Day 1: 7:09 am
She had been enjoying a dreamy sleep when the buzzing from her alarm woke her with a start. She smashed her hand against the button, wishing that snooze lasted longer than nine minutes. With a groan she opened her eyes and stared at the dark red numbers, not wanting to get up. Stretched her arms out across the bed she suddenly realized he was no longer next to her. She sat up wondering how he was able to get up before her when she always had to push him out of bed.
She dragged herself out of bed and only made it a few steps when she stubbed her toe on one of the many boxes that littered the room. It was still dark out; the shades were down and she had forgotten that she had to be more careful when walking around. She sat on the bed and rubbed her toe, hoping the shooting pain would die down in a minute. She took a second to look at the unfamiliar surroundings. It was day three in the new townhouse, everything was still in boxes and while she loved that she was living with him now, she lamented that they hadn’t had time to unpack.
In the distance she heard the shower start. She groped for the light switch so that she could make her way across the room without stumbling over anything else and began to groggily head towards the bathroom. She moved as if on autopilot, entering the bathroom, doing her business and washing her hands. She could hear him whistling and wondered why a man, who usually would groan when she nudged him awake everyday, seemed to be in such a good mood.
She pushed the shower curtain back to see him standing there, naked and soapy, with a big dopey grin on his face. She shook her head and undressed easily before stepping in to join him. The warm water felt good on her skin and she stood there motionless with her eyes closed while the steam surrounded her.
“Morning,” he said cheerfully. She could feel his wet lips brush her forehead.
“Why are you so happy?” she asked.
“The Dundies,” he replied too brightly for her taste. She let out a groan. “Come on, Pam, you love the Dundies. I’m pretty sure we’re locked in for Most Boring Couple. We’ll have a nice trophy to put with the other three.”
“You go then,” she said with a frown. She didn’t hate the Dundies but Michael made it difficult for anyone to ever truly enjoy them. Except for Jim, who always seemed to enjoy them and took pride in the fact that they did win Most Boring Couple every year. She often wished Michael would stop making the awards show so predictable. But the Dundies wasn’t what she was dreading. It was something else. “The documentary crew is coming back today,” she reminded him.
“So?” he asked as if it were no big deal. He brushed her hair over her shoulder and began to run the soapy sponge gently over her back, washing her as he always did when she would join him in the shower and refuse to actually clean herself. “They weren’t that bad the first time.”
“Weren’t that bad?” she complained. She thought back to the week the documentary crew came to Dunder-Mifflin. True, Jim didn’t find them nearly as intrusive as she had but neither liked that for that week they had to pretend to be people they weren’t and hide the relationship they had. So far, no one had mentioned that they had to go back to that act but the feeling in her stomach was ominous.
“Oh, come on, Pam,” he said, moving the sponge lower to caress her ass. “That was only what, five, six days? We handled it fine then, I promise it will be fine now.”
She turned to face him, admiring his optimism. Work was hard enough without the cameras and she was glad he was always there with her. “You promise?” she asked with a hopeful half-smile.
“Yeah,” he nodded assuring.
“And if it’s a complete disaster, I can blame you?”
“Totally.” He slid his hand up her torso, pausing to cup her breast and give it a playful squeeze. “Hey, you know what we haven’t done in here yet,” he stated with a mischievous smile.
She grinned and pulled him down for a kiss.
9:37am
Pam squirmed in her chair. Jim, who was sitting next to her and was usually the restless one, sat very still, listening intently to what was being said. This time it wasn’t Michael who was giving a speech at the front of the conference room, it was Jen Wilson, the blonde, tight-nosed producer of the documentary being shot at Dunder-Mifflin. She had been speaking to the entire staff about the documentary and how they planned to be shooting over the next eight months. Eight months, in which Pam anticipated her coworkers to act ten times worse than usual; all of them wanting the documentary to be their ticket to fame and fortune. Two hundred and thirty-six days to be exact, Jen explained to them. And Pam knew she’d be dreading every moment of it.
Michael was already on his worst behavior. It was bad enough that tonight was the Dundie Awards, but with the cameras around she knew he would waste the entire day preparing for that, leaving her to pick up his slack. It didn’t matter that he sometimes proved to be a good salesman; she often wondered how many customers they lost due to Michael’s inability to manage. Pam slumped in her chair wishing they could go about their day and not even be bothered.
“So, I think that just about wraps up what we need to go over,” Jen was explaining with her false smile. Pam’s dislike for the woman grew every time she saw her. “Oh,” she said, her eyes widening as she caught Pam’s eyes. “That reminds me. I want you all to know that like last time, our benefactor wants us to continue our little love storyline so remember, your coworkers here,” she pointed at Jim and Pam, “are not a couple.”
“Whoa, what?” Jim asked seeming as confused as she was. No one on the documentary crew had come to talk with them about the situation. “I thought that contract ended when the documentary was wrapped up last time?”
“Yeah,” Pam agreed hopefully. “No one came to talk to us about a new contract. I thought that was a one time deal.”
“You know what everyone, the meeting is over. If you have any questions you can ask me in a few minutes. I would like to talk with Pam and Jim alone, please.” Everyone began to file out as Jen opened the briefcase that rested on the table. She pulled out two thick piles of paper and plopped them down. “These are the new contracts.”
Pam looked over at Jim with an astonished face. “What?” she said a little in disbelief of the huge stack of paper in front of them.
Jim reached over and flipped through the first one. “What’s in it? What are the terms?” he asked.
“Oh, it’s not that different from last time,” she began. “The two of you downplay your relationship whenever the cameras are around. Occasionally, we’ll give you a ‘scene’ or two to act out to move the story forward and answer a few questions in your interviews we have prepared for you but other than that, Jim, you show you’re in love with Pam and Pam, you don’t seem to notice. Just like last time. Of course, Pam, you will still have to pretend to be engaged to Roy. There is no way we would give that angle up.”
