Pam summed herself up the best when she said, “I’m optimistic.”  Throughout The Job, FNB has shown her resolve to be happy despite the obstacles that stand in her way.  In the final segment of the episode, Pam’s resolve is further tested when she is faced with the very real possibility that Jim will not be in her life.  Pam continues to insist that she is fine and happy with the way things are between her and Jim, but in reality she is somewhat melancholy. She misses him and there‘s nothing she can do to get rid of that feeling except to let it run its course.  As a result, Pam finds ways to be with Jim when she can’t via humor and memories.  It’s a coping strategy that allows Pam to keep her head held high with the idea, “This too shall pass,“ (my grandmother’s favorite piece of advice). 

Pam is going to allow Jim’s influence to remain in her life while striking out on her own at the same time.   Pam spends her day “playing” with Dwight much in the same way she did while Jim was in Stamford (timing him with a thermometer, starting CIA letters, etc.).  Her actions may have Jim in mind, but Pam is also making the best of his absence by having fun and finding ways to smile on her own.  The key part in all of this is Pam’s further acceptance that she is flying solo.  Being with Jim is preferable, but not the only thing that completes her.     

She has already given some indicators that she will let Jim go if leaving is what makes him happy, but she is starting to realize it’s easier said than done.  She knows she misses him and she feels the pain of his absence.  Pam is starting to wade into rough and deep waters where it’s easy to lose her way.  Even though things are getting more difficult, Pam is resilient in having faith in herself.  She sees the hills and valleys in the path she has chosen and she’s not going to give up.  She knows happiness lies within herself and all she has to do is cultivate her own garden.  Pam’s most important realization is understanding the garden will not grow overnight. Gardens need time, sunshine, and a little rain.  Sometimes tears must fall to make room for joy.  Pam’s optimism is rooted in this realization.  She truly believes that she and everything else is going to be all right. 

Jim’s surprise reappearance in Pam’s life may have brought a wide smile to her face, but it doesn’t change the lessons she has learned about herself, (and continues to learn).  She knows how to be happy with herself and that is worth more than anything.  It took Pam a year to find her confidence and most importantly self worth.  Pam has a deep understanding of who she is and just how much strength she possesses.  FNB is something Pam will hold onto and perpetuate for the rest of her life.  Jim’s presence in her life only enhances what she’s already found.  The sadness she harbored from missing him is what disappears and gives her already virulent happiness room to grow. 

The Pam Dichotomy S3 has been all about exploring Pam’s emotional developments and their impact on JAM.  The optimist never lost faith in JAM, while the pessimist accepted the possibility that Jim and Pam would go their separate ways.  While this has been the guiding factor on the PD, Pam’s growth in Season 3 was all about her, not JAM.  Pam ultimately became FNB for herself.  Nonetheless, the optimist can stand tall in that FNB’s development paved the way for JAM to at least explore the possibility of a relationship that extends beyond friendship.  If anything, Pam’s new self awareness gives her the ability to love Jim better than she ever could have before. 

Dwight’s “Secret” Job:

In Dwight’s “office” Pam sits quietly as he slithers into a leadership role.  Dwight tells her, “You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession.”  Pam is immediately annoyed with Dwight’s perspective of her shoreline speech.  She nods and slightly smiles an irritated smile as she glances at the camera.  Her expression is one of, Here we go again. She’s tired of her co-workers jabbing her for her actions on Beach Day.  She doesn’t see it as embarrassing and it bothers her that other people see it that way.  She remains proud and considers it her shining moment.  Pam responds with a slightly sarcastic “Thank you,” which was really meant as a “thanks for nothing.”  Pam doesn’t appreciate Dwight’s jab, but she handles it with grace.  She has enough confidence to let his statement bounce right off of her.  Nonetheless, it still bothers her. 

She refocuses her attention on Dwight, hoping he’ll make his point soon so she can leave.  Dwight informs Pam, “I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated, you wouldn't understand.”  Pam is immediately insulted that Dwight is treating her like a simpleton.  She looks squarely at Dwight with a pair of death ray eyes, I am not an idiot.  This is FNB’s way of letting Dwight know it’s not okay to treat her like a moron.  Of course, Dwight is completely oblivious to her irritation.  Her sarcasm is unmistakable as she awaits Dwight’s next statement,  “I want you... to be Assistant Regional Manager.”  Pam is surprised as she replies, “Really?”  She already knows there is something stupid attached to Dwight’s request, but she can’t ignore the enormous potential of the situation to have a little fun.  Dwight has already jabbed her twice and she can’t resist the temptation to get even and be amused at the same time. 

