Today Mommy comes down the stairs with her hair all curly and tennis shoes on and holding a laundry basket. I can hear Daddy moving the lawn. I am sitting on the 3rd big step with my tutu and my rain boots and all my animal children, because we are playing camping trip avalanche, where it rains and we all fall down the mountain, but in the end nobody dies. At first Mommy doesn't see me and almost steps on me and then she says oh!

“Cece, honey, that's sort of an awkward place to sit.”

“I know,” I say. I make Sam hug Violet Unicorn before they are hit by the rock. They join Humprey and Pork and Ellie at the bottom stair, which is called Death Valley and on the way down they hit Mommy's leg. Mommy turns to give me some eyebrows.

“Cee, please pick up your toys.”

“Mommy it's Death Mountain.”

“I see. Well can we move Death Mountain to the living room?”

Mr. Bear whispers to me that he doesn't like that idea, which I tell Mommy. Then I see she also has the baby radio in her basket. That makes me excited because it means that Maddy is not around and Mommy has to keep track of her with the radio.

“Is Maddy sleeping?!”

Mommy nods and holds up a quiet finger.

“Can we play?”

“Oh, sweetie.” Mommy sighs. “I wish we could but I've got a million things to do right now. Later, okay?”

“But you play with Maddy all the time.”

“Cece it's not...is that how you feel?”

“That's how Mr. Bear feels. He's just saying.”

She puts the laundry basket on her hip to push my hair away. “It's been pretty crazy around here, huh? Tell you what. Why don't I stick in this load of laundry and then we can make lunch.”

“Just you and me?”

“You and me. Make sure you pick these up please, okay missy?”

The biggest rock of all comes and we're all squished at once, falling splat down the stairs. We all laugh and I dust everyone off before they go back to their corner for nap-time. I don't have to join in because I am a big girl and naps are obviously not for big girls.

Soon Mommy and I make grilled cheese and we put pickles inside which is delish. Daddy waves to us from outside the window while we are cooking. He is all sweaty and he makes a silly face at me. I sit on Mommy's lap to eat my sandwich but I only eat the bread, not the outsides. We also have blue jello from the fridge that has one of Mommy's paintbrushes in it and she rolls her eyes and says of course. After that we do the dishes and I am a great dryer. Before we start our puzzle, I take Daddy a glass of water outside because he is hot.

It is Saturday which means everyone is home. It is hot hot outside and Daddy stops mowing when he sees me.

“Oh man, Ceebee, you are too great.” He drinks all the water really fast. “Are you on a tight schedule?”

“Yep. My animals and I have been very busy.”

“Well, I won't keep you.” He sets the glass down on the patio and kisses me and he gets some sweat on me so I say eww. Then he starts the mower and pretends like he's talking to me and I say what and he pretends he can't hear but he keeps talking anyway and then he's yelling but the mower is too loud and I laugh at him.

Mommy is taking laundry out and she says almost ready, so I pick the snakes puzzle and dump it all out and I am so excited that Mommy and I are going to play! She is the best at puzzles and we are a good team. I even wait to start until she comes.

But then as she is sitting down the baby radio starts crying. Mommy says, “It never ends” in a voice that sounds not happy and gets up.

“Cece I'm sorry, I have to go see what your sister needs.”

“How long?”

“I'll be back soon.”

“But how long?”

“Cece.” Mommy is not smiling. She is rubbing her hand on her head. The baby radio is making even louder squeals and I want her to turn it off.

“You promised we were playing!”

“Sweetie I'm sorry, I can't be everywhere. Right now your sister is upset.”

“Me too!”

Mommy sighs. “Cee, just hang on, okay? I'll be back in a minute.”

I am very mad because this happens all the time. It happened yesterday when we were going to play Bears and it happened when I was doing a ballet show for Mommy and Daddy and only Daddy saw the end. And I get this bubbly feeling inside me and I have to make it go away. I am mad.

So I run outside to my turtle sandbox and I put some sand in my tutu skirt like a pocket and I go upstairs to my sister's room where Mommy is holding her at her crib saying, “shhh, shh, shhh.” And Maddy is making crying noises still and her face is like a tomato. Mommy turns to me and says, “Cece, I told you, you need to – ” and that is when I decide to throw some sand at her face because I need to get rid of my mad.

The sand falls over the carpet mostly but some of it hits Mommy's shirt and sticks there. Right away I know I am in trouble.

