*
*
The evening sky was tinted orange by the streetlights outside Jim’s parent’s house. The atmosphere felt strangely calm in comparison to the high seas of a few hours earlier. Everything was still. All the near noises had been swallowed up and only the car’s engine droned. Ellie was fine now, peacefully asleep in the back seat of the car. The soft grunts she made with each breath were music to Pam’s ears.
Pam waited while Jim went inside to get Ben. She had missed her little guy today. She especially missed his mommy-gimme kisses. Whenever Ben wanted something he would plant these sloppy, wet kisses and repeat ‘mommy pleas gimme’ again and again. Pam rarely caved, but it left her weak in the knees.
When she saw Ben run ahead of Jim towards the car, she stepped out and scooped him up in her arms. “Hi buddy!” Pam pulled him close, kissing his rosy cheeks. “I missed you!” Ben giggled, flinging his arms around her neck. She turned to Jim, “I thought he would be asleep by now,” she said surprised.
“My mom said he napped until late in the afternoon”
Pam opened the back door and buckled Ben in his car seat. “It’s going to be a long night,” she chuckled.
“Ellie s’okay mommy?” Ben asked, pointing to his sister in the adjacent car seat.
“Yeah, she’s sleeping,” Pam said, tousling his hair. Ben’s mouth formed a tiny ‘o’ in realization. She kissed him once more before situating herself in the front seat. “Let’s go home,” she said, releasing sigh.
Pam was happy to be finally headed home. For her, home was where the winds of remembrance blew the hardest. There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home. And she desperately ached to return home. When Jim pulled into the driveway, Pam met his gaze as his thumbs moved about the perimeter of her hand. She watched him smile feebly—exhausted. “C’mon,” he exhaled.
Pam carried Ellie while Jim held on to Ben while juggling a nebulizer and the kids’ bags. Inside, Pam ascended the stairs, heading to Ellie’s room. Ellie was very heavy in her arms now. Her head sank on her shoulder and her small arms flopped to her sides. She was breathing deeply now, hopefully dreaming about rainbows and ice cream, and not hospitals and needles.
Pam laid Ellie on her bed and deftly changed her into pajamas. Ellie shifted and moaned, but didn’t wake. Pam was glad. She tucked her in, kissing her little girl goodnight before heading back downstairs.
Pam could already smell the pot of coffee steaming as she descended the stairs. The smell was so alluring that she considered evading tea tonight. She followed the aroma to the kitchen where she found Ben flaunting around only in diapers. She looked around and found a trail of his clothes leading from the kitchen to the living room.
“What happened here?” Pam laughed.
“I don’t really know,” Jim chuckled. “I guess he saw me come into the kitchen and thought it was bath time.” Jim looked down at his little guy parading around in his Elmo themed diaper. “What have we done to him? He doesn’t know the difference between a kitchen and a bathroom.”
“Well,” Pam said, hiding her laughter. “He has been bathing in the sink.” She scooped him up and patted his diapered bottom. “Why did you take your clothes off mister?”
Ben pressed his lips together and shrugged. “I dunno.”
“You don’t know?” She planted kisses on his full belly. Ben’s giggles echoed through the kitchen. She lowered him to the floor and he went running off to hide behind Jim’s leg. “C’mere you...” Pam cajoled him.
“Up, da-dy, up!” Ben exclaimed, throwing his arms up towards Jim.
Jim lifted him up and he immediately burrowed his face under his chin. Pam walked up to them and tickled Ben’s sides. He, in turn, burst into laughter, contorting his small body and climbing further up Jim’s chest. Jim took the chance to also participate, and in retaliation tickled Pam.
“Oh, oh…. No! Jim… don’t…” Pam said, stepping back.
Jim quirked an eyebrow and repositioned Ben in his arms. “Look Ben, mommy has the tickles too!”
“Tikles?” Ben parroted.
“Jim,” Pam said it more sternly. “Don’t… please…”
Without wavering, Jim stepped forward and dug his fingers into her side. Pam yelped and doubled over, laughing. Ben was very much amused by the scenario. Pam tried to tickle Jim, but her attempt was unsuccessful.
“Sorry,” Jim smiled smugly. “Ben got that from you.”
“Not fair,” she said defeated.
“I guess we win.”
Jim paraded around the kitchen, bouncing Ben in his arms. Ben clapped his hand together celebrating. Pam eyed them mischievously. Even Superman had kryptonite. So, in light of the night they’d spent together, Pam decided to stand dangerously close to him.
“You’re on very dangerous ground,” Pam whispered and turned on her heels.
Jim’s smirk faded. “Okay,” he said, lowering Ben to the ground. A shiver ran up and down his spine. “No need to pull out the big guns.”
Pam smiled contently. Of course she was his kryptonite.
As the night rolled on, Jim and Pam found themselves on the couch nursing their now empty coffee mugs. Pam’s head rested on Jim’s shoulder and his body leaned against hers. His arm snaked around her, stroking her sides with his fingertips. Ben was collapsed in a heap next to Pam. She ran her fingers through her little boy’s hair, smiling at the similarity between the texture under her fingertips and that of the hair tickling her cheeks.
