*
*
The following week Jim returned to work and Pam’s mom, Janet, drove down to help with the kids. Pam was more than happy with the arrangement. She was petrified of staying home alone with the kids; last weekend’s incident was still fresh in her mind. Ellie and Ben were overjoyed to stay home with mom and grandma. Pam was also happy to spend time with her mom. She took pleasure in learning which of her childhood behaviors were mirrored in her children.
Pam’s relationship with Jim was slowly moving away from awkward smiles and glances. She no longer tensed under his touch. As a matter of fact, she was beginning to yearn for it. For instance, every time Jim returned home from work, he would find her, wherever she was, and plant a soft kiss on her cheek. The first time he did it, she’d flushed from head to toe. But now it was a more than a welcomed gesture she anticipated every day. Even with two kids climbing on him, demanding his attention, he wouldn’t think to hesitate giving her a kiss.
The week had been going well, until Janet needed to return home Thursday night, leaving Pam with the kids the whole day on Friday. Dreadful thoughts suffocated her, as unconceivable scenarios played in her mind. What if they got hurt? What if I lost them? But what she feared most was Jim seeing she wasn’t capable of caring for them. Her flaws had been masked by her mother’s presence, but now it would all be stripped off.
After they’d gone through the bedtime routine Thursday night, Pam sat on the couch, circling her arms protectively around her knees. Her gaze was distant, focusing on the pictures frames on top the coffee table.
“You’ll be fine,” Jim said, entering the living room and taking a seat next to her on the couch.
“I don’t know… It’s just so sudden,” she said, unclenching her arms circling her knees. Jim took the chance to put his arm around her. “I’m not ready.”
“You are….But we can call the daycare.”
“No… it’s just…” Pam trailed off.
“There is nothing for you to be scared of,” Jim said, placing a stray curl behind her ear. “And you know I’m just a phone call away.”
“Yeah… still…You understand right? I just can’t take it if …” Pam shook the thought out of her head.
Jim gathered her to him, gently lifting her chin with his index finger. “I know. The first time we brought Ellie home, I was terrified. You had done all the freaking out before and it was my turn. I was completely scared. She was this tiny,” Jim mimed with his hands. “What I’m saying is that it’s okay to be scared.”
“I guess…. ”
“You can do it.”
“I can do it.” She said it more to herself than to Jim. I can do it.
Jim pulled himself up from the couch and extended his hands to Pam. “C’mon, You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
Pam let out a half-hearted chuckle. “Yeah, I do.”
Upstairs, they went their separate ways—unwillingly. Jim’s feeling towards Pam was no secret, and she knew it. How couldn’t she? It was palpable. The guy married her, had two kids with her, and stuck around after all that had happened. And Pam couldn’t deny their obvious connection. Everything felt new and fresh, yet comfortable and natural. But she still needed time and space and…him.
……………..
The next morning Pam was up early, too anxious to sleep. She went downstairs and filled the teapot with water and placed it on the stove. She really liked this tea Jim kept in stock in the house; it was fruity yet minty at the same time. Pam also turned on the coffee machine, dumping some into the filter and filling it with water —Jim liked coffee in the morning. She waited to hear the whistling of the teapot, but in the meantime heard Jim’s footsteps descending the stairs.
“Good morning,” Jim said, stretching his long arms above his head.
“Good morning.”
“You’re up early.” Jim said, stifling a yawn.
“Yeah, couldn’t sleep.” Pam pulled her sweater tighter around her.
“Still thinking about today?” Jim asked, pulling a chair next to her.
“A little…” The teapot began whistling and Pam got up, filling her World’s Best Mom mug with the hot water. She then walked over to the cabinet, retrieving two small tea bags. “You know, I really like this tea.”
“You do?” Jim feigned surprise.
“Yeah, Jim. I do,” She teased.
“You know, I got you that tea pot,” Jim said, filling his own mug with coffee.
“You did?” A smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
“Yeah, it was a Christmas present. I got you on Secret Santa at work,” Jim chuckled to himself, remembering that awful, awful day.
“What’s so funny?” Pam asked curiously.
“What?” He asked confused.
