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A/N: This story idea is courtesy of our dear NanReg. Thank you so much for this idea, I hope I have written it as you imagined it. Thanks also to Sally and MilkandSugar for giving this a look and for being such awesome cheerleaders.
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own anything except for a gigantic need for other authors to please, please please post a story. Pretty please? But really, I don’t own anything.
A mother always knows…
For a year, he likened himself to the Grinch, felt himself withering away at the hands of a shrunken heart, parts of his soul scattered, thrown away, gone forever, pieces never to be picked up again. For a year, he received phone calls from his mother and his father, both equally voicing their concerns over his well being. His mother thought he had become too thin. His father added that he needed more sleep. His sister chimed in over that holiday, telling him he needed to smile more, that he lost his personality.
When he told his mother about his interview in the city, mere months after returning to Scranton, her expression drew serious and her eyebrows creased. Numerous thoughts crossed her face as he watched his mother sit silent, her hands grasping a mug filled with coffee. She shook her head, and he braced himself for the onslaught of questions. The only concern she voiced was for him to be happy. The forced grin he placed on his lips, the affirmative nod of his head clearly did little to convince her, though she said no more as she stared at him.
He ignored the fact that the tears in his mother's eyes as they said goodbye reminded him of the tears that lined hers as they hugged, standing on the edge of the water that night.
He ignored the fact that his mother's voice wavered in the same way hers did when she said, "I wish you would."
He had likened himself to an expert when it came to ignoring things, his heart still too fragile to ever dare try to see something that may or may not be there.
He had felt relieved that afternoon when he did not have to admit to his mother the reason that he would potentially be moving for the third time in the span of a year stood five feet six inches tall and had eyes he could see so clearly matching the eyes of the children they were clearly never meant to have together.
Three weeks and three days later, he sat in the same kitchen with a smile wider than the depths of the Grand Canyon as he waited for his parents to be ready to drive to New Jersey to visit his brand new nephew.
As he waited for his parents to finish their bickering and make their way down the stairs, he toyed with the idea of sending her a text, just to say good morning. He noticed the time, slightly before nine, and thought better of it, not wanting to risk waking her on a Saturday morning.
Just as he placed his phone back in his pocket, it vibrated and his smile grew wider as he read her simple message.
"Dinner will be ready whenever you get here. I miss you."
He knew in the part of his mind that had rational thought when it came to her, that it was too soon to make introductions, to ask her to sit in a car with his parents and make pleasant conversation for the over two hour drive. But, the part of his mind that missed her more than reason wanted her to be there with him, not just in that instance, but in every other moment he would ever live to see.
He grinned wider as he dialed her number, the sound of her early morning voice sending a jolt through his stomach.
"Hi. I thought you'd still be sleeping," he kept his voice low, stepping outside, away from the prying ears of his parents.
"I don't sleep late on the weekends. Sort of a waste of a day off work if you spend it in bed."
"If you say so," he laughed. "We're leaving in a few. I shouldn't be too late. I think I'll be back by five. What are you doing today?"
"Um, not much," her tone was light, as if she were smiling into the phone. "I'm making dinner for this pretty amazing guy that I'm seeing."
"Oh, are you now?"
"Yes."
"Ah, good. I hope he likes it."
"Oh, he will. How are things with that girl you're seeing?"
"Oh, you mean my girlfriend?" he said before he could stop himself. "That… I mean," he stammered. "I'm not…it's…" He covered his face with his hand and rubbed his eye.
"Jim?"
"Huh?"
"Tell me more about your girlfriend," she gave, her voice quivering ever so slightly.
He shook his head, smiled, stared at the clear blue sky and said, "She's completely amazing."
The moment she let out an emotion filled laugh, he wished he could have been there with her. "So are you," she whispered into the phone.
"Thank you."
"You really have to go all the way to New Jersey today?"
"Yeah. If I don't go today my brother will cut me out of the family for good, or make me sit through Vanessa's trumpet practice. I never know with him."
"Sounds dangerous either way. Okay, go be a good brother. I'll see you later."
"Okay, have a good day. I'll call you when I'm on my way."
"Okay, bye sweetie."