They gazed absentmindedly at the television as it droned the same infomercial for the umpteenth time.
“I want that,” Pam said yawning. She was contemplating purchasing the gourmet quick chop.
“We already have it,” Jim said matter-of-factly.
“Really?” Pam raised her head to meet his gaze.
“Really, and if I remember correctly, we were sitting in this exact spot, watching this infomercial when you looked up at me and said you wanted one. I said, we don’t need one, but you insisted. So we got one. You used it for two days, then never again.” He smiled and kissed her hair.
Pam chuckled, leaning back against him. “Maybe I’ll use it again.”
“Maybe.” Jim turned to look at her and smiled. “I’m gonna go check on Ellie…Let me take this,” he said, taking the empty mug from her.
Pam watched Jim shuffle his feet across carpet to the kitchen. She yawned as she glanced around the living room. She noticed an unusual box tucked behind the television. She frowned, stretching her neck to have a better look at it. She could almost make out the word written across, Docum….. She propped herself up with her hands, but felt Ben shift in his sleep and immediately sat back down. What’s in the box?
Jim returned minutes later with Ellie drowsy in his arms. Her eyes fluttering open with every step he took.
“Was she awake?” Pam asked reaching for Ellie.
“No,” Jim said, lowering Ellie to Pam’s arms. “I went to check on her and she coughed like three times. I think we should give her the medicine.”
“Is it time?” Pam said, nestling Ellie in her arms. “I thought we had another hour or so.”
“We do,” Jim said checking his watch. “But the doctor said if she starts coughing to use nebulizer before it gets worse. I’ll bring it over here,” he said, walking towards the kitchen.
Pam’s eyes fell on the box again. “Hey, Jim.”
“Yep?” He called from the kitchen.
“What’s that box behind the T.V.?”
“Oh, that was going to be part of today.” Jim walked back to the living room, twisting the medication on the nebulizer’s mask. “Remember how I told you about the documentary they did about our office?”
“Yeah?” Pam said, helping Jim place the mask over Ellie’s mouth.
“They caught a lot of moments between us. I thought we could watch it.” Jim turned the nebulizer on and the white mist began emerging from underneath the mask. “I haven’t watched it in a while.”
“Let’s watch it.”
“Now?” Jim asked skeptically.
“Why not?” Pam offered, smiling.
“I guess.” Jim walked over t the box and dragged it to the middle of the living room.
Pam stretched her neck to look at the contents in the box. There were various DVD’s in plastic cases with writing printed across their covers. “There’re a lot of them,” she acknowledged.
“I know,” He chuckled. “Still wanna watch it?”
“Yeah,” she snorted. “The coffee is just starting to kick in.”
“Okay,” he said gazing at her, “Where should we start?”
“Choose a good one.” She winked.
Jim began going through the archives in his mind, eliminating tapings before and a little after Stamford—he wanted to start off light. “Oh, I know!” He exclaimed, fishing a DVD from the box.
Pam squinted to see the title on it, Moments. “What is it?”
“As a wedding gift,” Jim began, opening the case and pulling out the DVD. “The documentary crew gave us this.” He waved the DVD in the air. “It’s a compilation of all the times the cameras caught of us.”
“Sounds good,” Pam smiled, gently pulling the mask away from Ellie’s face, checking how much medicine was left.
Jim popped the DVD in and sat next to Pam on the couch. She grabbed the DVD case from him and read the words printed on the cover, It is difficult to know at what moment love begins. So, here is a little help. Pam smiled and gazed at Jim.
“Ready?” He asked.
She exhaled deeply, anxiously. “Um…Yes.”
Jim pushed play and soon images of themselves as well as others, which she assumed were their coworkers, appeared on the screen. Jim looked much younger. His hair was longer and his clothes were loose-fitting; he looked like he raided his father’s closet. The boyish charm, though, was still intact.
“You look so lanky!” She chuckled, watching Jim’s slim body leaning over the reception desk. “All arms and legs! I hope Ben is not so gangly!” Pam said patting Ben’s diapered bottom.
“Wow!” Jim feigned offense. “I can’t believe you just said that.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Well I just hope Ellie’s hair won’t grow into disarray like that.”
“Hey…” Pam swatted his arm. “Her hair is beautiful,” she said running said her hand through Ellie’s tousled curls.
“Pam, I’ve tried brushing her hair,” Jim’s tone mockingly, “And let me tell you, it’s not an easy task.”
“Really Jim, hair brushing is not an easy task?” Pam prompted. “How did you do without me?”
“I didn’t,” his voice routing a different tone. “One time” he chuckled inwardly, his gaze distance. ”The daycare teacher approached me because Ellie didn’t have shorts under her dress and the other kids were teasing her, ‘I can see your underwear.’”
“Aww…” Pam’s face fell with the realization.