Dwight explains further, “Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position.” Pam responds dryly, “You will be your own assistant,” but she is laughing quietly on the inside.  Just when she thought Dwight couldn’t be more insane he outdoes himself, “Correct, I need someone I can trust. But I would also like the title... to be secretly applied to you. Just stripped of its pomp and frills.” Pam listens intently outwardly, while FNB is planning how to make this fun on the inside.  Pam responds will playful sarcasm, “Okay. So... you would be the Regional Manager, and the Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your number two. I would be the Secret Assistant Regional Manager.”  Pam’s humor completely kicks in once she speaks of her role in Dwight’s world.  A little smile peeks through as Pam speaks, she just can’t help herself.  This is just too good to be true.  Pam crafts her joke with just enough realism to make Dwight believe her while infusing enough sarcasm to amuse herself. 

An old joke steeped in Office lore spills from Dwight’s lips, “Mmmmmm, let's call it Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.”  Pam plays along with Dwight’s seriousness with her own “Mmm-hmm,” while again laughing inside as she likely replayed every instance where “to the“ was a point of contention.   Dwight continues his lunacy and asks, “Do you accept?”  Pam is beside herself and can’t help but ask herself, What would Jim do?, as she responds, “Absolutely I do,” with as straight a face as she can muster.  She is ready to burst with laughter, but manages to keep it together.  She knows she’s got enough ammunition to enjoy herself for the rest of the day.  Although, she is thrilled with the prospect of messing with Dwight’s head, a part of her feels Jim’s absence.  She wants to share this with him, hear his laughter, and see his smile.

Talking Head #4:

Seeing as Pam can’t share what happened between herself and Dwight with Jim, she turns to the camera.  The feeling of nostalgia is quite apparent as Pam reminisces in a talking head that immediately follows her meeting with Dwight.  It’s obvious she misses Jim as she says,  “I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, ‘Absolutely, I do‘.”  Despite the sadness swirling around, Pam still manages to find the bright side of things.  FNB is determined to focus on positive memories rather than painful ones in order to keep herself afloat.  She can’t help but find the humor in Jim’s “lesson.”  She repeats the line “Absolutely, I do” with the same seriousness she pulled off with Dwight as a way to mimic Jim’s humor.  This is her way of keeping a piece of him with her. 

She can hardly keep a straight face as she remembers the events of The Alliance, where Jim likely told her every detail behind “Absolutely, I do.”   She’s thrilled she got to use this line in a real situation.  Jim’s humor is with her and it’s adding to her already present smile.  A touch of sadness is in her eyes, but FNB’s resolve remains firmly in place.  Pam knows Jim would have fun given the same circumstances and she is prepared to take it as far as he would.  As she speaks, she is quietly thinking of possible ways to play with Dwight as his Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.  Pam has pulled pranks without Jim before (The Merger, A Benihana Christmas), and it appears she’s ready for another round on her own.

Schrute Buck/Talking Head #5:

Dwight demands the attention of his “subordinates” in the main office to introduce his new motivational tool: The Schrute Buck.  Pam is wearing a smile before Dwight even starts.  She knows he’s going to give her some major entertainment.  Pam dons her best sense of humor as she puts her hand up and asks, “What is the value of a Schrute buck?”  Her enthusiasm is obviously fake and dripping in sarcasm as Pam is stealthily mocking Dwight.  She is having fun with the idiocy that is Dwight all by herself. 

Dwight continues spouting his reforms to the group, while Pam quietly stands by utterly amused.  Dwight announces that he will begin a series of lectures designed to help employees increase their understanding of paper.  The response is less than exuberant which prompts Dwight to holler, “Yes! Michael is gone. There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is "me." Conference room! Ten seconds! All of you!” 

