Okay, so I’m writing in here to document just exactly how this first first date prep is going! Gotta write it down for the grandkids! Wow, I kind of need to take a chill pill. AHHHH, but I’m so excited! Always Be My Baby from Mariah Carey came on the radio earlier and it’s so much better to sing a love song when you well, like someone I guess. I mean yeah part of the song is talking about where they might not be together anymore, but the rest of it was sweet! So I was dancing to that, really getting my Grease on, and Penny walked in and is now making fun of me. 

So, yes, now my first first date prep includes my little sister making fun of me. But, she can’t bring me down because I’M GOING ON A DATE! 

I FORGOT TO MENTION, all went well when James called yesterday, no one answered the phone (thank goodness). Thankfully, I was able to enjoy the phone call in peace, in my locked room (looking at you Penny).

James is so easy to talk to, we were on the phone for so long that now I’m a bit worried we won’t have anything to talk about tonight. We chatted about everything it felt like. I told him about having to use CliffsNotes to supplement my accidental procrastination. He seemed to have really gotten a kick out of that. He told me more about his high school basketball team and his time in the National Honor Society. He kind of makes me want to do more in school. Is it possible to meet someone, not know them that long, and feel like they complete you? Is that weird? We haven’t even been on a first date yet and here I am really getting ahead of myself.

Slight subject change, I tried doing a bit more makeup than normal, but I stabbed myself in the eye with the eyeliner so I had to redo everything. Why do women subject themselves to this? It’s just painful. So I now just have some mascara and simple pink eyeshadow. I really dressed myself up in a jean skirt and that green short sleeved shirt with white embroidered flowers mom bought me for Christmas. I’ve never liked the way it looked on me, but James has green-ish eyes so maybe he’ll like it on me more...I’m so nervous. What if after all this he decides I’m frumpy or boring….or both… I tried doing my hair a bit more and I failed at that too, so there’s that. 

It’s almost 6 and he’s supposed to pick me up then...

PAM. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU ARE PRETTY AND SMART AND HAPPY AND NICE. GO GET ‘EM.

Gotta make myself feel more confident than I currently do! Going to go wait down stairs for James. I’ll update later!

__________________________________________________________________________

I’m back and I’m undecided about how this first date went. I honestly don’t think he’ll ask me for a second date after tonight. Horrendous, embarrassing, and some nice times were had, but wow I can no longer show my face again in public. 

Marsha and Cindy’s stupid posse were at the bowling alley and saw us bowling. They came over acting all sweet in front of James AS IF they aren’t just Alicia Silverstone wannabes in their stupid plaid ensembles and stupid flippy, perfect hair. James was super nice back to them (obviously because he isn’t a mean person and he doesn’t know them). They totally hijacked our date and ignored me the entire time as if I wasn’t even there. Thankfully, James kept sitting next to me and politely kept trying to talk to me and he seemed to be getting fed up with their BS because he asked them to leave us alone because we were on a date. To which they LOVED because it just meant they could tease me more. 

They asked how long we had known each other and then proceeded to tell them all about the “PP” nickname and ever so subtly questioned my style even right there. I am not that plain. Just because I don’t flaunt around trying to get every person’s attention ever, doesn’t mean anything is wrong with me. Right?

James was really nice about it all. Once they finally left us alone he asked me if I wanted to get out of there. I could barely hold my tears back as I told him yes.

When we finally got to his car I just broke down. I was crying so hard. These girls have seriously made my life so horrible since we were kids. Then I finally have something good and now they try to turn it badly. James said it was probably because they were jealous of how pretty I was. Which, you know, made me cry harder. I guess it’s a good think the eyeliner didn’t work out because the mascara sure got messed up (which I only saw AFTER he dropped me off so yay for me). James took us to get ice cream which made me feel a bit better. Sometimes you just need something sweet after your night goes down the drain. He did seem genuinely interested in the back story of how horrible they were to me and pretty upset that they treated me like this.

After awhile I got a bit self-conscious because this is a first date and I’m telling him my life story complete with baggage and I got really embarrassed. I apologized to him and he was so kind and told me he loved hearing about it and it gave him a better idea of who I was as a person so that made me feel a lot better. 

So overall, I’d say the date itself ranked a 6/10 due to no ones fault accept stupid Marsha and Cindy and crew. 

He didn’t kiss me goodnight either. He just hugged me and said he hoped to see me soon. He didn’t even mention the green shirt…. So I’m throwing it out….I never liked it anyway.

None of this gives me any insight into whether a second date is even in the future cards.

Oh no. 

I ruined my first first date.

Changing my ranking to 1/10. With 1 point given to James for even seeing something worthy in the mess that is me. Ugh.