“You were laughing.”
“No, I wasn’t.” He denied, sipping his coffee.
“Yes you were. Spill it,” Pam demanded, settling her mug on the table.
“It was just an awful Christmas party. Our boss didn’t like his gift and made everyone exchange theirs—Yankee Swap, he called it. So the tea pot was taken and….” Jim trailed off, gazing at Pam, who seemed to have become lost in thought. “Pam?”
“Oh…Um… this is probably going to sound weird but, what was in the tea pot?”
“W-What?” Jim almost chocked on his coffee. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know….” she trailed off, tracing her finger around the rim of her mug. “I think, I don’t know… you must think I’m going crazy…”
Jim had a huge smile across his face. “No, not crazy, at all.”
“There was something inside, right?” Pam said, carefully studying his face.
“Maybe.” He said, hiding his smile behind his coffee mug. Before Pam could inquire more, they heard the floor creak just above them—the kids were up. “I’ll get them.” He said making his way up the stairs. Pam sat, looking intently at the teapot. She knew she was on to something. It was as if the light bulb above her head flickered, leaving only a dim reminiscence. What was in there?
Pam was lifted from her daze when Jim returned with Ben and Ellie. “Good morning there.” Pam said kissing their sleep creased faces.
“G’mornin’ mommy,” Ellie said, stifling a yawn.
“ 'Mornin’,” Ben mumbled.
“Are you guys hungry?”
“I have cereal?” Ellie asked, pointing to the red box on top of the fridge.
“Yep,” Pam said lowering them to their seats.
“Where’s Gramma?” Ellie asked, noticing Janet not at her usual spot.
“Grandma had to go home El, “Jim said, helping Pam with the cereal bowls.
“It’s only us today,” Pam said, pouring the milk.
They ate their breakfast entertained by Jim and his renditions of the cookie monster. The kids were amused to no extent, but Pam feigned a smile, picking at her breakfast—she was too anxious to eat. A queasy feeling sat at the pit of her stomach hindering her appetite. Today was just too important for her to take it lightly.
“Okay,” Jim said, getting up from the table and lifting his messenger bag over his head. “I'm off to work.”
“Go say bye to daddy,” Pam said, lifting Ben and Ellie from their chairs.
“Buh-Bye daddy,” Ellie and Ben said, running to hug his pants’ leg.
Jim bent down to their level, kissing each child. “Be good for mommy, okay?”
“ ’Kay daddy,” they said in unison.
Jim glanced back at Pam, who stood anxiously twisting her fingers. He walked over to her, and ran his hand the length of arm until his fingers tangled with hers. “You’ll be fine,” he assured her. Jim pulled her hand to his lips, plating a small kiss there. “Bye Pam.”
“Bye.” She smiled feebly.
As soon as the door closed, Pam felt butterflies flutter in her stomach. She looked at the kids scampering around the house and wanted to immediately run after Jim and stop him from leaving. However, as she looked out the window, she saw him pulling out of the driveway—too late. She walked back to the kitchen, and dialed—unconsciously, Jim’s cell phone number. Shocked, she hung up the phone realizing what she had just done. I just dialed his phone number—by memory.
She paced around the kitchen, picked up a pen and a paper, and began writing several different phone numbers that came to her. She brought her list to the fridge and compared with the numbers listed there. Jim’s cell phone, her cell phone—I have a cell phone?—Dunder-Miflfin’s office number, the kids’ doctor—they were all there. Perhaps she had been remembering things. Perhaps her response to Jim was a memory. She wondered what else she knew—without knowing.
The quietness of her surrounding lifted her from her reverie. She’d learn that it’s when it’s silent that she really needed to pay close attention to the kids. She walked to the living room and found Ellie and Ben fiddling with the buttons on the television.
“Do you guys wanna watch TV?” She asked, and both nodded.
She took the remote and pressed the red button. The television came to life right when the Six Flags commercial was on. Pam watched in disgust as the old man danced to the cheesy theme song, and immediately changed the channel. She browsed through the channels, until Ben bounced to his feet yelling, “Cif-fod! Cif-fod!”
