Koi No Yokan
"Hi. Hello. Good morning."
He was nervous, anxious, stomach full of butterflies.
And the person at the reception desk . . .
. . . had a smile that was perfunctorily welcoming.
"How can I help you?"
Like any office receptionist would be.
"I'm Jim Halpert. I'm starting here today."
And she brightened.
"Oh, that's right, Mr. Truck told me you were coming in today. He's stepped out for a minute but he'll be back soon. I can show you to your desk."
And then she got up and came around to stand in front of him.
"Enjoy this moment."
A twinkle of something seeming to flash through her eyes.
"Because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your deskmate, Dwight."
"Alright. Will do."
Wait, what does that mean?
"So this is your desk. Phone, voicemail, computer, everything."
"Okay, great, thanks-"
"Fact. My stapler continues to run low on staples at a rate inconsistent to my usage, Pam. Fact. I believe you are the culprit and I will be reporting you for summary termination."
"And this is Dwight."
"Oh. Okay, um, good morning. I'm Jim-"
"I don't care who you are so long as you don't involve yourself with the staple conspiracy currently running amok in this office."
"Uh, okay . . ."
"Brain teaser. A man stands on one side of a river. His dog stands on the other side. The man calls to his dog, who immediately crosses the river without getting wet or using a bridge or a boat. How did the dog do it?"
The no nonsense man rolled his bespectacled eyes in seeming annoyance.
"Fantastic, another deaf incompetent. A man stands-"
"No, I heard you. I mean, why are you asking me brain teasers?"
"Acuity is very important. Fact. People who engage in brain teasers have a lower probability for degenerative brain diseases."
"Oh, okay. Thanks. I guess."
Uhhh . . .
Okay, let's see the soda situation in this place.
"Oh. Hi, Jim."
"Hi. Pam, right?"
No black cherry. Okay. I'll try . . .
"So, how's Dwight?"
"Oh, um, yeah, he seems, uh, a little . . . intense."
"Yep, that's Dwight."
"You know, I hope you don't mind me saying so. But that was really rude of him to accuse you of stealing his staples."
And she grinned.
"Oh, um, well, don't tell anyone . . ."
And there was that mischievous twinkle again.
"But it actually is me."
She's . . .
"Yeah. Every time I stay later than him, I take all but one of his staples out of his stapler and put them back in his desk."
She's . . .
"Trust me, he deserves it. You'll see."
"Well, I gotta go. Bye, Jim."
Now, where was I?
Grape it is.