“And what do we get out of it?” Pam asked not entirely sure she would be satisfied with any offer they would give.
“Ten thousand dollars up front and another five thousand dollars a month,” Jen said. “I know you guys are engaged. If we get some great footage during our stay, maybe our benefactor will chip in to help you out with your wedding.”
“Why do you expect us to go along with any of it?” Pam asked. The deal seemed almost too good to be true and she wanted to make sure they weren’t getting in over their head.
“Because it’s good television,” Jen replied simply but that answer was not satisfactory for either of them. “Look, our benefactor is giving your company a lot of money to shoot this documentary. In return the company gets a ton of publicity when it comes out. We know that corporate is looking to shut down a branch. You could sign the contract and we continue to pay the company to shoot here, which will in turn keep this branch open or you don’t sign them and we take our money and project elsewhere, which leaves corporate with an easy choice of which branch to close down. Your company is barely keeping afloat financially and if it means cutting one of their losses, particularly this branch that is performing the worse, they’ll do it. It’s your choice.”
“You people are horrible and I don’t think I want to be apart of it,” Pam said vehemently.
Jen turned her attention to Jim who had been unusually quiet. “Jim, what do you think?” she asked.
Jim looked carefully from Pam to Jen then back to Pam again. “Jen, can Pam and I speak alone for a second?” Jen nodded and left the room.
“You want to sign it,” Pam accused after Jen shut the door. “Do you really want to spend the next eight months pretending we’re not together?”
“No, I really don’t,” Jim admitted. “But, Pam, they’re offering us fifty-thousand dollars. Plus, they may pay for the wedding. I don’t know if we should be so quick to pass up that opportunity. We could save up for a house…”
“I like the townhouse,” Pam interjected even though she didn’t want to admit she would love a real house.
Jim continued. “We could go on a honeymoon to anywhere you’d want to go. I just think, maybe, the money would be useful.”
“But look at the cost,” Pam argued. She grabbed one of the contracts off the table and began to flip through. “Do you realize what this is? They’ll have complete control over our lives at work. There is a list of regulations we have to follow, along with a list of fines for breaking the rules. It means eight hours a day can’t be ourselves. Eight hours a day that I have to be aware that every time I look at you I’m not allowed to express how I feel.”
Jim starred solemnly at the floor. “I understand Pam, and I feel the same way but I also don’t want to be responsible for the loss of everyone’s jobs.” He said finally. “Do you? I just--I don’t know if I could handle the guilt. Yeah, this whole situation sucks. They’re bribing us into something we don’t want to do but Pam, there are plenty of couples out there who go to work every day and not even see their significant other. Do you know how lucky I feel just to be able to look up from my desk during a stressful day at work and see you sitting there? And, of course, actors do this all the time…”
“We’re not actors,” Pam reminded him.
“I know,” he said with a sigh. “But maybe now we are. We can get through this, Pam, I know it.”
Pam frowned but she understood where Jim was coming from. She knew a sense of guilt would get her as well if the branch closed. And as much as she hated to admit it, they could use the money. “Alright,” she said. “I’ll agree to do this under one condition. If it gets to be too hard, if they start asking us to do crazy things, we put in our two weeks notice. We can put our resumes together, start looking for new jobs because if this goes bad, I don’t want to stay in it.”
“I’ll go along with that,” Jim told her. “Any sign that this is a bad situation, we bail, okay?” Pam nodded. “Okay, I’ll go get Jen.”
11:04am
Pam shifted her weight in the chair; her butt was beginning to hurt and her eyes were becoming strained from watching the television for the last hour. Michael had given her the task of watching every previous Dundie Awards so she could put together a highlight reel. Seven long tapes filled with bad jokes and horrible impressions. She was amused, at first, by the ones that occurred before she had arrived, especially the ones before Michael was regional manager, but the novelty wore off quickly and now she was just bored.
She was at least grateful she was doing this task instead of some other inane thing Michael cooked up. She had been worried, with all the time Michael was spending in his office, that she’d have to take care of all the Dunder-Mifflin business Michael was missing but instead that had been dished out to everyone else. She now felt only a little bad about writing what she did on the wall of the bathroom. She had been feeling particularly vindictive that morning and needed to take it out on someone. The girls all had a good laugh over it and Dwight looked as though he’d do anything to read it but it was all in good fun. If Michael ever saw it, he’d probably laugh.
Pam got the next tape ready and realized it was her first Dundies Awards. With a smile, she popped it in. Everyone filed in and she saw a younger version of herself take a seat near a younger version of Jim. They had been dating six months at that point and she got a warm feeling when she was reminded of the time early in their relationship.
As the tape rolled on, one of the cameramen came in. She sighed a little but turned her attention back to the TV screen and pretended he wasn’t there. He said nothing, as usual and took a seat next to her, occasionally panning from the television to her reaction.
She watched as a numerous amount of people received their awards, a half dozen or so who no longer worked there. She wondered what some of them were doing today. Her thoughts were interrupted when the Michael on the video announced his next award was going to Jim and Pam. She remembered being excited for receiving one, though a little nervous as well because she was already aware of how Michael treated his employees. The Most Boring Couple Award, Michael had just announced in the video. She remembered being incredibly stunned when he had given them that. She didn’t think they were boring but who knew what went on in Michael’s head.
She remembered the scene fondly as she watched Jim walk up to retrieve the award. Then, she noticed the cameraman there and thought the sight of Jim giving Pam a congratulatory kiss on the TV would not be good for the documentary.
