“You love drama.” — Erin Hannon

“I know, I do, right?  I’m a total drama queen.” — Andy Bernard

Phyllis, much to the disgust of everyone in the office, had been listening to an audiobook of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey.  They go to Andy and Toby for help, but the latter clarified that she is legally allowed to have feelings of arousal, they just can’t be acted upon.

Dwight took control of the situation as always and just dumped a bucket of water on Phyllis.

“What the hell?!” she shouted.

“It’s okay, guys,” Dwight announced, “she’s no longer horny.”

“Excuse me, dirty birdie,” Andy said as he took Phyllis’s iPod, “You can have this back at the end of the day.”

Cut to Andy listening to the story himself, feeling the same sensations Phyllis was earlier, which earned him the same punishment from Dwight.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Darryl was shocked to hear that Jim wasn’t going for Athlead… and a bit disappointed if he was being honest.

Sure, he wants what’s best for his buddy, and Jim is a buddy, otherwise, he wouldn’t have this job.  He’s gotten along with Mark, he’s a chill dude and he sees why he and Jim have been friends for so long.  (Mark’s roommate skills aren’t the best, though, just ask the t-shirts he uses for rags.)  And naturally, Pam and the kids take priority.  But… why Dunder Mifflin?  Still?  He’s working with paper instead of with the biggest names in the world of sports.  There’s no comparison.  Why would he want to pass that up?

Today is the day Darryl gets where Jim is coming from in the form of Ryan Howard.  Not failed entrepreneur Ryan “Bailey” Howard, mind you, but rather Phillies first baseman Ryan “The Big Piece” Howard.  Y’know, the one people like.

“Hey man,” Mark introduces himself, “how you doin’?  Mark Muller.”

“Nice to meet you,” Howard returns happily, “Eat Fresh.”

“Hey, man.  Darryl,” he says, wondering what just happened.

“Hey there.  Ryan.  Nice to meet you.  Eat Fresh.”  He then turns to the camera.  “Eat Fresh,” he delivers once again with a point and a wink.

Mark and Darryl just look at each other as they head to the conference room.

Mark, knowing that baseball players like Howard aren’t getting any younger, assures him, “With our firm, you’ll be building equity for long after they’ve retired your number.”

“And we all know,” Darryl adds, “baseball does not last forever.”

Howard already has his own plan, “I look at these actors on TV and I think ‘C’mon, I can do that.’”

“Right?” Mark laughs.  No, they can’t.  Just ask Michael Jordan and the Loony Tunes.

Howard proceeds to demonstrate, “Watch this: ‘Eat Fresh’.  Now, what does that make you think of?”

“Subway sandwiches,” Darryl answers.

“How?” Howard asks, “I didn’t say Subway sandwiches.  It’s called playing the subtext.”  It’s actually called marketing.

“Wow,” Mark says, not pointing out the obvious.

“I actually wrote a screenplay,” Howard promotes, “it’s called The Big Piece.”

“Based on his nickname,” Mark says with a smile, “Like it already.  Let me guess, it’s autobiographical.”

“Half-biopic and half-superhero movie.”  Oh God, is this another Space Jam waiting to happen?  “A mild-mannered professional baseball player, Ryan Howard—”

“Okay.”

“—hits a home run into outer space.  Ball comes back with space dust on it, which transforms him into… The Big Piece.”

“The space dust does it,” Darryl compliments.

“I actually brought some copies of my script if you guys wanna read it together.”

“Sure, yeah.”  Ryan shows off three humongous screenplays for them to read.  This really is another Space Jam.

They get a good way into the script.  Darryl reads for ‘The Big Piece’, “‘Together we will win this baseball game against the evil space Yankees.  Eat Fresh.’”  That line will pay for the exploding helicopter.

Howard reads off the stage direction, “‘Suddenly, the evil thugs break into the stadium.  The Big Piece hits baseballs at the evil thugs.’”

“‘Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks,’” Darryl reads.

“Come on man, sell it!” Howard pushes.

“Yeah, Darryl,” Mark tells him halfheartedly, wanting to get this over with.

Darryl complies, “‘Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks!’”

“Yeah, that’s better,” Howard says, “‘A bunch of hot women go Oh yeah!’”

Darryl continues, “‘Megan, I was too shy to tell you this when I was just a normal professional baseball player, but I love you.’”  He’s starting to get Threat Level Midnight flashbacks.

“‘They kiss,’” Howard keeps reading the stage direction, “‘It is super emotional. Like in Toy Story.’”  Good God.

Mark had to stop this, “Wow.  I tell you what, it’s really strong.  I can’t wait to read the rest of it later and see how it ends.”

“It’s so strong,” Darryl compliments out of desperation.

“Keep reading then,” Howard says.  They’re trapped.