“Clifford? You guys want to watch Clifford?”
“Yeah,” they said in unison.
“Ok… no jumping on the couch,” she said, and Ben immediately complied.
She waited until the kids settled, and returned to the kitchen to clean up after breakfast. Everything was going good so far—even though it’s only been twenty minutes. She picked up the kids’ cereal bowls, dumping the leftovers in the trash, before placing in the dishwasher. She also took her mug and Jim’s and placed it with the rest of the dirty dishes. Once everything seemed to be in its place, she returned to the living to peek at the kids, still entertained by the big red dog on the television.
Afterward Pam decided to head upstairs and tidy things up a bit. She went into Ben’s bedroom and made his bed, as well as picked up a few toys left haphazardly around. She then headed to Ellie’s bedroom, and chuckled at the clumsily made bed. The comforter was pulled unevenly over the bed and the pillows were messily arranged on top. Pam smoothed the bedding and assembled the pillows in an orderly fashion.
She walked back halfway down the stairs, peeking once again at the kids in the living—still absorbed by the television. She walked back up and headed to the guest bedroom down the hallway. She opened the door and immediately inhaled the wonderful, fresh scent—Jim’s scent, impregnating the entire room. She picked up some of Jim’s shirts and pants left by the foot of the bed and threw them in the hamper. The hamper was becoming full, so she decided to do the laundry.
After a few minutes of sorting the dirty clothes into piles—whites and colors, she returned downstairs to the living room. She didn’t like the idea of the kids sitting in front of the TV all day, it seemed a bit hypnotic.
“Who wants to go outside?”
Ellie and Ben bounced on their feet yelling, “Me, me!”
“Ok, let’s go take the jammies off.”
The kids scurried upstairs and Pam followed behind. Ellie quickly striped down to her underwear and began opening the drawers of her dresser. She pulled out a sparkly pink shirt and a pair of shorts.
“Not that shirt sweetie. How about you put this one to play outside?” Pam asked, lifting another shirt from the drawer.
“No! This one!” Ellie exclaimed, clutching the shirt.
“You can’t wear that one outside,” Pam picked up a few more ‘old’ shirts and placed them on top of the bed. “You can wear any of these, but not that one.”
Ellie scrunched her nose, her eyebrows knitted together, looking at her options on the bed. She slowly released the sparkly shirt, choosing a yellow one from the bed. “This one.”
“Okay, good.” Pam said, eyeing her choice. “I’ll be right back.”
Pam walked to Ben’s room and proceeded to quickly dress him in a blue T-shirt and cargo shorts. She also grabbed his baseball cap and a pair of slip-on sneakers from the closet. She returned to Ellie’s room and found her kneeling on top of a chair, attempting to run a brush through her curls.
“Watchu doing there?”
“Bwushing my hair jus’ like you mommy.”
Pam chuckled. “How about we put it up just like mommy’s, uh?”
“ ’Kay, but can we use these?” Ellie said, holding a few colorful glitter snap-clips in hand.
“Of course.”
Pam tied Ellie’s hair in a ponytail and pinned the clips on her hair. “All set,” Pam said, kissing her rosy cheeks. “C’mon now, let’s go outside.”
Pam opened the backyard door, letting them out into the bright sunny morning. They found their toys, and quickly became entertained with them. Pam sat back watching them play. Ben was more interested in digging holes, while Ellie played on the swing set. It didn’t take long for Ellie to get bored and begin to chase after a ball left by the deck. Ben’s attention quickly averted to the bright object bouncing on the lawn.
“Mine!” Ben got up, wiping his dirt-covered hands on his shirt.
“No Ben, I found it fiwst!”
“Muh ball!” He insisted.
“Is mine too!” Ellie said, hiding the ball behind her back.
“Noo Ellieee. Mine!” Ben said, walking hastily towards Ellie.
“Hey, what is going on here?” Pam said, getting up from the chair. They both began talking simultaneously and Pam couldn’t quite make-out what either of them was saying. “Okay, okay. Who took what?”
“Ben want my ball.” Ellie said clutching the ball tightly to her.
