“No, tell me what happened. I’m a good listener,” Andy chirped.
“Well,” she went on, relieved that Andy was predictable.
“There was this guy...named…Joe. He was my best friend. I’d never connected, never gotten along with anyone so well in my life. Not even my fiancé, at the time. Especially not my fiancé. But I never imagined us as anything more than friends. Until one day, he told me he loved me.”
“Oh my god!” Andy interrupted dramatically.
“Yeah,” Pam continued. “I freaked out. I’d been with Roy (my fiancé), ever since high school, and never considered the fact that I might want…I don’t know…something different. Something more. So I told Ji—Joe—that I couldn’t call off my wedding. I was scared out of my mind. No one had ever looked at me the way he was looking at me that night.”
“Wow,” Andy breathed.
“When I came back to work the next day, he wasn’t there, and on Monday, I found out he’d left for another job. I cried for a week straight, and after that everything started to make sense. I called off my wedding, and took some time off work. I went to stay with my parents, and then I moved into my own place. The more time I spent alone, the more I learned about myself. And I realized how static my life had been for so long…I mean, it had been years since I’d sat down and thought about what I wanted. It was so different.”
Andy said nothing, but continued to smile sympathetically and nod at her words. Pam allowed herself to briefly glance over at Jim, who was hunched over his desk, elbows resting, with his face nestled in his hands, eyes covered. She desperately wanted to see his face, to talk to him, now that she’d crossed the threshold into the shaky territory. She wasn’t finished yet, though, so she turned back to Andy.
“I wanted to call him, but I was just so scared. I figured he probably hated me, for lying to his face after we’d been so close,” Pam admitted. Then, more quietly, “I think maybe part of him still does.”
Andy and Pam both looked over at Jim at the sound of a muffled noise that sounded like a cross between a choke and a sob.
“Tuna, what’s up, man?” Andy asked.
Jim knew he had to come up with something, quickly. As soon as he’d unintentionally released that cry of crushing desperation out loud, he’d realized they’d heard him.
“It’s...nothing…” he said hoarsely, trying to regain his composure. Pam silently begged him not to stop talking, to say something…anything else. Jim unknowingly obeyed her silent wish. He picked up his head, but didn’t dare turn to face her. Instead, he started straight ahead at the opposite wall across the room and spoke.
“It’s just…that really sucks for Joe. I mean, he’s sitting at his new job, surely unable to get over someone like Pam, and he has no idea that she’s changed her mind. He’s sitting at his new desk, in a strange new place, spending every minute trying to force himself to think of anything but her. I mean, if that guy knew…” Jim sighed shakily, wondering if he should just leave before he lost it. He took another deep breath.
“If that guy knew, he would have been back here in a second.”
Jim considered leaving it at that, wanting to know more of what Pam had to say, if there was more, but he decided to keep talking. If there was any hope to be had, he would be crazy not to milk it.
Pam was frozen. Frozen in regret, terror. He was with Karen now. He and Karen, though they had a few rough patches, were great together. She was too late. She was about to make an excuse and run for it when Jim interrupted her thoughts.
“The guy’s probably even tried to date other people, but it only makes the process more difficult. Nothing is ever good enough; nothing is ever close enough to what he truly wants to make him happy. So he can never be happy.”
Pam’s eyes had filled with tears. She stared bullets into the back of his head. Please look at me. At one time, a time that seemed impossibly far from now, she and Jim had shared an unspeakably genuine connection—one that was innate, unpracticed, and simple. She would give anything for its power, its ability to unite them, at this moment.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