Darryl hates this.  “‘Gotta go! Darth Vader’s launching a huge attack!’”  Are you serious?

“Um, another thing,” Howard adds, “I’m gonna need you to get me the rights to Darth Vader.”  Mark and Darryl say they’ll look into getting Darth, but they don’t know how to go about it.  Howard presses that they need Darth, and that’ll be their first priority.

Darryl naturally calls Jim later, the latter laughing in disbelief; Darryl threatens to drive over to his house and show him that entire screenplay for himself since Howard had multiple professionally made copies.  He now understands why Jim decided to stay with Dunder Mifflin despite how mundane it seems.

Darryl wouldn’t trade Athlead for anything else in the world, but he’s learned that even the best of jobs come with an asking price.

Eat Fresh.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

At the start of the day, Andy sees Erin at the front desk.

“Hello, Erin.”

“Hello, Andrew.”

He turns without stopping and briskly walks back to his office.

“Last week,” Andy explains to Brent, “Erin and I decided that it is best if our relationship would be proceeding without me,” he sighs, “Now I have to see her every day at work!  Which is… brutal.  When people say office relationships are a good idea, they never talk about what might happen if you break up.”  Andy does make a strong point.

“I am really, really bad with breakups,” Erin admits to Brent, “Technically, I’m still dating my first-grade boyfriend.  I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary.  And, I forgot to get him something.”

They don’t interact much outside the mixed company.  The only other time they do is after the revelations in the warehouse.

“Oh, Erin, check this out!” Andy calls in his office.

“Huh?” Erin walks inside.

“Someone complimented my banjo playing on 0:19 of the trailer.”

“Oh yeah!  You and Dwight playing ‘Country Roads’.”

“Well, one ‘ChobbleGobbler’ says it’s “aight”.”

“Um, calm down, internet!” she responds, excited.

“Right?” he agrees happily, “Oh, and in a reply, ‘Bongripper’ says that I’m “hawt!”.”

“Well, they’re not wrong,” she shyly agrees with a shrug.

An alert.  “Ooh, another reply,” Andy quietly announces, “‘JasonJasonJason’ says “he’s not hawt, he’s gay”,” his face begins to fall.

Erin knows just what to say.  “Wow,” she scoffs, “Nice name.  Not!”

“Yeah!” he agrees, “And, guess what, I’m not gay!”

“What an idiot!”

“And hey, ‘Bongripper’ thinks I’m hawt, so…”

“Yeah, ’cause they have a brain.”

“Exactly!”

Once again they’re in sync, and it felt just like old times.  No drama, no separation, no miscommunication.  Just two close friends, being happy in each other’s presence, making fun of obvious trolls online, such as ‘TexasPoonTappa’ who says Andy is “butt”.

It’s the end of the day, and all of Erin’s belongings are packed into the trunk of her car.

“Alright,” Andy announces, “That’s the last of it.”

Erin sighs deeply, “We did have some good times, huh?”

“We did,” Andy smiles, “Like Gabe’s Scavenger Hunt?”

“COME OOOON!” Erin bellowed in her ‘monster voice’, along with the pose.

“Yeah, that’s right!” he said through a laugh.

“Oh!” she recollects “And our first date when you dropped by when I was sick.”

“Yeah,” he remembers, “Still don’t understand your relationship with Reed.”

She gives an inquisitive look, “In retrospect, I don’t either.”

“Welp, I’m just glad this breakup is drama-free,” he says, making the swipe motion with his hands.

“That’s a relief,” she says through a knowing smile, “Because you love drama.”

“You got me!” He laughs, and so does she, “My heart is breaking at the seams!” he overacts, clutching his chest.

“Ugh, it’s such a tragedy!” she overacts as well, posing in the cliché fainting pose.

“You’re the first woman I ever loved!” he continues.

“I’ll never regret a single second we had together!” she continues… until both of them realize the crushing reality of their words, staring at each other intensely.  “Not a single second,” she repeats, this time in earnest honesty.

“You really are the first,” he admits, the emotion flowing through his voice.

The two embrace each other once more, knowing that this is it.  The highs, the lows, the mediums, all of it.  Yes, they’re still going to be seeing each other in the office, but at least there’s nothing more hanging over their heads.  A weight has been lifted for both of them.  And, in the end, they’ll still be there for each other.  It was all worth it.

As they separate, they give their final goodbye as a unit, eyes glassy.  “Goodbye, Erin.”

“Goodbye, Andy.”

He walks over to his car as she’s opening her car door when suddenly she hears a “Hey!”  She whips her head around, it was Andy again.  “He’s a good guy.  You should go for it.”

Erin, knowing full well who he’s talking about, gives him a bright smile his way, which he returns.  As Andy departs, he loudly sings a very fitting song by Fleetwood Mac.

“You can go your own wayyy, go your own way-y-y

You can call it anooother lonely dayyy...”

Erin’s not comfortable asking him out yet.  However, she’ll find out sooner rather than later that he’s the one, her one.

And, in about a month, Andy will find his one as well.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

It’s been about three weeks since Esther Bruegger showed her interest in courting Dwight, and he needs some advice from Clark.  They’ve been out a few times, there’s been physicality, but one night they and her father Henry are looking at a farm catalog, next thing Dwight knows Henry wants to lease a tractor with him!

And Angela’s not jealous.  At all.

“Ugh,” Clark groans, feigning relatability.

Dwight laughs in disbelief, ignorant of Clark’s sarcasm.  “What do you think?”

“The same thing that you think,” he lies in solidarity.

“A long term tractor lease is going to put pressure on a relationship,” Dwight mentions.

“God, one of my buddies is going through the same thing right now.  Something in the air.”  He’s already taking over for Jim.

Angela congratulates Dwight on his new relationship, saying that she hopes she has “kind eyes”.

“Dwight is dating a brussel sprout farmer named Esther,” Angela explains to Brent, “She’s coming here this afternoon with her father.  Who knows?  Maybe she’ll be pulling the horse cart!”  She laughs awkwardly, following this by attempting to compose herself.  Denial, deflection, etc.

Dwight, preparing for her arrival, tries to find her a snack, Angela attempting to make conversation with passive-aggressive comments that go unnoticed.  Before he continues regarding her teeth, Erin lets him know that the Brueggers have arrived, thinking they’re from the forest where the paper is harvested.

As Henry complements the structure of the Scranton Business Park and Clark is drawn to his other daughters, Dwight greets Esther with a kiss on the forehead.  Angela guesses men find Esther attractive.  She’s not jealous, though.

Out in the parking lot, Clark hits on two Bruegger sisters while sitting in the tractor.  The two think Clark would be a great one to buy an auger with; he has no earthly idea what the hell that means… but he senses something fishy’s going on.

Meanwhile, Dwight and Henry discuss the terms of the exchange.

“The lift capacity’s up at two thousand pounds,” the salesman informs, “That’s a lot of beets.”  Indeed, it is.

“Let’s talk terms,” Henry begins, “If you agree to a forty-sixty split on this tractor, I’ll store it in one of my barns.”

“Mr. Bruegger,” Dwight begins, “are you trying to take advantage of me because I’m interested in your daughter?  Fifty-fifty split or no deal.”

That kind of talk nearly gets Henry walking, “Esther, get in the truck.”

“Wait-wait, okay, wait,” Dwight stops him and concedes to the deal, “You win.”  With the shaking of hands, the salesman gets the paperwork started.

As the two begin to close the deal, Clark steals his pen and caps it, offering a perspective Dwight hasn’t considered: maybe Esther is using him to get the tractor, mentioning her sisters and the auger from before.

“What?” Dwight asks, “Has the warranty expired on the auger you have now?”

“I don’t even know what an auger is!” Clark stresses.

Dwight further considers Clark’s point when he says, “No woman would ever want a man who doesn’t know what an auger is.”  He’s right.  He then pulls him aside, saying that this deal may really be too good to be true.

As Clark tries to make Dwight feel better about his supposedly failed courtship (through used tractors and planting seeds by hand much to Clark’s annoyance), Esther arrives with some important information.

“Dwight, we need to talk,” she says intently.

“I don’t know that there’s anything left for us to talk about, Esther,” he retorts, feeling betrayed.

“Look, we’re gonna have the tractor for the same amount of workdays but my dad is planning on leasing it to the Vanderkirk brothers on the weekends.”  Dwight couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  “So you’re going to be paying more, but he’s putting on ten times the miles and he’s pocketing a profit behind your back.”  The snake!  “You need to tell him you want a deal based on miles or he can just stick that tractor where the sun don’t shine!”

“That shady grove out by Willard’s pond,” he clarifies, “So… you’re fine with me not leasing the tractor?  I mean… our courtship can proceed?”

“Of course!” she smiles, “You didn’t just think I was tractor bait, did you?” she jokes through a laugh.

“No!” Dwight laughs at the very notion he almost thought was true.

“Hey Dwight,” Clark suddenly asks, “what’s an auger used for?” 

“Post hole digging!” Dwight mocks him, alongside Esther.

Near the end of the workday, as Clark is once again being allured by the other Bruegger sisters, while Dwight stairs down Henry, making his final offer clear: “Purchase price: fifty-fifty.  Remaining expenses thereafter, fuel maintenance insurance divided by miles used.  That is my final offer.”  And Henry, recognizing he’s been backed into a corner, shakes on it.

“All right,” the salesman says, pleased, “Now we can leave it here or I can tow it to your farm for an extra $300.”

