- Text Size +
Story Notes:
I heard Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon the other day and he mentions Roy. I just had to go with it.

It's the weekend after Casino Night and all Pam can do is think about Jim and what he said and did.

She thinks back to her time with him over the years and sees how she has misinterpreted their relationship.  

He loves her! It's not just a crush, it it so much more that that. She feels a thrill thinking about him and then, she thinks about that kiss. That was the best kiss she's ever had. It was like he poured his heart and soul into everything he was feeling and tried to tell her in his kiss.  

Now she is at home by herself trying to figure out what to do. Roy went off somewhere with his brother and Pam is feeling very antsy. She calls her mom and tells her that she's coming over.  

On her way to her parents house she argues with herself about whether or not she should call Jim. She finally decides not to. She will see him on Monday at work anyway.  

As soon as she gets to her parents house and sees her mom Helene gives her a huge hug and Pam starts crying. 

She barely even notices that her mom has ushered her into the dining room and that she's sitting on a chair while her mother makes some tea.

'I think some chamomile will be good for both of us. Are you hungry dear?' 

Pam shakes her head. 'No, thanks anyway mom.'

A moment later Helene comes in with a teapot and a couple of mugs and sits next to her daughter. 'Your father had to work some overtime today, so it's just us.'

Pam nods and sips at her tea.

Helene asks, 'What's the matter honey? Is is Jim?'

Pam's head jerks up and she spits out some of her drink. 'What? How did you....?'

'Honey, you called me last night to tell me what he said and you are obviously upset right now. I just figured. Do you want to tell me what happened after you got off the phone with me?'



"The problem is all inside your head she said to me.

The answer is easy if you take it logically.

I'd like to help you with your struggle to be free.

 There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.

She said, It's really not my habit to intrude,

Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost

or misconstrued, 

But, I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude.

There must be fifty ways to leave your lover."




Pam stares at her mug. 'He kissed me.'


'And, I kissed him back.'

'I see.'

Pam starts crying again. 'I can't believe I did this to Roy.'

'Ok honey, you need to take a deep breath and slow down. Now, tell me, did you enjoy the kiss?'

Pam nods a little. 'Yeah, a lot. It's weird, but it felt like time stood still. Like we were the only two people in the world.' 

Helene sighs. 'I don't mean to overstep, but are you still in love with Roy?'

Pam looks at her mom and is quiet for a minute. 'I don't know.'

'Do you love Jim?'

'Yeah, I think maybe I do.'

'Do you want to call off the wedding?'

Pam puts her head down on her arms on the table. 'Oh my God! I don't know. Roy and I have been together so long. I don't know anything else.' 

Helene reaches over and gently pats her daughters arm. 'You have talked about Jim in the most glowing terms for years. Your whole face lights up and it is the happiest I have ever seen you. I have never noticed that when you talk about Roy.' 

Pam looks up at her mom. 'Really?'

  Helene nods. 'Yes, you do.' She takes a breath. 'Honey, I have to ask you, do you still want to get married to Roy?'

'I don't think so.'

'Let me try something and you tell me the first answer that enters your mind.' 


'Do you love Roy?'


'Do you love Jim?'


'Are you in love with Roy?'


'Are you in love with Jim?'

  'Yes. Oh my god! I do love Jim!'

Helene smiles softly at Pam. 'Yes honey, you do.'

'Wow! I guess I need to call off the wedding. I am really not looking forward to that.'



"You just slip out the back Jack,

Make a new plan, Stan,

You don't need to be coy, Roy,

Just get yourself free

Hop on the bus, Gus

You don't need to discuss much,

Just drop off the key, Lee

And get yourself free."



Helene nods sympathetically. 'Do you remember us telling you that your Uncle Jack called off his wedding a couple of years before you were born?' 

'I think so.'

'Well, he waited until he and everyone else was actually at the church, then he told his best man; your father, that the wedding was off, and slipped out the back.'


'Yeah, this will be much easier on you and Roy. Besides, now Jack is married to your Aunt Linda and has been for almost 25 years now, so everything worked out.'

Pam sighs. "Hmmm, maybe I could talk to my co-worker Stanley about failed marriages. He is on at least his second marriage and has a girlfriend on the side.'

'Right. You don't want that.'

'I don't know how I'm going to tell Roy.'

'The sooner you tell him the better. Do you need me or your father to be with you when you tell him? Roy has always listened to us.'

'No mom. Thanks anyway. This is something I need to do on my own.'

Just then the doorbell rings and Helene gets up to answer it. Pam follows and notices the TV is on, but muted. The cartoon Cinderella is on and Cinderella is making clothes for the little mouse she names Gus. 

Pam does not see who her mom is talking to at the door, but she hears her mom's side of the conversation. 'Of course Lee. It will be no problem. Just give me a key and I'll be happy to help out.'

Helene closes the door and goes back to Pam. 'Our neighbor is going on vacation and I told them I'd take care of their mail and plants. Sure would be nice to be free and take a trip.' 

'It sure would.'


"She said, 'It grieves me to see you in such pain

I wish there was something I could do to make 

you smile again.

I said, 'I appreciate that, and would you please 

explain about the fifty ways?

She said, 'Why don't we just both sleep on it 


And I believe in the morning, you'll begin to 

see the light.

And then she kissed me and I realized she probably

was right

There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.

Fifty ways to leave your lover."



Helene motions to the couch and turns off the TV as they sit down. 'Ok dear. I think you should stay here tonight. It will give you time to think about what you want to say to Roy, without the distraction of having him around.'

Pam nods as she realizes that her mom is right. She needs a break from Roy. She'll figure out what to say to him and then think about what to do about Jim.  'Ok. Thanks mom.'

'Of course dear. I am sorry you're hurting so much, but you will get past this and you will feel better. It may not happen right away, but it will happen.'

Pam sighs audibly and stands up. 'Yeah, I hope so.'

Helene gets up and hugs and kisses Pam. Then, heads to the kitchen. 'Go on upstairs to your old room and get yourself settled in. What do you want for dinner?'

Pam smiles to herself and feels some relief after talking to her mom. She knows she will be able to figure out a way to leave her lover.




Chapter End Notes:

I'm sorry about the formatting of the lyrics. I formatted it better in Word, but I have no idea where it saved to.

I am still going to finish It Came Upon A Midnight Clear, I just had to get this one out of my system first. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed coming up with the story.

Song is Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon. 

Thats what she said is the author of 4 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 1 members. Members who liked You Don't Need to Be Coy, Roy also liked 167 other stories.

You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans