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There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. ~Tennessee Williams (Thomas Lanier)
Jim sat at his desk raking his fingers through his hair. The Stamford branch was closing. His options were to return to Scranton or go home. Those weren’t actually options, if you asked him. It was the same as choosing whether he wanted to jump off a cliff or off a bridge – the end result would be the same. Returning to Scranton would be torturous, especially with Karen in tow. Returning home would destroy everything he accomplished in the past year. He was not the prodigal son. There was no way he would be returning home.
But what other options did he have? Pardon the cliché, but in this economy it was easier finding a needle in a haystack than a good paying job. Jim was stuck. Unlike Karen, who felt free as a bird, willing to follow him to Scranton, whether or not she was offered a job. He thought she would commiserate with him, but that was not the case.
“You would move to Scranton?” Jim asked surprised.
“Yeah, why not? What’s so bad about Scranton? You make it seem like this horrible place. Have you seen their numbers? They actually do better than us.”
“I don’t know if I want to go back there. New York is forty five minutes away.”
“There are no openings in New York.” Karen sighed. “I know something happened to you in Scranton. I wish you would just tell me and maybe we could move past this.”
“Nothing happened in Scranton. I just… don’t want to go back there.”
“Just… think about it.”
He had thought about it. He came to the conclusion that a third option was the way to go – whatever that would be. It was out there, he just had to find it. His fingers continued to rake through his hair as he read through a list of post-graduate programs. He could go back to school and occupy himself with a generous course load – that would keep his mind off of things. Returning to school would open doors in which his dad was not waiting on the other side.
While searching through a vast list of schools, he came across one – The Pratt Institute. The school of Art and Design was having an open house for students interested in applying for the spring. He thought of Pam and how much she would love to attend a school like Pratt. This was her dream and he would have made sure she realized it. If he hadn’t screwed things up so badly, he would have kept his promise.
“Jim. Jim?” Karen called him.
“What’s up?” He said not looking up from his computer.
“What are you so concentrated on?” She asked leaning on the edge of his work desk.
“I was just looking here—”
Karen peeked at his computer screen and said, “Pratt Institute? Thinking of exploring your artistic side?” She joked.
“No. I was just looking at schools,” he said.
“Are you thinking of going back to school?”
“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “Not really.” He didn’t want to cause any alarm. “I’m mostly bored.”
“Well, I got offered a sales job in Scranton.”
Jim took his eyes off the computer screen and looked at her. “You did?”
“Yeah. Jan said we can start as early as next week.”
“Wow.”
“I know. We both have jobs now. Whew!”
“Yeah…”
“I’m going to start looking for apartments there.”
“Okay,” Jim said.
He watched Karen walk to her desk with a new bounce in her step. She really wanted this. And the funny thing was…. He didn’t know she would be so willing to relocate to somewhere as remote as Scranton. He wound up there by default, but given the choice, he wouldn’t return. Karen was sophisticated, not at all a small town girl. When he first got the news, Jim was sure Karen would pack up and go to the city to try her luck there. The last thing he thought Karen would do was agree go to Scranton.
If that wasn’t enough, the upcoming holiday season was also another issue on his plate. They had gone to Karen’s for Thanksgiving, which hadn’t been as bad as he made it out to be. But now, with Christmas just around the corner, the pressure was for them to visit his parent’s house. Karen brought up the subject a few days ago, but he was quick to dismiss it and she didn’t push the subject anymore.
Karen was not the problem this time. His parent’s were. Every year his dad threw a massive holiday party for all the employees and companies linked to his dad’s corporation. It was a well-known event and it brought a lot of media attention. It was very important for his dad to have the entire family to be in attendance. His mom had already hinted that she was preparing a guest room for Karen. The only way he would be able to get out of it was if he were dead, or missing – like last year.
But later that day, his dad called and inexplicably relieved him from needing to attend the holiday party.
“I don’t have to come?” Jim asked, baffled.
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“That’s it? No lectures? No asking for mom to emotionally guilty trip me into going?”
“Jimmy, you’re an adult. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want.”
“Dad, is everything okay? Is mom okay?”
“Everything is fine… I also called because I have these two tickets to Australia that I’m not going to be able to use and I was wondering if you wanted them.”
First his dad relieved him from attending his sacred holiday party, now this? Turns out, Jim had always wanted to go to Australia. He collected post cards from there ever since he was a boy. There was something about it that fascinated him. Maybe that was what he needed – to get away.
“It’s almost like you don’t want me there,” Jim joked.
Gerry Chuckled nervously. “Yep, don’t want to see you here, Jimmy.” Gerry said and cleared his throat. “Still want them?”
“Yeah.”
“Great, I’ll send them to you.”
“Thanks, dad,” Jim said skeptically.
“No problem, son. I don’t want to see you here. Just…enjoy the trip.”
Jim didn’t know what to make of his father’s kindness. It’s not like he deserved a son-of-the-year award. On the contrary, Jim had done pretty much everything that disqualified him from receiving any sort of benevolence from his dad. But maybe his dad wanted to make it up for what he had done. This was probably his way of saying I’m sorry.
No matter the reason, Jim felt like this trip couldn’t have fallen on his lap in a better time. This was the third option. He was going to pack up and leave to Sydney, Karen could come with him if she wanted to. One thing was sure now, he wasn’t staying.
***
“How about this dress?” Adele asked, holding a stripped red dress for Pam to see.
“I’m going to look like a candy cane. A big, fat candy cane,” Pam said.
“No you’re not. This is a lovely dress.”
Pam sighed. “I’m sorry Adele. It’s just…” Pam looked around at the crowds of shoppers that ambled about the jam-packed mall. “I think I’m tired. That’s all.”
