*
*
Pam marveled at the rings on her finger as glimmers of sunlight reflected on them. The happiness she felt came with a capacity for her to feel deeply, enjoy simply, and think freely. She watched Jim grab hold of her hand and brush his lips against each of her knuckles. She couldn’t stop smiling and neither could he. Jim felt weightless, and if he let go from the steering wheel he would float in a blissful haze. Imagine how would you feel if you lost everything and gotten it all back?
“You hungry?” Jim asked.
“I am,” she replied. “Let me guess? We’re going to eat where we had our first date?”
“You catch on pretty quickly.”
“And where would that be?”
“Cugino’s.”
“How did that date go?”
“Aside from the fact that—” Jim was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He fished for it in his pocket, frowning at the caller id. “Hey mom….Yeah… About forty-five minutes away, why?....Okay, Since when?” Jim frowned and Pam looked at him curiously. “Okay…um… I don’t know….” Jim scratched the back of his neck, glancing tentatively at Pam. Pam was becoming alarmed, mouthing ‘What is it’, but Jim wouldn’t answer. “Yeah… I’ll…Do you still have the humidifier?.…. Okay.” Pam felt her body shifting back as Jim rammed the gas pedal. “Yep…bye.”
“What’s wrong?” Pam asked worried.
Jim pressed his lips together clutching firmly to the steering wheel. “Ellie… she’s wheezing and coughing.”
“What happened?” Pam was alarmed. Her heart began beating faster; the overwhelming bliss she’d felt was quickly replaced by pure, unadulterated fear.
“I don’t know. My mom said she was fine one minute and wheezing the next.”
“Has this happened before?” Pam knew she should’ve nursed the uneasy feeling she felt about leaving them. Can this car go any faster?
“She had a similar episode a few years back…” Jim averted his eyes from the road, gazing at Pam. “It was a likely allergic reaction. Everything turned out okay.” Jim reached for her hand, interlacing his fingers with hers. “My mom is giving her antihistamines.”
Jim was trying to be calm, but inside his innards was throwing up a storm. He remembered the previous episode very well. Pam was pregnant with Ben and Ellie couldn’t be more than two. He had gotten the terrifying phone call about his daughter not breathing in a middle of a supplier’s meeting. All Jim remembered after the call was driving at insane speeds to the hospital. Ellie had been fine; the doctor said it was a onetime reaction, which is expected for children building their immune systems. But, her case was deemed serious nonetheless. So, Jim worried.
Pam watched Jim play this nonchalant character as he sped, knitting through the traffic in the interstate. He drummed impatiently on the steering wheel whenever someone ahead drove at the speed limit. Who was he trying to kid? Pam knew that last episode couldn’t have been just an episode. And the notion that Jim was trying to play it off like it was nothing was insulting. Pam weighted his silence heavily before it was shattered with the abrupt ringing of Jim’s cell phone.
“Hey mom….” Jim held the phone closer, but Pam was all ears. “Yep… ’bout twenty minutes away… Okay…” Jim looked at Pam, biting his bottom lip before replying. “If dad gets home before we do, take her.” Pam looked at Jim alarmed. “I’ll…. Bye.” Jim tuned to Pam who was in the brink of hyperventilating. His eyes revealed the answer before he phrased it. “She’s getting worse.” It was all he said before his concentration returned to the road, though his hand never left hers.
When Jim and Pam finally reached his parent’s house, Pam almost jumped out of the car before it came to a complete stop. They both rushed into the house, finding Jim's mom massaging Ellie’s chest while she uneasily gasped for air. Jim gently scooped her limp body in his arms, kissing her flushed skin.
“Hey El?” Jim said, stroking her small face. Ellie’s eyes fluttered open, but she didn’t respond. Her breathing was very strenuous.
Pam took Ellie’s small hand in hers, running her thumb over her tiny knuckles. “Hey sweetie.”
“Let’s go?” Jim said, walking with Ellie outside.
Pam picked up Ben, who had been watching the scene; his eyes were the size of saucers. “Mommy’ll be back, ’kay?” She said kissing his cheek.
“Ellie boo-boo mommy?”
“Yes buddy… Ellie has a boo-boo.”
“Keep me updated,” Jim's mom said, taking Ben from Pam’s arms.
“We will.”
Pam rushed outside where Jim maneuvered to open the car’s door while protectively holding Ellie. Pam could hear the high-pitched sound of her breathing as she inched closer. What if Ellie stops breathing? What if things aren’t okay this time? Suddenly Pam was the one suffocating by the allergens of her mind.
“Pam?” Jim lifted her from her trance. “Sit in the back with her.”
After Pam situated herself on the backseat, Jim slowly lowered Ellie on her lap. He buckled both in before running around to the driver’s side. Ellie sat against Pam’s chest, taking very long heaves, as if breathing through a straw. She was suffocating. Pam rested a hand on her small chest feeling it rise and fall erratically. Pam closed her eyes, tears burning against her eyelids.
