May 12, 2006
He loved the feeling of having her in his arms when he woke up. And even though nothing more than kissing had happened last night, a feeling of dread still lingered in his stomach. He was transferring to Stamford. Him being with Pam now didn’t change any of that. He had to figure out how to tell her. How do you tell a girl you’ve loved forever that you took a job in another state just to get away from her?
But he had her.
It was during this thought that she began to stir. He kissed her on the forehead, and stroked her hair as she woke up. She groaned for a second, to wake herself up, and then smiled at him.
“Good morning, sunshine.” He said, and they both giggled. Now wasn’t the time to say anything. They were both happy. They were with each other, and nothing else mattered. Not jobs, or broken
engagements, or transfers. It was just Jim Halpert, in love with Pam Beesley. “Did you get enough sleep?”
“Not quite.” She joked, slipping out of Jim’s arms and up against the backboard of his bed.
“Oh come on, I don’t snore that bad.” Jim joked, suppressing the feelings of trepidation boiling in his brain. Each second that passed that he didn’t tell her the truth slowly drove him insane. Just as he opened his mouth to admit it, she perked up.
“Do you want breakfast?” She asked, not caring that she wasn’t in her house. He loved her initiative and blind optimism. His stomach growled loudly, answering the question. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She giggled, poking him on the arm. With one swift move, she swung out of bed, and onto the floor. She slipped out of the pajamas she had borrowed, and pulled back on the dress she wore last night, thinking that she needed to get her clothes. “I need a favor.” She said, turning around.
“Anything.” Jim said, sliding to the side of the bed. He looked up at her, and loved the way she looked. Even now, with matted hair, a wrinkly blue dress, still half asleep. Telling her wasn’t an easy task.
The favor she mentioned was driving her back to her old house. The house she used to share with Roy. The house that only reminded her of her ended engagement. When Jim pulled into the driveway, Roy’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. The house was empty, other than their things.
“Do you want me to come in with you?” He asked, putting his hand on her thigh. There was nothing more he could do right now than be there for her. She shook her head.
“I can handle this.” She said, confident in her own ambition. “I’m just going to get some clothes and the more important stuff.” She rationalized, and he confirmed.
“Don’t forget your Tickle-Me-Elmo.” Jim joked, breaking the tension in Pam’s face. “Those are a precious commodity nowadays.” She looked at him, with a look of fake anger.
“I won’t.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and jumped out of the car. Jim sat behind,
turning up his car radio. He watched her walk into her house, and began to think of how to tell her he was moving to Connecticut.
She went through her things fairly quickly. The wine glasses sat on the coffee table, a sad reminder of the night that had unfold. The house was otherwise in an array. When she stormed out, she could hear Roy freak out, throwing things and screaming. When she finally made her way into the bedroom, she found a broken picture frame in the doorway. She bent down to pick it up. It was a picture of her and Roy, when they were just dating. Their fearful smiles and tightened grips were overwhelming. Ten years, just gone in a flash. It seemed like such a waste, but Pam had plenty of time, now that she was with Jim.
A pair of jeans, a ton of skirts and button up shirts. Sweaters, socks, underwear, and t-shirts. They all were folded neatly, and placed into a suitcase she had planned on using for her honeymoon. They had bought it new, on discount, as something practical for their life together. Now it just seemed empty and meaningless. The last thing she decided was worth taking right away was the teakettle, still sitting on the counter from the previous morning. She smiled looking at it, sitting there so strongly. It was a meaningful gift from Jim, and she had cherished it from the second she opened it Christmas day. She wrapped it up in a dishtowel hanging on the handle of the fridge, and placed it on top. She shut the suitcase, and walked back out to Jim in the car.
“Jeez, Beesley. Take long enough?” He asked in a fake annoyed tone. She smiled and nodded, and shut the door. It dawned on her that it may be the last time she ever shut the door to that house. Walking to the car, Pam felt the world spinning beneath her.