Pam’s face lights up yet again as she smiles and silently laughs while casting a glance at the camera.  Her disbelieving face would normally be locked with Jim’s, but since he isn’t there, Pam again turns her attention to the camera.  It’s interesting how she has “bonded” with the camera in the absence of Jim.  It’s almost a substitute for her until she finds another outlet.  She needs to share the humor with someone, but no one besides Jim “gets” it and can laugh with her.  If Jim isn’t there to make faces at the camera, she is more than willing to take his place.  It’s another way to keep a piece of Jim with her as she flies solo.

Pam’s enthusiasm extends into a subsequent talking head, “I literally cannot wait to see what Dwight has planned.”  Her eyes are sparkling, while the rest of her face is teeming with anticipation.  She intends to milk Dwight’s idiocy for as man laughs as possible.  As much as Pam is wrapped up in the moment, her thoughts turn to Jim.  She lightly bites her bottom lip before she allows the camera to see her vulnerability.  With slight hesitance she admits to the camera, “And I wish Jim were here.”  She’s starting to feel the weight amidst the light and playful atmosphere she’s created for herself.  Pam wants Jim to be there sharing the moment with her as if nothing every came between them.  She’s curious about how he’d react and what he would do if he was here.  Pam rolls her eyes as she speaks and again after her statement as a little bit of a release.  She feels silly and a little embarrassed.  It’s the equivalent of admitting a crush in a high school cafeteria.  It’s not something she’s wants spotlighted, (it’s a weakness), but she can’t help herself.  She loves him, but she feels the impossibility of being with him.  

It’s in this talking head that Pam realizes it’s a lot harder to let go of Jim than she previously thought.  However, she knows she has to move forward or she will be buried in her own misery.  The tone of her voice carries an air of acceptance for her position.   Pam may have loads of awareness for how she feels and the reality that is before her, but she is still trying to figure out what to do with all of that information.  She’s in the painful predicament of having emotions that don’t match her reality.  Despite this, FNB is determined to reconcile the incongruence with astonishing optimism.

Dwight’s Lecture:

Despite Pam’s confusing emotional state, she is still intent on amusing herself during Dwight’s first paper lecture.  As Dwight speaks to the staff as if they are kindergartners, Pam again jests with the camera.  She nods and smiles in complete merriment at Dwight’s ridiculous grasp of power under the guise of teaching.  Dwight’s lesson is just plain silly, but instead of being bored like everyone else, Pam is making the best of it by seeing the humor.  It’s an attitude that has served her well with life in general, so why not in the conference room, too?  She “eagerly” leans towards the soil samples placed in the center of the conference table as a little prank on Dwight.  She’s playing into the idea of being his Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager by feigning interest.  It’s not meant to be funny to anyone but herself.  It’s a secret prank by and for the Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. 

Dwight eventually faces a student rebellion when Stanley refuses to accept of Schrute Buck.  The “class” becomes unruly, giving Pam an open door to extend her little prank.  FNB steps in and hollers, “HEY! COME ON! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation!”  To Dwight and everyone else, she sounds serious.  She slams her fists on the table and deepens her voice to add to the illusion.  She quickly shifts back to a demure face and looks up to Dwight with the appearance that she seeks his approval.  Pam is getting Dwight to buy into her prank and is gaining his trust which will make it possible to pull further pranks.  Entertaining oneself has never been more artfully achieved. 

Dwight already looks stupid to everyone, but Pam is the only one who can find the humor.  The significance in all of this is the fact that Pam made herself the center of attention for her prank.  She took a very loud lead in making a fool of Dwight and she did it for herself.  Every since Beach Games, Pam isn’t afraid to make a little noise in front of her co-workers or Jim.  It’s good to see she’s chosen to retain this characteristic.

Michael’s Return:

Michael returns from New York and babbles endlessly about how he will never leave Scranton, never letting on that he blew his interview.  Pam is likely listening with the same annoyance as her co-workers. Once Michael is done blabbering, Pam practically blurts out, “Did . . . Karen get the job?”  Her heart leapt after asking as her curiosity is overwhelming her.  Pam is a little over anxious to hear anything about New York, but she is a little hesitant at the same time.  She pauses right before she says Karen’s name.  She meant to say Jim, but thought better of it just in time.  She wants to ask about Jim, but it’s too personal to ask in front of her co-workers.  She’s already caught a lot of crap for her beach day speech and doesn’t want to endure any more teasing.  Asking about Karen is just easier and will get her the same information.  Besides, she really does want Karen to get the job, so as to get rid of her. 

