Pam gradually calmed down on the way to work. Roy drove in silence and she didn't feel like starting any conversation. She watched the road as they passed the familiar streets of Scranton and she tried to figure out if her subconsciousness was trying to tell her something by projecting her a weird dream like last night.

To dump Roy, for example.

She wondered how much was just a figment of her imagination. She couldn't really be sure it was only breaking up with Roy. It had been as vivid as real life, but... To be honest, everything since the Casino Night was a little surreal. Jim telling her he loved her started a time for her that seemed like a trap she didn't know how to get out of.

Isn't it what dreams sometimes feel like?

It was a little too mind boggling for poor Pam.

Thankfully, the ride went by surprisingly quickly, as Roy had to drive rather fast this morning (in her shaken state of mind it took Pam twice as long as usual to get ready for work and they were already late), so she didn't have too much time to ponder.

For some reason, she couldn't force herself to give Roy the traditional kiss on the cheek in the parking lot before they parted ways. He didn't even notice.

Oh yes, her subconsciousness was definitely telling her to dump Roy.

She hesitated a little before pushing the door to the building open.

But when she entered the office, it was obvious that everything was the same as yesterday. Everyone was already at work and barely acknowledged her entering. Only Dwight glanced at her disapprovingly.

No one was sitting at Jim's desk, but she recognized Ryan's jacket on the chair. Ryan himself was not in sight, but she figured he was probably in Michael's office, to get his daily instructions. Michael was very particular about that, especially now that Ryan was about to become a regular employee at Dunder Mifflin.

The first thing she noticed when she sat down at her desk definitely didn't make her feel any better.

The picture Jim had drawn of her on the company stationary and signed simply “From Jim”, was gone. Now, it wasn't exactly a very beautiful drawing and Jim was far from a skilled artist, but she loved it. Jim once suggested they should do an exchange of portraits and while she drew a detailed sketch of him that everyone praised, he resorted to primary school cuteness. And he succeeded, as always. It was cute.

And now the cleaning people must have taken it down. The stupidity of this action was unbelievable. Not that she would put it past them (cleaning out giant artificial cobewebs the day before Halloween? Really?), but their incompetence was unheard of. 'Jim' could be her son and this picture could have been a treasured Mother's Day gift! She could sue, if only in an Ally McBeal universe.

She rolled her eyes as she spinned around in her chair to look for a few faxes she knew she was supposed to do. She found them stacked neatly right next to the phone. The stack looked a bit thinner that yesterday, though .She went quickly through the papers and noticed that some of them weren't here, mostly some sales contracts and a letter Michael wanted her to send to the production company handling the making of the documentary. He wanted to thank them for last year and ask whether they would be coming back in the fall. Well, someone must have done these faxes for her when she left earlier yesterday.

She didn't have a chance to dwell on that too long, because when she looked up she noticed Kelly walking in her direction. Kelly propped herself up against the reception desk and lowered her head before she whispered conspirationally:

“Pam, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Are you inviting Ryan to the wedding?”

“Um, didn't he get his invitation already?” Pam sighed. It's quite unpleasant to deal with a wedding you thought was already cancelled. That should be cancelled, a rebelling voice inside her said.

“I don't know. But did you send one?” Kelly insisted.

“Of course I did. Why wouldn't I invite Ryan?”

“Well, he's just a temp and he hasn't been working here as long as the rest of us,” Kelly reasoned. “But I'm so glad you're inviting him! It's just that he's so reserved and he doesn't socialize too much with us, he has this lone rider vibe going on, don't you think? Maybe's he'll be more approachable at a wedding. Maybe he'll see me in a different light... He's so hot, Pam. I have no idea how you can sit here all day right in front of him and concentrate on any kind of work! I would trade seats with you if only I could! It's all about location, location, location!” Kelly shook her head in desperation.

“Kelly, you don't think I...?” Pam trailed off, a hint of disbelief in her voice.

“What? No! I'm sorry, Pam, I didn't want to offend you, I know you wouldn't, you're engaged! But I wouldn't blame you, since Ryan is so dreamy. I'd give a lot to go out with him, Pam, a lot, and I'm not exaggerating.”

“Kelly, aren't you and Ryan dating already?” Pam was exasperated by now.

“Don't be a tease, Pam,” Kelly giggled. “I mean, we ate lunch together in the break room last week, but that was totally innocent, Pam, and he barely even said anything.”

How shocking, Pam thought grimly.

“So, do you think you could maybe arrange the seating at the wedding, so that Ryan and I...” Kelly winked at Pam meaningfully.

“Um, sure,” Pam agreed slowly.

“Pam, you are the best!” Kelly squealed. I would never have the courage to ask him out myself,” she confessed before she went back to her desk, sneaking a glance towards Michael's office, which only confirmed Pam's assumption that it was where Ryan currently was.

