It was a usual Saturday night for me. I met up with Mark & Rob for a few drinks at the Sweet Spot. Mark’s sister, Katie, and a few of her friends were joining us. They were all in their early 20s & too young for me, but they were still nice to look at. I was running late as usual. We were all supposed to meet at 10, but I didn’t leave my house until 10:30. By the time I got there, it was almost 11. I walked past the doorman, feeling old when he didn’t ask me for my driver’s license. I spotted Mark as soon as I walked in & decided to get a beer before joining the group. On my way up to the bar, I saw Pam. Her back was to me, but I could still tell it was her. Her hair was straight except for a tiny part on the right side. It was so tiny that you wouldn’t notice it unless you were looking for it. I remember her spending hours in the bathroom trying to get that little part hair to straighten out. I was pretty sure she didn’t see me. I didn’t want her too. I didn’t look like myself. I’d gotten a terrible haircut 3 days earlier, and I’d recently developed a daily workout routine so I wasn’t as scrawny as I was the last time we saw each other. I was also wearing a shirt she bought for me our last Christmas together. I knew I was bound to run into her sometime, but I didn’t want to be wearing something she gave me when our paths crossed again. I got my beer & moved quickly towards the group, almost sprinting. I acted like she wasn’t there. If she wasn’t there, then I didn’t have to say “hello” or anything. I still couldn’t help looking in her general direction every 5 minutes or so. She was so beautiful. She was wearing the red dress she wore our second new year’s eve together. I always loved how she looked in that dress. I was praying she wasn’t with someone. There’s nothing worse than seeing your ex-fiancé, whom you’ll always be even a little bit in love with, with another man. After a half hour of glancing in her direction, Mark pulled me aside.

     “Dude. Just go over there and say ‘hi’,” he told me. I nodded my head and moved at a snail’s pace in Pam’s direction. She looked right at me for a split second then turned to get the bartender’s attention. She definitely saw me. I had no choice but to go over there.

     “Pam Beesely,” I said to her, smiling like an idiot.

     “Jim Halpert. How are you?” she responded. I gave her one of those weird one-armed hugs, which she surprisingly returned.

     “I’m doing pretty okay. How are you?”

     “Um. Fine.” She could barely look at me.

     “So what brings you out tonight?”

     “It’s Jessie’s birthday. You remember my friend, Jessie, right?”

     “Oh yeah. Sure. Tell her ‘happy birthday’ for me. I’m just here with Mark and some other friends.”

     “Oh. That’s nice. I heard you got Michael’s job. Congratulations.”

     “Yeah. Thanks. I was surprised I didn’t see you at his retirement party.”

     “I was out of town that weekend. For a wedding. I really wanted to go though.” She was lying. I could always tell when she was lying.

     “Well Michael sure missed you.” She laughed. I missed her laugh, “I better get back. It was good seeing you, Pam.”

     “You, too.” She leaned in for another hug and I kissed her cheek as we separated. Her skin was so soft. Mark had filled the rest of the group in on Pam while I was gone.

     “So that’s Pam?” Katie asked. “She’s beautiful.”

     “Yeah,” was all I could say.

     “Put your arm around my waist.”

     “What?”

     “You’re seeing the woman you were supposed to marry for the first time since you broke up. You want her to think you’re okay, don’t you? So just put your arm around my waist, Jim.” I obliged. Katie was right. It was almost 2 years to the date since Pam left me. I wasn’t okay. I was completely lost and miserable without her. I wanted to go beg her to come home and give me another chance. Having her in my arms again was the only thing that would erase the image of her car driving away. I couldn’t stay anymore. It hurt to be where she was.

     “I’m gonna take off,” I leaned over & whispered into Katie’s ear.

     “Ok. Mind giving me a ride home? I wanna be there when my boyfriend gets home from work.”

     “Sure. No problem. It’s on my way anyways.” I said good bye to everyone and made my way for the door. Katie held my hand on the way out the door. I knew Pam was looking. My eyes met hers on the way out the door, begging her to stop me from leaving with, to her knowledge, another woman. But she didn’t. She just turned back to her group like she never saw me. I dropped Katie off at her apartment and thanked her for helping me out.

     “You’re gonna be okay, Jim,” she told me. Her tone was so sincere, I almost believed her. I pulled my car into the driveway & walked into my empty house. I didn’t waste anytime getting ready for bed. I crawled in on the right side of my queen sized mattress. The last thing I thought of before I fell asleep was how pathetic I was. It’d been 2 years & I still couldn’t sleep on her side of the bed.