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 Future

Pam didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, although it felt like a long time. She felt refreshed and rested, and mostly amused at the bizarre dreams of the night before. Opening her eyes slowly, she was surprised to find that it was still dark. She’d been sure it was morning. She turned to the clock, and watched the display turn from 12:59 to 1:00. Rolling over to go back to sleep, she instead sat straight up in bed. A slightly shimmering version of her co-worker Toby was standing next to her bed, smiling in his normal melancholy way.

“Sorry, did I scare you? I didn’t mean…I mean, um. Hi.” Toby was really nice, but it was seriously unsettling to have him watching her sleep- even if he wasn’t really Toby. “I’m, uh, the Spirit of June 3rd Yet To Come.”

“OK. But- wait a minute. This is out of order, isn’t it? I mean, if my stupid subconscious has me being Scrooge, shouldn’t we have started with Past, and then Present and then Future?” Pam wasn’t really sure why this was bothering her, all things considered, but she was a detail-oriented person.

The vision of Toby smiled slightly. “Good catch. Yeah, we have the order changed around. Dramatic license and all that. I mean, none of us are ghosts, either, if you think about it.”

Pam nodded. Weirdest dream ever, she thought. “So. The future, then?”

“A possible future, yes. There is no fate but what you make.”

“That’s from Terminator 2.”

“Yes, well, your subconscious has a lot of random stuff in it, Pam.” DreamToby shrugged and made a gesture similar to the one the previous spirit had made, and Pam had the same feeling of falling. She landed in her living room.

It was dusk, and the windows were open, letting a cool summer evening breeze in. Pam’s eyes grew round with indescribable emotion as she watched…herself. She was walking aimlessly around the room, one hand holding the cordless phone to her ear.

“When-?” was all she could manage to ask her spirit guide. She felt an overwhelming sense of dread, for no reason she could put her finger on.

The spirit answered softly, “Three years from now.” The answer was shocking. The room, the furnishings, even future Pam’s pajamas, all were exactly the same. Pam walked quickly out of the living room toward the spare bedroom, the Toby apparition trailing behind her.

She reached the room and sagged against the doorframe. The small room had been re-painted, but had not been decorated in any other way. Her future self walked by her on endless circuit around the apartment, still talking on the phone.

“Yeah, Mom, of course I’m a little disappointed but there will be other houses. I wasn’t that thrilled about living in Michael’s neighborhood, anyway. I see him plenty at work. It just isn’t the right time to buy right now, I guess. Besides, we really don’t need a bigger place yet, with it just the two of us...Oh, don’t start. You’re way too young to worry about being a grandma yet, right?....Yes, he’s out, but it’s fine. It gives me a chance to watch my shows…I’m fine, Mom….yes, I’m sure.” Three-years-older Pam was doing a good job keeping her voice firm, but her eyes were full of tears. “I miss you, Mom. Talk to you soon…love you, too. ‘Bye.” She hung up and walked into the living room. She stretched out on the couch and picked up the remote. She hit the Play button and “Legally Blonde” started up.

Pam stared at the woman on the couch, and then back at the Toby spirit. “Nothing changes at all? In three years? I’m still sitting here alone in this apartment in three years? I let him go and all it gets me is more of this?” The Toby apparition was apparently no more loquacious than the real version; he just looked at her and raised his eyebrows in a way that suggested a shrug. “Do you have anything else to show me? I’ve seen enough of this place.” He nodded and waved his hand.

The falling, the landing. They were now in yet another bar, although this one was the kind in a very nice restaurant. With a sudden intuition about what she was there to see, Pam took a steadying breath before looking around. Jim.

He looked mostly the same. His hair was different, somehow, but still unruly and touchable. He was dressed nicely, in a sweater and shirt combination that reminded her, painfully, of a moment that was doubly in the past. He was also, of course, sitting across from a beautiful young woman.

Pam hadn’t seen Jim in a few weeks, but she could tell immediately this was a version of him she’d never seen. He looked confident and relaxed. He also looked successful, somehow- maybe it was the new haircut or the updated clothes. The woman was talking animatedly, and Jim was laughing and gazing at the woman in affection. His laughter sent a pang through Pam, as did the sight of Jim reaching over and taking the striking brunette’s hand. Suddenly, though, Pam turned to the spirit.

“Is he OK?” There was something wrong. Aside from the fact that she wasn’t sure if she wanted this future Jim to be OK with this pretty girl, Pam knew immediately that all was not as it seemed.

“He’s fine, Pam. Look at him. This woman changed his life. She knew she wanted him and let him know it. His career is going well, his relationship is stable, and he knows where he’s going in life.” The vision of Toby was watching the couple, not looking at Pam.

“But, Toby, or whatever you are, he’s not happy. Look at his eyes. Watch how he looks at her- there’s no…something’s missing. He doesn’t look at her the way –“ Pam stopped.

“The way he looks at you? No, Pam. Jim is fine, and he is happy, but that young lady there isn’t ever going to make Jim have that look. Trust me; you only get one chance at that. And, uh…you were his chance. Ready to go?”

Pam nodded, and they made the mystical trip back to her room. Toby’s face smiled sadly at her. “Think about it, Pam. It doesn’t have to turn out that way. For either of you. You’ll get another visit in an hour, but you may have time for a nap, if you need it. Good-night, Pam.” He disappeared with a pop.