“So, you guys are gonna have to edit this out, right?” Pam asked casually. She rarely interacted with the cameraman unless asked a direct question.
“Edit or doctor the tape,” he replied in a gruff voice. “We do that stuff all the time.”
“Really?” she asked. She wasn’t sure why she was so surprised by that.
A few minutes later, the screen showed Kevin sitting down in front of the camcorder. She had forgotten he had done that and now all she had was audio. She sighed and rested her head on her hand as she listened.
2:22pm
Pam took her break as soon as she was able to get one. Jim was already in the break room snacking on a bag of chips and soda. She sat next to him and grabbed a few chips for her own.
“Hey,” she said as she stuffed them in her mouth. “I didn’t have that big of a lunch, sorry.” She held her hand out so the crumbs falling down her face wouldn’t spill on to the table.
“Yeah, I can see that,” Jim said as he pushed the bag closer her to her.
“I’m going to have a huge dinner at Chili’s tonight,” she explained, grabbing a few more. She was about to put them in her mouth when she saw one of the cameramen come around the corner. They both stared at him for a second as he got a shot of the two of them then, since they weren’t doing or talking about anything interesting, he went back out. Pam let out a grunt. “You know they’re going to doctor those old Dundie tapes so they will fit their documentary?”
“Really?” Jim asked, taking a sip of soda. “That doesn’t seem necessary.”
“It’s probably not,” she continued. “But they want all their bases covered. The camera guy was telling me about it. They haven’t been here a whole day and I already feel like my privacy is being invaded.”
“Well, technically it is,” Jim agreed. “But it hasn’t been so bad, has it?”
“I just don’t like how you look up and they’re right there,” Pam commented holding her hands out for emphasis. She took his soda and washed down the chips. “I mean, it’s a little unnerving and it’s making me feel self-conscious.”
“Why, are you doing something bad?” he joked. She gave him a glare. “I know it’s not ideal,” he amended.
“Why did they even have to pick our branch?” Pam complained. “I blame Michael for being such a moron.”
“Oh, god, speaking of Michael,” Jim started. “I spent a majority of this afternoon having to help him pick awards to give out to people. It’s going to be painful. And, as always, he was going to give us the Most Boring Couple Award, but because the cameras are here that needed to be changed. Do you have any idea how long it took to get him to understand that it needed to be? Plus, Jen had this script all lined up. I think they have you winning the Longest Engagement Award or something to cover up the Most Boring Couple award. Yeah, and Michael didn’t even get that when I tried to explain that you and Roy had to win an award, not you and me.”
Pam gave a little moan. “Longest Engagement? To Roy? How long are we supposed to have been engaged?”
“Three years, I think,” Jim replied.
“Oh my god, Jim, there is no way I would wait three years to get married,” she informed him seriously. “You’d think they have us sit down and work all of this out.”
Jim held his hands up. “Maybe they think if we improv the whole thing it’ll more realistic.”
Pam shook her head. “So, if Michael had this much of a problem with our situation, do you think everyone else will?” she asked.
“Nah,” Jim said shaking his head. “I don’t think anyone cares all that much and none of them are as dense.”
“So, what awards are we getting?” she asked, a little hesitant to hear the answer. Michael was not known for giving out friendly awards and she didn’t feel like being horribly embarrassed in front of the cameras. Most Boring Couple was almost a comfort to win every year if it meant Michael would overlook some other embarrassing aspect of their lives.
“I don’t know,” Jim replied honestly. “He kicked me out after I told him it was not nice to give Kevin…well, you’ll just have to see for yourself. Anyway, he’s completely stressing himself out over tonight. Hence the major breakdown he just had.”
“Oh, you mean about how he wants everyone to have a great Dundies? Yeah, he does that every year though,” Pam reminded him, picking some crumbs out of the chip bag. “It can be expected. And of course everything is much more dramatic with the cameras around. You know he is going to be horrible all year. All they do is encourage his bad antics.”
“I know, I know,” Jim agreed.
“Well, we get to bring our families,” Pam mentioned, pretending as if it were some great consolation prize. She couldn’t ever imagine seriously bringing anyone related to her to the silly awards show.
“Hmm…” Jim rubbed his chin. “I should ask my fiancée if she wants to go.” He gave her a smile in hopes of cheering her up.
“She doesn’t want to go,” she groaned. “But I’ll be sure to ask my fiancé because he loves lame things like this.”
“Yeah, you aren’t being nice today,” Jim responded.
She placed her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m just- I hate days like these. Oh, that reminds me. Since we’re talking about fiancés, Roy is picking me up tonight at our place and taking me over there.” Jen had come to speak to her about it an hour or so ago and while Pam hated the idea, Jen insisted that she and Jim do not come together. It would look better if she came with Roy, Jen had explained, but Pam wasn’t sure how that could be the case.
“Ok,” Jim said slowly. “Am I taking you home?”
“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “Probably. There’s no point in Roy doing it if you’re right there.”
“Well, with that logic, there’s no point in Roy picking you up, either,” Jim pointed out.
She and Jim had talked about Roy a little the first time around but never extensively and she wasn’t entirely sure where he stood on the subject. She hated the idea that she had to pretend to be engaged to anyone else but Jim never said anything about it. If anything, his dissatisfied looks gave him away but he never complained.
“Maybe I can stage a break-up with Roy and he’ll go away,” Pam suggested.
“I’m all for that,” Jim agreed jokingly. Though they both knew, realistically, that it would break one of the many regulations in the contract and any attempt to sabotage what the documentary crew wanted would result in a huge fine.
“I don’t know,” Pam said shaking her head. “It’s a shame we can’t plot out the story ourselves. I still feel uncomfortable about the whole thing.”
