May 26, 2006
She patted down her dress, pressing the wrinkles away. This was a compulsive habit she did whenever nerves got the best of her. Impromptu ironing was happening a lot tonight. She was driving to a city caught in the middle of Scranton and Stamford. They agreed on some little Italian restaurant, and tonight was their first official date together. Technically, it was their third. The first was the lunch date at Cugino’s when Pam first started at Dunder Mifflin. The second was the night on the roof, with the grilled cheese and the swaying. Officially, thought, tonight was the first date. And Pam was still nervous about it.
Her eyes darted quickly to the mirror, checking her makeup for the seventeenth time in the whole drive there. Afraid she was looking too whorish, she immediately regretted putting on lip-gloss. It was too much, she reminded herself. She was going to show up looking like a clown with all this makeup on, and he was going to be so calm and casual. There was no point wiping it off now, though. She sighed and pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant.
Just breathe. She pulled the keys out of the ignition, and set them inside her small black handbag. She looked in the mirror again, for one final check. Everything seemed to look as good as it would get. She smoothed out her dress, and opened the car door. She took two steps out of the door, and another car door slammed down the lot. A voice called out suddenly.
“Take you long enough, Beesley?” Jim’s voice echoed in the empty night, and Pam swung around to see him there. He was rendered speechless, as she seemed to move in slow motion before him. He wanted to take in every little detail about her. The way her hair fell down to her shoulders in soft, loose curls. The way her dark green dress hugged every curve on her body, accentuating every perfect dip in her figure. The look in her eyes as she smiled at him, and it was like there was nobody left in the world but the two of them. She is too good for me. He wanted to keep this moment in the archives of times he was speechless in the presence of her. He wanted the look to last forever.
She brushed up against him, waiting to be lead. Instinctively, she found the perfect spot under his arm, resting just west of his shoulder. He rested his arm along her back, brushing past her curly hair, feeling the soft fabric of her dress and the even softer feeling of the bare skin on her arms. They walked, curved into each other, loving the feeling of being close. This was comfortable.
“So what is going on in Scranton?” Jim asked softly as he flipped through the menu.
“Michael officially has a girlfriend.” Pam said, remembering the mental list she’d made of things to catch him up on.
“Wow.”
“I made it to the difficult level on Sudoku.”
“Congratulations.”
“And I’ve convinced Dwight that you were an undercover officer sent to make sure he was following the codes of volunteer Sheriff deputies.” Jim let out a chortle when she said this, causing Pam to nearly spit out her sip of water.
“Wow, Pam. I’ve really missed out on a lot, haven’t I?” He swirled his water glass around, the ice clinking around in his glass, then looking back at her.
“You weren’t the only person missing things.” She uttered, looking straight at him. The emotion dripping from her voice. The moment of silence between them was not as nerve wracking as Pam once thought it was going to be. They just locked into each other, totally being there for each other. “I keep trying to watch Trading Spouses…” She broke, but Jim interrupted by throwing the cloth napkin at her. “Hey!” She exclaimed with a luminous grin.
“How about we just enjoy this night?” He said with a saccharine sound to his voice.
“Deal.” She vowed, noticing little details about him she never noticed before. How when he smiled, every part of his face looked happy. And how his eyes sparkled whenever she looked at him.
“You look really beautiful tonight.” He said, not quavering at all. She looked down, her cheeks turning red with blush. He put his hands on top of hers, smoothing them out with his touch. “Really, you look...” Before the sentence was finished, the waiter arrived with their plates of pasta. But their eyes never left each other’s once.
***
After dinner, they took a walk down the strip. A block of walking separate steps went by, and Pam looked at him lovingly, and slowly slipped her hands into his. His palms were warm and sweaty, but somehow that didn’t matter. She liked the feeling of his fingers entwined in hers, and she wasn’t letting go.
“Dinner was great.” She broke the silence, and he nodded in agreement.
“Not as great as you.” He said sincerely, and a happy breath of relief fell through her body. This was her first real date after Roy, and it seemed to be going effortlessly. She wanted to remain frozen in this moment forever.
“Now, I’m going to ask you a question, and I need you to be honest.” Pam said, unfreezing from their stance. They began walking down the street a little farther. “Do you promise you’re not going to answer sarcastically or anything?”
“Why would I do that?” Jim asked, and Pam just looked at him. “I promise, I will answer your question honestly.” He said, holding up his free hand in pledge. She nodded slowly, finally believing him.
“Why me?” She asked, thinking about how stupid her question sounded. He was probably thinking the same thing about her question, but she really needed to know. “You are smart, attractive, and so sweet. You could’ve gotten any girl. So why me?”