“You look nice.” Jim lied, commenting on Pam’s change of wardrobe. A gray hooded sweatshirt, jeans with a hole in the left knee, and her curly hair up in a pony tale.
“What can I say? I live for fashion.” She said, jumping into the car. She threw her large suitcase in the backseat, and Jim swung out of the driveway.
“You okay?” Pam asked after a few minutes of driving. Jim was looking distant. Of course, the idea of telling her was weighing heavily on his mind. Not now. She had just gotten her clothes from her now ex-fiancée’s house. She was homeless, and just getting out of a serious relationship. Now was not the time to tell her he was moving her away. There was never going to be a perfect time, but now was absolutely the wrong time.
“Wait, pull over!” Pam shrieked, catching Jim off guard. He worked his hardest to follow Pam’s directions, and pull over into the parking lot on the way back to his house. “Let me buy breakfast for you.” She said, pulling out her wallet from her purse. Jim looked up to see where they were parked in front of.
“McDonalds?” He said, observing the environment around him. Pam nodded at him with a smile. “Wow, Beesley. Living it up.” They both smiled at each other.
“Give me a break. I was planning a wedding. Plus, I work at Dunder Mifflin, so I’m not exactly rolling in the money right now.” She said, behind a laugh of embarrassment, and pain.
“Well, if we were to have breakfast at my house, we’d be having expired yogurt and toast.” He said, trying to raise her spirits. And so far, it seemed to be working. They both walked in to the McDonalds.
A few hours passed, they both ate sausage biscuits and sipped bad coffee. There were exactly three points in the conversation where Jim was about to tell Pam he was transferring to Stamford, but each and every time he began, her cell phone rang. Every time it rang, Pam insisted it wasn’t important, but the moment was dead. He waited for the right time to come, but somehow it didn’t.
He drove her back to his house, where they shared hours worth of conversation. Just stupid, silly stuff that they used to laugh about, but forget when the drama fell between them. It took Jim three hours before he was able to muster up the courage to tell Pam the truth. But just as Jim began to speak, her cell phone began to ring again. She looked at Jim, with a silent plea for forgiveness. He wanted to scream his confession, but it was the third time the phone had rang all day. If Pam didn’t answer it now, it would keep on ringing, and it would keep on interrupting. He nodded, and she took the phone out of her purse. With one quick motion, she opened the phone and put it up to her ear.
“Hello?” She said softly, turning away from Jim. “Michael, how did you get this number?” She turned back to Jim, confused about the source of this call. “You looked it up in emergency contacts.” She laughed with Jim, not making a sound. “Am I busy, actually” She began, but stopped immediately when Jim could hear the distant humming of Michael’s voice through the cell phone. Jim motioned for her to hand him the phone. Unsure of what to do, Pam handed him the phone. He pressed a button, and a wave of sound hit them.
“Pam, if you were a woman” Began Michael, and Jim and Pam fought to stifle their large amounts of laughter. “I mean, well, you know.” He stammered, realizing the stupidity of the sentence. “Would you enjoy laser tag?”
“Laser tag?” Jim said, his voice barely above a whisper. Explaining to Michael why he was with Pam so early in the morning would prove a difficult task. So he just stayed silent as Pam explained to Michael why taking his new girlfriend (of one day) to laser tag was not a real romantic date. Once she hung up, Pam sighed with relief. She sat down on Jim’s couch, and noticed a few boxes at the end, but she remained silent. Mark’s girlfriend had just moved in, so there was the rational explanation she sought.
Jim fought again to tell her. They had been together for three hours now, and he still hadn’t told her he was moving. Soon it was going to be too late. He opened his mouth, and there was a loud thwack as the back door opened.
“Yo Halpert!” Mark called from the door. “You still need those boxes” He began, but as he turned the corner, he found Pam on his couch, next to a very pissed off Jim. “Oh. I didn’t realize you had company.” He said with a wide-eyed grin. HE walked to Pam with an open hand. “Pam, right?” He asked, shaking her hand. They had met at Jim’s barbecue earlier that year, and it became apparent that Jim had talked about her nonstop. She nodded in response to his question.