“It’s just acting,” he assured her. “It’s not like you have to actually do anything with him. He’s just…there. Like some unwanted lump or something.”
Pam let out a laugh. “Can I tell Roy that?”
“Uh…no, he’s a lump that could probably beat the crap out of me,” Jim responded.
Pam gave another laugh followed by a long sigh. They sat there in silence for a moment while Jim finished off the rest of the soda.
“Hey, by the way,” Jim finally said, “did you write something on the bathroom wall about Michael?”
5:42pm
“He’s late.”
“Did you expect anything less?”
“I expected him to be on time.”
Pam was pacing around her living room, her jacket already on, her purse clutched in her hands. “He was supposed to be here ten minutes ago.” She checked her watch again just to make sure she was reading it right. “I mean it takes twenty minutes to get out there.”
“It only takes ten,” Jim assured her. He was sitting relaxed on the couch, watching amused as she walked back and forth. “Why is this getting you all worked up? I thought you didn’t care about the Dundies?”
“I don’t,” she answered firmly. “But I don’t like to be late either. And I just want to get this over with.”
“Well, I’ll be later than you. I’m not even going to leave until you’re gone.” He pushed himself off the couch and grabbed her shoulders to stop her pacing. “It will be fine. You don’t have anything to worry about. It’s just like any other Dundies.”
“Easy for you to say, you don’t have to go with Roy,” Pam complained.
Jim gave her a kiss on the forehead. “You’ll be fine,” he assured her.
Pam put her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. “This is gonna suck.”
He laughed and gave her a hug.
A moment later there was a knock on the door. Jim answered and there Roy stood, still dressed in his warehouse uniform. Pam was slightly annoyed and wondered what took him so long if he hadn’t even bothered to change.
“Hey guys,” Roy said as the door opened. He looked awkward stepping into the townhouse. The first time the cameras filmed, Pam, Jim and Roy all sat down to set up some boundaries. Jim and Pam told Roy that they were fine with anything the documentary crew gave them to do. Roy agreed with that and stated that he wouldn’t cross any lines that seemed inappropriate. Talking about the pretend relationship and flirting were fine but any touching would have to be okayed with Pam first. There hadn’t been any problems the first time and Pam didn’t worry too much about Roy the second time; it was mostly the situation itself she protested. They agreed that afternoon that the guidelines they set up the first time would be used then. If any out of the ordinary situation arose, they agreed to all talk about it first to make sure everyone was on the same page.
“Hey Roy,” Jim said in a friendly manner. Roy didn’t meet Jim’s eye-line. Pam found it amusing that Roy felt more uncomfortable then Jim in the situation and that Roy, in the past, had been very respectful of the both of them.
“Ready to go?” he asked Pam.
“Yeah, I’ve been waiting,” Pam told him impatiently.
“Oh, yeah, I’m so sorry about that,” Roy said though he didn’t seem all that apologetic. “There was some crazy traffic and I couldn’t remember which one was your place.”
Pam let out a sigh. Jim smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “Have fun,” he told her. “I’ll see you there.”
With that, Pam reluctantly followed Roy out to his truck. At least Roy tried to be a gentleman at first, opening the door for her and helping her into the truck but he hadn’t bothered to clean the vehicle before he arrived. It smelled of alcohol and stale food. Wrappers and garbage were scattered everywhere. And there was something sticky on the seat that she worried would get on her jacket. Pam stared out the window as he drove.
Roy, however, didn’t seem to like the silence and tried to make small talk. “So, Halpert is cool with all of this? I mean me taking you to the show and stuff?”
“Would you be cool with all of this?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh, yeah, probably not,” Roy replied. “But, man, it’s not like we’re going to do anything or anything. I totally wouldn’t touch you unless you said I could. You know, like we talked about.”
Pam nodded her head. “Uh, thank you.” She smiled to herself. She was surprised that Roy seemed to be more worried of how Jim would react with her than Jim worried about Roy. She hadn’t thought that would be the case.
“So, do you know how long we have to stay tonight?” Roy asked.
“I don’t know,” Pam responded simply.
“So, like an hour or two hours?”
“I don’t know,” Pam repeated a little harsher this time. “Why, do you have somewhere you need to be?”
“Well, yeah I think I have a date tonight. This chick I met at Poor Richard’s last night said she’d meet me there tonight,” Roy explained. “And she’s totally hot. Uh, I mean, not that you’re not hot. I mean…well you know what I mean. Wait, if we have to do this pretend thing, does that mean I can’t ask out girls?”
Pam’s jaw dropped a little. How he managed a ten-year relationship with someone was beyond her. “I think you can ask out anyone you want and I have no idea what time we’ll get done.”
“Hey, you know what would be really cool,” Roy said, his eyes growing wide in excitement. “If we had a breakup scene to do. That would be, like, totally awesome to do. We would get to yell and stuff. That producer chick said we’re playing the whole thing by ear, but still. How cool would that be?”
“Yeah, that would be great for everyone,” Pam said blandly. She wondered if the people who would eventually watch this documentary would actually buy her being engaged to Roy. She didn’t think she could stand ten more minutes with the guy.
“Hey, what if…”
“Why don’t we listen to some music?” she asked. She knew he was just trying to be friendly but she didn’t feel like answering any more questions. Roy turned on the radio and the bass began to blare some heavy rap music. Pam rubbed her head and realized how grateful she was that she had Jim and his taste in music. “It’s a little loud, don’t you think?” she screamed.
“What?” Roy asked.
Pam turned down the radio for him. “I said it’s a little loud.”
“Really?” Roy asked in disbelief. Pam shook her head.
She kept her eyes out the side window and didn’t say another word until Roy passed the street that led to the highway. “Roy, you missed the turn,” she informed him.