“Leave it.”

“Leave it!”

A proud Dwight drives the tractor home with Esther, her head resting on his shoulder, as he slows down 5 o’clock traffic.  The other drivers aren’t happy.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

“So how far are you from New York?” Pam asks Jim over the phone.

“About thirty minutes,” Jim says.

“The meeting’s not for a while, why did you decide to go this early?”

“Well, I figured I can walk around a bit, try some deep dish pizza, and get in a good bout of nervous puking.”

She sighs, “Jim, you’re gonna be fine.”

“I just don’t wanna screw this up.  I mean, I just got out of a six-week leave, and now I’m gonna ask my C.E.O. for a better paying job?  During a meeting about my job performance?”

She has to bolster him up by doing the same for herself, “Look, I’ll make you a promise.”

“And what will that be?” he says, knowing he’s smiling by his voice.

“I’ll submit my application to Pratt before you get back this afternoon.”

“Alright, holding you too that, Beesly.”

She smiles, hiding her fear.  “Good luck, sweetheart, you got this.”

“So do you,” he reassures, smiling through his own fear.

“Love you.”

“Love you.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

She hangs up, taking a deep breath.

“Hey, guys!” Oscar suddenly calls from his desk, “There’s a promo for the documentary on the web!”

He gives the whole “cast” time to walk over and hover over his desk, anticipating the preview of their television debut.

[“Introducing Dunder Mifflin Scranton”]

[“So this is my kingdom, as far as the eye can see.”]

[“The boss”]

[“Just wanted to talk to you manager-a-manger.”]

[“The workers”]

[Footage of the “Flonkerton” competition during the Office Olympics]

[“The lives”]

[Footage of Dwight during his concussion “booping” Pam on the nose]

[“The love”]

[Footage of a drunk Pam kissing Jim on the lips during the Dundies]

[“The people”]

[Footage of Andy, Darryl, Kelly, Kevin, and Creed performing the song from “Local Ad”]

[“The paper”]

[Footage of Pam annoyingly grabbing the “ultra white card stock” that Michael requested during the Job Fair]

[“Follow their stories on The Office: An American Workplace.  Coming soon on WVIA.”]

Alongside those clips were various other ones, all the office members taking a pleasant trip down memory lane.  Nellie, Clark, and Pete are there as well, fascinated by how much footage they actually got and how different all of their coworkers were.

Pam thankfully kept from crying as they showed one clip of a young her and Jim perched on the roof, watching the fireworks.  He was so young and full of life, and he’s just now started to get that back.  He’s come so far from the apathetic prankster he once was, which is why she’s, even now, still afraid of what's to come.  She’s taking a big risk with Pratt, and she doesn’t want to let him down.  Again.

Some of them advertise themselves through Brent: Meredith tells male viewers that if they come over to her place, they need to show some class (“Bring some Pringles!”); Kevin’s surprised that this was all a documentary, believing they were all specimens in a human zoo (In a way, he’s right); and Creed tries to find out who’s watching him from inside the camera.

The most telling was Angela’s.  “Uhhh, more celebrity.  As if being the widely recognized wife of a senator isn’t limelight enough.  The other day at the grocery store, they opened up another register for me.  It is embarrassing!”  But she’s yet to experience true embarrassment.  That register will be all she has left.

And there’s one moment in the promo where Angela takes notice… a moment with her and Dwight… and she wasn’t aware the cameras were on.

However, that alone wasn’t the only promo, as they decided to do ones for certain workers.  And Oscar finds it on YouTube’s sidebar,   “Oh!” Pam points out, “Jim got his own promo.”

“They’re probably doing one for every worker in the office,” Oscar confirms.

[“Introducing Sales Representative James Halpert”]

[“Jimbo!”]

[“He’s not a fan of his job”]

[“…if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.”]

[“Because of this, he tends to prank his deskmate”]

[Footage of Jim stabbing Dwight’s exercise ball with scissors, him plummeting to the ground]

[“But all he wants is a purpose”]

[“If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head?”]

“Jeez,” Clark tells Pam, “you fell in love with that hair?” he asks, “Really?” he laughs, “Yikes.  That is awful.”  He nods and heads back to Jim’s desk, unaware that he’s sporting a similar hairstyle.

“It wasn’t so bad,” she says, not talking about the hair.

“Nah, I’m with Clark,” Nellie agrees, talking about the hair, “He looks like that tall guy from Scooby-Doo.”

Everyone else nods in agreement.

[“Will he find it in Scranton…”]

[…“I’m in love with you.”]

[…“What?”]

Most of the office gasped (being enthralled with the storyline already), but Pam’s breath hitched.  They… they caught that?

[“Or will he go his own way?”]

[“Well, you know... I have no future here.”]