“Cece!” Mommy looks really mad and she comes over, stepping on the sand on the floor and puts her hand hard on my back and steers me to my room where I have to sit on my bean chair.

Mommy is still holding Maddy who is STILL crying and I want her to stop. Mommy is patting her.

“I know you're upset but that is not okay, missy. Do you hear me?”

I want to cry because Mommy almost never yells at me. “I want you to sit here for a little bit while I put your sister down. Then we'll talk. I can't...”

Mommy stops and I think she might cry which is weird, she is a mom and I am already crying. Then she just leaves. After I cry for a little bit, I try to make my toes touch each other perfectly while I sniffle. And then I count the freckles on my arms. And then I talk to Rachel Rabbit who has been in my room all day and we talk about mean Mommy and stupid Maddy who makes Mommy all mean. And then I give her some of my leftover sand, even though most of it spilled out on the floor when I threw it. Except I know that was bad.

Soon I hear feet on the stairs and then a door shutting and I peek out my room into the yellow hallway. Mommy and Daddy are standing outside their room next to Maddy's door and Maddy is crying louder than ever in Mommy's arms. Daddy has his shirt halfway off. I hear Mommy say, “She won't stop crying! Cece was upset with me and she threw sand. I'm just so – ” And Daddy says, “hey” and gives her a hug but she sort of doesn't hug back. And Daddy says, “Let me take her.”

Then I say, “Mommy?”

And everyone turns to me, so I put my head back inside my room quick quick and go to my chair.

“Cee?” I hear Mommy say.

Then she comes into my room. And I almost want to cry again because I don't want anyone to be mad at me. “Mommy are you mad?” I say very soft.

“Come here, honey,” Mommy says and I run to her and am sniffly. I sit in her lap while she says we are going to have a talk.

“I'm sorry,” she says. “I know it's really hard getting used to having a little sister because you aren't used to sharing me and Daddy. It's going to get easier as she gets older but right now she's so small that she needs us a lot. And I know that's not fair to you.”

I shake my head. “I don't like that.”

“I know.” Mommy strokes my hair. “It's some big adjustments. But you've been doing such a great job. Some days are going to be harder than others. But even when you're mad, you can't do things like throw sand. You know that right?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you tell me why you threw the sand?”

“Because I am mad that Maddy always gets you.”

“Oh, honey. I know. It's tough. How about this. How about we set aside some time just you and me every week. We can have Mommy and Cece dates.”

“Yes please.”

Mommy chuckles.

“Mommy are you whelmed?”

“There's just too many things to do and too many people to be with and not enough time in the day. But I'm going to try to get better about balancing it all. Okay?”

“Okay.”

I feel better sort of.

“Will you help me vacuum up the sand when your sister wakes up?”

“Yes I will.”

“Good girl.”

And then we go find Daddy, who is just closing Maddy's door.

“Success?”

Daddy nods. “Out.”

“Thank god.” Mommy scoops me up and we do a little happy sleeping dance and Mommy says, “who wants to help with the laundry?”

No one says anything so I raise my hand and say “Me!” And then we dance all the way down the stairs.

Daddy says, “Pam, I'm showering!”

And Mommy says, “Again, too many places to be.” And I think she means the laundry room. Upstairs Daddy laughs.

Later after my bath, when I have on my duckie towel with the hood with the eyes that makes Daddy ask if there is a bird in here, I am playing Skip Hop down the hall, which is where I do three hops and then a skip and then a butt wiggle, and I can't go out of order. I hear Mommy and Daddy in their room where Mommy is showing Daddy some pictures she made. Daddy's likes to looks at the Art of the Halpert Ladies. Like today, I drew a spider making a rainbow web. As I am hopping, I see Maddy's door is open. She is laying in her crib all quiet but her eyes are open, which is surprising. I pull up the stool so I can talk to her. She makes little peepy noises and she has a lot of curly hair for her tiny head.

“Hi Maddy. It's me, Cece.” Maddy is a squirmy worm and when I put my hand in she reaches out and grabs my finger. Her hand is like holding a piece of cookie dough.

“Sorry I didn't like you before,” I say. She smells all baby-nice and I pat her head. “Good girl. I can't wait til you play with me. But that's okay that you can't right now. Because I will wait for you. I am a very fun girl and I bet you will be too.”