*
*
Pam stood in front of the mirror, smoothing the skirt of her dress—its black, silky texture hugging her body in all the right places. Her hair was pinned back, except for a few curls that brushed loosely against the side of her face. The more she gazed at her reflection, the more her mind wondered, reverting back to the kiss. If she closed her eyes she could feel his hands gliding down her back and his lips—his soft lips, brushing ever so tenderly against hers.
Pam had immediately recalled the taste, the touch, the feeling—the closeness that seemed to awaken all her senses. Everything had felt so natural, so real; even the flutter inside her felt familiar. Ever since meeting Jim, she knew there was something more—something different about him. There was always a bigger force that drew her to him, and the kiss sealed her intuition. Jim was it.
Pam was lifted from her momentary daze as Ellie entered the bedroom, the tulle underneath her dress swooshing as she walked through the door. “Mommy!”
“Don’t you look pretty?” Pam smiled, watching Ellie sway meekly from side-to-side. “C’mere,” Pam said, stretching her arms in Ellie’s direction. “Let me fix your hair.” Ellie skipped towards Pam, and she began pinning a few stray curls back in a bun.
Jim stepped in, but stopped in the doorway, a smile stretched across his face as he leaned against the doorframe. “Wow, look at you girls.” Pam caught his gaze, and she couldn’t help but blush. Jim looked exceptionally handsome in his tux—his hair parted sideways and the scent of his cologne flooded the room.
“I look pretty daddy?” Ellie inquired, bouncing excitedly on her feet.
“Hold on Ellie,” Pam said, removing the last hairpin from her mouth and securing it in her hair. “Okay, all done.”
Ellie scurried towards Jim and he picked her up, planting a loud kiss on her cheek. “You’re the prettiest flower-girl ever!” He lowered her to the floor and she skipped happily out of the room.
“Don’t run Ellie,” Pam admonished, “You’re going to mess up…” She trailed off, knowing her reprimand went unheard. “I think I’ve pinned her hair three times already,” Pam said defeated, looking at Jim, who stood before her, a smug smile adorning his face. “What?” She asked uneasy.
He narrowed the distance between them, lingering close enough to be immersed in her scent. “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.” She blushed. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”
“Thanks,” Jim said, entangling his hand in hers. “We should get going.”
“Yeah, how bad would it be if the best man was late?”
“Mark would kill me!” Jim chuckled. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” she nodded.
They walked hand-in-hand to the car, securing the kids in their car seats before driving to the church. Jim’s hand would sporadically leave the steering wheel and graze over hers, drawing lazy circles on her knuckles. His touch had the power to completely send her mind wondering places she hadn’t thought of going.
Once they arrived at the church, Pam had to once again pin Ellie’s curls back in a bun and tuck Ben’s dress shirt inside his pants. When they walked in, Pam immediately recognized Mark from the save-the-date picture on the fridge. He looked like a typical groom—pacing restlessly, anxious smile across his face, hands nervously tucked in his side pockets.
“Hey man,” Mark said, pulling Jim to a hug. “Hey Pam, I’m so glad you’re here!”
“Hey…” Pam said timidly. “Glad to be here.”
“Uncle Mark!” Ellie exclaimed, darting towards him.
“Hey there, pretty flower girl!” Mark said, tickling Ellie’s sides—her giggles escaping between her fingers covering her mouth. “Hey Ben,” he said, turning to Ben, nestled in Pam’s arms. “How are ya, buddy?” Ben smiled through his fingers bunched up in his mouth. “He’s gotten so big!”
“Yeah...” Jim said, prying Ben’s fingers away from his mouth. “Nervous?” Jim asked.
“Yeah.” Mark said, rubbing his hands together. “A good nervous though.”
“I know the feeling,” Jim said, smiling at Pam.
Pam smiled sheepishly back. “I think I’ll head inside with Ben.” She whispered to Jim, watching a crowd sweep past them, filling the church.
“Okay.” Jim said, planting a soft kiss on her cheek. “It’ll start soon.”
Pam walked into the church, admiring its beautiful ornamentation. The aisles were decorated with tulle drapery, holding flowers at the sides of each pew. Two large rose arrangements sat by the altar creating an archway for the bride and groom to stand underneath. Pam looked overwhelmed at all the people agglomerated in the church. She walked timidly through a side aisle, excusing her way to the front pews where she could have a clear view of the altar.