Before he could process the facts that he'd called her his girlfriend for the first time over the phone instead of in person, that she'd used a term of endearment and the current date that stared back at him on his phone - June 09, 2007, his parents walked through the front door, clearly still squabbling over something.
He stood on the edge of time standing still, one foot hanging over the ledge of the past, about to delve into the past once more, when his mother grabbed his arm as his father walked away toward the car with a shaking head, her pursed lips dragging him quickly back to the present.
"What's up?" he asked, his eyes squinting.
"Jimmy. Is everything okay? You seem… kind of … a little too much the other way all of a sudden."
His eyes bulged and his mouth hung open. "What?" he asked again with a tilted head.
"It’s… honey, for so long you were so upset, and now all of a sudden, out of the blue,” his mother shrugged. “I … you’re like you used to be,” she trailed, looking at him with her lips drawn in. “You seem … a little … a bit… overly happy. I’m just concerned is all.”
“Okay,” he spoke slowly, trying his best not to laugh. “What are you concerned about exactly?”
His mother shrugged. He turned toward the car with his mouth hung open and watched his father shake his head from behind the steering wheel.
“Your father didn’t want me to say anything.”
“Mom,” he placed his hand on her shoulder. “I’m perfectly fine. I’ve never felt better, ever.”
“Jimmy, you were so sad for so long and … now, it’s just such a drastic change. Are you… you’re not doing drugs, are you?” She eyed him with an expression mixed of both sheepishness and pointed accusation.
His eyes widened. “Mom. I’m not doing any drugs, you know me better than that.”
Relief colored his mother’s face and she smiled appreciatively. “Okay. I believe you. But, just out of curiosity… why all the secret phone calls?”
He let out a sigh and laughed, shaking his head as they strode to the car. “I’m dating someone, and I’m very happy about it.”
Her eyes widened. “Jimmy? So fast after Karen? Honey, you need to give yourself time to move on.”
He raised his eyebrows as he held the passenger door opened for her. “Okay. You are seriously too much.”
“Sorry,” his father turned his head toward the back seat as he slid into the car. “I told her not to say anything.”
“Drugs mom? I can’t believe you thought I was on drugs.”
She shook her head, knotting her fingers together. “You being on a rebound so soon after Karen doesn't make me feel better.”
“Yeah, we’re done talking about this.”
“Fine,” his mother agreed. “Did you bring your camera?”
“No, I left it at Pam’s. But I have a camera on my cell.”
“Is that her name?”
“Yes, her name is Pam.”
“Very pretty name,” his mother said. “So it’s going well?”
“Yeah, it is,” he agreed, feeling his cell phone buzz from his pocket. A photo of Boscov’s shoe department greeted him. He grinned. “Yeah, it’s really perfect, actually.”
**
His afternoon went by slowly, his eyes finding his watch every seven to ten minutes as they sat in traffic, finally arriving at his brother’s home over two hours after they’d left Scranton. He snapped photos of his new nephew, proudly posing for pictures with the baby and he found himself letting his mind wander amid the noisy organized chaos that filtered in and out of his brother’s home. He drifted to thoughts about the future, this time without the punch to his heart that usually accompanied such thoughts.
It was as if he finally stood at the last quarter mile, almost to the finishing line but not quite there yet, so close to having a son with her smile or a daughter with her curly hair. He couldn’t stop himself from grinning at the thought. As much as he tried to act as if he were just genuinely happy for his brother, his mother gave him knowing looks throughout the afternoon.
The second they arrived back in his parent’s driveway, he was out of the car, only stopping to quickly say goodbye.
“Jimmy,” his mother stopped him as he leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Bring her to dinner.”
He nodded, grinned and placed his hands in his pocket. “I will.”
“Good. She seems like a great girl if she’s got you smiling like a cupid struck love sick puppy.”
He closed his eyes and laughed. “Thanks, mom. You’re going to love her as much as I do. Though, I haven’t actually told her that yet… though, technically,” he paused, shaking his head, thinking better of it. “Anyway.”
“She’s special, I can see it. Don’t rush too fast. You just met her.”
He bit his bottom lip. “Technically, no. Um,” he brushed his hand over the back of his neck. “We’ve been best friends for about five years. And I … finally get to date her.”
His mother smiled warmly and embraced him in a tight hug. “Good luck. We can’t wait to meet her.”