“I know dear, but we have to find you a dress for the Halpert’s big holiday party.” Adele returned the dress to its rack and walked over to where Pam was. “How about we go to one more store and then we’ll go grab something to eat?”
Pam looked at Adele’s kind eyes. “Okay,” she agreed.
Pam’s pregnancy had been a walk in the park thus far. But the closer she got to her due date, the more that statement felt like a distant memory. There were a lot of annoying little aches and pains. It began with the Braxton Hicks contractions, the swelling arrived shortly after, now the baby began lodging itself under her ribs, making it hard for her to catch her breath.
She rubbed her hand atop belly, persuading the child to move down another notch. Her efforts were futile.
“Is the baby lodge in your ribs again?” Adele asked.
“Yeah, I don’t know why. You would think it would prefer staying somewhere less bony.”
Adele chuckled. “That child is already causing trouble. I remember when I was pregnant with Kenny. That boy used my bladder as a trampoline. I made sure wherever I was that a bathroom was within ten feet of me. ” She walked over to another rack of maternity dresses and pulled a simple red sweater dress. “How about this one?”
Pam looked at the dress. “Ummm… that’s actually not bad.”
“How about you go try it on?”
“Okay.”
After trying on the dress, Pam agreed to get it. She didn’t love the dress, but she just wanted to leave the crowded mall. But before she could leave, she needed to do one thing.
“Hey, can we go see Santa?”
“What?”
“I just… I know it’s silly, but I want a picture of Santa and the baby. Well, with the ultrasound.”
Adele laughed. “That is the funniest thing I’ve heard. I love it.”
Pam knew Adele would find the idea amusing and so did the parents standing in line, watching Santa take a picture holding an ultrasound picture. Adele said she was going to have the picture put on their Christmas card. Knowing her for the last six months, Pam knew Adele would most certainly do that. She even had a stocking filled with toys for the baby.
It was moments like this that Pam felt a slight tinge of guilt. Although, in her mind she had vowed to never tell Adele the truth, she often wondered what would happen if somehow the truth came out. Would Adele understand or send her packing? Pam didn’t want to know.
“I can’t wait for the baby to get here. Imagine, next time this year we’ll have a picture with the baby and Santa.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait.”
***
Karen had asked Jim to come over after work to help her find an apartment in Scranton. Karen had assumed Jim had taken the job, since they hadn’t touched on the subject.
“So, there’s this apartment on Ingle Street that looks pretty decent, don’t you think?”
Jim squinted to see the pictures on Karen’s laptop. “Yeah, looks great.”
“See, there’s a fully applianced kitchen, a walk-in closet, and it’s cable ready.”
“Yeah, that’s sounds like a keeper,” Jim said, but Karen noticed an indifference in his tone.
“Hey, I was thinking,” Karen said turning to face Jim and closing her laptop. “We could move in together. It would be way cheaper.”
“Um…I-I think… I don’t—” Jim stumbled.
“You don’t have to answer now. Just… think about it. You can sleep on it and tomo—”
“I have two tickets to Australia. Do you want to come?”
“What?”
“My dad gave me two tickets to Australia. Do you want to come?”
“Jim…. I don’t… I.…When?”
“We leave the 18th and we come back on the 27th.”
“Jim, this is a little crazy. We have to be in Scranton on the 20th.”
It took him a moment to find his voice because there’s a burning in his chest as if his heart was on fire. “I’m not taking the job.”
“What do you mean you’re not taking the job?”
“I’m not taking the job.”
“Wha…What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to Australia.”
“What about after?”
“I don’t know.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t take the job? When were you planning on to telling me?” Her eyes scorched and blazed with emotion that he had never seen before. “Jim, I’m not going to Australia.”
“Okay.” His voice was shallow as though it was squeezing itself from his throat
All the times he has known her, he had never heard the noise that came out of her when she asked him, “What has this been to you, huh? Am I just another girl to you?” “It was short, angry and strangled.
Her terrible voice made his stomach drop. Jim felt guilty. But in his defense, he’d tried to like her, tried to envision himself…But in the end, she had wound up being just another girl. At one point he thought he had moved on, but as soon as Pam’s face materialized in his head, he was back to square one. He still imagined them together, he imagined their kids….
“Can I ask you a question?” Pam said.
“Sure,” Jim said, lifting his eyes to look at her.
Am I just another girl to you, Jim?” Pam asked.
“What are you talking about?” Jim asked, leaving a small trail of kisses down her neck.
Pam pulled the covers tight around her nude body and turned to face Jim.”It’s just that I… I have been ‘just’ another girl before.”
“Not to me.”
“I’m just… I’m scared…”
“What are you scared of?”
“That you’ll love another girl and I’ll be just another notch on you bedpost.”
“Ohh sure one day I’ll love another girl,” he said and smiled. “And she will call you ‘mommy.”
Jim didn’t see any of that with Karen. He didn’t see a future, and without warning, he was angry at Pam because of who she was. Because of what she does to him. Because of how she makes him feel. He pushed his fists into his eye sockets, trying to stop the pressure from building up behind his eyes. He’d had enough. Enough of everything.
“I think we need to take a break,” Jim said.
Karen wiped a few tears off her cheeks.
“Look, I really care–” Jim began.
“Don’t,” Karen interrupted. “You don’t get to do that.” Karen walked to the front door an opened, “I think you should to go.”
“Kare….You have no idea how much–”
“Save it, okay?”
“Thank you.” Jim said pulling his jacket on.
Confused, Karen lifted her head and looked at him. “For what?”
“Lots of things.”
He doesn’t elaborate on his true meaning.
Chapter End Notes:
Thank you for reading. I know this is not fluff... not yet! Just wait....Just wait! Happy Office Thursday!