They caught me breaking his heart…

[“Follow Jim’s story on The Office: An American Workplace.  Coming soon on WVIA.”]

Our kids are gonna see Cinderella break Prince Charming’s heart…

“Wait, that was the Samford branch’s building,” Andy points out.

“And Jim transferred after that night,” Kevin adds.

“So that must mean…” Nellie, like the rest of them, figures it out.  They look for Pam amongst the group, but they and the cameras catch her opening the restroom door, about to cry her eyes out.  The office looks on in sympathy.

“Maybe the cameras caught more than we realized,” Oscar said, turning back around to face his desk.  He takes a quick glance at the camera, suspicious of the implications.

Eventually, Pam composed herself and entered the conference room, sitting next to Nellie.  “You alright?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Pam responds, offering a small smile.

While Andy was in the conference room preparing the rest of the office for media training (with Toby bringing up his Chad Flenderman novel yet again), Oscar finds another employee’s trailer: Dwight’s.

[“Introducing Sales Representative Dwight Schrute”]

[“Bread is the paper of the food industry.  You write your sandwich on it.”]

[“The peak of male perfection”]

[“I am better than you have ever been or ever will be.”]

[“A smart safety instructor”]

[“Today, smoking is gonna save lives.”]

[“A skilled combatant”]

[“In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all.  It’s fear.”]

Everyone was having fun reliving Dwight’s highlights… until Angela notices one thing in particular.

[“A hopeless romantic”]

[Footage of Angela and Dwight leaving the warehouse after just having sex]

“What?” she panics, “Why would they… wait a second, wait a second!  What was that?”  Oscar pauses it.  “Oh!  I didn’t know they were filming then!”

Oscar, fully recognizing the implications, says, “It looks like the cameraman was hiding behind the shelves.”

“Wait,” Phyllis posits, “So they were filming all the time?  Even stuff like that?”  She thinks back to those moments with Bob Vance.  God, why does he have to be so sexy?

“Oh, my God,” Angela says in fear.

They all turn their heads straight at the camerawoman, who would bolt out of the room if he didn’t have a heavy piece of equipment on her person.

The office begins to panic: Angela tries to shrug it off and fails, Meredith shows “them” to the camera once again, and Oscar snaps at Erin due to the stress of… the affair.

The cameras.  Caught.  The affair.

“I have been very honest with you guys,” Oscar begs Brent, “In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine… You’re not going to use any of that, are you?”

Brent wants to say no.  But he has no power over that.  He’s just the crew.

While Andy tries to lift their spirits, saying that they’re gonna be famous online, Angela decides to have a walk to the warehouse… as does Stanley… as does everyone else.  Too bad there are cameras in the warehouse as well.

Oh, and here’s how the rest of Dwight’s trailer went:

[“And definitively NOT an idiot.”]

[“Before I do anything I ask myself, ’Would an idiot do that?’  And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.”]

[“Follow Dwight’s story on The Office: An American Workplace.  Coming soon on WVIA.”]

After finding a good hiding spot and turning off their mics (which won’t make a difference anyway), Angela begins.  “We need to know more.  Did their shots have sound?  What exactly did they get on tape?”

“I sneezed into my hands without using Purell and then dipped into the candy jar,” Erin admits, “Did they film that?”  Nope.

Nellie comes clean, too, “My first week here I sneezed directly into the candy jar—” everyone emotes their disgust, “because I thought I’d get more… I thought I’d get more screen time than anyone.”  Thankfully, they didn’t get that either.

Pete realizes something, “Okay, Pam.  Why don’t you visit your buddy, the crew guy that got fired?  Find out what they got.”

“Brian?” she asks.

“Yeah.”

She doesn’t want to do this.  The last Pam spoke to Brian was a couple of weeks ago, the awkwardness of that Valentine’s day lunch from a month and a half ago still lingering.  He’s dealing with a lot, sure, but she doesn’t know how to approach him anymore.  Jim usually checks on him every once in a while, mostly because he’s gotten over it, but there’s something about Brian that just… tipped her off.  And, though she hasn’t discussed it much with Pam, Nellie has been suspicious of Brian for a while now.

But this isn’t about her, Pam thinks.  This is about her coworkers.  “Yeah, I guess I could,” she concedes.

“Hurry Pam,” Stanley panics, “I need to know how much hellfire is going to rain down on me.”

“I thought Teri knew about Cynthia?” Phyllis asks.

“She does,” he confirms, “But neither of them know about Lydia.”

The group is shocked, with Meredith offering a “Wow.”  It’s something else when Meredith says that.

“Wait,” Nellie steps in, “Pam, before you leave, I have a plan.”  And thankfully it’s one of her better ones.

