It was raining. Pam didn't know why it had to choose this night, of all the nights, to rain. A little too dramatic for her taste. But, she was going to have this conversation, rain or no. She sat on the bed (their bed) and waited for Roy to come out of the bathroom (their bathroom). She panicked for a moment. It's been too long, ten years. This is our stuff, our lives. Can I start over? No. I can't do this, I'm too scared. I have to, I'm not happy. I'm not happy. She wasn't this bold, she didn't know why she was pretending to be. Finally, Roy emerged. She took a deep breath.

“Hey, babe,” Roy said, throwing a washcloth onto the bed (not their bed, not after tonight).

Pam faltered. “Hey.”

Roy smiled and walked into the living room. Dammit, Pam thought to herself. She hadn't even started this conversation and already he was taking the lead.

“Roy,” she said firmly, as he sat on the couch. He glanced up and turned the TV on. “I need to talk to you. Now. Without the television.”

He looked up at her, curious, but not concerned. This frustrated her. To her surprise, he turned the TV off. “All right, what is it?” He made room for her on the couch, knowing after many arguments with her that she liked to sit next to him and make him really understand. She knew, though, he really just humored her and zoned out most of the time.

This time though, she stayed standing in the door frame between the bedroom and the living room. Maybe this way he would know she meant business.

Jesus, how do you start this? “Roy...this...we... I can't do this,” she blurted out. Roy raised an eyebrow.

“Can't do this? Can't do what?”

Pam stared at him. This wasn't how she envisioned this taking place. When she ran through the speeches in her head, they were much more eloquent. They were short, sad, but final and she left without regrets and never looked back. Reality, in fact, was much harder.

“This, Roy, as in you and me. Us. We're not working, we haven't been for a long time. There's just too much that I don't know, and I'm not happy, and I don't think you know me anymore, and I just feel like I can-I don't know, do more? Be more, and be happy again, but-” she rushed out. She realized she was beginning to ramble, but she couldn't stop. If she stopped now she wasn't sure if she could begin again. “But ten years can't help the fact we just don't know each other anymore, and I love you, but I'm not in love with you, and I don't think I ever will be again, y'know, feel that fire and passion-”

“Pam,” he interrupted quietly. He looked like he was going to say more, but his mouth moved and no words came out. “I. You. This can't be happening.” He sat up straighter on the couch and ran his hands over his hair.

Pam joined her hands in front of her and looked down at them. There was so much more to say, but she didn't know if she could. She couldn't believe this was happening either. Ten years together and look where we are now.

He stared at the floor. “What about the wedding? It's so close and...” he trailed off. “I set the date, Pam. I thought that's what you wanted. To get married, to make that commitment. I did it for you.”

She began to cry softly. “I know. But...Roy, I can't marry someone I don't love anymore. It's not fair to either of us.” She looked up at him and couldn't think of anything else to say. She sighed. “Roy, I can't explain every single reason this went wrong, tonight. I just...need to go now. I'll come back for my stuff later, and maybe we can talk about this longer. Right now, I just need to go.”

She started for the door. Roy stood up, awkwardly, not sure what the proper etiquette was for this sort of situation. He settled on standing in place until she reached the door. She turned back for a moment and found him close.

“Roy,” she paused, knowing nothing had come out right, nothing real had been said. “I haven't painted in almost three years.”

Pam let her sentence hang in the air. Roy nodded, but she couldn't be sure he understood the weight of the statement. Not entirely, anyway. She turned and began walking down the driveway, just now realizing Roy had the only car and she had nowhere to go. The front door clicked.

Pam pulled out her cell phone. She wanted to call Jim, but knew he was out of the country and probably not too keen on talking to her, even with the news she would have. The only place she could go would be the nearest supermarket and have her mother come pick her up from there. She dialed.

“Mom? Can you come pick me up? I have some...news.”