A lot of emotion is hinging on Michael’s answer.  As the day progresses Pam has been feeling Jim’s absence more and more.  The possibility that she may lose him to New York is getting closer and harder to face.  Her talking heads have clued us into the fact that Pam’s tough exterior has weaknesses and this scene is another example that she’s having a hard time letting go even though she knows she must.  It really is easier said than done to let someone go.  The stress of it is getting to Pam and she feels the pain that often accompanies goodbye.  Her heart is grabbing onto him while her head is preparing for a possible farewell.  Jim could just as easily leave for New York as he could stay in Scranton. 

Each scenario requires polar opposite emotions.  She is stuck in the middle right now trying to get ready for either scenario.  Letting him go in New York is different from letting him go in Scranton.  In a sense, Pam doesn’t know if she can keep any hope tucked away.  If he’s in New York, she has to let it all go, but if he stays in Scranton he’s not totally gone and little hope can live deep in her heart.  FNB may be intent on being happy and accepts the facts of her situation, but Jim’s presence in Scranton would leave a little room for hope. 

Michael ignores Pam’s question leaving her with continuing curiosity and anxiousness.  Her face is saddened and perplexed as she remains in the void of the unknown.  The hope she doesn‘t dare release, continues to hang in the balance. 

Saluting Dwight:

Michael’s return signaled Dwight’s demise as head of the Scranton branch as well as Pam’s role as Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.  Dwight approaches her desk and quietly greets her, “Pam, hello.”  With solemn sarcasm Pam responds, “Dwight, hello.”  She is still playing her personal prank on Dwight.  Pam manages to keep a straight face when Dwight replies, “I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you held the title, Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office with great dignity.”  Pam decides to play out her little joke one more time as she salutes Dwight.  She is still messing with him with her own brand of oddball humor for her own amusement.  It’s just too easy and she can’t help herself. 

By saluting him, she once again garnered his trust which leaves her further opportunities to prank.  She is obviously holding back a laugh as she looks up at Dwight, but a small smile escapes.  Her prank on Dwight may have originated with thoughts of Jim, but it ended with Pam focusing on herself.  In the end, humor saved her from focusing on the fact that she misses Jim.  It would’ve been all too easy to fall into a mode of constant pining.  FNB refuses to let herself fall when she has come so far.  Pam really did find a ray happiness on her own.

Talking Head #6:

Even though Pam’s prank brought a smile to her face, she can’t escape her thoughts of Jim for long.  They are too present as she awaits news from New York.  She is again participating in a talking head as she says, “No, I don’t know what the future holds . . .”  Pam is a little bewildered by the unknown future, but she isn’t afraid.  Her voice even has a tinge of excitement as Pam considers the road ahead of her.  This is a huge development for Pam and the cornerstone of FNB.  Old Pam had an inherent fear of the unknown which prevented her from making any large changes.  Her rejection of Jim on CN partly originated from this fear.  Clearly, Pam has escaped this barrier and is boldly willing to move on to a new chapter in her life. 

FNB continues to show her colors with the apt statement, “ . . . but, I’m optimistic.” If Pam has learned anything in the last year, it’s to have faith in herself.  Pam knows she can do anything if she really puts her mind to it and believes in herself.  She has a lot of hope invested in herself and the future.   Part of Pam’s optimism is rooted in the humor she’s surrounded herself with all day, “And I had fun goofing around with Dwight today.”  Her face lights up as she briefly recounts her prank.  She playfully shrugs with the notion that messing with Dwight beats wallowing in misery and sadness.   She may be alone, but it’s not the end of the world. Rather it’s the start of something new and she’s learning as she goes. 

Despite the optimism raging inside of Pam, she is not invincible to pangs of sorrow. She takes a breath and pauses as her thoughts drift back to Jim.  He’s been a topic in her talking heads all day and this instance is no different.  Her eyes become distant when she begins to speak, “Jim and I are just too similar.”  She’s looking in the direction of the camera, but her mind is someplace else.  The statement doesn’t seemingly fit in with Pam’s previous topic of Dwight, but her prank on Dwight makes Pam think of Jim.  It may have been a ploy to entertain herself and distract her from dwelling on Jim, but his humor was with her the entire time.  He was with her all day. It’s inevitable that she would think of him at this point, wishing he were with her right now. 