Angela and Oscar move to the stairwell to discuss the affair, with a boombox used to drown out the sound, to no avail.  “Alright,” she asks him, “how much have you revealed on camera about your relationship with the Senator?”

“They caught us kissing on Halloween,” he admits.

Angela’s offended, “He was dressed like Ronald Reagan!” she slaps him, “God!” 

“Angela!  Well, he kissed like Jack Kennedy!”  This earns him another slap.

“Stop it!” she shouts, “Stop kissing him!” she sighs, “Someone needs to call and warn him.  This could ruin his career.

“Well, I don’t like giving him bad news,” Oscar says, trying to get out of it.  They continue to argue over who should call him.

Meanwhile, some of the office workers are still in the warehouse (Pete, Phyllis, Stanley, Kevin, and Meredith) surrounding Nellie as Pam pulls up to Brian’s and speaks through Nellie’s phone, “I’m not sure about this, I mean, Jim and I have been friends with him for years.”

“Don’t soften on me now, Pam,” Nellie commands, “Hold his feet to the fire and get all the information you can out of him.”

“Yeah, it’s us versus them!” Kevin says.  All of them agree, but quietly.

With a heavy sigh, Pam walks to his house, muting her phone so she can’t hear them, but they can hear her.  Brian greets Pam and she enters the house.

“Oh, hey!”

“Hey!”

“Hi.”

“Hi, um… I’m sorry, do you have a minute?  Is this a bad time?”

“No, no, please, yeah, come on in.”

“What’s your game, Brian?” Nellie thinks out loud.

“Why do you think there’s a game?” Pete asks.

“Trust me, I’ve seen him stroll about, looking at her,” she says with disgust, “with them big ol’ eyes.”

“It’s good to see you, uh— Sorry, my place is usually not this—”

“Oh my gosh, please, don’t.”

“Yeah, no, I— actually it’s always like this. … Do you want to go outside?  It’s a little less cluttered out there.”

“Sure, yeah.  Yeah.”

“Let me grab a couple drinks.”

“Okay.”

Nellie begins to tense.

“Oh, I know what he’s doing,” Stanley confirms.

“I should have gone instead,” Meredith says, thinking about him.

“Oh my God,” Pete mutters to himself.

“Oh wow, you have a nice view!”

“Alright, that’s for you.”

“Oh, thank you.”

*clank*

“Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

“Just ask him the question, Pam!” Kevin raises his voice.  Everyone shushes him.

“Kevin, she can’t hear you,” Phyllis reminds him.

“So…”

“So.”

“What brings you by?”

“Well, the promos for the documentary aired today.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda crazy.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“See all this like old stuff, like um, there’s that shot of Jim and I up on the roof?”

“Oh yeah, that was, that was a good moment.”

“Yeah, wasn’t that neat?”

“Yeah, it was cool.”

“That’s right, Pam,” Nellie says, “butter him up and go straight for the jugular.”

“Listen, so everybody saw the promos and they’re kinda freaking out. … ’Cause it seems like you got a lot of private stuff on camera—”

“Yeah.”

“You know, stuff people didn’t intend for everyone to see.”

“Yeah.”

“And they kinda want to know how much.”

“They want to know how much what?”

“What do you think?” Stanley says, frustrated.

“How much stuff you got.”

“Pretty much everything.”

“…Well yeah, but what if we turned our mic packs?”

“They’ve got parabolic mics, they can pick you up a hundred yards away, so… no if you were around there, they got you.”

Everyone’s eyes widen in fear, as they can deduce they could be filmed right now.

“...So we basically had no privacy for ten years.”

“That’s not really true, I mean—”

“Um… yeah, I gotta, I gotta go.”

“Oh no, hang on a second.  Pam, I’m sorry, I-I… I can explain this so much better.”

“No, I think you explained it.”

“Look, if you give me a chance I can, I—”

*slam*

After this exchange, Pam never spoke to Brian again.

“Amature,” Stanley shakes his head.

“That rat bastard,” Nellie says fuming.

Pam unmutes her phone.  “Well, straight from the horse’s mouth,” Pam says, just as infuriated as Nellie.

“More like from the ass’s mouth.”

“Oh-ho, nice,” Kevin commends Nellie, smiling and giving her a high five.

By the afternoon, everyone is really panicking.  As Stanley tells his wife that they need to keep their TVs off for a couple of months (more like seven months), Angela and Oscar call the Senator.

“Hi honey!” she begins, hamming it up.

“Hey— hey Robert!” he adds nervously.

“It’s Angela and Oscar.”

“Hey.”

“Just a few quick things.”

“Um, the documentary’s going to be airing soon, and, and you look great in the promos!”

“Oh, you look so handsome!  Very presidential.”

“Very much so.”

“Yeah.”

“Absolutely!” 

“Yeah!”

“Hey, I get the sense you’re gonna be outed as gay.”