“Is this seat taken?” Pam asked, gesturing to a vacant spot.
“No,” the elderly woman answered, lifting her purse and setting it on her lap. “You can sit here.”
“Thanks,” Pam sat down, situating Ben on her lap.
“He’s so adorable,” the woman cooed over Ben. Ben, in turn, burrowed his head on Pam’s chest, tugging at his clip-on tie. “How old is he?”
“Two.” Pam smiled, prying his small fingers from his tie.
“He’s big for two. My nephew Andy is just—” Before she could finish, music began playing, its soft melody quieting the church. As soon as Ben saw Jim walk in he pointed, bouncing excitedly on Pam’s lap, calling, “Da-dy, da-dy.” Pam immediately spotted Jim standing tall with Mark at the altar. Their gazes met and Jim grinned, offering her a wink.
Ellie walked—skipped in disposing of the flower petals, the white speckles contrasting nicely with the carpet’s scarlet rue. She looked absolutely adorable, and Pam couldn’t help but smile proudly. When she arrived at the altar, she flipped the basket upside down, dumping the remaining petals on the steps. The church chuckled at her innocent deed. The bride’s maids followed and soon the wedding march began playing and the whole church stood, waiting anxiously.
Immediately, the large, wooden doors opened, revealing the bride. She looked beautiful, the light peering through the door’s colored glass danced wildly amid her ivory dress. Pam watched, astounded, as she marched gracefully down the aisle, welcomed by her husband-to-be.
The ceremony was short, and she was grateful—Ben was becoming fussy. Jim met her outside with Ellie and they drove off to the reception.
“That was beautiful!” Pam exclaimed. “Lisa looked amazing, and the decorations…”
“Yeah, they did good.”
“Daddy, did I do good too?” Ellie chimed in.
“You did awesome kiddo!” Jim said looking in the rearview mirror, watching Ellie’s lips curved into a smile.
It wasn’t long before they arrive at the reception and were seated at their designated table. The wedding party was introduced shortly after and the food began being served. Everything was going really well. The fact that no one, except Mark and Lisa, knew Pam created a comfortable ambience for her. She didn’t have any set expectations to live up to or a pre-destined code she had to follow. This was her tabula rasa—blank slate experience, in which she could begin to trace and find herself.
As the party rolled on, Pam sat at the table, watching Jim and Ellie on the dance floor. Ellie stood on Jim’s shoes mimicking his every step. Her curls, completely undone now, bounced whenever Jim glided across the floor. Pam could hear her giggles erupt every time he twirled her around. When the music ended, Jim picked Ellie up and planted a loud, sloppy kiss on her cheek. He mumbled something in her ear, eliciting her laughter, before lowering her to the ground. Pam watched Ellie scurry off towards Ben while Jim walked slowly towards her.
“Could I have this dance?” Jim said, extending his hand.
“Oh…um… I don’t think….” Pam said, wrapping her arms protectively around herself.
“C’mon,” Jim pleaded, gesturing with his head to the dance floor.
“I don’t know how.”
Jim just stood before her, his arm extended her way, a smile adorning his face. Pam looked past him, eyeing Ellie and Ben bouncing together on the dance floor. She looked back at Jim, his eyes imploring her to take his hand. She shifted uncomfortably on her seat before surrendering to his request. She reached out and he immediately pulled her to her feet, leading her to the dance floor.
Jim and Pam moved smoothly across the dance floor. The slow, orchestral ballad embraced them tightly—comfortably. The shimmering lights from the disco ball toyed with their skin, miming the tingling sensation dispersing throughout their bodies. His eyes were nothing but dark pools of lust with Pam’s reflection immersed in them. She could feel his fingers teasing the thin fabric of her dress and his breath taunting the skin behind her ear. When the song ended, his hands tightened around her, rendering her motionless. He lowered his lips to meet hers and she welcomed, once again, the soft, warm feel of his tongue moving—by design, with hers.
“Ooooh,” Lisa cooed. “I just hope Mark and I are as much in love as you after years of marriage and kids,” she said, approaching them.
Jim and Pam parted their lips, smiling coyly at one another. They looked simultaneously at their children, dancing a few feet away from them. He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the flowery scent of her hair—he missed that. She, in turn, looked up and smiled.
“How did you guys meet?” Lisa’s maid of honor inquired.