“Oh, I know,” he responded, tapping on the wheel to the beat of the music. “Have to get Darryl.”
Pam groaned. The truck barely held the two of them. She wasn’t looking forward to being squished between Roy and Darryl for the rest of the car ride.
6:19pm
By the time Pam arrived with Roy and Darryl, she had a massive headache. Once Darryl got in the car, they not only had squished her but Roy insisted they turn back up the music. She might have been fine with just that but then Roy and Darryl started a massive, loud conversation about fantasy football. For some reason, when Jim talked with his guys friends about fantasy football it didn’t seem nearly as obnoxious or annoying.
On top of that, they had to interject raunchy comments about everything. Pam wasn’t necessarily a prude but she didn’t need to know about the girl Darryl had recently met, how much of her body the woman had shaved nor what positions she could twist herself into. She was incredibly relieved when they finally made it to the restaurant.
Jim had already been seated at a table up front next to Ryan. The hostess had brought them back to a booth but Pam insisted they take the table next to Jim. She didn’t tell them this, mostly for fear of ridicule, but she wanted to feel as close to Jim as she could. Roy complained about being up front but obliged anyway and then asked if she was willing to pick up that night’s check. She reminded him that he had to pay for himself, which caused him to whine more about the situation. When she went to seat herself, she went to grab the chair closest to Jim but Roy pulled it out from her. At first she thought he was offering it to her but then he plainly sat down. To Pam’s chagrin, she took the middle seat.
“Man, the food here sucks,” Roy criticized when the waitress handed him the menu. “Why are we even bothering eating here when we can just get food at Poor Richard’s?”
“Why can’t we go straight there?” Darryl asked. “I doubt Michael even remembered to give any of the warehouse members awards. He never does.”
Pam thought they were both being over critical of Michael but didn’t say anything when she realized what she was thinking. She looked over at Michael who looked a tad pathetic in his tuxedo setting up his equipment with Dwight. The cameramen had arrived also and were setting up off to the side. Many of the Chili’s customers and staff watched in wonderment at the proceedings.
Roy and Darryl went into their fantasy football debate again and Pam peeked her head around Roy so she could get a look at Jim. He was too busy nursing a beer and chatting with Ryan to notice. She wondered if she just got up and left for the other table if anyone would notice or care. She pushed back her chair and was about to leave when she realized she was trapped between Darryl and Roy and would literally have to push one or the other of them out of the way to get through. She sighed, put an elbow on the table and rested her head on her hand. She hoped the night would get better than this.
“Hey, I don’t think we need to stay for all of this,” Darryl commented as he watched Michael put on a hoodie over his suit jacket. “Whatever is going to happen, I don’t think I need to be apart of it.”
“Hey, let’s just go to Poor Richard’s now,” Roy suggested. “I want you to see the chick I picked up.”
“Aw, man, do you think I really believe you picked up some woman last night without me?”
“Yeah, man,” Roy insisted. “And dude, she is totally hot. I mean the hottest babe ever.”
“Yeah, right man,” Darryl came back.
Pam finally interjected. “If you guys want to leave so badly, why don’t you just do it? Just tell the producer you’re going to leave.”
Roy’s eyes grew wide with delight. “Do you think she’d let us?”
Pam didn’t know, but it would be worth the try since none of them were obligated to be there. Then she could finally get over to Jim’s table. “Why don’t you go ask?”
Roy and Darryl left the table to head on over to where Jen was discussing something with the cameramen. Pam was grateful for at least a minute of peace. She glanced over at Jim who happened to be watching. He gave her a curious look and she returned it with a hopeful one.
6:56pm
Pam rubbed her arm where Roy had grabbed it. He had left just a minute ago after an argument she never wanted to have and then he grabbed her arm to force her to go with him. She hadn’t anticipated that action and when he was gone, she stood there looking flabbergasted. This was not how she envisioned the night to go at all.
When the cameras stopped rolling, of course, Roy apologized profusely. It wasn’t his idea to grab her; it wasn’t even his idea to argue. She knew Roy seemed like a tough guy but mostly he was a dumb lug. But she was glad he and Darryl were finally gone. She would go back in to the restaurant and act like everything was alright. Later, of course, she would tell Jim but there was no point in upsetting him now. And he would be upset. She just had to remind him that it hadn’t been Roy’s idea.
No, it was Jen’s idea. Darryl and Roy wanted to get out of there so badly that Jen saw the whole thing as an opportunity for more drama. When they made it out to the parking lot, Jen came running with a cameraman in tow and told them to argue before Roy took off. Like nearly every staged moment she had with Roy, they improvised the whole scene, which was bad enough because Pam hated to argue. Fighting rarely ever happened between her and Jim and she wasn’t used to such a heated opponent. And Roy got heated. So heated that he had grabbed her arm, harder than he probably ever intended. At least he was overly apologetic the moment after.
When that happened, it was all over and Pam was glad. Her adrenaline from the argument was finally lowering and she began to shiver in the cold air but she needed another minute before going back inside.
“That was amazing,” Jen said, coming up from behind and startling her. “I think we got some great footage. Maybe next time it could be more intense. We could have Roy-“
“There’s not going to be a next time,” Pam said giving her a hard look. “I don’t want to be apart of something like that again.”
“Pam, it’s apart of the whole thing,” Jen started to explain. “We have to have you and Roy argue or else we have no drama. No tension. It becomes…lifeless.”
“Well, I can stand it being lifeless,” Pam informed her.
“I assure you, any audience won’t,” Jen shot back, her voice rising.