I need coffee, Pam decided. Before I try to make any sense out of it, I need a cup of very, very strong coffee.

She headed to the break room, where Phyllis was making tea and she exchanged a weak smile with her. But when she opened the cupboard where they kept all their mugs and cups, she made another discovery she wasn't exactly thrilled with.

“Phyllis, where's my teapot?”

“Your teapot?” Phyllis repeated.

“My green teapot,” Pam added, rather unnecessarily, because it was the only teapot she had ever had in the office. “I can't find it,” she complained as she started opening other cupboards and drawers. “I hope Dwight isn't curing a sinus infection with it, or he'll pay dearly.”

“I don't know, Pam, I never noticed that you had a teapot at work,” Phyllis looked a little woried, as she always did when something seemed to go wrong.

“But it always stood right next to your coffee mug in the cupboard, Phyllis. And I've been using it almost everyday,” Pam reminded her.

“I'm sorry, I don't remember,” came the answer in a confused voice.

“I got it last Christmas in the office secret Santa,” Pam tried once more to refresh her friend's memory.

“Didn't you swap your gift for the iPod?”

“I did, but then I exchanged it back for the teapot Jim got me,” Pam explained.

“Was Jim the temp we had before Ryan? No, wait, his name was John, but, well, that's close enough. Did you get a teapot from John?”

Pam took in a shaky breath.

“No, Phyllis, I meant Jim, not John, Jim Halpert. Don't tell me you forgot Jim after he's been gone for just a week! And we never had a temp named John, anyway.”

But Phyllis just gave her a blank stare.

“Jim Halpert,” Pam repeated quietly, trying her best to stay calm while all she wanted to do was sit on the floor and cry.

“Is he someone from the corporate maybe?” Phyllis suggested meekly.

“He's... Yeah, maybe he is,” Pam blinked furiously to fight the tears that threatened to flow any second now. “I'm sorry, Phyllis, I need to... check something...”

She tried not to run from the breakroom to her desk, she knew Phyllis was still watching her and she didn't really want people to start thinking she was crazy. Especially since she apparently was. Her purse was sitting on her desk and she grabbed it hastily. Her hand dived nervously inside to search for something...

And there it was: the iPod Michael got for Ryan, and everyone wanted. Not the cheaper player she eventually ended up getting from Roy. So, whatever she got last year for Christmas, it wasn't important enough to trade it back when she had the iPod. She didn't get the teapot. She didn't get a gift from Jim, because Jim...

But she had to shrug this thought off just yet. She still had to check... check everything she could.

She turned to her computer and clicked on the instant messenger they used at work. Jim's screen name was gone.

She checked her mail. His email address was gone from her list and she skimmed her emails in vain for at least one skimpy forwarded message from him. But there were none.

With trembling hands, she opened the bottom drawer. The one medal from the office olympics she kept, made out of a youghurt lid and paper clips was nowhere to be found.

The implications hit her with an uncanny certainty.

Everything in any way connected to Jim was gone. Everything he drew, wrote, bought – vanished. Everything he had some impact on – never happened. Kelly and Ryan never dated because Kelly never asked Jim to play matchmaker. And – she couldn't believe she didn't notice this before - there were m&m's in the bowl instead of his favorite jellybeans. Phyllis had worked here long years – and yet she didn't know Jim.

She felt a wave of strange coldness wash over her.

No, no, no, she thought. Breaking up was not a dream. This is a dream. I want to wake up, God, please let me wake up.

“Pam, are you alright? You look terribly pale,” Phyllis's concerned voice came as if from another world.

“I'm... I'm fine, just, uh, I just need a second,” Pam replied quietly. She knew Phyllis's eyes were on her as she stood up and made for the exit. By now Dwight was probably staring at her too.

She blindly pushed the door that led to the stairwell and didn't stop until she met a wall. Her palms and forehead came in contact with the cold surface.

To realize she had only imagined three years of a wonderful friendship... That she dreamt Jim himself! It was too much.

A tear trickled down her cheek and she rubbed her eyes angrily.

She could already see white windowless rooms and strait-jackets in her future.

Maybe it's not so bad, she comforted herself. Maybe Dwight and Angela teamed up for the ultimate punishment to make her suffer for all her pranks and hussiness. Maybe they dragged everyone else in this, including Roy, who always seemed to have a weird thing for Angela, after all. Maybe they even paid everyone to do this. Hell, that's what Jim did once.

Or maybe it was Michael's very twisted and cruel way of cheering her up after what happened the day before.

“So, do you like it?” she heard a voice from behind and turned around. She hadn't heard anyone coming out of the office.

It was Creed.

“Do I like what?” she sniffled.

“The new arrangements,” he clarified. “Do you like them?”

“What... what new arrangements?” Pam gave him an inquiring look and could not help but notice that her heart skipped a beat.

The corner of his mouth turned up in a smile.

“You wished things were different. And they are, aren't they?”