“Um…” Pam said, looking hesitant at Jim. “We met at work.”
“Yeah,” Jim chimed in. “We work for the same company.”
“He…um...asked me out to dinner,” Pam began, looking at Jim for reassurance. “And I said yes.”
“Oh, c’mon Pam,” Lisa nudged her teasingly, “Mark has told me about how Jim—”
“Okay…” Jim interrupted quickly, tightening his grip around Pam. “No need to go there. That would take all night.” Jim chuckled nervously. Pam looked curiously at him, knitting her eyebrows together, searching his face.
“What would take all night?” Mark chimed in, snaking his arms around Lisa.
“Jim and Pam’s story!” Lisa exclaimed.
“Oh yes! You’ll need a least a day and a notepad… It gets complicated after his Stanford gig.”
“Yeah… okay… um…” Jim stammered. “Let’s save it for another time.”
“Yeah…I don’t want you boring my guest anyways.”
Jim chuckled nervously, pulling Pam’s hand across the dance floor. Jim felt as if he was under water. Everything seemed slow and far away. The air, sound, and time were thick and dense. Jim could see the questions bubbling at the surface of Pam’s mind. He knew he would have to tell her eventually. But in his heart he thought he wouldn’t need to—she would just remember.
“Look,” he said pulling a chair for her and drawing another for himself. “I promise to tell you everything when we get home.”
“Everything?” She asked skeptically.
“Everything.” He took her hand and brought them to his lips. “I wanted to wait for you. I didn’t want to overwhelm you with—”
“I know…” Pam interrupted, reaching over to touch his cheek. “I know.”
The party soon ended, and Jim and Pam were finally headed home. She wondered what could have possibly happened that could cause Jim’s demeanor to completely shrivel. She could see the effects of this drug called past taking its toll on him. He gripped so tightly to the steering wheel that his knuckles were turning white and the blood had completely drained from his face. Jim was turning into her tabula rasa.
He parked the car in their driveway and turned off the car’s engine. The only sounds came from the soft grunts of their children sleeping in the back seat. “I’ll get Ben,” Pam offered.
They carried their tired children to their beds, kissed them goodnight, and tucked them asleep. Afterwards Pam settled in the kitchen with a cup of tea watching Jim pace nervously while loosening his tie and placing his tux jacket on the back of his chair. He then began removing the studs off his shirt deftly, with the concentration of a bomb squad. Was he staling?
“Jim…”
“Before I start,” he began. “Just know that I never lied to you. We did meet at work and I did ask you to dinner and you did say yes. I just left off the boring parts.”
“The boring parts?” Pam asked, folding her arms across her chest.
“The part where the guy doesn’t get the girl—twice.” He accentuated the last word, wincing as it tumbled out of his mouth.
“Twice?”
“In one night.”
“Was I playing ‘hard to get’?”
“Well… You were kind of engaged,” Jim whispered, knowing he was opening Pandora’s Box.
“Kind of engaged?” Pam said surprised, immediately bringing her hands to her mouth to silence her shrieks.
“He was your high school sweetheart…” As the sentence echoed in his ear, the sharp pain of resentment sunk deep into him. “So, three weeks prior to the wedding, I told you how I felt.”
“Three weeks…” Pam trailed off, her mouth hanging slightly open. “What….Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
“I wanted to…But you had been together with him for a long time and I wasn’t sure how you felt…” Jim leaned against the kitchen counter for support.
“What made you decide to tell me?"
“Well, there were always signs… Now I know I hadn’t misinterpreted any of them.” Jim smiled feebly. “So, during this office party, I told you and you said no. I was going to leave, but I had to try once more. I found you upstairs and I walked up to you and kissed you.”
“What…um… what did I do?”
“You kissed back.” He smiled, but his demeanor soon shriveled. “But it was still a no from you. So I left for Stanford.”
“Did I get married?”
“No, you called it off.”
“Okay, so time goes by and the branches merged, right?”
“Yep, but when I returned I began dating someone from Stanford, Karen.” Jim pulled a chair and sat across from her on the table. “We dated for a while, she was nice and all.” Jim lowered his head, tracing the embroidery of the tablecloth. “I was trying to move on.”
“What happened to me?” Pam asked, cocking her head to meet his gaze.
“You went back with your ex, and it killed me.”
