Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve, and the Halperts have all gathered at Gerald and Betsy’s.

Jim decides to go outside for a bit, only freezing his balls off because he can’t stand his asshole brothers flaunting around their perfect kids and marriages while he managed to screw himself over on that front.  And the moment Pete and Tom pointed that out jokingly, Jim walked out the front door and slammed it behind him.  Now he’s sitting on the front step, trying to figure out how to take it all back.  Every little, awkward, petty thing he’s said and done.  Especially Stamford, his biggest regret.

His sister Larisa can’t stand to see her big brother upset like this, so she decides to bundle up herself and takes a seat next to him, “This can’t be comfortable.”

“I’m fine, Larisa, really.”

“Your runny nose says otherwise.”  He wipes under his nose with his glove.  “They feel bad, you know.”

“As they should.”

“You know how they are.”

“That doesn’t excuse it.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” she concedes, “But if it’s any consolation, Cindy and Marcy are really letting them have it.”

He almost smiles, “I can only imagine.”

She decides to ask, “Pam?”  She doesn’t know everything, but enough.

He just shrugs, “Who else?”

“Big fight?”

“Yup.”

The last thing he wants to hear from her is ‘I told you so’, so he’s thankful she doesn’t go that direction, “You two need to talk this out.”

“Why?” he asks, “She made it perfectly clear how she feels.”

“From what I know about Pam, she has difficulty being honest with herself.”

He smirks, “Takes one to know one, huh?”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say it, but…” she does a ‘Jim shrug.’

He nods, “Yeah.”

She decides to help him out, “I’m not Mom, so I’m not gonna tell you what to do.  But sitting alone eating cookie dough and watching Sports Center all day isn’t the ideal way to spend Christmas, especially considering you’re right off the heels of a breakup.  So why not at least express how you really feel about everything?  Be honest with her, sure, but don’t get caught up in the moment.”  He realizes that’s exactly what happened yesterday.  “At the end of the day, you two are best friends.  You shouldn’t throw that away, even if she doesn’t feel the same way you feel about her,” she puts her hand on his shoulder and he turns to her, “I love you, Jim, and you deserve a good Christmas.  One where you’re not alone or dealing with all of them,” she points at the door, “You should spend it with someone you care about.”

He takes in everything she’s saying, a genuine smile growing on his face, “I… I needed to hear that.  Thanks.”

“Of course,” she gets up, “Now get your ass inside before it freezes.”

“Ugh, fine,” he stands up and follows his little sister, feeling not quite as utterly defeated as he was ten minutes ago.

He now knows how he’ll spend his Christmas morning.

It’s Christmas Eve, and the Beeslys have all gathered at Will and Helene’s.

Pam sits alone, on the couch, feeling as awkward as she would with the Andersons during this time of year.  Usually Christmas Eve with her family was the best time, leading to Christmas Day with Roy.  But now, with her single, she decided to just stay home and relax instead of spending it with her parents like they offered.  Relax with more Ben & Jerry’s she bought the other day.  She knows it’s sad, but she can’t bring herself to care anymore.

She’s screwed over her own Christmas, she can’t drag down anyone else with her.

Her mother Helene walks over to her, all too perceptive.  She never addressed the situation since it happened, but noticed that she’s has been talking to her less and less.  Considering how close their relationship is, she’s never this quiet.  And whenever Helene would ask certain questions, it’s usually “I dunno,” or “Let’s not talk about it.”  Part of her is angry at that young man for breaking her daughter’s heart, but she knows he has some growing up to do.  As does Pam.  A lot of it, it seems.

She knows what they have is special, and neither of them can just abandon that.  She doesn’t want them to make the same mistakes she’s made.

“You alright, Pam?” she asks, sitting next to her on the couch.

“I’m fine, Mom,” Pam reassures, “I’m just… distracted.”

Helene knows why.  “I forgot to ask, how’s your friend, Jim?”

“Oh, he’s… okay, I guess.  He recently broke up with his girlfriend.”

“Well, that’s a shame,” Helene says, a hopeful gleam in her eye.

“Yeah,” Pam can’t lie to her, “To be honest, he and I aren’t really speaking to each other.”

“And why’s that?”

“We had a fight.”

“Oh,” Helene expresses her remorse.

Pam decides to let her in, “I mean, after everything I told you, you know, that night, he apologized.  But I really let him have it.”

“Goodness.”

“Then again, he fought back.  I guess after months of not addressing it, we just… went off.”

A beat.  “Pam, only answer this if you want to, because I don’t want to pry.”

“Okay.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

She nods shyly, “Yeah,” it was barely a whisper.

“Does he still have feelings for you?”

“After yesterday?  Probably not.”

“Do you know that for sure?”

“I know he at least wants us to be friends, but—”

“Pam,” Helene begins, “would you rather be right, or happy?”

“Is both an option?” Pam gives a small and knowing smile.

“Sometimes it really isn’t,” Helene smiles back, shaking her head, “And in those times, you just have to put away your pride to forgive them and yourself, no matter if you’re in the right or not.”

“I just…” Pam shakes her head, “he put me through so much,” her voice cracks and she starts to breathe heavily.

“Oh, honey, I know,” Helene comforts, wrapping her arm around her, “but if you really care for this man, and I know you do, the best thing to do is to sit down, talk it out, and forgive.”

Forgive.

Forgiveness is hard to reconcile for Pam after Jim running off only to come back with a shiny new girlfriend, Roy wasting nearly nine years of her life with his lack of ambition or consideration, Karen for dating Jim even though she did absolutely nothing wrong and seems like a great person, and her boss and other coworkers for their constant, constant butting into her love life and just generally annoying the piss out of her.

But she knows her mother’s right.

“I… I’ll talk to him.”

Helene smiles at her eldest with pride, rubbing her arm, “That’s my Pam,” she gives her a kiss on the head, “Come on, it’s time for dinner.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

The mother and daughter join their family, Pam just a tiny, a little bit, better.

She now knows how she’ll spend her Christmas morning.