“Yes, and I cheated on you with Dwight, it looks like they got it on film.  I didn't tell you about it.”

“...I think that’s it!”

“I think we’re good!”

“Done!” 

“Bye!”

“Okay!”

“Love you!” *click*

They are doomed.

As everything begins to calm down, Pam doesn’t bother watching her own promo, or even Michael’s.  She’s done with it all.  No matter what she does, she ends up screwing up.  And now millions of people will see it in action.  She wants to get over the past, her insecurities, everything.  But it doesn’t stop chasing her.  All she has to do is just acknowledge it happened and move on, but that’s easier said than done.

Nellie approaches Pam as she sulks, “I’m sorry about your friend,” she consoles.

“Don’t be,” Pam says dejected, “It’s like… the moment I think I’m over the past, it comes back to haunt me.”

Nellie looks at the computer screen knowingly, “Well, I know one way you can get over it,” she points out.

Pam nods.  With a deep, shaky breath, she clicks on the ‘submit’ button.  She has just reapplied to Pratt.

“Good on you,” Nellie says, lightly slapping Pam’s arm with her copies in solidarity, as she walks back to her desk.

Pam smiles, knowing she kept her promise to Jim.  As if on cue, she gets a text from him:

going back to ny in a few weeks!

i got an interview!

Pam could hardly contain her excitement.

Just submitted my application to Pratt!

I’m so proud of you! :D

likewise, Bees. you got this :)

So do you. I love you <3

love you too <3

Suddenly, the doc doesn’t seem to matter anymore.

————————————————————————————————————————————

He hangs up, taking a deep breath.

The cameras don’t catch him treating himself to some deep-dish at around 12:30, only to find a call from Pam.

“Wassup, beautiful?”

“Ji-im…”

Oh, Bees, I can’t stand to hear you cry.  It’s the dog video all over again. “Hey, hey… what’s the matter?”

“We all watched y-your promo.”  Jim remembers that it showed up on his recommended tab when going through YouTube.  He’s not interested in watching his own, but he is curious about the others.  “They— they caught Casino Night when I—”

“They caught that?” he asks, amazed.

“Yeah,” she affirms, calming herself.

Of course, they did.  “Pam, you know we’ve both moved passed—”

“I know,” she reassures, “We’ve learned from our mistakes.”

“But it’s different when you see them play out in front of you.”  He gets it.

She deep breathes, “This whole damn doc feels like a mistake.”

“Well, we didn’t really have much of a choice.”

“God…” she deep breathes again, “Sorry to bother you, I know I’ve been turning into a sobbing mess from time to time.  I’m just—”

“It’s okay, Beesly,” he comforts, “I get why you called.”

“Okay, cool,” she sighs, “I’m in love with you,” she says with the same vigor he had that night through a wide smile.

He smiles brightly, “I’m in love with you.”

After they say goodbye, he hangs up and distracts himself with food.

After a while, the cameras are back, looking at him waiting in the lobby of Dunder Mifflin’s HQ when he sifts on YouTube on his iPhone and notices the promos.  He watches the main one, Michael’s, and lastly Pam’s.

[“Introducing Receptionist Pamela Beesly”]

[“Pam!  PAM-PAM!”]

[“A small-town girl, with big-time dreams”]

[“I like to do illustrations.  Um... Mostly watercolor.”]

[“Though she has her doubts…”]

[“So, I’m never going to…”  Pam begins to cry]

[“And others may discourage her…”]

[“That’s why this is... motel art.”  The camera focuses on Pam, looking dejected]

[“She may just have the guts to go for it”]

[Footage of her succeeding the coal walk challenge from “Beach Games”]

[“Follow Pam’s story on The Office: An American Workplace.  Coming soon on WVIA.”]

He watches it with a bright smile on his face.  They capture many good times together, and he realizes just how much happier she is now than she has ever been.

He remembers the coal walk.  How painful it was to sit there, Karen by his side — rightfully pissed — as Pam tells him the truth that was staring him right in the face.  It was the wake-up call he needed.  He remembers Fancy New Beesly fondly, and how much she’s changed and found herself before and while she started dating him, and he loves her for it.  He loves Mama Beesly, too.  And the “Old Beesly” he fell for.  He loves all of them.  He loves all of her.  And all of her is what motivates him to sit down with David Wallace and have the meeting.

After a while, the long meeting concludes, Wallace still curious as to what might have happened for this meeting to even be warranted.

“I’m glad we went over everything and we’ve reached an understanding, Jim, but the past three and a half weeks… it’s like a flip has been switched.  You not only got back to work, but your performance is just as consistent as it was nearly a year ago.”

“Thank you,” Jim responds with just the right balance of pride and humbleness.

“And I’m sure the six-week leave contributed to this?”