Playing with Dwight was fun, but it wasn’t the same without Jim.  She’s feeling the loss again and it’s getting stronger.  The water is getting deeper and it’s getting tougher to stay afloat.  Pam feels herself slipping into a dangerous emotional state so she attempts to cut another string to disconnect herself from Jim.  By explaining that she and Jim are too similar, she’s looking for a way to convince herself that it could never work between them.  Believing this makes it easier to let go of him.  Symbolically, her words couldn’t be more truthful.  Pam and Jim have been paralleling each other’s behavior all season long.  Both are still traveling the same path, but at a different juncture.  Both want to go back to the way things were, but the feeling of impossibility plagues any hope.  The path in which Jim and Pam are traveling is full of self discovery and they’ve only just begun.    

Pam is able to regain her composure quickly and sanguinely says, “Maybe one day I’ll find my own Karen.”  Her eyes return focus on the camera, returning from their previous hiatus.  There is still a hint of sadness lingering but hope is still alive.  This is a different kind of hope as it doesn’t apply to Jim in this instance.  Pam’s face is again showing hope for herself in the face of uncertainty.  She’s not worried about herself, nor is she afraid of the “new” that awaits her on the other side of the present.  Her statement relates to the concept of letting Jim go, but she’s adding the component of moving on for herself.  If Jim has moved on with Karen, then Pam must move on with someone else, too.  Jim is the future she wants, but she knows she realized it too late.  Now it’s time to accept that a future with Jim will not come to pass.  It’s a simple fact of life that people don’t always get what they want.  

Despite this logic, it’s difficult to think of herself with someone else.  However, it’s a reality she’s beginning to embrace because she knows she must if she’s going to stay out of the depths of misery that comes from pining away for someone she can’t be with.  Believing in herself is Pam’s saving grace.

Unfortunately, Pam’s unflinching faith in herself can’t save her from getting a little flustered. She fumbles around her words, “But, you, that is a, um, you know, not . . . a man.  A man version.”  Pam let the camera see some vulnerability and she let herself feel Jim a little too much.  This chips at her touch exterior a little bit and scares her.   Pam unwittingly stirred up a hurricane of emotions when she let her mind drift towards Jim.  She’s managed to keep him at a comfortable distance all day, that is until this talking head.  Love, pain, hope, loss, optimism, uncertainty, empowerment, determination, sadness, and happiness are all swirling around her as she sits in the eye of the storm.  It’s hard to know what to feel at any given time, but she has enough strength to keep herself from succumbing to emotional schizophrenia.  She’s bound to break every now and again, but she will never be down for the count.  

Of course, Pam bounces right back like an inflated punching balloon and proclaims, “But, until then, I can hold my head up.” FNB radiates in her words as she carries through with the pride she gained from her beach day speech.  Pam is still glowing from being honest with herself and Jim.  It still brings an enormous release of confidence and relief.  She doesn’t regret her growth and knows she did the right thing.  The tone of her statement is very strong, but there is a tinge of melancholy.  Obviously, Pam prefers a different outcome, but she’s still proud of herself.  Pam knows how far she’s come, but she’s also smart enough to know she’s not out of the woods yet.  She uses the phrase, “until then” coupled with a deep breath because she knows there is a long road ahead.  There’s still room to grow and loose ends she needs to tie together.  Pam is still learning the ropes of FNB and sorting through a mess of emotions.  It’s a daunting task, but the optimist in Pam will cling to the good days and take the bad in stride.

Pam still can’t let it go that she embarrassed herself in front of the camera, so she adds, “I’m not gay” at the end of her soliloquy.  A remnant of Old Pam lingers as she’s self conscious about how she is being perceived.  FNB may be in full swing, but parts of Old Pam still bubble up every now and then.  Pam is always going to be self conscious, but she’s learning to handle it with a little bit more strength.  Rather than flub through another array of babbled words, Pam got right to the point and told the camera what she meant outright this time around.  It’s another little growing pain on Pam’s continuing road of self-discovery.

