*
*
The sun was just above the horizon when its rays reached out, peering through the thin, draped curtains urging Jim awake. Barely alert and with his eyes still shut, he lazily stretched his long arm, seeking for her in the sea of blue sheets beside him. But he only felt the imprint and the fading warmth of her body as his fingertips stroked the empty spot next to him. He slowly propped himself up with his elbows, looking around the room, listening to its stillness. He then slowly sat up, reaching for his boxers and his undershirt from the heap of clothes at the foot of the bed.
The floor creaked under his bare feet as he made his way down the hallway past the kids’ room. It was fairly early and Ellie and Ben were still sprawled lazily on their beds peacefully asleep. Jim made his way down the stairs, peered into the kitchen and living room only to find it empty, silenced. It’s not until his heart began to quicken its beat that he noticed the front door slightly ajar. Wrapping his arms around himself, Jim ventured out into the cool morning breeze.
Jim rubbed his hands together for warmth as he looked around their front yard, spotting the garage door lifted open. He began walking across the lawn, approaching its entrance to peek inside. He found Pam engulfed in his oxford shirt, sitting at her easel with a wooden palette in hand. Her head tipped sideways and her lips pressed together in thought, not noticing paint dripping from the palette like melting ice cream. He watched her push the extra long sleeves up to her elbows and begin moving the paintbrush effortlessly across the canvas like a needle gliding on an old vinyl record.
Jim stepped further inside—cautiously, not wanting to interrupt her trance. But the image of her painting was so poignant and powerful that he couldn’t resist. He approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. He brushed aside the curls brushing against her neck and began teasing her skin with small kisses. He could see the corner of her lips curving into a smile as he inched closer and closer to the spot just behind her ear.
“Good morning,” he said, punctuating each syllable with a kiss.
“Mmmm….Good morning,” she said, exhaling the contentment coursing her veins. She turned to face him and he lowered his lips to meet hers—tenderly, lingering.
When their lips finally parted he motioned to the easel. “You’re painting before daybreak.”
“Yeah… I woke up with the urge and…I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I had this picture in my head,” she gestured to the unfinished painting, “I needed it done.”
“You remembered what you were painting?” Jim asked, and Pam nodded, smiling. “What is it?”
“You can’t guess?” She asked mischievously.
“No yet…” he said tentatively.
“Well… you’ll soon.” She stood up on her tippy-toes and planted a kiss on his cheek. “I know the kids will be up soon, so I won’t be long here.”
Jim smiled, running his hands up and down her arms. “Ok, I’ll get the coffee going.”
Jim walked back to the house and into the kitchen, filing the coffee maker and the tea kettle with water. He sat on the table nursing his empty mug, marveling at the events of the previous night. He couldn’t quiet put his current state of mind into coherent thoughts. Last night felt similar to their first night together, and if he is being honest, Jim felt most nervous on the latter. In almost seven years of happily, freely, and languorously making love to Pam, yesterday had been new to him. He wanted her to feel exactly as he did their first time—insane with happiness.
Jim sat amid thought, unaware of the whistling kettle on the stove. He was lifted from his reverie by Pam entering the kitchen. “Hey.”
“Oh hey,” he said startled. “Didn’t see you come in.” Jim stood up and removed the whistling kettle from the stove before pouring coffee into his mug. “You’re done?”
“Oh no,” she said, retrieving her mug from the cupboard and allowing Jim to fill it with the hot water. “Not yet, but soon.”
The kitchen felt silent as both nursed their mugs, slowly sipping its hot contents. Morning had quickly settled and dust particles floated up in the daylight that spilled through the small kitchen window. Pam smiled feebly at Jim and motioned to speak, but hesitated. Jim noticed her struggle and decided come to her aid.
“Tell me.”
Pam smiled, knowing she couldn’t hide anything from him. “You know,” she began, “I want to remember. I want to remember everything.” Jim watched her clutch tightly to her mug. “Last night was…” Her eyes were dreamy and distance, a smile stretched across her face. “It’s just…I can not know about our first date, first kiss, the kid’s firsts…” Pam trailed off, resting her head in her hands. “I feel a chunk of my life is missing. I feel a void.”
“C’mere,” Jim said extending his arms in her direction. She tentatively stood up, walked around the table, and situated herself on his lap. Jim sensed the tension under his fingertips as he rubbed lazy circles on her back. “How about we drop off the kids at my mother’s and I’ll show you and tell you everything you want to know.”
Pam smiled, flinging her arms around his neck. The anxiety she’d been feeling slowly drifting away. “I’d like that.”
“Alright, it’s a date.”
....................