“Stay with me sweetie.” Pam said, pulling Ellie close to her body, talking to the child’s ear. “It’s gonna be okay. Breath baby, breath.” Ellie’s tiny hand pressed down on Pam’s shirt. “It’ll pass, just… breath.” A stream of sound was released from Ellie’s throat like the air being released from a balloon. “There you go.” Pam rested her cheek against Ellie’s flushed face, feeling the warmth of her skin. “Good girl.”
Jim had one eye on the road, the other on the rearview mirror watching mother and daughter breathing together. Just a bit longer , he thought. Please God, please. When the blue hospital sign came into view, Jim let out a breath his didn’t know he was holding. He parked the car in the emergency lane and quickly made his way around to open the back door. He gently lifted Ellie from Pam’s lap and headed into the ER.
Inside, the doctors were quick to assist them. But removing Ellie from her dad’s protective arms proved to be ineffective; she just got agitated and heaved even more. So, the entire time, Ellie clutched to Jim’s neck as the doctors ministered medications to open her airway and to stop the inflammation on her bronchioles. Ellie cried with every needle prick and fussed with the breathing apparatus placed over her mouth and nose.
Jim looked up at Pam, who closed her eyes, wincing, crushed, every time Ellie’s pleading cry pierced the air in the room. She felt helpless, looking down at her daughter squirming and heaving in agony. There was nothing she could do, except wait. Jim extended his hand, pulling her to sit next to him. Pam opened her eyes, moistened with tears. Jim took her hand and placed on Ellie’s back and placed his on top of hers.
“Ellie… listen to me sweetie,” Jim began. Ellie’s whimpers were muffled by the nebulizer’s mask. “It’s okay, we’re here.” Ellie looked up at him, her long lashes soaked with tears. Jim swallowed dry.
“I think…” Pam began, her voice thick with tears, “I think you should hum.”
Jim was perplexed by the suggestion, but began to hum. Pam rested her head on his shoulder, listening to the deep timbre of his voice resonate trough his chest. The soothing vibrations began to calm Ellie, who began to intake air slowly and rhythmically. Before long she was asleep in his arms, her ribcage pressing against his chest.
“She’s okay,” Jim said, kissing Pam’s forehead. “She’s okay.”
…………….
The sun was setting in the horizon. Dim rays crisscrossed the hospital room from the small side windows. Ellie lay on the bed, her chest rising and falling evenly. Pam gazed at her from the edge of the bed, running her hand over the messy curls on her head. A fleeting reverie of a much smaller Ellie came into view as Pam’s eyelids grew heavy with sleep.
Ellie is wearing a diaper and nothing else, turned on her belly on a pink flannel blanket on top of their bed. Her mouth is slightly open in a tiny ‘o’ and her right hand is clenching and unclenching every so often. Ellie’s neck disappears in folds of baby fat and her ears poke out from the emerging curls on her head. Her diapered bottom is up in the air and an arch of sunlight is inches away from her small pudgy feet.
As Pam inches closer, the soft indentations of Ellie’s leg alters slightly as she kicks, once, and is still again. Pam fishes for her sketch book in Ellie’s diaper bag and considers her daughter. She is not really thinking about it as her hand moves across the paper, recording Ellie’s form. After the preliminary contours, Pam begins to lay it in pastels. Soft cherry, pink, and violet hues begin to adorn her daughter’s silky, porcelain skin. When Pam is finished, she scribbles her initials, the date, in the corner and writes Ellie Marie Halpert in pretty cursive.
Pam hears the front door open and it isn’t long before Jim is leaning against the bedroom’s doorframe; loose tie around his neck, jacket hanging from his shoulder. His smile widens as he lowers his lips to meet Pam’s. When their lips part, his eyes catch her drawing, and he is in awe with her talent.
In the meantime, Ellie stirs. The sunlight has covered most of her body. Jim walks towards her and carefully sits at the bed’s edge. The mattress shifts and Ellie stirs again, brings her small hand over her eyes, and sighs. Jim’s lips brush against Ellie’s rosy cheeks as he scoops her up. Ellie is dwarfed in his arms.
“I missed you today Beanie,” he mumbles.” Did you give mommy trouble?” He chuckles, watching his daughter’s eyes flutter open. “I think she’s waking.”
“Well…” Pam says playfully poking his sides, “You had to pick her up!”
“I think she’s waking.” Jim touched his fingertips to Pam’s shoulder. “Pam?” Pam lifted her head, disoriented, squinting at the bright hospital lights. She gazed at Ellie’s frame stirring in the hospital bed and then back at Jim. “Pam? You okay?”
“Umm… Yeah….I think I dozed off for a minute.” Pam gazed back at Ellie, who sighed audibly before curling on her side. “What did the doctor say?”
Jim motioned with his head towards the door. “Let’s go outside,” he whispered.
Pam stood up, pulling her cardigan tighter around her, and followed Jim outside the room. “So?” She asked urgently.
“She is fine now. They think it’s allergies.”
“To what?” Pam gestured into the air. “They need to figure it out.”
“They don’t know yet.” Jim pulled Pam to a hug. “They are letting us take her home as soon as the tests come back.”