“I think I need a notepad,” Pam chuckled. “We could write a book.”
“Yeah…” Jim’s lips curved into a smile; he was beginning to feel at ease. “This is where the action starts,” he began, rubbing his hands together. “You ended things with him after he flipped out when you told him we kissed. He attacked me the next day.”
Pam gasped, her mouth shaped like an ‘o’. “Did he hurt you?”
“No, Dwight pepper sprayed him before he could.” Jim said raising an eyebrow.
“Wow, I don’t know what to say.” Pam shook her head astonished, resting it in her hands so it wouldn’t tumble with the load of information. “What happened next?”
“For a while we didn’t talk. I think you accepted the way things were for a while. But one day, in front of everybody in the office, you told me you called off your wedding because of me.”
“The nerve, uh?”
“Yeah,” Jim smiled. He slid his hand across the table, resting it on top of hers. “You took me by surprise. I sat there just looking at you.” He teased her hand with his fingertips. “So a week later I went to a job interview in New York and during an interview I found a note from you with my paperwork.”
“What did it say?” Pam asked, bringing her head up to meet his gaze.
“Something about me when I become famous.” He shrugged. “It wasn’t what it said; it was just the thought of you…So I took my name off consideration and broke up with Karen.” Jim’s heart pounded against his chest.
“You turned everything down…w-why?”
“Because I never stopped loving you.”
Jim became overwhelmed by desire, by a longing to be connected to Pam as strongly as possible. He got up from his seat, walked around the table, and lowered his lips to kiss her, very lightly, lingering, thinking about nothing. He slowly lifted himself to a standing position, bringing her with him. He could feel the length of her body pressing against his through the silk fabric of her dress. His hands began to wonder, deliberately, with eagerness; with love.
When their lips parted, Jim pulled away slightly, gazing intently at her. “I love you,” he whispered—a prayer.
When Jim looked at Pam with that kind of attention, making her feel like she was everything to him, she felt profoundly humble— loved. She followed him as he guided her up the stairs and into their bedroom. Jim gathered Pam as closely as he possibly could, loving her with everything in him. He moved slowly, almost teasingly, peeling her dress off little by little, savoring every inch of her skin. The street lights outside their bedroom casted a warm glow on her skin, making her look so radiant, so beautiful. God, he missed her.
Pam immediately recognized the feeling, the sensation, the pressure of his body against hers. The sweet kisses behind her ears, the soft whimpers and groans, the touch of his hands traveling lower, ever-so-lower—she’s heard and felt it all. Her hands began to wonder through his hair, down his back, feeling his every muscle pulsate under her fingertips. She loved the effect she was having on him. She loved him. And she slowly unwounded, surrendering to every teasing caress he offered.
Jim knew Pam like the palm of his hand for he wondered through the maze of her body many times. He knew exactly what buttons to push, and he was pushing them slowly, and with increasing vigor. He could feel her heartbeat in-sync with his, pulsating to the beat of their lovemaking. He was in her, around her, leaving her nothing more than a limbic core with a few peripherals. When the wave overtook them under its inviting surge, they glided freely in each other’s arms, allowing their bodies to fuse together as one.
They lay in bed, limbs tangled, skin flushed, beads of sweat adorning their foreheads, and their lips full and tinged with scarlet rues. His arms wrapped protectively around her and his leg rested snuggly amongst hers. He savored this moment, never wanting to let go. He will never let go. Jim felt fulfilled and warm in her embrace for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime.
Pam rested her head over his bare chest, feeling his ribcage rise and fall rhythmically as sleep welcomed him in its arms. She shifted closer to him, fitting to the symmetry of his body. She whispered I love you into his heart, for safe-keeping, in case she forgets again.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Here is another chapter. For the first time I'm posting a chapter without having completed the next chapter. I'm doing thing for two reasons. First, I'm excited about this chapter, it was my favorite to write. Second, I have to stop tweaking it. If I don't post it now I will never finish the next chapter because I find myself re-touching this one all the time. This also means that my next update wil take more time time than usual. Thanks everyone who reviewed, you have no idea how happy you make this girl feel.
EmilyHalpert you are amazing!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, sigh*
EmilyHalpert you are amazing!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, sigh*
Chapter End Notes:
I hope you liked it. Kudos to anyone of you who can pick out a little snipped I added to my story from a book I've been reading. Let me know what you're thinking.
