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When one has one's hand full of truth it is not always wise to open it. ~French Proverb
“If you don’t tell her, Pammy…” Roy threatened, walking steadily towards her.
“Tell me what?” Adele insisted.
Pam was struck with silence, looking between Roy and Adele. This was not how it was supposed to happen. This couldn’t be happening.
“I-I…I don’t…t-this is not…” Pam stumbled, her voice straining higher with each word. “Adele, I..I…” Pam began, but she struggled, unable to find the right words.
“Here is the thing, mom,” Roy began.
“Roy, don’t,” Pam pleaded. Her knees, which had been weak before, threatened to give way entirely.
“Cece...” Roy’s angry eyes locked on the infant strapped to Jim’s chest. “Is not Kenny’s daughter,” Roy said pragmatically and added, “She’s Jim’s daughter.”
The vicious edge in Roy’s voice left the room in utter silence. Adele searched all the faces in the room for some opposition against Roy’s statement, but none came. To Roy’s astonishment, tears overflowed from Adele’s eyes without warning, gushing down her face.
“Pam, is this true?” Adele asked.
Pam’s mind began spinning and suddenly everything jumbled in her head: the room, the furniture, the walls, the faces. Noises somewhere cluttered, too—Adele’s voice rising with a frenzied shrillness, saying what? She wasn’t sure. Roy’s was now shouting, loudly, furiously. His unintelligible words flying across the room like knives. The only thing that Pam could clearly make out was the fat tears of desolation, perhaps emptiness, rolling down Adele’s face.
***
Adele had hurried out of the room, heartbroken, while Roy whirled out like an angry tornado through the front door. Pam, Jim, and Betsy stood there, frozen, in silence. What else was there to say? Pam’s eyes travelled to Betsy, seeing the surprise as well as the panic in her eyes. Before she had a chance to say anything, she felt Jim’s arms encircle around her waist and his lips on her forehead.
“Hey,” he said, his voice just above a whisper. “I’m going to give my mom a ride home and I think you should go talk to Adele and tell her what really happened.” Jim gently lifted Cece out of the baby Bjorn and eased her into Pam’s arms.
“I don’t know if she will listen to me,” Pam said, cradling Cece.
“She needs to know the real truth.”
Betsy approached her and carefully ran her trembling hand over Cece’s head. Betsy opened her mouth to say something, but the words never came. A thin film of tears covered her eyes, making them look glassy. “She’s beautiful,” Betsy finally uttered.
“Thank you,” Pam said.
After Jim and Betsy left, Pam tried to sum up the courage to talk to Adele, but thoughts kept tumbling through her head. She wasn’t sure if Adele would even want to talk to her. The truth had shattered the only thing that had kept Kenny alive - that kept her alive. In a split second, the joy of having a piece of her son with her was abruptly taken away. Maybe Adele needed more time to digest this devastating news. Or perhaps, Pam needed more time to face Adele’s presumable rejection.
One thing was certain; Pam couldn’t stay there any longer. She cautiously ascended the stairs and decided to pack a few things. But when she opened the door to her bedroom, she saw the older woman, sitting on the glider, fingering a blanket that had once belonged to Kenny. Sorrow broke through her face, and tears flowed down her wrinkled cheeks. The scene was so poignant that Pam was convinced that she was capturing an intimate and personal moment.
“I’ve never really seen Kenny on her.” Adele admitted, looking at the fuzzy blanket. “I thought the blue eyes were mine, like Roy’s, but…”
Pam was silent. She stepped over the threshold and carefully shut the door behind her. The white silky curtains in her room were drawn and the shutters at the windows kept everything in dimness. Pam gazed down into Cece’s eyes, once again noticing their vivid blue color.
“I can see you, but I could never see Kenny.” Adele paused, turning to face Pam. “Still, I thought that maybe when she grew up, I would see his little quirks, a smile, a laugh, but…” She released a heartfelt sigh and added, “That will never be the case.” Adele gazed down at the blanket in her hands with wistful eyes and said, “Why did you do this?”
Pam clutched Cece a little closer and said, “I didn’t mean for any of this to hap—”
“Why?”
Listening to the hurt in Adele’s voice was something she could not bear. “What Roy said is not entirely true.” Pam walked further into the room and sat on the bench across from the glider. “My intention was never to lie to you. I wanted to tell you the truth from the very beginning.”
“Why didn’t you?” Adele asked.
“It wasn’t supposed to go for this long and Joe and Roy made me promise not to say anything. But I’m not blaming them, it’s just… I really found my place here…” Pam went on to tell Adele the series of events that led them to cross paths. Slowly, like cold honey pouring out, the memories began to come back. It was painful remembering events that Pam had labored long and hard to erase. It was impossible not to relive each moment, to not see the sheer in Jim’s eyes disappear when she told him she was pregnant, to not feel the bite of his words, to not feel the fear of leaving the only place she’d called home.