“It did,” Jim admits, “There was… a lot I needed to reevaluate.”

“Well, I’m just glad you’re healthy again,” David pauses, wondering something but doesn’t quite know how to put it, ”If I may be so bold,” he posits, “You’ve never had trouble with any of this when you started working for the company until fairly recently.  You always hit your numbers, you’re personable, and you make a great impression on everyone you meet.”  Jim recalls the last time he’s said this.  “What’s brought all this on?”

Jim takes a deep breath.  He’s gotta know the truth.  “Career dissatisfaction.”

David is, naturally, skeptical.  “Really?”

“David,” he begins, “I cannot thank you enough for the opportunities I’ve been given, which is why I want to offer more to this company, and I feel like I can be an asset in a role with a bit more responsibility.”

“…I see,” David nods slowly, “And I can only assume this is about the Vice President of Marketing position?”

Jim freezes, he needs to phrase this carefully, “David, the paper industry is changing.  Ryan Howard’s Dunder Mifflin Infinity initiative failed because he doesn’t understand potential customers, even now.  More and more are relying on the internet, yes, but paper is slowly being seen as inferior or obsolete.  You and I know different, but they don’t yet.  We can show them what our products are and why they’re worth buying.  And I wanna find out how we can.”

A pause fills the room.  Despite Jim’s look of confidence, he’s physically shaking.

After a beat, David speaks up, “Y’know, Jim, I recall years ago you interviewed for the VP of Northeastern Sales.  To be frank… the interview was a formality.  The job was yours!  So I’ve got to ask… what made you say no?”

Jim knows just how to answer this question, “Well for one, considering all the former VPs, that occupation seems like a bad omen.”

“And that is why it’s no longer a position,” David clarifies with a smile.

Jim chuckled, “More to the point, David… professionally this makes no sense, but I’ll never regret turning it down.”

David’s perplexed, “Well why’s that?”

“I knew there were gonna be more opportunities for me, but if I accepted that job… I’d run the risk of losing something else.

[“Everything is gonna be totally—”]

[“Pam.  Sorry.  Um, are you free for dinner tonight?”]

[“Yes.”]

[“All right.  Then, it’s a date.”]

Something that I’m not able to live without.”

[“…I’m sorry, what was the question?”]

And, finally, it all clicked in David’s mind as he smiles knowingly, “I think I know who this is about.”

Jim returns the knowing smile with his own, “You’re right.”

David then ends the meeting with, “Well, I can’t promise a job offer, but you’re definitely getting an interview.”

As the two stand up, Jim reaches out to shake his hand, “Thanks, David.”

“Of course,” he returns the handshake, “Oh, and tell Pam I said hi.”

“Will do.”

Jim walks out of David’s office.  When he’s out of earshot, Jim does a victory pose and shouts “YEAH!” until he notices the camera, embarrassed.

As the day ends, Pam is watching her promo, rewinding the part where Jim grabs his iPod, they put in the earbuds, and dance-sway in the parking lot.  She’s so focused on that that she doesn’t hear Jim walk up and crouch beside her, his arm resting around her shoulders.  She greets him with a smile.

“I hope they got sound on everything,” he says to her softly.

“Me too,” she adds, resting her head on Jim’s shoulder, “I’d love a DVD of that.”

He smiles, “Me too.”  The couple blush as they keep looking at the screen.

To Brent, this day has been the worst of his professional career.  All of their lives are gonna be exposed, whether they like it or not, and it’s all on PBS, who knowingly left all of this out of the contract, and Michael, then desperate to be on TV, was none the wiser.  After the crap he put up today, Brent thinks ‘Screw it, it’s the last season.  I have another job lined up and I’m quitting when this is all over anyway.’  So he fulfills his friends’ request:  “Okay, you got it.”

The Halperts hear Brent’s voice, getting their attention, and they look at him through the camera, eyes widening slightly in surprise.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

[“Introducing Regional Manager Michael Scott”]

[“So you’ve come to the master for guidance?”]

[“A businessman who knows the game”]

[“I… Declare… BANKRUPTCYYY!”]

[“A speaker who has a way with words”]

[“I’m not superstitious, but… I’m… I am a little ’stitious.”]

[“An actor who delivers a powerhouse of a performance”]

[“La, la la, la la, la…”]

[“Boom!  Detective Michael Scarn, I’m with the FBI.”]

[“Most of the time, he likes to clown around”]

[“…THAT’S what she said!  Hahahahahaha-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!”]

[“Michael… Michael!”]

[“But at the end of the day, he’s there for others…”]

[“I am really proud of you.”]

[“Especially the ones who need it the most”]

[“Never… ever… ever give up.”]

[“…”]

[“Follow Michael’s story on The Office: An American Workplace.  Coming soon on WVIA.”]