Pam’s Note:

Unfortunately, viewers didn’t get to see Pam write the note she packed in Jim’s folder.  Her note spoke to Jim’s heart, but that wasn’t her intention.  Pam’s motivation is not rooted in winning Jim back.  However, she is trying to continue to repair the friendship by reminding him of the connection they share.  The newly cleared air between them gives her the freedom to work on rebuilding that connection.  The note is simply Pam’s way of being supportive and warm as his friend.  It’s her way of letting him know she supports him in his endeavors and that she cares.  Aside from that, it’s Pam’s way of being with him in New York.  She can’t be there for him in any other way, but a small piece of paper in his folder. 

She writes:  Jim, Don’t forget us when your famous.  Pam.  She affixes a yogurt lid “gold medal” in the upper right hand corner as well.  Pam’s words are very simple, but they are packed with meaning.  On the surface, Pam is encouraging Jim by assuming he’s going to the job, which is why he needs to be told not to forget about Scranton.  It’s meant as a little confidence builder.  Dig a little deeper and Pam is also telling Jim not to forget about her.  Even if things never evolve past a fragile friend zone, she doesn’t want him to forget about her and what they shared.  Losing him is hard enough.  To be forgotten is unbearable.  Pam’s warmth is unmistakable as she lets him know she will always be there for him, even when he’s “famous” or New Jim.  She may not totally understand New Jim, but she will always be his friend.

The yogurt lid beckons back to Office Olympics and Pam’s intention with this is twofold.  This is a reminder of a fun day she and Jim spent together.  She hasn’t seen Jim flash his trademark smile in a long time and she hopes this will do the trick.  It’s her way of showing him she misses him, or the Old Jim that she knows still lives in him.  On another level, Pam knows from the shoreline that Jim hasn’t “come back” and this might help. She’s basically telling him it’s okay to be “you.”  At the risk of sounding corny, Jim is getting a gold medal to be himself.  Pam put herself on that piece of paper to connect with Jim, but not in a way to interfere with his chosen path. 

On a symbolic level, the note takes on even more meaning.  Pam’s phrase “don’t forget,” is a reference to Old Jim.  Pam has felt all along that Jim never really came back.  The Jim in front of her is not the guy that peered into her soul on Booze Cruise.  However, she still sees that man hiding inside.  Pam doesn’t want Jim to forget who he is.  She loves that man and doesn’t want him to disappear completely.  Essentially, Pam is reminding Jim that he can always come home and she’ll be waiting.  In keeping with that theme, the yogurt lid is another reference to Old Jim.  Or more precisely: the past.  The shiny gold lid is a reminder that the past doesn’t have to hurt.  There were more good times, than there were painful.  Aside from that, the future is burning bright with infinite possibilities.  The shiny gold lid is almost a light at the end of the tunnel.

Talking Head #7:

In Pam’s last talking head, her optimism has remained intact despite a day of curiosity and angst.  Just as she proclaimed in a previous talking head, she continues to hold her head up.  Confidence aside, she is still very anxious to hear any news from New York.  She begins by saying, “I haven’t heard anything.  But I bet Jim got the job.  I mean, why wouldn’t he?”  There’s a little bit of an edge in her voice that emanates for anticipation.  She’s still stuck in the middle, wondering where Jim will fit into her life or if he will at all.  However, Pam is starting to prepare herself for a perceived inevitability by betting Jim got the job.  Therefore, if it happens she is a little more prepared for losing him again. 

The news won’t hit her as hard and she’ll be a little more able to handle it if she chooses to accept it now.  It’s a classic proactive self defense mechanism.  They don’t always work, but it bolsters Pam’s strength.  Pam has to find a way to let go of the shred of hope she keeps locked tight in her heart.  She starts to list the reasons why Jim got to the job as a way to solidify her defense mechanism, “He’s totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him.”  She breaks eye contact with the camera as she feels her vulnerabilities surfacing once again.  If she keeps going she’s bound to hit something way too personal.  She came close near the end of her list with “everyone loves him.”  She wasn’t just speaking for everyone - she was speaking for herself. She pauses for a brief moment, as she silently tells herself, I love him.  This unleashes more emotions as Pam begins to open up to the camera.  She’s been pushing back feelings all day and now she’s letting some of them out.  Jim has been on her mind all day, no matter how hard she tried to distract herself.  

