May 21, 2006
“Pam, I have to talk to you.” A million emotions surged through Pam, most of them being anger and resentment. Roy had burst into the office that Monday morning, demanding a response from Pam. He had been trying to call her ever since the Saturday after casino night. When the liquor wore off, he realized that he needed Pam in his life. But she had been dodging his calls, so he figured this was the only way to get her to listen to him.
“No, Roy.” Pam said, standing her ground. Jim’s words were still ringing true for her. You have to fight for something. This was what she wanted. Being out of that relationship with Roy, being in one with Jim. Everything was going right for a change, and it wasn’t going to stop now just because Roy changed his mind.
“You won’t even let me explain!” Roy continued, raising his voice only slightly. Pam was the first one in the office, so they were completely alone. “I am so sorry that I hurt you. I need a second chance.” He looked down, licking his wounds. “I need you so much.”
“Did you ever think about what I need?” Pam asked, surprised she was saying things like this. Anger had never been her strong suit. But now it was just flowing out of her. “Roy, it took you three years to set a date. Then before our wedding, I find you cheating on me. What did you expect me to do, just take you back?”
“Give me another chance. I won’t screw it up.”
“I’ve given you plenty of chances.” Pam said, secretly hoping someone would come in soon. Roy’s anger was not easy to deal with.
“Is this about Halpert?” Roy said, suddenly. All the muscles in Pam’s throat just closed. “I heard some rumors about him having a crush on you…” Roy trailed off and just stared at Pam. One second. Two seconds. Nothing. “Judging by the expression, I’m going to say it is.” He wiped his mouth with his palm, and began pacing. “When he gets in here, I’m going to kick his ass like I should’ve done a LONG time ago!”
“Stop it, Roy! This has nothing to do with Jim!” Pam’s voice was a hard slap in Roy’s face. “You were the one who cheated on me. That’s why it’s over between you and me.” Roy had no idea how to reply to that. So he just looked around the room, and just stormed off. She had a feeling that he was going to come back, but it didn’t really matter at that point.
Almost as if it were planned, her AIM instantly popped up.
Jhalpert: Hey Beesley. Miss me yet?
Pam fought back the tears from her fight with Roy, and couldn’t bring herself to reply with Jim. She just switched her computer off, and buried her face in her hands. She was early, so she had a few minutes just to herself. The silence slowly ate away at her. She had Jim, but he was so far away.
There were points in her day where she regretted doing it all. Because Roy did care about her. He just hurt her so bad it was harder to see it. Then there were points in the day when she realized letting go of Roy was the right choice to make. Because she did care about Jim; so much, it hurt sometimes. Like when Jim would kiss Katy, or Roy would be a jerk. She really did love him. And that should have been enough, right?
The phone was ringing. Pam fought to contain herself enough to answer the phone. She took a deep breath, and held the phone in her hands.
“Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.” She said, surprisingly well. Well enough that it didn’t sound like she was just bawling her eyes out.
“Are you okay?” Jim said, reading right through her composed act. “I just sent you a message, and you signed off.”
“I’m fine.” Pam lied, and realized that she wasn’t ever going to fool Jim. “It’s just…” She froze, not sure of what to tell him.
“You just what? Don’t leave me hanging, Beesley!” Jim exclaimed. Pam sighed.
“I just had a fight with Roy.” She said, feeling pangs of guilt. Like telling Roy to move on was some bad deed. Jim waited for three seconds, before beginning to speak again.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He said, and Pam was surprised at his comforting ways. She almost compared him to Roy again, but then realized that there really was no point to it. Jim wasn’t Roy.
“It’s fine.” She admitted, deciding to spare him the gory details. Michael walked in, groggy from the weekend. “Please hold.” She said on the phone, trying to keep up appearances. Once Michael trudged into the office, Pam put Jim back on the line. “Sorry. Michael walked in.”
“Yeah, I should probably go. I have to get ready for work.”
“You’re still not ready?” She said, looking down at her watch. 8:45. He still had time.
“I just wanted to hear you voice.” He said sweetly, and Pam had an immediate mental image of what Jim was doing right at that moment. Sitting on his couch, still in his pajamas. A silly little grin stuck on his face.
“Have a good day.”
“You too.” Jim said in reply.
“I miss you.” Pam spoke softly, meaning every syllable. Jim just smiled, even though he knew she wasn’t going to see it.