“So, where’s your fiancée?” Mark asked curtly, trying to make polite conversation. It turned sour, and neither Jim nor Pam answered his question. “What?” Mark shrieked as Jim looked about ready to kill.
“I just broke up with him.” Pam said meekly, sounding almost proud of that sentence.
“Oh.” Mark said with quiet realization. “I’m sorry.” Jim stood up, and walked out into the kitchen. After a few seconds, Mark sat down next to Pam.
“So where you gonna stay?” Mark asked, hoping this question was a more appropriate one.
“Actually” She said, biting her lip. She waited until Jim joined them in the living room. “I was
going to ask you first, but I was kind of” She swallowed hard, staring at Jim. “Hoping I could stay here until I find my own apartment.” Both Jim and Mark looked at each other, with the kind of look you get when you know a secret someone else doesn’t know. Pam waited for either Jim or Mark to reply, but there was nothing but the awkward silence between them. Finally, Jim asked for Mark to leave, which he did. Once they were alone, Pam began to feel worried.
“Should I not have asked?” She said, the color draining from her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I should go.” she stood up, but soon realized she didn’t really have anywhere else to go. Jim stopped her.
“It’s not that I don’t want you here” He spoke slowly, still working out the kinks in his monologue. “Jan offered me a promotion.” Pam’s face immediately lit up with a luminous smile. He felt his heartstrings being tied into knots.
“That’s great!” Pam exclaimed, thinking that was the end of the story.
“It’s in Stamford.” He broke in, watching the look on her face just shift. Shift from pure joy to sadness. “Last night after you said no, I told her I’d take it.” Pam froze as Jim just looked at her. There was no feeling in her fingers, or any other part of her body. She licked her lips, waiting for the feeling to return. When her mouth felt less dry, she began to talk.
“When are you leaving?” Somehow he knew the answer, but he just couldn’t say it.
“My last day’s Friday.” He admitted after a few painful minutes. She nodded in the grim realization that Jim was leaving. He could see she was on the brink of tears. “Please, don’t. Nothing’s going to change between us. I promise you that.” He lifted her chin up with his index and pointer finger. One sad tear fell down her cheek. “Nothing will change except I’ll be in Connecticut.”
“Then why does it feel like you’re going in a different time zone?” She asked seriously, then proceeded to bury herself in his chest. The feeling was nice, and she knew that in less than a week, she wasn’t going to have that feeling any more. He’d be far away, in another building, in another city, in another state. And that just felt miles away.
“So what do you want to do today?” Jim asked, resting his head on hers, loving how right it all felt. “I could help you find an apartment. It’s only noon.” She looked up at him, and nodded. “You know nothing’s going to change between us, right?”
“I know.” She said, and for once, she knew it was true.
****
“This is it.” Pam said, looking past the gray walls and the empty rooms. She had been to three apartments, none of which were perfect. But this was it. It needed work, like paint and a good scrubbing. But it was a good one. The rent was affordable (even on Dunder Mifflin paychecks), it was right by an art supply store, and it had a great view over a park. It was perfect.
“Are you sure?” Jim said, looking into the kitchen. “It’s not very big.”
“I don’t care.” Pam jumped back, defending her find. She didn’t want big, she wanted cozy. Jim.
That’s what she wanted, and nothing else mattered.
“It’s only got one kitchen.” Jim continued, trying to discourage her. “How are you going to cook every meal of the day with one kitchen?” They both smiled at each other, and it was understood that Jim was only joking. “I’m kidding, Pam. It’s nice.”
“I know. That’s why I picked it.” She gave Jim a cocky smile. After this, she went over to the landlord, and began signing papers. They were still in the room, and Jim watched them from afar. This was not the way he had planned on spending his day. He had a week to pack up years of memories in Scranton, and the plan for this Saturday was to start on packing. But now he was here, with Pam. He still had to pack, he still had to leave. But now she was here, just for him. And that was the best thing he could think of.
Chapter End Notes:
Have no fear! There is more to come
