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Pseudonyms, Please: Really Good in White

Email: thisdayis@bananas.com

Subject: Eating Disorder

Message: The hottest and the most popular girl in the office has developed an eating disorder due to the stress that she felt at work. She tries her best to be the glue that holds everyone together but people just don’t seem to appreciate her effort.

It all started when she swallowed that tape worm for the weight loss contest. She fainted after two weeks of drinking nothing but maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water and got hospitalized. She would have overcome it because she’s a strong and independent woman but her coworkers just kept bringing her down.

She hosted an America’s Got Talent party and two of them didn’t attend after she gave them personalized invites. To make things worse, they were in charge of planning her birthday party AND FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT. The audacity of those two.

I heard her eating disorder is getting worse because of all this but I’m sure she’ll get through this. She’s an inspiration to so many people and the Kardashians would be lucky to breathe the same air as she does. Plus, she looks hot in a pink bikini that she just bought.