Pam stared at the blank canvas that loomed in front of her. She picked up her paintbrush gingerly, only to put it down a second later. Pam had been going through this routine since early this morning. Coffee in one hand and bagel in the other, she had stared desperately trying to find the right thing to paint.
So far she had not managed a single stroke.
Today should be a good day. It was Saturday. Jim had called in sick yesterday so her secret email was still a secret. Karen had turned up to work. She spent three hours glaring at Pam, waiting for Michael to come back from a meeting at Chillis. She spent five minutes explaining her reasons to Michael and calmly stepping out of his office when the wailing started. And thirty seconds to pack her things and walk out the door.
And that, it seemed, was the end of Karen.
Questions had raced in Pam’s mind, long after Karen’s departure. She had worked out that Jim and Karen had broken up before she met him at the coffee house. But why hadn’t he told her? She had asked him outright and he had responded with silence. Then she thought back to the email. Did she even want it to be a secret anymore? Part of her just wanted the truth. For everything to be out in the open.
As she washed her brush under the tiny sink in her bedroom, Pam winced as memories of the night he had told her flooded back. The night everything was out in the open.
Roy had gone out with the warehouse workers so Jim had taken her for a Pizza. The pizza wasn’t that great but they had laughed for hours. She remembered the time they spent in the parking lot afterwards. Both not really knowing what to do next. Both wanting to carry on talking. Her eyes were shining when she turned the key in the lock that night and she had ran straight to the canvas she kept in the corner of the living room.
Her brush had painted bold, bright brushstrokes. A mixture of colours splashed across the canvas. It was like nothing she had ever painted before. She thought it looked a lot like happiness.
She was going to show him. She wanted him to see it, to see something. She wanted him to see what it meant, she wanted him to see what he meant. But then he had told her, no hints, no clues, he had told her outright that he loved her. She had said no. He had kissed her. She had said no again. He left.
When she had arrived home that night, she had gone straight to her canvas. Picked up a brush and painted the whole canvas red. Desperate to erase the bold brush strokes of the previous evening. Desperate to erase what it meant.
So she was here again. This time she couldn’t help but think that the white, blank canvas resembled her and Jim. They had fought to get things back to how they were, but looking back to yesterday, things were far from perfect. They were stuck in neutral, both scared to take a risk. To do something bold. Was it her turn?
As she moved towards the kitchen, thought back to Jenna’s words Was it her turn to do something? She noticed her laptop open on the kitchen counter and quickly searched for youtube. Her stomach lurched as she typed in ‘Jim tells Michael why he left Scranton.’ Was she really doing this? 455 links appeared on the screen and she quickly clicked on the first one.
She could see the pain in his face almost immediately. She could hear the hurt in his voice when he told Michael he knew about the cancelled wedding. She could tell he wanted to add ‘and she still didn’t call.’
Seeing the pain etched in his eyes made it real. Pam slowly shut the laptop and walked out of the kitchen, a small smile on her lips.
She knew what she had to do.
Author's Chapter Notes:
So one more chapter and this is definitely done! Please let me know your thoughts on this!
Usual disclaimer applies.
Usual disclaimer applies.
Chapter End Notes:
So.. good? bad? so awful you stopped reading after the first line? Click the review button, you know it makes sense!