Their morning routine was usual and filled with spilled juice, burnt toast, giggles, and milk-mustache kisses. Even with the customary chaos, Pam’s favorite part of the day was mornings. No matter how weary or hesitant she felt, there was always the certainty that absolutely anything could happen. Today might be the day I remember. And even though she might not, it matter not a jot. The possibility was always there.
After dropping the kids off at Jim’s parents, they were on their way to memory lane. Pam had a queasy feeling about leaving the kids, even if it was at their grandma’s house. The only time she’d been away from them was when she was at the hospital, but since then she’s spent every minute with them. It had only been five minutes since they drove away, but Pam already missed them.
“Are you sure your mom doesn’t mind keeping them for the whole day?”
“No, not at all. I’m afraid we won’t be able to get them back.” Jim mused, receiving a feeble smile tugging the corners of Pam’s lips. “I promise we won’t take the entire day,” Jim said conscious of her qualms. “Do you want to go back and get them?”
“Maybe,” she said sheepishly. “Is that bad?”
“No… We could bring them along,” Jim offered.
“No…they’ll be bored… I’m just…. Forget it…. Um… Where are we going?”
“First, I thought we would go where we met.” Jim said, averting his eyes from the traffic to look at her.
“Work?”
“Yes—“
“Isn’t it closed today?”
“It is, but I have the keys—perks of my position.”
When the car pulled into the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot, Pam gazed, wide eyed at the light colored, brick building standing inside a shrubbery fenced area. This setting was definitely familiar, though its vibe made her feel somewhat uneasy. Jim parked the car and made his way to her side to open the door for her.
“This is it,” Jim said, gesturing towards the empty lot. She stepped cautiously out of the car, linking her hand with his, allowing him to pull her across the parking lot. Jim fiddled with the keys, testing two possible options before the lock finally clicked open. They walked inside, taking the elevator to the second floor. The doors opened and she faced a small hallway with white wall and an oversized plant to her right. She followed him towards the glass door and stood by as Jim unlocked the door and flicked the fluorescent lights on.
“Tah-dah,” Jim said as the lights turned on one at a time.
“This is it, uh?”
“Yep, this it is.”
This was a place she should remember. Many stories Jim told her involved this office and the people in it. This was the place she met Jim, where she fell in love with him—the first time. She walked to the first island of desks, easily singling out hers with all the pictures of the Ellie and Ben. She traced the edge of her desk with her finger, stopping briefly to inspect the contents inside the drawers—a hairbrush, a lint-remover, jellybeans, and a cardigan. The kid’s artwork was also displayed as well as few of what she thought was her own sketches.
“This hasn’t been touched.”
“Yeah, our boss was very demanding that no one touched your desk.” Jim walked further into the office, leaning on the reception desk. “At one point he wanted to erect an altar.”
“I’m glad he didn’t. Imagine that?” Pam chuckled.
Pam trotted to the kitchen, the annex, the break room and back. Jim followed her patiently as she observed every inch of the office. She was taking every detail in, scrutinizing the content on each desk and imagining its owners. This place was not foreign, in the back of her mind she recognized the smell and the aura, if there was such a thing in an office. She knew this place.
“So?” Jim asked, watching her pan her eyes around the office once more.
“It rings lots of bells, but nothing major.”
“Okay…” Jim shifted uncomfortably, walking to her desk and leaning against it. “We had our first kiss right here.” Jim said, patting the edge of her desk.
“The infamous kiss?” Pam smiled mischievously.
“Yep… that one.” Jim said unable to hide his grin. “Also the first time we joked,” He pointed to the reception desk, “was there and the first time we had lunch together,” he pointed towards the kitchen, “was there.”
“Lots of firsts.”
Pam felt the importance this dim, typical paper supply office was for them. All their memories were packed tightly between these walls. If walls could talk, she mused. Pam started walking towards the exit, but stopped mid stride, eyeing a watercolor hanging on the wall. The painting and its contours seemed amateur, but Pam knew it belonged to her.
“I did this,” she said with all conviction, pointing to the painting. “I drew this, I know.”
“You did…” Jim said. “A long time ago.”
Looking at the painting Pam saw more than colors and lines. That painting evoked a deep feeling within her. It meant more than its image let on. “How…why is it here?”
“Michael, our boss, liked it so much that he bought it from you on your first art show.”
“It means a lot to me…it’s—“
“It was the first time someone appreciated your talent.” Jim said knowingly. “He was one of the few that went to your art show. It did mean a lot to you.”
Pam smiled, tracing her fingers along the edge of the frame. “Somehow I know that.”
Jim approached her, placing a kiss on her hair. She leaned into him, letting her head fall on his shoulder. He pulled her to a full hug, embracing her small frame in his arms. “I think we should get going.”