“Look, Roy’s a good guy,” Pam couldn’t believe she just defended Roy, “and he just got a little carried away but it isn’t fair to him to be treated as if he’s some lout. And it’s not fair to me to be on the receiving end of his aggression and it’s definitely not fair to Jim, who has no idea what went on out here. And it’s not fair to your audience members not to have a real story. Do you think they are dumb enough not to understand what is real and what is contrived by some producer?”
“Do you think they care whether it’s real or not?” Jen snapped back. She obviously wasn’t used to being talked back to. “No one gives a damn about your perfect, boring little life, Pam. That’s not a relationship anyone wants to see. People want longing and angst and yes, sometimes a little physical tussle.”
“We’re not actors, these are real lives you’re dealing with,” Pam gave back. “You can’t treat us like we’re in some play.”
“But you are, Pam,” Jen reminded her. “What do you think that little contract was all about it?”
“That was pretty much blackmail,” Pam argued back. “You forced us to do that.”
“You always have a choice, Pam,” Jen told her.
Pam was so angry she didn’t know what to say. “He’s not touching me again,” she finally said firmly and she stormed off, leaving Jen alone in the parking lot.
Once Pam went inside she felt so much better. All the happy families having dinner, her coworkers mildly amused by Michael’s bad jokes, everything about the restaurant made her feel comfortable again.
And then there was Jim, sitting alone, eating an appetizer and sipping on a full mug of beer. Ryan was now sitting in one of the back booths. She joined him at once. He was surprised but he didn’t need to be. She always belonged with him. She planned on forgetting the incident in the parking lot and told herself that she would enjoy the rest of the night. She grabbed Jim’s mug of beer and began chugging down.
8:03pm
Pam was working on her second margarita. She had already drunk a few beers, and a sour drink that Stanley’s wife had given her, and even though she didn’t realize it, she was completely wasted. She didn’t care; it made the award show so much better. Even Michael’s jokes seemed ten times funnier under the influence of alcohol.
He had given Angela the Tight Ass Award. She had laughed hard at that, nearly chocking on her dinner. Jim had to pat her back just to make sure she was okay. She noticed Jim watching her carefully, torn between being amused by her antics and being concerned. But having a few beers himself, he let her enjoy herself without question.
Currently, Michael was giving the Sexiest in the Office Award to Ryan, which made her burst out in a fit of giggles. Just watching her, Jim couldn’t contain himself either and let out a loud laugh brought on more by her silly, drunken antics then Michael’s awards show. As Ryan, embarrassed as all get out, went up to accept his award, Pam crooked her finger at Jim so he would come closer.
“I have a secret,” she tried to whisper but it was loud enough that Stanley, who was sitting behind them, could hear. “I think Michael has a crush on Ryan.” She hiccupped on the last word and began laughing again.
Jim grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this drunk before,” he commented.
“Is that bad?” she asked as she swayed on her seat. She went a little too far to her right and Jim caught her arm before she fell off the chair.
“It’s definitely interesting,” he remarked. She went back to sipping her margarita, giggling as she did so.
Another moment passed and she looked up at him, grinning broadly. He gave her that typical half-smile and she couldn’t help but think he was the most gorgeous man she had ever seen. Her eyes trailed down to his hands. She remembered those hands on her that morning and wondered if she could get him to sneak out to the bathroom so she could feel those hands on her again.
She waved him closer. “I have another secret,” she said, this time more audible. She placed her hand on his, pulled it down under the table and rested it on her thigh.
His eyes widened and he looked around, a little unsure of what she was about to say. “Okay…”
She glanced around with a mischievous smile. She playfully pulled on his tie a moment before brining his face close to hers. “I think you should have won Sexiest in the Office,” she whispered in a drunken, sultry voice.
“Pam!” he exclaimed, his face turning crimson. He withdrew his hand quickly and tilted his head towards the cameras to remind her that they were there and she needed to tone it down, if possible.
“I do not care,” she said loudly, swaying in her seat, her words completely slurred. “I think we should go to the bathroom.”
Jim looked at her confused. “Are you going to be sick?” he asked immediately standing up.
Pam began to laugh hysterically, slapping her hand against the table and shaking her head. “No, no, no, no, no, you don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“I think we should…” her voice trailed off as she wildly pointed behind her. Jim waited for the end of the sentence but it never came. She tried to get his attention under the table, raising a foot in an attempt to graze his leg but she couldn’t control herself that well and ended up kicking him in the shin.
“Ow,” he let out. “What was that for?”
“I don’t know!” she cried, going into another fit of laughter. She stared down at her glass and noticed the margarita was half empty. “I think I need another drink,” she exclaimed.
9:31pm
Pam sat at the bar, on the stool closest to the bathrooms, twirling her Dundie on the counter. She rested her head on her arm as she did so, finally beginning to feel her buzz wear off. She could her the music Michael was playing in the background and hummed along with it as she admired how the Dundie sparkled gold under the restaurant lights.
Across the restaurant, she saw the guys that had thrown food at Michael and she scowled at them. It was one thing for her to make fun of her boss but she didn’t like it when other people did. It had been a good Dundie Awards and she didn’t like them ruining the fun. She contemplated getting up and giving them a piece of her mind but her head felt heavy so she remained where she sat.
“The Whitest Sneakers Award,” she said to herself as she read the engraving on the statue. She smiled, proud that she had the award. She glanced down at her feet and moved her foot out to take a look at her shoes. There was a dark smudge on the right one, which made her giggle a little but she didn’t care, she wasn’t going to tell anyone. Michael couldn’t make her give the Dundie back.
Jim came out of the bathroom to take a seat next to her. Even though she said she didn’t have to go when he asked, he still wanted her to come with him and sat her down at the bar. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I feel pretty goooood,” she responded, looking lovingly at him. He had been watching out for her all night and she loved that.