He patted his mother’s back quickly, shook his father’s hand before getting into his car, quickly taking his cell phone out of his pocket.
“Hey,” she answered on the first ring. “How was it?”
“It was good, baby’s cute. I’m just leaving my parent’s place now. Need anything?”
“Nope, we’re good. Careful driving.”
“Will do. Okay, see you in a few.”
“Sounds good. Luh, um, I’ll - I’ll see you.”
Before he could ask her what all the stuttering was about, the line clicked and the call ended.
**
During dinner, they chatted about their day. She cooed over the pictures of his nephew that he had taken. He shrugged and smirked at the three pairs of shoes she'd bought. They made plans for the next day, deciding to stay in and watch movies since the weather forecast said rain.
They washed and dried the dishes together, and that simple action felt so natural to him that he allowed his mind to wander, allowed it to quietly make plans for the future beyond the next day, month and year.
They took their dessert to the living room, she finding an old game show that they both used to watch when they were younger as they cuddled close, soon losing interest in both the cake and the television in favor of soft kisses that led to them sprawling on the sofa, her head cradled in the crook of his arm.
If pressed to admit what his favorite thing in the world was, he would have fully declared - against all codes of dating that men everywhere employ, that over those first three weeks, the thing he looked most forward to was ending each night reclined on the sofa with her in his arms. It felt natural fairly quickly, almost instantly, to entwine their fingers together and tangle their legs up under a blanket, his nose pressed to her cheek, their smiles endless. The sensations her finger tips elicited within him as she moved her thumb slowly over his made him fall deeper.
They lay still, listening to rain drops tapping at her window, their shallow breaths quietly matched, each inhaling and exhaling at once, as if they were one person.
It had been that first occurrence of them huddling together so close, of finally being where he stopped imagining he would ever be, mixed with all the other reasons why her lips would be the only lips he would ever kiss for the rest of his days until the last breath of his life, that led him to the jewelers that first week, giving a large sum of money to a beady eyed clerk in exchange for a solitary diamond that would forever signify the promise he had already made to her in his heart.
It was the need within him to take things slow that led him to the door each night against his will, leaving her with a lingering kiss and the promise of tomorrow.
Each night he would crawl into his own bed, with visions of her smile behind his eyes and the ghost of her hands holding his lulling him to sleep. Gradually each morning through those first few weeks, colors became more vivid, his life had more flavor. It had purpose, a simple goal of seeing her smile again and again.
“I missed you today,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“I missed you too,” she agreed
"Thank you for dinner."
"You're so polite," she murmured, her hand sliding up his side. "It's my job, as your girlfriend."
He grinned wider, taking a deep inhale, winding his arms around her, bringing her flush against his body, rolling onto his back so she lay with her head on his chest.
They hugged for a long moment, his lips perched in her hair, his fingers toying with a lock of her hair. It seemed, the longer he held her, the more impossible it became for him to let go.
It was especially difficult to fathom the thought of ever moving from the sofa when she held him more tightly with each passing minute.
"Don't leave tonight," she pled quietly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," she nodded. "I don't want you to go, ever."
He let out a breath, closed his eyes and linked their hands, kissing the inside of her wrist.
For three weeks, he held it in, held back, kept himself from saying it again. Not on the fear of rejection. He knew from the way she looked at him from the very first time he kissed her on that first date that he finally belonged to her.
He felt it burst within him, starting in his gut and working its way up to his throat, his effort to take things slow unraveled quickly as he looked at her, her smile making his breath catch as the words escaped before he could stop them.
"I love you so much, Pam."
With his thumbs caressing her cheeks, he tilted his head, leaning his chin gently on her forehead.
She lifted her head, kissing his lips before staring into his eyes.
He would always remember that moment. That second she opened her mouth, the way her eyes glistened as they found his, the way her hair fell in her face, around her neck, framing her smiling features. The way she swept her finger over his brow, slowly down to his ear, making him shiver as her thumbnail scratched at the center of his chin. She breathed out, her words escaping in a whisper.
"I love you," her voice cracked, her lips finding his, the kiss deepening quickly.
His hand slid under her shirt, feeling the warmth of her skin on her back for the first time sent a soft moan from the back of his throat. They stayed like that for a while, kissing, caressing, repeating their ovations, laughing along the way.