“Where?” She asked raising her eyes to meet his.
“You’ll see,” Jim smiled sideways, quirking an eyebrow.
They walked back to the car and Pam watched Jim drive towards the highway. She laid her head back on the headrest, closing her eyes as the car’s motion lulled her asleep. The sun’s rays flashed against her closed eyelids, sending her mind wondering to the previous night. How fulfilled she felt. How absolutely amazing he felt. His fingertips awakened every dormant muscle in her body, calling forth their presence as he made sweet love to her. He was very tender and considerate, making her feel that more welcomed in his arms. Nothing had ever felt as right as it did last night.
An hour later, Pam’s eye’s fluttered open as Jim ran his fingertips up and down her leg. She sat up disoriented, fixing the seatbelt around her.
“We are almost there.” Jim said, watching her lazily stretch her arms in front of her. “No more painting before dawn.”
“Yeah…” She chuckled through a yawn.
Pam watched as Jim took exit 17 and stopped at a rest stop. Fairview, it read. She looked at the fuel gauge and it was more than half way full. She didn’t understand why he needed to fill up if they were almost there—not that it needed to be filled anyways. She shrugged the thought, getting comfortable on the seat. But then, something clicked, something made sense as Jim maneuvered the car into a parking spot. They had arrived.
Jim observed the wheels turning inside her head. He knew she was trying to figure out why he had stopped here, at a gas station, in the middle of nowhere. Her eyebrows were knitted together and her mouth was twisted sideways—in thought. He watched her unbuckle her seat belt and slowly, almost tentatively step outside. He didn’t hesitate following her as she absorbed the ordinary setting. He placed his hands inside his pockets feeling the coolness of her engagement and wedding rings. They had removed them at the hospital and she hadn’t worn them since.
Pam looked back at Jim, defeated. She couldn’t remember. He strode towards her wrapping his arms around her. Jim was sure he could get drunk from the delicious smell of her hair. He inhaled and exhaled slowly, bringing his mouth inches from her ear.
“Give up?” He whispered.
Pam chuckled, burrowing her face in his chest. “Mmmm….yes.”
“This was where I proposed to you.”
“Here?” Pam said panning her eyes around, confirming that they were still standing at a rest stop, that they hadn’t been beamed somewhere else. “Okay.”
“I had planned on proposing to you a few months before, with fireworks and everything.” He smiled. “But that didn’t work out. Then you left for….”
“Pratt," she added.
“Yes… So you were in Pratt, I was here and… things were busy. We didn’t see each other for almost two weeks. And I just… I couldn’t wait.” Jim smiled shyly. “So I asked you to meet me here,” he said gesturing around. “Then…”
Jim’s heart began pounding in his chest and his palm began sweating. At least the first time he could’ve blamed on the rain, but not now. Anyone that says the second time around is easier was wrong. He took her hands in his trembling ones, running his thumb over her empty ring finger. He continued to hold her hand, finishing for the rings inside his pocket. He pulled both rings out, watching as her eyes locking on them.
“Pam…” he began.
“Oh my God…” she shrieked, covering her mouth.
“Will you remain married to me?” He smiled, watching her surprised reaction."I know its lame, but..."
“Yes!” She said, without hesitation.
Jim pulled her face close to his looking intently into her eyes. He lowered his lips to meet hers, feeling the warm and sweet taste of her mouth. He smiled, sensing her lips curve into smile as well. He wrapped his arms tightly around her acknowledging a few happy tears that spilled on his shirt; he wasn’t sure whose they were.
Pam pulled away slightly, dabbing her eyes with her fingertips. “I remember…” she said nodding her head. “… I remember.”
“What?” Jim asked curiously.
“It was raining.” She said closing her eyes, as if lulling the memory back. “I remembered that it was raining—”
“Yeah… It was.” He interrupted. “It poured that day. I didn’t want you to drive back.”
Pam smiled. “You just didn’t want me to go back,” she said, sniffing away a few tears.
“Secretly, I didn’t want you to leave.” Jim said with a snug smile on his face. “I wanted you with me, always.”
“And always it will be.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Another chapter here. Once again, I'm posting without having the next chapter completed. I had an idea for the next chapter, but something happened to my friend's daughter and I just had to wirte about it. So I re-wrote the next chapter... But I promise it won't be long before I post it again.
EmilyHalpert you rock!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
EmilyHalpert you rock!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading. Let me know If you are still here with me. And also let me know what you think or what you would like to see. I'd be happy to incorporate your ideas!
ps. 1 more day for JAM wedding!!!!!! I can't wait!
ps. 1 more day for JAM wedding!!!!!! I can't wait!