“Why did I fall in love with you?” Jim clarified her question, and ran his free hand through his hair. He sighed, and looked down at her. “The better question is, why didn’t I fall in love with you? You’re so beautiful, sometimes it hurt.” He stopped, and Pam felt the wind knocked out of her. “You just get everything. If I make a joke, you’re there laughing. If I’m hurting, you’re there to make me feel better. You’re just, simply amazing Beesley.” He said, abruptly stopping once more. He brought his body closer to hers, to the point where they were sharing the oxygen between them. Both of them went tense. He just watched her react, looking everywhere but up at him. She bit her bottom lip, finding a new fascination with her shoes. “Is something wrong?” He asked. She had started to turn gloomy, and Jim was terrified he had said something upsetting. When she didn’t reply, he lifted up her chin with his fingers.
“I can’t explain it.” She began breathlessly, and Jim ran his hands up her arms until they rested on her shoulders. He lingered a little while, and Pam continued. “But I am so afraid.”
“Of what?” Jim said, slowly running out of oxygen. She licked her lips real slow, and sucked in another gulp of air.
“The whole time I was with Roy...” She began, but noticed Jim winced at his name. “Things started out great. But the more time we spent together, the more I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.” His hands were still on her shoulders, his body close enough where they were touching.
“Don’t.” Jim interrupted before Pam could finish the parable. “This is different, Pam. This is light-years away than what happened between you and Roy.” He had managed to choke out Roy’s name, even though Jim hated connecting the image of Pam and Roy together. “I’m not going to let this be anything like what happened between you guys. I would never hurt you.” Pam’s eyes became misty as he continued with his amazing monologue. His hands ran up to the sides of her neck, and craned his head towards her ear. “I promise I never want to hurt you. Ever.” As he whispered, his cheek rubbed against hers, and the intimacy of that whisper was overwhelming.
Pam closed her eyes as he brought his lips over to hers. The kiss was indescribable. The kind of kiss that froze time, and made you forget about everything and everyone on the planet. As she placed her hands on his chest, feeling the tenseness in his muscles, he ran his fingers along her back. Their closeness had never been met before with such passion. They were completely there, for once.
“Thank you.” She murmured as he pulled away softly. They were still inches away from each other, feeling each other’s breath on their cheeks.
“For what?” He asked naively.
“For being so incredible.” She said while she gently pressed her lips against his again. She pulled her head away for a second. “For giving me such a wonderful first date.” She proclaimed before pulling Jim closer and melding her lips to his. “ For just being you, Jim Halpert.” Before she could pull him back in, he was already leaning in and kissing her passionately. Feeling out of breath, Jim reluctantly drew back and grinned at her. He pulled his hand down from her hair and intertwined their fingers once more; the connection between them was enough to make him feel dizzy.
“It’s a long drive.” He said, hinting towards them finding a hotel room. She looked down at his watch, regretful that she hadn’t made plans for this kind of situation. “And I’m not trying to pressure you or anything…”
“Not yet.” She said, leaning in towards him as they began walking again. “I don’t give on the first date, Jim. I’m not easy.”
“Well, I’ve heard another story from Angela.” Jim said, continuing the joke between them. “Apparently, you are quite the hussy.”
“I am not!” Pam shrieked, not quite sure if he was serious or not. It didn’t matter either way. She loved hearing his soft laugh. And if this was what it took for her to hear it, she would allow Angela to call her a hussy for the rest of eternity. The thought of not hearing him laugh again, or even seeing him smile, drove her crazy. She took it in while she could.
“So, should we head back to the parking lot?” He asked, dreading the end of this night. He had never had a date like this with any other girl before. He had a trifling feeling he would never want to have another date with any other girl ever again. Because she would never be like Pam.
She nodded, tightening her grip on Jim’s hands. The night was surreal. She had never been out with anyone before that lead her to feel faint and weak in the knees. It was becoming harder for her to walk down these empty streets with him. She wouldn’t mind if Jim had to carry her. Unsure of what she was supposed to do, or say next, they walked in bittersweet silence until they reached the parking lot.
In that moment, he hated the sun. Watching her float on her ethereal cloud to her car, to drive off far away from him, was unbearable. Morning had to come, taking Pam away from him. Morning brought the rift between Stamford and Scranton, him and her. But for the time being, he had memories to get him by. And for now, that had to be enough. He watched her drive away, a smile permanently painted on her face. That alone would give him enough motivation to get through the next year and a half.
When she turned the keys into ignition, her thoughts still with Jim, a soft song began playing on the radio. She recognized it almost instantly, as the song she danced with Jim on the roof. Paul McCartney’s voice rehashed the memories on the roof. The way he held her close as they danced. The feeling of his sweater, and her hips brushing up against his. Every single emotion that ran through her that night was back, and even more vivid then before. Suddenly Connecticut didn’t seem that far away anymore.
