Roy is so fun to be around. He makes me feel so alive! He’s so great at convincing me to do things out of my comfort zone. We skipped work the other day and went bowling with the group. It was equal parts exciting and terrifying. I need the job, but hello, I’m 16, I need a social life too! At least Roy thinks so. He doesn’t really like my friends from art class who are talking to me again now that I’m back to painting.
Roy says that art is nerdy, but he thinks it’s cute that I’m a nerd. I tried explaining to him the difference between the Painting I and Painting II class, but I didn’t get too far before he interrupted me with this super passionate kiss. It left me with all these butterflies in my stomach and feeling a bit dizzy. This is all so new and exciting and I just cannot even believe how wonderful he is!
I saw Jim the other day though so that was weird. He was with this other girl at the supermarket. He didn’t see me, but I felt really hurt seeing his arm around another girl. Who is she? How did he move on so fast from us? I mean, I did too so I guess that’s understandable. She’s massively gorgeous. She has longer curly red hair, but the pretty glossy kind, not the frizzy kind like me. She was really lean and had legs for days. So basically the Saks Fifth Avenue version vs JCPenny’s (me). I totally knew he could do better than me. I’m happy for him, I really am. We could never fit together. He’s so perfectly structured and I’m so flawed, unmotivated, and confused about life. Jim is not, he deserves someone better than me.
Isabel is anti-Roy and hasn’t been keeping that a secret at all. She said she thinks there’s something fishy about him and seems like he’s only looking for one thing.
Maybe so, but he’s so sweet to me, lets me hang out with his friends, and is the life of the party. He’s fun to be around so I told Isabel to mind her own business (but in a nice way, because I’ll be honest, I could never tell someone off like that).
Mom and dad have their own reservations about Roy and keep asking me what happened to Jim. Penny even has an opinion. However, I explained how he is fun and brings out the best in me. Or at least what I think is the best in me. I was so quiet before and had no friends and now I have a whole group in addition to my Painting II friends.
Anyway, the Valentine dance is coming up soon. Roy hasn’t asked me yet. Should I ask him? I want him to ask me. I want to feel wanted and special. But maybe he wants to feel wanted and special. Do boys even care about that or is that just a girl thing?
Just in case, I bought a red dress that is off the shoulder a bit. It’s definitely out of my comfort zone, but I really want Roy to think, “Wow” when he sees me. That might be wishful thinking. There are so many other pretty girls at my school, I’m still confused why he’s with me.
I did ask Roy why he liked me and he had shrugged and said he “didn’t know, there was just something there”.
I guess that’s good enough of an answer!
Anyway, onto other things…
My family is going to Disney World this spring break! It was a Christmas present, but since I lost my journal, I forgot to mention it.
Penny and I were jumping up and down like kids when we found out. It’s so exciting! Roy was bummed out when I told him I wouldn’t be here for spring break and asked if I could just skip it. Yeah, right! It’s Disney!
The office job is okay. My coworkers are nutty. My painting class is really fun and helps make up for how boring my post-school day life is. Aside from that, I’m beyond happy I’m not in the creative writing class anymore. I wanted to fall asleep every five seconds in there. It just wasn’t for me.
I’m trying to convince my boss to let me paint a mural in the warehouse. Two reasons, painting a mural since I lost that opportunity over the summer and seeing Roy more.
Speaking of the warehouse and Roy thing, he’s still talking about dropping out of high school after this year. I keep telling him he should really think about it more, but he says I’m overreacting anyway, that no one cares about formal education anyway, and that it’s all about what’s in your brain from street smarts.
Based on that thought process alone, I’d say he needs to stick it out and graduate high school at least and then consider not going to college. I mean at least finish this part of your life. His parents aren’t really in the picture too much so I don’t think anyone is helping him too much. I kind of feel like I’m helping him through all this, which I’m fine with temporarily. There is only so much I can do after all!
Okay, I have a math test to study for which is during the first period tomorrow!
Until next time future Pam...
Love, 1996 Pam
P.S. maybe one day I’ll find it cool that I signed it as the 1996 Pam or maybe I’ll find it lame. We’ll find out then!