“Mine!” Ben yelled, bouncing stubbornly on his feet. Pam knew if Ben started the entire neighborhood would come see the child screaming murder.
“Stop that Ben,” Pam reprimanded him.
“I had it fiwst mommy!” Ellie whined.
“Why don’t we all play with the ball?” Pam said, taking the ball and tossing it over to Ellie. “Now Ellie, throw it to Ben.” She complied and hurled it to Ben. Ben failed to catch and scurried to get it. “Now give the ball to mommy Ben.” Ben held the ball over his head and tossed it to Pam. “Good.”
They played outside just before the sun got too hot. Pam then prepared lunch and the kids ate, taking their time chewing while spending more time playing with it. After lunch, they helped her with the laundry. But before Pam knew it they were slumped over the laundry baskets—exhausted. It was nap time. Ben quickly surrendered to sleep, but Ellie fought it until her eyes became too heavy for her to keep them open.
Pam brought them upstairs and settled them on their bed, before resuming with the laundry. Once all socks were accounted for, she began folding and returning the clothes to their designated places. She hung all Jim’s button-down shirts, admiring the quantity already hanging in the closet. Aside from his work attire, Jim didn’t really own a variety clothes. But Pam was surprised to find t-shirts, she assumed were his, in her pajama drawer.
Pam returned downstairs and began to tidy the kitchen from lunchtime. As soon as everything was up to par, Pam decided to settle on the couch with a book she found on her nightstand. She’d been eyeing the book the entire week. The cover had a very fascinating graphic drawn. Pam sat with the book, until interrupted by the phone ringing.
“Hello?”
“Hey there. How’s everything? The house still intact?”
“Everything is fine. The kids are napping right now.”
“So you got some peace and quiet to yourself.”
“Yeah, I guess. Sold any paper yet?”
“200 rims before lunch.”
“Wow… I underestimated you!”
Jim chuckled. “So, what have you guys been up too?”
“Well, the kids watched TV a little bit after you left. Then we went outside to play. I actually don’t like them staring at that box the whole day.” Pam heard Jim chuckle on the other end of the line. “What is so funny?”
“Oh nothing… just… You were never a big fan of the television as a sitter. So, what else did you do?”
“We had lunch and they helped me with the laundry. After that they were pretty exhausted and have been napping for the past hour.”
“I’m glad everything is going well. So, what have you been up to?”
“You know, not much…. Just hanging I guess. I was going….” Pam trailed off, “Hey there.” Jim heard her coo over the phone. “C’mere sweetie.” He listened to the rustling on the phone, imagining Pam picking up Ellie, still groggy from sleep. “Sorry,” Pam continued, “Ellie just got up.”
“Oh, it’s ok!”
Pam overheard a voice on the other line ask, ‘Why are you smiling?’ Pam frowned at the familiarity of it. “Who’s that?”
“Oh, that’s our friend Dwight.”
She heard the same voice respond, ‘I’m not your friend Jim.’ She smiled, somehow that didn’t come across as an insult, at all. “Ok, I think I better let you go.”
“Yep, someone needs to make the big bucks!”
“Go sell more paper.”
“Alright Bees.”
“Bye Jim.”
“Bye Pam.”
It wasn’t long before Ben also woke up from his nap, his hair adorably tousled in a hundred different directions. Pam led them to the kitchen where she spread out some paint and paper to entertain them. She joined them in the finger-painting fest, surprised at how relaxing it was. After many handprints later and two children covered in paint, Pam decided it was time to hang their work on the fridge. They took out their old art and replaced with the freshly painted ones.
Shortly thereafter Pam heard the sound of keys fiddling with the door’s lock. Jim was home. Once the door opened the kids ran purposely towards him, jumping excitedly in his arms. She watched him pick them up and walk over to her. And there it was, the most anticipated moment of the day—his kiss. Jim bent over just enough so that his lips brushed slightly against her cheek. Pam felt the tingling sensation rise from the tip of her toes to the roots of her hair.
“How was your day?” Jim asked, the kids clutching tightly to his neck.
“It was… um…” Pam tried desperately to escape the Jim-induced fog. “It was good.”
