Today seemed to Pam to be all about time. It was 09.15 when she decided she had almost given up on the insufferable day. It was 09.35 when she had clicked the send button my mistake, quickly turning her feelings of boredom into panic and fear. It was 11.00am when Jim walked through the door and she felt that pain deep in her stomach that she couldn’t shift lately. And now it was 14.30. Pam had checked her computer clock 42 times. She had also managed to write the words DONT PANIC on her notebook 36 times, sometimes accompanied by the appropriate doodle. She had managed to feel panic,regret,fear and nauseous every second so far, expect for the five minutes in which Michael came out to ask her to order ‘Stand up to your woman: The complete idiots guide to becoming a more assertive male’ for him from Amazon. This made her feel, well, it just made her feel a little better, actually. For a brief minute.
Jim’s desk was still empty. Karen’s desk was still empty. And Pam’s throat still seemed to tighten anytime the door swung open. She idly clicked her pen in thought. Where were they? Even Michael had noticed when ‘Jimbo’ wasn’t around at lunch time. This was not like him. It was none of her business, she knew that. The clicking became more furious. It used to be her business, she thought. It used to be Jim and Pam and now it was... well Jim and Karen with Pam just as an observer. Watching from the outside. She wondered if Roy had ever felt like that when she Jim was goofing about. She doubted it.
The sound of Michael’s hand riffling through the jellybean jar pulled Pam out of her thoughts. “Pam will you grab some coffee, decaf, no screw it, full caff! She’s not the boss of me.”
Pam rolled her eyes, thinking back to their earlier conversation. “Err Michael, remember...” She stopped. Here was Michael giving her a perfectly logical reason to spy on Jim and Karen. All she had to do was go grab the coffee and if he was there well.... Well she could worry about that if was there.
“and you can check on Jimbo whilst you’re at it. Tell him he needs to haul his slacker ass back here! No excuses! Bosses order now Pamela.”
Pamela simply nodded and gathered her things quickly, trepidation rising in her stomach.
It had taken twenty minutes of compiling everyone’s order before Pam had finally reached the coffee house. She didn’t know what to expect. She had told herself firmly not to think about him, she was just getting coffee, but she saw him as soon as she walked through the door.
He was sitting alone, nursing an empty coffee cup. His figure was hunched and he was staring into the distance. His eyes were vacant and unreadable. She wondered if his eyes had become harder to read or if she just didn’t know how to anymore. Either way it didn’t look like he wanted to have company. She’d just grab the coffees and go. This could wait until....well she could think about that when she got back to the office.
Suddenly his voice interrupted her thoughts. “Pam?”
One word. That was all it took. Three hours later they were still here. Another two coffees with cinnamon sprinkles in front of them. Thoughts of the office were long gone. They had talked about coffee, they had talked about Stamford, they had talked about pranking Andy and they had planned several more pranks for Dwight.
They hadn’t talked about Karen.
It seemed perfect.
“So,” asked Jim, his hands fiddling his coffee cup, “what’s it like being Miss independent?”
She shrugged.
There was silence. She wanted to tell him she just wanted him. She wanted to tell him how it wasn’t about being alone it was just about being away from Roy. She wanted to tell him it pretty much sucked.
“What’s it like dating Karen?”
He looked at her in silence. He wanted to tell her he wasn’t anymore. He wanted to tell her it wasn’t about being with Karen it was about being with someone other than her. He wanted to tell her it pretty much sucked.
The seconds mounted before Pam realised. This was what Jenna was talking about. The silence. She knew that this time it was hers to stop it but she couldn’t. Today had been perfect and she couldn’t risk ruining it again. She never thought they’d get back here. Laughing. Joking. But they had. She knew she was blowing it again. She knew she would regret it. But she also knew that today was perfect, just as a moment. It would always exist. She needed that moment to stay as it was. She needed just something to be perfect.
Jim bit his bottom lip. Waiting. Waiting for her to interrupt the silence. Waiting for her to bring things crashing down. He couldn’t wait. Not this time.
“I think, uh I think our coffees gonna get cold.”
Pam laughed, “yeah can’t have that, I mean we’ve only had like five already so...”
They stayed. They had more coffee. They laughed.
She thought it was almost perfect.
He thought it was almost perfect.
Except for the fact that when they parted, they were back to sitting by themselves. Just as lonely as ever.
As she went to sleep that night Pam had forgotten all about Michael’s coffee.
Not to mention the email that was sitting in Jim’s inbox, still waiting to be read.
Author's Chapter Notes:
In this chapter we get an actual conversation between Jim and Pam. OMG! :)
Just to say it is so exciting to see people still reading this. Seriously, I am so so enjoying writing this and I hope that you are still enjoying reading it. Any comments you have would be so so appreciated, good or bad!! Anyone who clicks the review button will be sent a pre-release copy of S6 DVD! OK that's not techincally true, but you will get my eternal gratitude, and which is better? Really?!
Disclaimer as usual people!
Usual disclaimer applies.
Just to say it is so exciting to see people still reading this. Seriously, I am so so enjoying writing this and I hope that you are still enjoying reading it. Any comments you have would be so so appreciated, good or bad!! Anyone who clicks the review button will be sent a pre-release copy of S6 DVD! OK that's not techincally true, but you will get my eternal gratitude, and which is better? Really?!
Disclaimer as usual people!
Usual disclaimer applies.
Chapter End Notes:
I know, I know, how long can an email go without being read? I know the pace seems slow, but remember it is all the same day so far. I think one more or chapter and then done. I'm not sure how far I can go with this, without a detailed understanding of how to hack into an email account and delete an email! Also if anyone knows how to add italics to this can you let me know! I tried Ctrl and i button!