Her optimism may be a driving factor in Pam’s actions, but it can’t chase away her feelings for Jim.  She is still trying to sort through the idea that she will be okay without him, while still being in love with him.  She’s never had a chance to talk it through out loud until now, “And if he never comes back again, that’s okay.”  She is remembering their shoreline discussion when Jim told her he hasn’t really come back. Even with clear air between them, Jim still hasn’t come back.  Now she sees him running somewhere else and that deeply saddens her.  It isn’t just about her losing Jim, it’s about Jim losing Jim.  However, she must tell herself it’s okay so she can find a future without him.  

Despite the strength she’s trying to build, her “okay” is said delicately with a touch of sadness, as if it were the beginning of a tearful farewell.  She is still grappling with the possibility of having to say goodbye.  She needs to believe that it’s okay, in order to maintain FNB.  She doesn’t want to lose all she has gained along with Jim.  Pam falls back on her optimism to carry her through, “We’re friends.”  Pam has used this phrase before in Office Olympics, as a defensive shield.  It’s working much the same way as she needs to believe they will always be friends in some way, even if he isn’t in Scranton. 

On a deeper level, there is a tiny bit of strain in her voice.  Calling Jim a friend is a tough reality to accept when she feels so much more for him.  Even though she has accepted the friend zone, it’s hard place to live.  Whereas it used to be a safe place to hide from her feelings, it’s now a barrier she no longer wants.  She continues, “And I’m sure we’ll stay friends.“  Pam truly wants to believe this, but deep down she knows if he leaves for New York it will be a friendship that lingers in the past, rather than on that flourishes in the present.  It’s another defensive measure aimed at softening the blow.  Saying goodbye to Jim on good terms is very important to Pam, given the circumstances that lead to his previous departure to Scranton.  Staying friends is about leaving things on a positive note, not a routine of regular phone conversations and e-mails. 

Pam opens up further, “We just . . . We never got the timing right.  You know?”  Pam can’t help but briefly reminisce how everything went wrong.  It’s another way for her to build on her previous defense that it would never work between them.  She says it lightly, almost amused at the folly of their relationship.  The finality of the situation feels so out of hand, that Pam feels like she really has no choice but to accept the circumstances.  It’s here where Pam starts to feel Jim drifting further and further away from her.  It’s been progressively building all day, but this is the moment where she truly begins to let go.

In many of her previous talking heads she spoke of Jim.  Talking about him has been very healing and is giving her the ability to let him go.  The tiny bit of hope she kept carefully hidden is starting to dim as Pam realizes some relationships just can’t be fixed. Her eyes again become distant as she says, “I shot him down, and then he did the same to me,”  Glimpses of pain dance across her face as she remembers all that has transpired over the last year.  Although, this level playing field helped to heal the wounds, the fact of the matter is, they’ve hurt each other.  She did her best to heal the rift, but it wasn’t enough to bring back everything they had.  Pam can accept that, but she still feels the loss.  

She takes in a big breath and that seems to rejuvenate her sense of faith in herself, “But you know what?  It’s okay.”  Pam caught herself beginning to wallow and picked herself up before it was too late.  She knows FNB would not exist if it weren’t for all the hurt and tribulations she faced.  If it weren’t for her relationship with Jim, she’d be Mrs. Roy Anderson right now and that’s scarier than the situation facing her at the moment.   It‘s just like the coal walk in Beach Games, sometimes life hurts, but Pam is strong enough to feel the burn.  FNB is standing strong on her own two feet, even if there‘s and unsteady road ahead.  “I am totally fine.  Everything is going to be totally . . .”  There is a staunch determination in her tone as Pam really believes this.   She says it with vigor and even a sense of excitement. 

The hurt she allowed herself to feel before gave her the urgency believe in herself even more.  It’s was almost a little reminder that she is responsible for her own happiness.  Pam’s most telling phrase is “everything is going to be . . .”  She didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence, but it’s clear she was heading towards something positive.  Everything isn’t okay now, but she knows it will be eventually.  This very optimistic viewpoint is FNB through and through. Pam is smart enough to know that it’s going to take time and she’s not going to beat herself up every time she stumbles.  Pam knows the pain isn’t over, but it won’t be the end of her. Her statement is also another indicator that her hope is still dimming.  The more she holds onto herself the less she is holding onto Jim.  

