OPEN with everyone working at their desks. It’s almost too quiet and sane, which of course means that Michael is up to something. Sure enough, he emerges from his office with a large sign reading ‘DUNDER MIFFLIN SCRANTON REIGONAL MANAGER MICHAEL SCOTT’ in ungodly large, thick letters. He tapes it to his door and steps back, inspecting it before heading back in.  A few of the letters, especially at the end, are pressed together.

JIM TALKING HEAD

Michael found a new toy in this year’s office supply catalog. A magnum-sized Sharpie. The tip is like an inch thick. He hasn’t put it down. At all.

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

Yep, I ordered a magnum Sharpie from the supply catalog. I want to be able to make a point. I can now make points an inch long. No one can ignore that.  And plus it’s a magnum size. When else am I going to be able to order something magnum sized? What else even comes in magnum sizes? Condoms? (beat.) No, I don’t quite need a magnum sized condom. Yet.

PAM walks into Michael’s office with some papers in her hands.

PAM

I need you to sign this.

MICHAEL

Sure thing, Pammy-doo.

HE uncaps the Sharpie and signs on the line. PAM bites her lip and smiles. The signature is more like an over-inked blob.

PAM TALKING HEAD

I think I need to look over Michael’s orders from now on. I don’t want to hinder his creativity in any way, but I think it’s more of a general safety issue.

MICHAEL is in the kitchen with the marker. He fills a dark coffee cup then uncaps the marker and draws on the lid of the mug. ANDY walks in behind him and MICHAEL quickly turns and hands him the mug.

MICHAEL

Here you go. Fresh for Mr Bernard.

ANDY seems grateful and surprised by the gesture.

ANDY (false British accent at the end)

Why thank you, Mr Scott.

HE takes a sip as MICHAEL stifles a laugh. HE grimaces as he pulls the cup away, two black Joker-eque lines running from the corners of his mouth. MICHAEL bursts out laughing.

ANDY TALKING HEAD (With the lines on his face)

Do I look like I’m smiling? That was NOT COOL.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD

Do I think Michael’s marker is a safety issue? I think it is an effective way to spread news around the office and Michael seems to be enjoying himself. However those maker fumes are potent and extremely flammable. Fire and this office do not get along.

JIM walks into Michael’s OFFICE. The lights are off and MICHAEL is laying on his desk.

JIM

You okay?

MICHAEL

Can you give me a minute please, Jim? I have a massive headache.

JIM (wrinkling his nose, the fumes are bad in here.)

Probably from that marker, huh?

MICHAEL

No, not from the marker. Just… I don’t know. It had some warning on the label.

JIM

You didn’t read the label?

MICHAEL

I drew all over the label.

MICHAEL TALKING HEADH (still on his desk, whispering)

There was something about using the marker in a well-ventilated area on the label. There’s a warning like that on everything. I guess this time they meant it. (beat.)

Are the ceiling tiles supposed to be spinning?

THEME