She had been more than aware of their interactions the past few weeks.  Always watching and wondering when she saw a quick glance between them or a smile shared quietly.  Part of her told her she was being irrational.  Another part of her – a part that has never failed her – told her there was more to the story.  Something was missing.  It didn’t all add up. 

It was almost as if Pam could feel Karen watching her.  She looked up and their eyes met for a brief second.  Karen flashed a quick smile and looked back at her computer screen.  She didn’t know how much longer she could handle this.  This wasn’t like her to feel so..insecure and jealous.  She was starting to wonder if he was even worth this aggravation anymore.   

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He felt like she watched his every move now.  It was as if he was setting off all kinds of mental alarms in her head whenever he walked near Pam’s desk.  He had tried to pull back from Pam even more lately.  He could see the hurt in her eyes when he did that.  He didn’t understand how he got to this place.  Spending time with her, talking and laughing, had become so second nature to him a long time ago…like breathing.  But now he felt suffocated and at the same time there was so much space in between them.  His chest hurt.   

So he kept his eyes down.  He didn’t look towards either of them.   Tried to limit interaction with them both while at work.  Carefully walking around eggshells so as to not let it all blow up in his face.  

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The ache in her chest had not gotten any better in the past few weeks.  For a while it seemed like things with Jim – at least the friendship part of it – were starting to come back together.  The easiness they had with one another seemed to be creeping back into her everyday life.  But just like that – it had stalled again.  He was pulling away.  She could feel it.  She could see guilt in his eyes when she smiled at him.   

It was starting to become unbearable and she wished she could fix it.  Start over.  Maybe even tell him the truth.  What did she have to lose at this point?  Things were so awkward now.  She knew that she wouldn’t though.  She would just sit and watch him and wait.  Wait for something to change.    

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The door to the Dunder Mifflin office opened and Roy walked in.  He cautiously approached Pam’s desk and she saw something in his eyes – sadness.  She had seen it since the day she walked out but this was different.

“Hey Pam” he whispered quietly. 

“Hey Roy – are you okay.”  She could see Jim’s back stiffen at the sound of Roy’s voice.  She felt a wave of guilt wash over her since it made her sort of happy – that, on some level, he still cared. 

“Umm…actually…uh no..” his voice dropped a little and his face started to fall…he looked like he was about to cry. Pam stood up to grab him by the arm and lead him into the hallway but before she could walk around the desk tears started to fall down his face. 

“My…she.  Grandmom died last night.  She had a heart attack and she’s – gone.”  Roy bit his bottom lip in an effort to control himself.  He hadn’t planned on breaking down in front of her like this but he couldn’t stop the wave of emotions as they overtook him. 

Tears sprung into her eyes as she walked around her desk and put her arms around him.  She tried to keep her voice low so as not to make a big scene in the office but it wasn’t working so well. 

“Oh my god Roy…I’m so sorry.  I don’t know what to say.  I loved her so much.  I just can’t…believe it."

“I know Pam, and I’m sorry.  I know you were close with her and I wanted to tell you.” 

Pam suddenly became aware of the hush that fell over the office.  People could hear them and they were all watching them but trying not to make it obvious.  Phyllis had walked over to make some copies and gave her a sad smile.   Pam’s attention moved back to Roy when he began to speak. 

“My mom is devastated.  I mean, I know grandmom was 80 but she seemed so healthy.  She’s a mess.  We all are.” 

“I know…I can imagine.  Roy I’m so sorry.  Just let me know when the services will be and I’ll be there…anything I can do-”  but Roy cut her off. 

His voice dropped even lower – almost to a whisper.
“I know Pammy.  The thing is….”  Roy seemed to stumble over his words “My mom – she’s still real upset about everything with the wedding.  And…I mean, considering what she is going through now..I just think it would be too hard for her to see you there.  At the…funeral I mean.”  

Pam felt liked she had been slapped in the face.  Even though maybe she though she deserved it a little. “Oh…gosh..yeah…I hadn’t um…no it’s totally fine. I get it.  I know your mom was close with her mother and I’d hate to make things worse for her right now.” 

“Pammy please…you know that I want you there…need you there…but I have to respect my mom’s feelings right now…I just wish…” 

“No, Roy.  Really.  Your mom has every right to feel that way.  Really…don’t feel guilty.”  Pam was trying to keep it together but she could feel the tears burning in her eyes and the lump in her throat had caused her voice to be barely audible. 

“Okay..well…I’m taking the day off to help my mom with things.  I’ll call you later.”   Roy gave her a hug that seemed to last an eternity and then slowly slipped away and walked out of the office. 

She stood there feeling unable to move.  She turned to walk outside to get some air – to just get out of there.  The silence was almost deafening and she could feel eyes watching her and pitying her and wanting to ask her if she was okay.  She ran out of the office before she could see him turn around in his seat and look with concern and sadness and she headed out.