It was 2:16 in the afternoon on a Saturday. 17-year-old Pam watched the ceiling fan spin dizzy circles above her head. Roy laid next to her, breathing heavily, hands linked behind his head. She pulled the sheet up to her chin, even though she was still wearing her shirt as Roy turned his head to face her.
“That was freakin’ awesome, Pammy.”
She forced out a small laugh. “Yeah, it was.”
He reached to the side of his bed and handed her a crumbled ball of jeans and underwear.
“My parents should be back from their movie soon, so you should probably put these back on.”
She took them and silently slipped them back on under the covers and sat up. She thought she would feel different. Based on every movie she stayed up late watching with Isabel on Friday nights, she thought would feel different.
“Do you want me to…” she muttered, “stay?”
“If you want. Some of the guys from the team are probably going to come over to watch the game.” He was facing toward her as he pulled his boxers back on. Despite what they had just done, she averted her eyes.
“Oh...okay. Uh, well...I’ll probably just let you have fun with them. I should get home. I have a painting for Mr. Hendrick’s class that’s due on Monday that I need to finish.”
“Cool.” He strutted over to Pam as she picked up her backpack from the chair in his room and slipped it over her shoulder. He leaned down and gave her a kiss. “I can’t believe we finally did it,” he blurted out with a laugh. “Love you, Pammy.”
She feigned a smile. “I love you, too. See you Monday?”
*****
Seeing as they only lived a street away from each other, Pam always walked to and from Roy’s house. The October air was brisk so she dipped her chin further into her scarf as she replayed what had just happened.
She had gone over to Roy’s house that afternoon to study and after finishing her homework (and half of Roy’s), he shot his eyebrows upward and asked her if she felt like she was ready yet. His parents were at a movie and it would be the perfect time.
Luckily, Pam always felt like it was her choice to make, which she appreciated. Roy could be a little dense sometimes, but at least he seemed to fully understand the concept of consent, even if he did ask her every weekend if she wanted to, in his words, “do it” yet. And she did love him, at least as far as she knew what love meant in her young age. He was nice to her, aside from the occasional jokes about her being too “artsy”—jokes that he only told around the football team. But when they were alone, he was pretty caring. He pretended to like her sketches even though she knew he had no interest whatsoever in art. And he was very cute, that was certain.
She looked at him, bit her bottom lip in a nervous smile, and then nodded. Pure delight spread across his face as he took her hand and they ran to his bedroom.
Not three minutes later, they were done and Roy was rolling off of her. Pam was still wearing her shirt, which she found odd since Roy’s hands always seemed to gravitate toward her clothed breasts whenever they made out—she thought he might want to see what was actually under there. She was just glad that through the commotion and excitement that he had remembered to use protection.
She loved Roy, she told herself as she turned down her street, noticing the leaves changing their colors and falling around her. She loved him, so why did she feel so...hollow right now? It hadn’t felt good, like Isabel told her it would. It actually kind of hurt. And it was over so quickly, she’s not even sure she remembered what it actually felt like, just the sounds and faces he made.
She unlocked the front door with her key and slinked inside, happy that Penny and her parents were in Dunmore for one of Penny’s soccer tournaments.
The first time is probably never good. Maybe they just needed to figure it out. But then again, Roy really seemed to enjoy it.
She shook her head and climbed the stairs up to her room. She pulled out her paints and her easel, carefully lining up the colors, then silently stared at the empty canvas for 12 straight minutes.
It would get better. It had to get better.
Story Notes:
This is mostly finished (still working on the last chapter) and I hope to put out a chapter a day. I just had to put it out in the universe so I stopped nitpicking it. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own none of it. But a girl can dream.
Disclaimer: I own none of it. But a girl can dream.
Chapter End Notes:
Don’t worry. It does get better. :)