“You don’t feel sick yet?”
She shook her head. “I think I need some water. Water!” she yelled out to the bartender. But the bartender was busy with other customers.
“We’ll get you some water when we get back to the table,” he assured her.
“Look,” she said pounding the Dundie on the counter. “I won an award. Because I have pretty white shoes.” She held her foot out again, nearly tripping a waiter that she didn’t even notice. “And this means, no more Boring Couple Award. We are not boring,” she announced grandly throwing her hands up.
“You know, I have a confession,” Jim said grinning broadly.
“What’s that?” she asked, her eyes widening with great interest.
“I never thought we were boring.”
“Me neither!” she responded as if it were some great revelation. “I don’t care what those people say. You and I are pretty awesome. Pretty awesome. They are the boring ones.”
Jim laughed. “Oh, I love you,” he said admiringly.
“You’re just saying that because I’m being entertaining,” she informed him with a giggle.
“That is true, you are being entertaining,” He said, reaching out to brush her bangs off her forehead. “But I think I’d love you even if you weren’t.”
She smiled and blushed a little. If she hadn’t been so inebriated, she would have returned the compliment. Instead, she looked around for the cameras and when she saw they were busy elsewhere, she slipped off the stool and threw her arms around him to give him a giant hug. He put his arms around her waist to hold her and pulled her close. She took in a deep breath, enjoying his scent. “You smell pretty,” she said after a moment.
He laughed against her hair. “You smell like alcohol,” he returned.
She pulled away to give him a playful glare. She saw her Dundie again and her eyes grew wide. “You do not have an award yet,” she exclaimed.
He shook his head. “Nope,” he said. “But I don’t think Michael’s done just yet.”
“I’m going to tell him to give you an award,” she said pounding her hand on the counter. “Michael!” Pam yelled, waving her hand wildly to get his attention. “Michael, Jim hasn’t gotten an award yet!” Michael was too busy singing to pay her any attention.
Jim brought her hand down and gently brought her back to the stool. “Don’t worry about it,” he consoled.
Pam’s display caught the attention of the cameraman and in a few seconds, he brought the camera over to them. “So, you guys have any thing you want to say to the camera?” the cameraman asked.
Pam smiled brightly and Jim grinned back at her. “What a great year for the Dundies…” he began. Pam sat giggling beside him.
10:15pm
Pam was holding Jim’s hand. She clung to his arm because at this point, she could barely walk straight. As the Dundie Awards had wound down, Pam managed to finish off another margarita and was beginning to feel buzzed again but the sharp pain in her side worried her. She was too happy to care. This had been the best Dundie Awards she had ever been to and she made sure to let everyone know, including screaming it into the camera.
As they made their way outside, Pam proceeded to hug every one of her coworkers. She had never felt that close to any of them as she had that night and maybe it was because she was dead drunk but she loved them all. Everyone got a hug: Stanley, Phyllis, and Meredith. Kelly and Creed. She even gave Ryan a hug, who looked at her confused and Dwight, who didn’t quite know how to respond. Everyone was amused by her, especially Michael, who seemed somewhat proud that she was enjoying herself. She made it a special point to tell him how much her award meant to her.
Pam held her award lovingly in her free hand. She was so proud of it and when she got home, she was going to display it somewhere. Jim had gotten one too and she told him they would look good displayed next to each other. She jokingly told him that they should put the two statues on their wedding cake. Jim had laughed and told her that they might be too big for that.
Jim was helping her towards the car when Jen and a Chili’s manager came up to them. “Jim, can we talk with you a moment?” Jen asked, giving a dark look at Pam.
Pam glared at her. The anger she had tried so hard to keep down all evening rose when she saw the woman and she held on to Jim possessively. “I’m not going anywhere,” she protested.
“Angela is driving people home,” Jen informed her. “I think it would be best if Pam got a ride. We need to…talk with you privately.”
Jim looked resigned. “Pam, are you alright going with Angela?” he asked.
Pam shook her head. “I want to stay with you,” she said annoyed that they would even suggest her going home with Angela.
“Pam, I think…” Jim started but Pam cut him off by pulling him down for a kiss. Jim was completely caught off guard by her actions, which made Pam kiss him harder. He kissed her back ever so slightly before pulling away. If it hadn’t been dark out she would have seen him blush.
“I’m staying with you.” It was a statement this time.
Jen rolled her eyes. “Angela is bringing her car around. We already asked her to take you.”
Pam didn’t like that Jen was once again ruining her night. “You can’t tell me what to do.” A sharp pain hit her stomach and she doubled over. Jim caught her.
“Pam, I think we need to get you home,” he informed her. “Angela’s gonna give you a ride while I see what’s going on, alright?”
“She’s evil,” Pam muttered.
“Who, Angela?” Jim asked, confused. Pam shook her head.
“I think she’s talking about me,” Jen told him. “Come on, Jim, the manager has something he needs to talk to you about. I do as well.”
“I want to make sure she gets on her way,” Jim said definitely. Pam looked at him proudly. “When Angela comes, then I’ll follow you.”
Jen frowned but leaned over to the Chili’s manger to let him know it would be a few minutes. Meanwhile, Jim took Pam over to a bench on the side of the parking lot.
“What a night,” Jim commented.
Pam rested her head on his shoulder. “I liked it,” she said. She stared at her Dundie and the one Jim had in his hand. “Hey, Jim,” she said softly. “I’m glad I’m marrying you.”
Jim smiled and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “Me, too,” he replied.