Just as she is letting go of her hope and relying on her determination to pull her through, the door opens with Jim on the other side calling her name.  He’s almost calling her back to a place she was getting ready to leave in the past.  A place where Jim wants to be with her.  Pam is clearly shocked to see the very man she is talking herself into letting go.  The one thing she dared not hope for is standing right in front of her.  She doesn’t say anything as she waits for him to speak. 

He nervously asks her, “Are you free for dinner tonight?”  Pam is still stunned by his presence, but she manages to give a strong, “Yes.”  She throws in a small nod to ensure her answer.  Her response is more of an involuntary reaction as her brain function has ceased completely.  Between the shock and confusion surrounding his question Pam doesn’t have time to think.  Her instincts took over and answered for her.  Jim smiles and softly responds, “Alright.  Then it’s a date.” 

The camera pans back over to a clearly astonished Pam.  She looks at the camera thinking, Are you kidding me?  She’s not sure if she can believe this really happened.  Once she lets it settle in for a few seconds a euphoric smile graces her face.  Her Jim really just came through that door and asked her out.  In the space of a few seconds, the weight she’s dragged around since Jim let go of her hands on CN (GWH) has been lifted. The deep waters in which she sought to stay afloat have become calm and shallow.  The hurricane of conflicting emotions has dissipated into a warm breeze.  She doesn’t have to miss him anymore.  He‘s here with her.  He’s here for her to love.  All the pain has been replaced with sheer joy. 

Much to her relief, she saw Old Jim flickering in his eyes as he spoke.  Pam knows he’s come home.  This means more to her than anything.  She missed Jim, but she missed the man that fell in love with her even more.  Just as Jim felt her warmth throughout the day, Pam finally got to feel his warmth wrapping around her.  She hasn’t felt it since CN and it feels like the sun is hitting her for the first time.  The beauty of this moment is that she’s not afraid to embrace Jim’s warmth any longer, (as in S1 and S2).  She is allowing it to be part of her. 

The shift of emotions is a little overwhelming for Pam.  She spent her entire day preparing herself for Jim’s departure.   His return was unexpected and unleashed more elation than Pam knows what to do with.  Her heart is likely pumping a million miles a minute as her cheeks flush and her sparkling eyes begin to moisten with tears of joy.  She bites her bottom lip in utter disbelief, still trying to figure out what just happened.  That tiny bit of hope she was getting ready to discard, has now ballooned into unimaginable proportions pushing out the pain and sadness only to leave more room for Pam’s happiness to expand.  In the midst of Pam’s joy, there is also a surge of confidence.  In contrast to Season 2, Pam knows she’s good enough for Jim.  There is a sense that she belongs with him and she isn’t second guessing herself.  She may not be able to believe what just happened, but she knows it isn’t a mistake. 

Instead of having to let him go, Pam’s heart wraps around him and holds on tight.  Pam may have found happiness in herself, but she got more than she could ever have hoped from Jim.  Pam tries to pull herself together to finish her talking head, but she can’t remember the question.  Her thoughts remain on him as she contemplates an unexpected future where Jim is part of her life.  

The Bottom Line:

The timing is finally right.

- - -

JAM Song of the Week:

I realize this is an odd choice, but this song broke my writer’s block.  Both the lyrics and overall feeling of this song felt like Pam in seconds following Jim’s request to join him for dinner.

You’re So True

Artist: Joseph Arthur

Album: Shrek 2 Soundtrack 

JAM Optimist:

1) Jim asked Pam are going on a date

2) Pam knows she is good enough for Jim

3) Pam isn’t afraid of Jim’s feelings

JAM Pessimist:

1) Jim and Pam are different people than they were on CN

2) Communication lines still aren’t at full strength

Questions to Ponder:

1) From Pam’s point of view, what kind of date is she going on with Jim?  What kind of date is it from your point of view? 

2) Should Pam ask about Jim’s status with Karen?  Should she ask about New York in general?

3) Is Pam ready to be in a relationship with Jim?

4) Does Pam trust Jim?

5) Does Pam know what she wants? 

6) Judging from Pam’s reaction, (TH #7), does she think Jim still loves her?