“See… told you.” Jim walked further, entering the living room and crashing down with the kids. They began climbing on him, pulling on his tie while he simply let them. Pam knew that Jim reserved this time to spend with the kids. And the kids loved him for that.
Dinner and bath time followed, bath time going more smoothly since Pam discovered the versatility of their kitchen sink. Ben didn’t quite fit inside, but it beats having him jumping and screaming murder in the tub. Jim had found the idea comical, but seeing Ben’s passive behavior as he bathed him, sold him on the idea. Jim couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t soaking wet after Ben’s bath. So the last couple of nights had gone down in history.
Bedtime followed, and before they knew it, Jim and Pam were alone, sitting on the couch, listening to the drone of the television while their kids slept peacefully in their rooms. Pam fixated her gaze on the television. Her hair was trying to escape the bun on her head and one strap of her shirt hanged off her shoulder, exposing a bit of her pink porcelain skin. The image was so poignant, so powerful, that Jim urgently needed to be near her, possibly touch her.
“Ahem,” he cleared his throat, picking up the book from the coffee table. “Are you reading this?”
“Yeah, I found it in my nightstand…”
“You were reading that for The Finer Things Club.”
“Sounds fancy.”
Jim chuckled. “Yeah, it’s a very exclusive club in our office. I was part of it, but…” Jim trailed off to avert the subject.
“But what?” she prodded curiously.
“I…um… I jeopardized the meetings.” Pam let out a laugh, clearly amused by his answer. “Shhh…” he scolded her. “You are going to wake up the kids!”
“Sorry,” she said, stifling her laugh. “It’s just… you got kicked out of a book club!”
“I did not get kicked out.”
“uh-hum..” Pam hummed.
“Well, you’ve tried seducing our boss just so you could get a new chair.”
“No way! That’s just crazy.”
“It’s true… And you went as far and as taking him on a date.”
“Okay, now I know you’re lying.”
“Nope.”
“You are!”
“Okay, maybe the last part I made up, but you really wanted a new chair.”
“Man, with all the stories I hear about work, I wonder if we ever worked at all.”
“We found times here and there.” Jim let his head fall back, exhaling slowly. He stretched his arm out, snaking around Pam. “So….” He began hesitantly. “Mark’s wedding is this weekend.”
“I know…” Pam’s demeanor diminished.
“Mark will be the only person you would know there.”
“Yeah, but still…”
“It’s going to be fun,” he said inching closer to her. “Open bar.”
Pam chuckled. “That doesn’t faze me.”
“Yeah, okay. Wait until you meet Mr. Cosmo.”
Pam laughed, letting her head fall back. Jim watched her, longing for her, aching to surrender to her. He missed her—her touch, her kiss, her fingers tangled in his hair. He inched even closer, wrapping his arms tighter around her, straightening the fallen strap on her shoulder. He placed his hands over her ears and tipped her head back, bringing his lips to meet hers. Their mouths moved slowly, deliberately—lingering, savoring each other. It wasn’t desperate or urgent, it was a kiss born of long association. A kiss attained by years of experience. Jim poured his heart into her, letting it speak words he couldn’t utter.
When their lips parted, Pam slowly opened her eyes, her heart pounding against her chest. She was sure Jim could hear its frantic thumping. His fingers slowly slid down her hair, teasing her neck, arms, and then tangling with hers.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Jim said, weighing her silence carefully.
“Me too,” she concurred.
Jim smiled, hiding the overwhelming desire to continue to kiss her. He wanted to take it slow and wait for her, but he wasn’t perfect. So he did what anyone would do in his shoes—he kissed her again.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here is another chapter! I'm sorry for the delay between updates, school started again and I’ve been busy at work. This chapter is a lengthy one so I hope that makes up for it! You guys have been awesome and so generous with the reviews. Thanks everyone!
EmilyHalpert is an awesome Beta. You rock girl!
Diclaimer: I own nothing, but I own all FIVE seasons!
EmilyHalpert is an awesome Beta. You rock girl!
Diclaimer: I own nothing, but I own all FIVE seasons!
Chapter End Notes:
So far so good? Let me know what you're thinking!
