you tell him I sent my love?"

"I will!" Pam smiled and for the first time in months, it reached her eyes.

 

 

 


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