“Did you call your mom? She must be worried.”
“Yeah, ’bout 5 minutes ago.”
“How’s Ben?”
“She said he cried after we left, but is now entertained with dad.” Jim saw her concerned look and offered his best smile. “Will be leaving here—“
Before he could finish, Ellie’s cries began echoing through the corridor. They returned to the room and Ellie immediately extended her arms to be picked up. She had removed the mask over her mouth and was picking at the electrode on her finger. Pam bent over the bed and Ellie threw her arms around her, tears clinging to her long lashes, lips quivering. Pam hoisted her up, holding her close to her chest. She pulled the mask back over Ellie’s mouth and nose and held it in place. Ellie made a face, squinching together her mouth, eyebrows and nose, fussing in protest.
“S’Okay sweetie,” Pam said, rocking her. She was so heavy in her arms now.
Jim grabbed a blanket from the bed and placed it over them. Soon Ellie’s cries reverted to soft moans, then faint grunts. Eventually Ellie calmed, her eyes glistening with tears, her head resting on Pam’s shoulder. Pam situated herself on the bed with Ellie clutching tightly to her neck.
“You okay Beanie?” Pam asked, looking down at her daughter. Ellie lifted her eyes to Pam, a pout sagging on her lips. Pam brushed her thumbs over the little girls face, wiping the remaining tears. She pulled the blanket tighter, creating a protective cocoon around them.
“Beanie?” Jim asked, eyeing Pam.
“You called her that,” Pam said, shifting over so Jim could sit next to them.
“I know that.” Jim said, snaking his arm around them. “But I haven’t called her that in a long time.”
“I think it’s cute,” she said smiling at the little girl, somnolent in her arms.
Jim shook his head. “Why…um… how did you—” He stammered.
“I remembered a day when Ellie was sleeping on our bed,” Pam began. “She was really small, all chubby and pink.” Pam smiled, recalling the memory. “It was late in the afternoon and you came home from work…I was drawing her …” Jim nodded, remembering the exact event. “You picked her up and you called her Beanie.”
“Mmmm, I remember,” Jim said pensively. “I also remember how amazing the drawing was. It hangs in my office to this day.” Jim tenderly stroked Ellie’s hair, marveling at how much she resembled Pam. Where am I in this child? Then he saw her ears poking through her hair. There I am, he chuckled. “You know,” he began. “When we found out about her…I was so happy, but so scared.”
“Remind me,” Pam said, holding Ellie’s small hand in her own.
“Oh, you know the usual. Injured ankle, about to get an x-ray and oops...”
“Surprise!” Pam chuckled.
“You can say that.”
“Do we…Umm… know how….” Pam looked embarrassed. “We…Umm…managed to not have a surprise before….” She said under her breath.
Jim chuckled. “It was a crazy month for both of us. You changed careers, and by changed careers,” Jim mined air quotes. “I mean, dove blindly into a black hole… and I was tormented by a new boss at work. He really didn’t like me.”
Pam’s arms became numb from Ellie’s weight. “Here,” Pam said, shifting Ellie towards Jim. “I can’t feel my arms anymore.”
Jim pulled Ellie to his lap and she instinctively nestled her head under his chin. “So, we were both miserable and I think that we were needy of each other. The stress and the uncertainties of our jobs made us—you forget things.” Jim smirked.
Pam smiled, marveling how those seemingly awful months created the miracle in Jim’s arms. Thank you. Thank you. “If you could go back,” Pam said tentatively. “Would you have done it differently?”
“What? Waited to have Ellie?” Jim looked at Pam and she nodded. “No, I wouldn’t have done it differently.” He said, shaking his head. “You know, she came in to our lives and changed everything. She was the reason I pushed harder, aimed higher.” Pam watched Jim’s eyes grow in thought. “I thought I would be the one teaching our children about life, but they taught me what life is really about.”
“Yeah.” Pam stroked Ellie’s hair, twirling the ends on her finger. “I’ve learned a lot from them too.”
At that moment Ellie propped herself up, panning her eyes around the room. She let out an exhausted sigh and slumped back down against Jim’s chest. “Can we go home,” she whimpered, her voice muffled by the mask covering her mouth.
“We will,” Jim said, planting a kiss to her forehead.
“Now?” Ellie pleaded.
“Soon,” Pam chimed in. “We’ll be home soon.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay, so here is the deal, I was a bit upset that there were no JAM moments on tonight's episode (I actually whish that Jim did what Andy did. The last time Jim mentioned the baby, I think, was in Gossip). So, I decided to post a chapter. With that said, I was planing on working on it some more, but desperate times calls for desperate measures! It might still be a bit rough. I had a totaly different idea for this chapter, but what happened here actually happened to my friend's daugter. So, I wanted to write about it. This is the first part of two, the second part is the actual chapter I had written before. Can you all say "documentary videos?" Yes, we will continue down memory lane.
EmilyHalpert is awesome!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
EmilyHalpert is awesome!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter End Notes:
Thank you for reading! Reviews always keeps me on my toes! I'm working on the second half...stay tunned!