“After what Jim said, I had to leave,” Pam continued. “Then Roy overheard me on the phone asking a friend of mine if she knew a place that I could stay. He said his brother would be driving down to Philly that night and that I could crash with him for a few days. I took his offer and next thing I remember was waking up at the hospital…”
As the words flowed out of Pam’s mouth, Adele’s heart filled with tears. The young woman pouring her heart to her was like her daughter and her motherly instinct was to comfort her. But Adele held herself tight. She couldn’t mend Pam’s heart when her own was shattered into pieces. “You didn’t know the Halpert’s were Jim’s parents?” Adele asked in disbelief.
“No, I had no idea. Jim told me his last name was Duncan. He even said his parents had passed away in a car accident. I had no reason to suspect they were anything except business partners.”
“And Joe asked you to go along with this?”
Pam nodded. “Joe was scared to lose you. If lying was what it took to keep you...” Pam let the sentence linger and added, “He loves you very much.”
Adele closed her eyes and a single tear rolled down her cheek. “I think I just need some time to take this all in,” Adele replied, wiping the tear with her sleeve.
“I’m truly sorry.” Pam wiped a few tears pooling at her eyes. “I just want you to know that I never meant to take advantage of you. I love this family and the thought of…” Pam stopped - refusing to let the thought come to a conclusion. Instead, she let the tears that had been sitting at bay rush out. “This has been our home…..” Pam let the sentence linger. “I should go.”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t have to go. All of your things and her little things are here.”
“I know, but I think you, Joe, and Roy need some space tonight.”
Adele nodded, then looking at Cece as if for one last time, rubbed her cheek and kissed the top of her head. And without a word, Adele left the room
***
The 10 minute ride to Jim’s parent’s house seemed to stretch into endless minutes separated into an infinity of seconds. Silence reigned. The hum of the engine and the distance clamoring outside were the only noises heard. Jim knew his mother wanted to say something. The words were at the tip of her tongue, but it was almost as if she had clamped her teeth together to prevent them from coming out.
But Betsy’s self-restraint was short lived. As soon as Jim pulled into the driveway, she turned to him and said, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Betsy’s voice sounded small and hurt.
Jim sighed, letting his fingers slowly unclench from the steering wheel. “It’s complicated.”
“I talked to your dad last night. He said I should talk to you.”
“He’s to blame for all of this.”
Betsy shook her head in disbelief. “Wha...What do you mean?”
“When I met Pam, I didn’t tell her who I was. For all she knew I was just a regular guy. We were in love and I like to think that we had a future together, until dad came along, that is.”
“What did he do?”
“He told me Pam was an opportunist and that I shouldn’t trust her. So when Pam told me she was pregnant, I freaked out. I said things I didn’t mean and she got scared, told me the test had been a false-positive and left.” The memories flooded his mind, and the bad feelings returned like a nightmare.
He explained to Betsy the events that followed the accident, and how everything snowballed thereafter. “But then, when dad bought the Anderson's business, he met Pam, and knew the truth. Dad knew that Pam’s baby was mine all along.” Jim watched his mom’s eyes swell with unshed tears. He took his hand and placed it over hers. “That’s why he didn’t want me here for Thanksgiving and it also explains the last minute tickets to Australia. He wanted to keep me as far away from Pam as possible.”
Betsy was in shock. She knew the things her husband was capable. He was a ruthless, cold-hearted business man, but he stepped over all boundaries. He played with his own son, his own flesh and blood.
“I… I can’t… I can’t believe Gerry did that!”
Jim squeezed his mother’s hand and said, “But it’s because of you that I’m here. The picture of Pam and Cece at the hospital? Yeah…” He sighed. “As soon as I saw it, I just…knew.”
Betsy could barely speak. “S-She looks j-just like y-you.” She swallowed the knot in her throat and continued, “From the first time I say her little face I knew there was something about her. You dad said I was cr-crazy.”
“I needed to clear things up with Pam first. I needed to hear from her.” Jim lowered his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It shouldn’t have come out like that, especially for Adele’s sake.”
“Cece is everything to her.”
“She’s everything to me, too,” Jim said.
Betsy smiled. “So what happens now? Are you and Pam together? Are you staying here? Is she staying with the Andersons?”
“I don't know. We hurt each other a lot, but we're working things out. Taking it one day at a time.”
“Do you love her, Jimmy?”
“I don’t know what I would do without either of them in my life.”
Betsy cupped Jim’s cheek and said, “I’m sure you’ll figure things out.”
“I hope so,” Jim said.
“Where are you going now?” Betsy asked.
“I’m going back there.”
Betsy stepped out of the car and said, “Your dad left this morning for a business trip in Albany. Don’t take Cece to a hotel. You can have the whole house tonight. I promise to make myself scarce.”
Jim smiled. “Thanks, Mom. I will give it some thought.”
“I’m here, Jimmy. Whenever you need me.”
Jim smiled.
Betsy shut the car door and waived as Jim pulled out of the driveway.
Chapter End Notes:
This was long overdue. I apologize for the delay. Let me know if you are still out there. Thanks mucho.
