Jim was sitting back in his chair, pointing at Dwight. There was work to be done, and a red light flashing on his phone, but Jim was busy right now. Busy messing with Dwight. It was ridiculous. Why do people like this guy so much?
Ryan almost felt bad for being angry with Jim, until he took in how Dwight was handling the pointing. Dwight was in the middle of a sales call, but his usual strong, authoritative tone (that you must apply to show the prospective buyer you know what you're doing (DDDoDMW #32)) was halting and exuded less than Dwight's usual show of confidence. He kept flicking his gaze back over to Jim; Ryan was sure he was starting to stutter.
"I'm sorry, I have another matter that needs immediate attention, can I call you ba-" Dwight didn't finish the word before he hung up his phone. Ryan cringed, another costumer lost. He hated the idea of working at a failing company. What was the point of climbing the ladder if the house was about to cave in?
"Jim, quit it."
"What? I'm not doing anything."
There was a strange itch rising in Ryan. Some odd urge to be the one to make Jim stop. It was his fault they were losing business. Well sure, the decreasing demand for middleman-regulated paper products was one thing, and Michael was surely a big factor, but employees neglecting work just to play stupid pranks on each other, pranks that kept other employees from working was just as much a reason they were losing business as the time Michael set a prospective client's shoe on fire. It was petty, it was unprofessional, and the pointing was starting to bug Ryan as well.
"Jim, if you do not stop pointing at me, I will take it as a sign of aggression."
Ryan didn't even like working here, why was this bothering him?
Maybe it was because Jim was cocky. Maybe it was because Dwight wasn't that bad of a guy. He was a freak, yeah, but he was salesman too, and didn't deserve this. Ryan was actually turning over a nice profit, and it was all thanks to Dwight's daily teachings.
Speaking of which, there was a new email in his inbox, one of Dwight's Daily Doses of Dunder Mifflin Wisdom, a collection of tips on sales, professionalism, conducting oneself in the presence of women and royalty, and sometimes strange hunting instructions Dwight sent out to the staff every morning.
Today's tip: Know your product, but don't overknow your product. When a client asks you a question, have the answer ready, but do not be overeager in your delivery of said answer. You'll seem shifty and they may be frightened by your rapid-fire responses. Take time to formulate answers and be kind. If you need to, pretend to check the answer for them. They will think you really care about giving them a correct response. NEVER LIE.
Ryan smirked, making a mental note despite himself. He almost replied, but remembered both Dwight's 'Do not reply to this message' at the bottom of his email, and that in doing so he'd be a complete idiot. He didn't need Dwight to know he was actually taking these tips to heart. He didn't need to confirm it for himself either.
"Jim, in some cultures finger pointing is a sign of calling one out for a situation of combat. I would advise you to put your finger away and return to your job before I'm forced to make you."
"Dwight, I'm not doing anything with my finger. And if I was, there's no way you could combat me and win. I have stealth like you wouldn't believe."
Dwight gasped. Ryan knew he prided himself on his moves of stealth and cunning. This was getting too ridiculous to even watch.
"Jim, quit it."
"Dwight, what am I even doing?"
"You're pointing at me! Stop it, it's annoying!"
"I am not pointing at you. I am sitting here doing my work. You're imagining all of this. Here, okay. Ryan," Jim turned to him, a spark glinting in his eye. Ryan knew what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to play along. Dwight, you're crazy. Jim isn't holding up anything. You're hallucinating. Ryan was supposed to keep this stupid game going for another half hour. "Ryan am I-"
"Yes, Jim, you are pointing at Dwight and he isn't the only one you're annoying the hell out of." Immediately after saying it, Ryan snapped backed to his computer, staring at the screen so hard it blurred. He could feel more than see Dwight's triumphant chest puff. He wondered how Jim reacted, and with a biting realization, he figured he'd see it on television some day. The camera hovered ever over them.
Jim was quiet for the rest of the day. Dwight, bless him, didn't act as if he'd won anything over Jim, his self-proclaimed nemesis, but for some reason Ryan felt like he'd lost something. He'd stood up for Dwight of all people. He was already the Fire Guy, did he really want to be that guy?
Something compelled him to open a blank email and write Dwight a note, stomach churning as he did.
Dwight –
Thanks for the tip. Is it possible to sound both over-eager and like a smartass? Because I think that's what lost me the Huntington Mutual deal.
Idea for tip: Don't let coworkers distractions get to you. And if you see someone being bullied, don't hesitate to speak up. But just because you do speak up, that doesn't mean you're his friend, it just means you were being distracted too. It really wasn't anything. hjdghfghb screw it.
Ryan exited out of the email quickly, clicking back to the call list. Dwight didn't need to know he respected him. He didn't even need to know that.
He was NOT going to be that guy.