“You always laid out her clothes. I never imagined much thought went into it.” He shrugged. “I’m lost without you, babe,” Jim admitted, planting a kiss on her forehead.
Pam smiled. “Me too.” In more ways than you’ll ever know.
The subsequent images were accompanied by a compelling sense of déjà-vu, and the current one was no different. Pam’s heart melted with Jim’s not a bad day declaration. It earned him a lingering, luscious kiss.
“Mmmh…” he moaned in her mouth. “You’re missing your ex-fiancé wanting to kill me,” he said against her lips.
She turned to see the tiff between Roy and Jim during an office party. “Is he going to punch you?” She said wide-eyed.
Jim chuckled. “No, but I deserved it. I was totally flirting with his fiancée.” Jim winked, pulling her for another kiss. “Hey, I think the medicine is done,” he said, carefully removing the mask and scooping Ellie in his arms.
“Are you bringing her up?”
“Nope, it’s just my turn to hold her.” He grinned.
The following images made Pam blush as she saw herself flirting and checking him out during a basketball game. Jim was also totally flirting too, and not discreetly as she had thought, but right-up-in-your-face flirting. How did I not know?
“Can you be any more obvious?” She said watching him flaunt his basketball skills on the screen. “Such a show off!”
“I was trying to impress you.”
Pam chuckled, nudging him with her elbow. “You did. Look at me, all googly-eyed.”
Jim chuckled, “If I only knew…” He trailed off.
Pam winced as subsequent images of her inebriated self kissing Jim flashed on the screen. She also gasped during the palpable, awkward silence on the booze cruise. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“Watch….” He said curtly.
She watched Jim walk purposely to her as the phrase, I would save the receptionist, resonated. But he was interrupted by Roy setting on a wedding date. “You were going too, but...” She trailed off.
“Yep.”
“What do you think would have happened if you had told me?”
“Ellie,” he said planting a kiss on Ellie’s hair, “would be about seven now!”
The next few frames were short and fast moving. Images of stolen glances, awkward silences, unspoken words, and pretend dates on roof tops that made Pam both, cringe and laugh. It was strange for her to watch this person that looked like her, sounded like her, but in a way it wasn’t her—at least not anymore.
“Oh, this is it,” Jim said nudging her side.
“The kiss?”
“No, not yet….”
She watched intently as their younger selves stood alone in an empty parking lot.I’m in love with you, echoed in the living room…Probably not good timing. I know that. I just…..… I just needed you to know, once. Her eyes filled, hearing herself repeat I can’t too many times. Then the image of them kissing followed on the screen.
Pam bit her lips, watching Jim’s hand slip through hers. “I was so stupid.”
“No you’re not,” he said, pulling her closer. “I sprung that on you two weeks before your wedding.”
“Still...”
“Eventually you came to your senses.” He mused. “The next ten minutes,” he said looking at is watch, “You’ll see that I lose my senses.”
And she did. She watched him turn her down and almost ignore her through the days, trying to move on, dating someone else, avoiding pranks, avoiding her. She smiled when he admitted he still had feelings for her and winced when Roy almost punched him, yet again.
“That’s the second time he’s wanted to attack you.”
“I kissed his fiancée.” Jim adjusted Ellie in his arms. “Looking back I don’t blame him. I would have done the same,” he said winking at her.
Finally, Pam watched her declaration at the beach. There was so much feeling in her voice. Years of hesitation just oozing out of her mouth. “Wow, that’s…” she was speechless. “I guess I really needed you to know…Right then and there.”
“Yeah… I was shocked. All I could thing was Oh My God.”
The next scene showed Jim barging into the conference room, asking Pam to dinner. Pam gazed at her flushed and completely surprised face on the screen. The elation emitting from the television was tangible. They looked at each other and smiled.
The screen went black and the words Pam Beesly & Jim Halpert displayed on the screen. “Oh wow… That was quite amazing. I can’t believe it took us so long got get there.” Pam said taken aback.
“Yeah, that is only the first half. The second half is of us dating, my fake proposal, my almost proposal, and then the real proposal,” he chuckled. “There is some of you at Pratt and of our house. There’re us finding out about Elllie…. The wedding….”
“They caught a lot on tape.” She said, pulling Ben to her arms.
“Yeah, they were a big part of our lives. Almost eight years.” Jim said, turning the television off. He stood up and adjusted Ellie on his shoulder. “I glad though.”
“Me too.” Pam smiled and pulled herself up clutching a slumbering Ben.
C’mon,” Jim said heading up the stairs. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Yeah,” she said exhausted. “Let’s go to bed.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey everyone! It seems like ages since my last update.
This chapter feels like a filler because Pam doesn't remember much, but it paves the way for next one. So bare with me here, we are almost there. Probably another chapter or two...
EmilyHalpert Rocks!
Disclaimer: I own nothing,'cause if I did every other scene in the office would be Jam-baby-fluff...sigh*
Chapter End Notes:
Let me know what you think- if I should jump off a cliff and all... Thanks!