10:37pm
“Pam!” Pam heard his voice and was grateful he was finally home. She was currently sitting on the cold tile floor, her hands clutched tightly on the rim of the toilet seat. She had already thrown up twice and could feel the queasiness in her stomach begin to stir again. “Pam, where are you?” She didn’t respond, feeling so nauseous that she felt if she spoke nothing but bodily fluids would come out. She could hear footsteps coming closer, at a brisk pace. He was probably worried that something had happened to her. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked when he finally entered the bathroom.
She shook her head but didn’t speak. Instead, she positioned herself, ready as her stomach twisted, preparing to get the toxins out of her system. Jim was quick to her side, holding her hair back as the rest of her dinner came up. When she was finished, he grabbed some toilet paper so she could wipe her face. Her face was flushed, her chin covered in drool, her brow dripped with sweat and she felt worse than she had in a long time but she took the toilet paper willingly, grateful that Jim would still be there at her lows. “Thank you,” she said, cleaning herself up and throwing the toilet paper in before flushing the toilet.
“It’s what I’m here for,” he said simply. “Do want a hair tie?” She nodded and attempted to get up but Jim stopped her and searched the counter for one. “Where are they?”
Pam let out a tiny groan. “In a box,” her words were slurred and despite getting most of the alcohol out, she was still a bit drunk.
There were at least four boxes crammed into the bathroom and none of them were labeled with any more description than ‘bathroom.’ He opened the first box, which happened to be a mess of toiletries but nothing that resembled a hair tie. Instead of searching the remaining boxes, Jim picked up one of his old sneakers and began to unlace it. “We’ll just use a substitute,” he said as he pulled the string out of the loops. A moment later, he brushed her hair out of her face and pulled it back, tying the shoelace in her hair, making sure to create a bow. “See, works just fine,” he said sitting back against the bathtub.
She curled up beside him and he put one arm around her shoulders to pull her close. Her stomach still churned a little but she was feeling much better. “Mmmm…I like you,” she cooed nuzzling her head against his shoulders.
“I know,” he grinned and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. “I try to take advantage of that as often as possible.”
She looked up at him. “I think I threw up in Angela’s car,” she informed him. “I don’t think Angela was happy.”
“No, she wouldn’t be,” he let out a laugh.
“How come it took you so long to come home?” she asked.
He hesitated. “I had to take care of a few things.”
“Like what?” she began to lazily play with the top button of his shirt.
“Do you realize you’re banned from Chili’s? ”
Her face contorted to annoyance. “I didn’t have that many drinks,” she protested.
“You had four margaritas,” Jim explained amused. “And most of my beer. But that’s not the point. The Chili’s manager asked me if I had your driver’s license so they could get a copy of it. Apparently, you completely broke the strict policy on over serving alcohol by stealing other people’s drinks and now have lifetime ban. They thought you were being disruptive. I don’t know why, personally I found you quite entertaining. ”
“Whatever,” she scoffed. “I’ll go back there. I’ll go back and I’ll…” she couldn’t manage to come up with a good ending to that sentence.
“Yeah, no, I think your Chili’s days are over,” Jim teased.
“Well that’s just stupid.”
“Jen stopped to talk to me as well.” His tone of voice was now back to serious and even in a drunken haze, Pam knew it wouldn’t be good. “She didn’t like that you kissed me in front of the cameras. Both times, actually, but it was the one after you won your award that made her the most upset. She said it was too early to show any signs of affection. We’re getting a warning now, mostly because you were being a cute drunk, but if we try something like that again, we’re going to get fined for breaking the contract.”
“To the hell with them,” Pam shouted unexpectedly. “They can’t tell me when to kiss my fiancé. I can kiss you whenever I want,” she poked him in the chest to emphasize her point but then gave him a mischievous grin. “I know how to seduce you,” she said in her most sensual voice, leaning up in an attempt to kiss him. She missed and got his chin instead.
He chuckled at her effort but pulled away before she could try again. “There’s no doubt you can and as much as I find you sexy when you smell like booze and vomit, I think you should try another day.”
Disappointed, she slumped back against him and he gave her an affectionate kiss on the temple. “It was a good Dundies,” she offered after a moment of silence.
“It was a good Dundies,” he agreed, rubbing his hand gently over her arm.
“Even if the stupid cameras where there,” she added.
“Despite the stupid cameras,” he repeated.
“We should put the trophies on display in here,” she informed him. “Right above the toilet as a reminder.”
Jim laughed. “I’ll build a little shelf. Three Most Boring Couple Awards, a Whitest Sneakers Award, and a Jim Halpert award. Our future kids will be so proud.”
“And maybe next year you’ll get the Whitest Sneakers Award and I’ll get the Jim Halpert Award,” Pam explained. The minute it was out of her mouth she giggled at the nonsensical statement.
“Yeah, I’m not letting you drink next year,” Jim informed her.
“I blame you. You promised the docu- the doc-,” she couldn’t get the words out. “The stupid camera people and producers and those people. You promised they wouldn’t be a problem and here they are invading our lives again. I want them to leave.”
“I’m sorry,” Jim said giving her a hug. “I honestly didn’t think they would be. I honestly didn’t even think they’d come back to do more filming. If you want, I’ll take them all out for you.”
She let out a sigh. “Is it going to be alright? Are we going to be able to do this?”
Jim gave her a warm smile. “We made it through the first day, didn’t we? Only two-hundred thirty-five more to go.”
Pam groaned. “Hey, Jim, one more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t ever let me have a margarita again.”
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
First of all, this is a sequel to my story: What the Cameras Don't Show: http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction/viewstory.php?sid=4654&chapter=1 and I highly recommend you read that first.
Thanks to Lux for helping me pound out the plot holes.
Hope you guys enjoy! :)
Disclaimer: Don't own anything, la de da
Hope you guys enjoy! :)
Disclaimer: Don't own anything, la de da
