A peak inside the date Jim and Pam had after the end of season 3 (We were robbed!!)
cross posted on ao3
First of all, I respect anyone who makes the effort to write in a foreign language. Well done! To improve, look up how we do dialogue tag punctuation in English, so that you can correct your text. This is one of my favourite scenes in the office. I liked Jim's extended thoughts on the yoghurt lid and the speed with which he made up his mind to return to Pam. Looking forward to the next part.
1 Very funny indeed.
Author's Response: Thank You.
She is used to the cold, really. She is. Yet she would rather live in his warmth even if for just a little while.
Small little story with a season three backdrop. There is, of course, a happy ending.
1 Like many, I've noticed there's a special way that Pam lights up whenever she is around Jim. Using the analogy of cold and warmth was good. I liked the repeated motif of cold and the use of metaphor throughout this piece. It would be good to break down some sentences so that the rhythm is varied, and you want to use "hadn't", rather than "hasn't", in "...if she was being honest, she hadn't felt anything but cold..." I look forward to seeing what other character-based pieces you write, as this is a great start.
Author's Response: I am so very glad that you have enjoyed my small story. I know it is not the best, but I was encouraged to try my part in writing by my good friend InRomanovWeTrust. I am Russian and I apologize that my English might not come off the greatest. It is quite a tricky language to master. Nevertheless, I thank you kindly for your review and constructive criticism!
1 Excellent writing. This really demonstrates what should have been seen in the transition from Jim and Pam longing to be together and them having dated for a few months. The hesitancy, especially from Pam's side, and the process of undoing all of the insecurity and problems she experienced in her previous relationships, could have dragged out the romantic tension for a bit longer, in my opinion. I thought the characterisation of Jim was particularly strong, especially in the passage about the Philadelphia sports teams. As someone who knows nothing about either game, I found those passages the most engrossing and believable. I also thought the imagery of Pam from Jim's perspective; Jim's adoration and yet his ability to see her flaws and insecurities. The double entendres were laugh-out-loud hilarious. A great piece! I will be using this to help flesh out my own characterisation of Jim and Pam.
Author's Response: Aw, wow, thank you so much for such a lovely review! :) All the things you've picked out - Jim's rambling sports thoughts, double entendres, etc - were the things I struggled the most with writing, so I'm so glad you enjoyed them! :D
This is a very convincing beginning, and I definitely want to read more.
Author's Response: Thank you! :)
Very funny ending. Roy's reaction to missing a date was great as well. I was also reminded of Pam's giddy reaction to jim playing basketball in Season 1. Interested to see where this will go next.
Author's Response: Thank you! Glad it reminded you of that, I try to link in bits from the show in little ways to have that connection to the original material.
Extremely funny outbursts from Roy (and Kenny)!
Author's Response: Glad you liked it.
Utterly fantastic. The ending is so engrossing that I felt as though I were watching the series again. The characterisation, especially the improvisation on Jim's thoughts, is brilliant. The dialogue, even though largely taken from the series, still made me laugh out loud. Utterly brilliant work! (Some small tweaks are needed with the formatting, putting Jim's thoughts into italics to avoid confusion, and some missing commas.) Well done! Please write more works!
Author's Response: thank you so much for reading! i really appreciate your comments (and yes, I am working on fixing the formatting...for some reason my italics won't stay italicized :( )
1 Excellent and engrossing! I know you said you had trouble with Italics last time, but are you able to separate the paragraphs with a space? Other than that, the characterisation of Jim in this chapter was brilliant. You did a fantastic job of showing his combination of a hangover and depression. His fake recognition of Pam was heartbreaking! Looking forward to more!
In a series of unaired interviews from Dunder Mifflin Infinity, it’s revealed that nearly all of the office knew about Jim and Pam all along.
1 I should not have been eating chocolate while reading this, as I was struggling not to spit it out while laughing! Creed's explanation was hysterical!
Set in the same world as my earlier fic December 23rd, Pam phones someone else after Jim tells her he's in love with her.
Another fix it, another interpretation.
1 Using Jim's sister as a sounding board for Pam was an excellent idea. One of the more original twists on Casino Night, and makes me want to rewatch that legendary episode. Great work!
Author's Response: Thank you! Casino Night is definitely a big one to write about so it was fun to have a take on it.
1 This is hysterical!
Author's Response: Ah thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
1 I have to say: this is excellent. I really cannot for the life of me see Jim Halpert doing this-- but you made me believe it. You made me want to keep reading to the end. The characterisation was excellent from start to finish, especially that of Jan. You kept the real background of Jim's heartbreak over Pam to keep things grounded in canon. It is an excellent work, though I am heartily glad this never happened! It just goes to show that works which challenge our perspective often tend to be the most effective. Just small issues: it would have been better to specify that it was Jan's cigarettes in the beginning of the piece. There were a few other areas where using a name would have made things clearer. Other than that, great job!
A series of second impressions (and some sneaky firsts) during significant moments of JAM. Earning my stripes through the unwritten rule that everyone new to writing this fandom must write this kind of story.
First of all, welcome to MTT! Congratulations on posting a fic here. You have chosen my favourite pre-series verse, when Jim meets Pam. I like the unique take showing Pam's excited feelings here. I copied down a few sections, especially that of Hank accidentally locking Pam into the office because he didn't see her.
Just a few things to correct in this and future chapters: First, the tenses weren't consistent; the story jumps between present and past tense, and I wasn't sure why. Also, there were a few misspellings, like Dwight's surname being 'Schrute' and a man you're engaged to is your fianc? (just one 'e'). There were quite a few dialogue tags where a full stop was missing at the end.
I look forward to seeing how Pam deals with her need to deny feelings for Jim, how the engagement affects their dynamic, and her obvious knowledge that Jim's feelings are deeper than friendship. The most striking thing to me about Pam's perspective is that she knew Jim had a crush on her, but she kept quiet about it, because she didn't want him to be "totally awkward around [her]". That in itself speaks volumes, so I look forward to seeing how you handle that.
1 I enjoyed the sense that little mementos kept Jim's hope alive for years. This was very in character. When you get time, I would recommend editing the story to keep the tenses consistent. Hope to see more stories from you in the future!