"Let's go to bed." She brought her lips close to his ear, and it took him a full minute to process what she had said.
"We don’t have to," he said.
She crooked an eyebrow, eyeing his obvious arousal, and nodded. She motioned her head toward her bedroom, closing the lights as she walked away.
He followed, blinkingly, unable to mentally process it all, he tried to let his brain catch up to his body.
The sight of her folded down light blue comforter, the smile on her face and the way she walked slowly toward him with her arms open, her lips crashing into his made him decide to let his brain figure out how to catch up on its own.
**
The sun rose far too quickly for his liking, the first signs of light that he noticed waking him from a light sleep. He peered over to her naked form, her chest rising and falling under the single sheet they shared.
He would remember their first time as an imperfect experience, nerves getting in the way of enjoyment, realizing there would be no turning back.
Their third time, though, would forever stay with him. They had woken in the middle of the night, finding one another, their bodies awakening before their consciousness could. She said things to him, things he would never have thought she would ever say. The bed creaked, the headboard banged against the wall, she gripped the sheets and called his name as she gave herself to him.
As they fell asleep, he heard her whisper, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
He swore that next morning that he could never love her any more than he already had. Against his better judgment, he leaned over and kissed her gently, her lips curving into a grin as she slowly woke, kissing him back.
"Good morning," he whispered. "It's almost nine. Time to get up.”
“Nuh-uh,” she mumbled, moving to lie on her side. “I’m not moving for the rest of the day.”
“You don't like wasting time in bed, remember?" he teased.
She shook her head, winding her arms around his neck. "You can’t hold me to that. I didn’t know what I was talking about."
"No. I distinctly remember you saying, just about this same time yesterday, it’s a shame to waste the day in bed, or something like that."
She kissed his neck, tickling his skin with the slightest touch of her tongue.
“You really don’t play fair, do you,” he let out with a sigh.
She laughed as she hugged him tighter, her hand gliding over his back, his head resting on her shoulder. She let out a slow breath as he caressed a spot underneath her breast.
“What do you want to do today?”
She shrugged, her chin trembled and she let out a shaky gasp. She moved herself so the tips of their noses touched. She whispered, “You,” before she kissed him feverishly, his reply lost amid tossed bed sheets and tousled hair.
He would remember that day for the rest of his life. That day marked the first Sunday of many Sundays that they would stay in bed for most of their waking hours, falling asleep wrapped up in one another. It marked the first time he made her a simple brunch, eating in bed while watching silent movies, each making up their own dialogue along the way. It would be the first time they shared a shower together, the first time she saw the scar he obtained when he fell from his bike when he was younger. It was the first time he mentioned his dream of being the owner of a bike shop.
It was the first time he felt comfortable broaching the subject of a future that included her, the first time he realized that the ring he had hidden in the back of his closet would be well worn and well received by the only woman meant to wear it.
It was the first time he finally sat and listened to her as she explained that he had only ever heard and seen the bad of her previous relationship. He calmly and patiently listened to her as she told him that she had been happy for a good portion of time, it just turned out not to be enough.
For the first time, he heard her detail how difficult the decision was to let go of that relationship, how she wanted to get her life back on track before anything else happened.
And when she looked into his eyes and told him that on that date one year before when she woke up, she wished that he could have been sleeping next to her, that her heart broke in so many different ways when he left, and that she finally felt like she was herself again too, he watched the last parts of both of their heartache disappear, leaving a new horizon for both of them.
Her actions that day, careful, methodical, the way she took care of him and attended to him, it all made him long for the day when he could watch her nurture their children.
Waiting seemed to be a running theme in his life. But with her hand in his through it all, it wouldn’t be more than he could handle.
She asked him a dozen questions about him that day, questioning him the way someone who really wants every last detail just so they can know about it. The way his own mother always had a million questions for him each time they spoke.
He wouldn’t tell her that she reminded him of his mother until years later, while they doted over their own children.
.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading, I hope if you have a moment you'll let me know what you thought of it. Thank you again to Nancy, Sally and Jessica :) xx
Deedldee is the author of 19 other stories.
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This story is part of the series, Memories Are Made of These. The previous story in the series is A Day He'll Never Forget. The next story in the series is Celebrate good times.