“I miss you, too.” He replied. Pam waited for him to hang up before she put the phone back on the receiver. Hearing Jim’s voice definitely made her day a little easier.
***
Jim’s first day at Stamford felt awkward and weird. Everyone seemed to look at him like a spy or something. The first thing he missed was Pam. His desk was more towards the back, towards Josh’s office. He was nowhere near the receptionist’s desk, and then he realized it was a good thing. Then Jim began to miss the Scranton branch in general. This place was strange and foreign. He didn’t really know anybody there, and he wasn’t sure if they would even open up to him.
“So, tell me. Is Scranton as bad as I hear?” The girl with the dark brown hair who sat behind him asked casually as he sat down at his new desk. When Jim walked into the building for the first time, she had been kind of cold to him. He thought about cracking a joke to her, but she didn’t seem like the kind of person who would do that kind of thing. Josh had seemed to kind to her earlier, so he thought doing the same was a good idea. Jim leaned back, and his chair squeaked. That definitely would get annoying.
“Sorry, but I don’t talk to strangers.” Jim said sardonically, and he could’ve sworn she almost cracked a smile at that moment.
“It’s Karen.” She said, extending a handshake. Jim gladly took the peace offering, and then agreed to tell her the whole story. He decided to leave out Pam for the time being. Because Pam was something back home, just for him.
***
“So…” Kevin said, standing at Pam’s desk, waiting for the copy machine to stop. “You think Jim has a new girlfriend up at Stamford yet?” Pam opened her mouth, determined to talk. But somehow, she just couldn’t find the words. She wanted to mention that he already had one, but she wasn’t ready for that kind of thing right now.
“It’s really not my business, Kevin.” Pam said professionally. Kevin just nodded slowly.
“I bet she’s hot.” Kevin replied, then took his papers out of the copy machine. Pam just shook her head in disgust, and tried to brush off his inappropriate comments. The self-conscious part of her couldn’t help but wonder if there was someone up at Stamford prettier than her. Not that Jim would ever do anything. He wasn’t that kind of a guy. When she was with Roy, he would never stop looking at other girls. Of course, now she knew how bad it had gotten with Roy, and felt bad for comparing the two.
“What’s that?” Angela said, pointing to Pam’s new picture frame. She had spent many hours deciding whether or not to put it on her desk. It was hard to say they were just friends when she had a beautiful photo spread of just them together. She had the yogurt lid medals hanging along them. She remembered every single word of what Jim told her as he packed up his boxes.
“Who’s going to keep me entertained now that you’re leaving?” Pam asked, trying to choke back the tears. He just shrugged, looking a bit weepy.
“I’m sure you’ll think of something.” He paused, holding back all the fear in his eyes. She was starting to cry, and he didn’t like to see her like that. He lifted her chin up with his pointer finger. “Whenever you miss me...” He stopped again, feeling ridiculous that he couldn’t finish a sentence around her. “ I’ll always be there, Pam. I’ll always be there.”
“It’s a picture frame.” Pam said, snapping herself out of her reverie. She hoped the simplicity of the answer would be enough for Angela. She didn’t really feel like explaining it to her.
“I knew that.” Angela snared, moving her head, trying to see the pictures. “Who is that in the picture?” Before Angela could figure it out, Pam just snapped the frame face down. “Fine.” Angela said sternly, walking back to her desk.
Once Pam was alone at her desk, she flipped the frame back on its feet. She looked at Jim’s picture, recalling every little trait about him. His eyes, brilliant and pensive. His skin, smooth and supple. And she closed her eyes, trying to bring him back to her. He was back in his desk, feet propped up on the desk, chatting on the phone. Dwight was freaking out because Jim put his keys in Jell-O, and Michael was doing nothing about it. Jim winked at Pam, and she felt shudders throughout her body when he did that. He walked up and picked out a few jellybeans, catching a quick glance with her. Everything was normal.
“Pam. Come on, no falling asleep on the job.” Michael broke in, snapping Pam out of her dream. Dwight’s keys were sitting safely in his desk, free from their Jell-O cage. Michael was still doing nothing. The jellybean jar was empty, with no hopes of ever being refilled, because it was Jim’s favorite candy. And Ryan was sitting at Jim’s desk, doing the paperwork Jim used to do. And Jim felt so far away, she could barely remember what it was like being with him every day.
She didn’t want to open her eyes, because it meant that Jim wasn’t going to be there. Sometimes opening your eyes is the first step.
Chapter End Notes:
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